Bjd shame

@Pafferton - one of the benefits of a BJD-specific community is that it's kind of an unwritten rule that One Does Not Ask how much you spent, except in a semi-anonymous forum like this one, and only if you want to disclose.
We know we spend a LOT. "I won't spend $100 on an outfit for ME, but for my doll? Add to cart!" But we also know it's worth it. Considering the time and skill it takes to handcraft stuff at a tiny scale with sequins and lace and beads, it's often worth even more than what we pay (at U.S. labor prices? PHEW).
And folks who do brag about how much money they spend? Kinda gauche.
On the other hand, I always love hearing when you got a great deal.
So yeah. This is a good place to assemble your resin family and show it off. We know. But also, we like pictures.

 

What I've discovered about bjd is how untapped it feels from a "geek" viewpoint. It has massive customization potential, they pose better then alot of more "masculine" brands of dolls (you will never convince me action figures are not dolls), not to mention doesn't fall apart because cheap plastic is wearing out, loosing eeny weeny pieces is harder, they still maintain a ton of value if you open the box and can end up with more of you get good at face ups, and if you get tired of a certain fandom, you can basically wipe a doll clean and make it a new character.

 

I'm still barely getting into this hobby, and do feel a bit of shame/self-doubt over spending money on things I enjoy, though it's less about my gender and more about my upbringing in a struggling family. I just remind myself I'm an adult now and am allowed to spend my money on things that make me happy.

 

Shame, no. I've been the weird one since I was 5 and outcast by those who didn't even try to know me. So shame isn't my hindering factor. My emotional state is, I tried to sell all my hobbies and collections a few years back because I gave up on everything. My best friend, he stopped me and told me to hold on and look at them at least once a day, nothing else until I'm ready to play with or whatever with. Some times you just need really great person that you can talk to and help you over come things.

The same male friend actually encouraged me to get into this hobby and lolita fashion in the first place because I was put off by price and fear of being attacked but he could see how my eyes would light up or gaze a certain pictures.
My got lucky with parents that don't judge me for being me. I don't have to deal with my two older brothers who judge their baby sister for being a colourful weirdo. My only sister use to pressure me not wear or go about with my stuff because she was fearful something will happen me again but doesn't anymore because she rather I was happy than the opposite.

For all those who need it, I send hugs and a reminder you are you and be happy. Enjoy the things that don't hurt others or yourself. You are amazing.

 

I definitely hide the hobby from everyone except my close friends. Especially the thought about my in-laws knowing makes me feel ashamed. My family knows I like dolls (at least I think they do?), but they sure don't know how much I spend on them. Sometimes it gets exhausting hiding it. And yet I won't be shamed out of dolls again, I already did that when I was younger and I just ended up bouncing back.

 

I have been shamed for it before, so I stopped being open about it and only family and one really close friend knows about it.

 

I am man, and I have about 12 BJDs now. But many men are into dolls, even fashion dolls. Action figures are still dolls too. There is nothing wrong with it. I think people are more weird about young boys playing with Barbie then an adult man who collects art dolls. At least, from my perception. Even though dolls are for everyone.

 

I do feel a little weird about the sheer number of dolls I own (not just BJDs I collect other kinds of dolls too) but each doll makes me smile. I don’t play with most of them because they’re still in their boxes (Barbies and RH) I play with all my bigger dolls; I find Barbie is a bit too small to play with. But yeah I’m a bit dreading when my parents in law finally come over to visit (they live very far away and we haven’t seen them since the panini) I’ll probably end up hiding a lot of my dolls and just keeping the obvious ‘collector pieces’ on display. My BJD dolls are very much part of the ‘collector’ pieces haha

 

Some 2000 or so years ago, Marcus Aurelius said it already: "Do not waste the rest of your time here worrying about other people—unless it affects the common good."

I'm not a man, but I have male friends who are into cross stitch or crochet/knitting, and the same prejudices apply there as well. I say just do what makes you happy.

And please come back to show us your new doll! Have you decided on a sculpt yet?

 

I don't know if I feel "shame" per say, but I do often feel guilt. I "should" spend my money on more "productive" things. I "should" spend my time on a more "productive" hobby. I "should" be figuring out a way to capitalize on this hobby.

I know a lot of that is capitalist brainwashing, but it's still there sometimes when I look at my dolls. (Especially since they're all pretty much incomplete at this point. Some have no shoes, some have no bodies, the list goes on)

 

As TS "collegue" (as man) i was stigmatized by family because has interest in dolls, and somehow from coworkers (as i had only female-dolls they starting from "Get actual woman" to ...well they gift me mostly real size sex doll , which make some problems for me as my family are christian and well, i had to hide this doll under the couch when family visits me).

Also i have other hobby - i am sometimes digital artist, and dolls can help with painting various poses (actually artists has simple doll for that purposes, but BJD are more fun), also sometimes try to make photos... (except big sex doll, she`s heavy and you cant take her outdoor for photos ). So i dont feel shame now for my various hobbies) but still has pressure from society (well i think our society, especially in eastern Europe are pretty conservative, forgeting that doll art had history of thousand years).
So dont fear be yourself, dolls here very long time and man and woman adopt them fror thats thouthand years. So that ok and natural

 

I still suffer from this actually. I truthfully only ever really wanted one that would be like a partner in crime or a good friend that I spend free time with outside of work or weekend plans. As of writting this now, though, I have a total of 3 dolls. I haven't gotten comfortable enough yet to where I would take them outside or in public places where others can see them or gone to any conventions at all. If I'm being quite honest, right now it is one of those guilty pleasure things for me. As much as I'd like to not be this way, I unfortunately do care too much about what people think of me or how I am perceived.

