Bjd shame

For me it’s a yes, I do feel a degree of shame/guilt about my dolls, in fact even mentioning the word ‘doll’ to other people makes me cringe internally.
Being made to feel bad about things I enjoy was pretty much the norm for me growing up as I didn’t ‘fit in’. I got criticised for everything I did as I didn’