That being said, I am also old enough now to realize that none of us are going to live forever. Our time here is very limited and we don't get too much time to enjoy ourselves. Even less so if we let the opinions of others dictate what we do or how we enjoy our time and money. We could listen to them, but there's no guaranteeing that we would be happy in the end. Their version of happiness may not be yours.

If we don't be truthful and honest with ourselves now, we are basically putting off our happiness until we finally do. Even regardless of this understanding, I think that it may still come with time or age too. Obviously I understand these concepts and still struggle with them myself.

Our happiness is our own; to make, to experience, to enjoy. No one else's. It's our own responsibility to experience happiness in our own way.

 

This is such a beautiful statement.

 

Shame, not really, but I do feel kind of silly and/or embarrassed if it comes up around people who don’t collect dolls & haven’t expressed an interest in them.

When I got my first doll, I tried to show my friends & a couple of them made fun of me. Mind you, this was 15 years ago & we were teenagers, so I know that’s not a likely reaction now (and I’m no longer friends with those people), but it was still off-putting. I also know a lot of people I know are afraid of dolls, but I can never remember who is and who isn’t, so that’s a factor too. It’s also just kind of part of a larger thing where I don’t really like talking about my interests unless directly asked about something specific. I know I get too excited and ramble if I go into any depth at all about my hobbies, so I prefer to make a vague comment (usually about how I play video games since that’s more relatable to more people) & move on.

 

I do feel a bit guilty, but mainly about the cost. I just got into the hobby and just recently received my first doll and made my first order for clothes. I was shocked to see my shopping cart cost almost as much as the doll.... I could afford it, but wow! I grew up not well-off, I always had a roof over my head and always enough food to eat and clothes and stuff, but we definitely never really had any money for much else, so now that I'm an adult and earning enough to support myself and indulge in a few hobbies it feels somewhat unreal and like I'm in a dream.
And it makes me feel guilty because I feel like I should spend money on practical things instead. (For example, I don't have a proper closet and I sleep on a mattress on the floor... I honestly feel too much of a cheapskate to buy something I can do without, lol.)
But otherwise I don't feel shame, no! If a friend would make fun of me for my hobbies they wouldn't be a friend any longer, honestly. I'm not harming anybody and I'm simply enjoying myself, there's absolutely nothing wrong with that. Life is too short to worry about how others see you.

 

I feel a little bit of shame when it comes to people seeing me with my dolls that aren't my trusted people. I always hide them mid-play/dressing/posing/photographing if someone comes into my space that I don't really trust. This is a personal thing I have to get over. I've got Autism, and I've spent a lot of my life trying to be "normal" around strangers/people I want to view me as such. It's a big change, but I'm trying to do more things for me and not care what others think. You should do the same! Enjoy a hobby. Have a good time. Really, what's the difference between Dolls and action figures?

 

My husband let me turn the master/walk in closet in our room into my doll space and he refers to it as my autism fort. It's kind of a really nice bonding thing where when I need to, I am in the closet playing with the door either open or cracked. He hangs out in the room playing video games or watching TV and then when I get super excited about something he just sees a doll shoved out the door at him with my excited talking about it at him.

I've also...mostly stopped caring who knows. I don't go super overboard on sharing details, but my inlaws know and my MiL listens attentively when I'm super excited about something doll related. A couple of my coworkers know I have "weird dolls" but I don't really disclose the costs. My direct supervisor knows they're expensive.

When I first re-entered the hobby I wanted to keep it super quiet and not cross social media accounts/presence. Now I just don't find it worth the effort worrying about it.

 

That is so sweet, ZombChan! Me and my girlfriend do this thing she calls parallel play where I sit beside her working on my dolls and she plays a video game. This way, we're both doing things we enjoy a lot in our own little space but in close quarters! I think this is similar to what you and your husband do. She also does a lot of listening to me info-dump.
TLDR; the people that love you in your life won't judge you for something you enjoy, regardless of if it is a 'weird' or 'unorthadox' hobby.

 

I've definitely been shamed over my dolls. I've even considered the possibility of selling my collection, but what I came down to is this -- I can afford the collection I have. That has really helped me mentally. I don't have a pet (and pets can easily cost astronomically more than bjds in the long term). Sometimes I've done trades so that I can tell myself that I didn't put a lot of money into an expensive doll. But I collect dolls that make me happy. My collection is very small because I tend to be pretty choosy, and when I look at my creations, I get excited.

One thing I try to remember -- everyone has things they spend money on that make them happy. Clothes, shoes, action figures, technology, cars, home decor, pets. And yet, most people don't think those are weird. Bjds are just not that well known, and I think the stigma around the (slightly creepy) old porcelain dolls kind of bleeds over into our hobby from outsiders.

I just try to be conscientious, and as long as me buying a bjd doesn't hurt myself or anyone else, then I'll do what makes me happy.

 

You really shouldnt feel any guilt, especially looking at them. You are not obliged to have "productive" hobbies exactly coz the hobbies r not about "productiveness". Hobbies r about making u happy n satisfied. And "incomplete" dolls mean only that u r in ur creative process. This is not about "turms" n "deadlines", u dont owe anything to anyone about ur dolls For me its ok to dream about my doll's make up or outfit even for 5 years (usually not that long ofc ) before i go n finish it... so what, its only my own business
Just enjoy ur dolly life, no result is required, its a way of living, not conquering results )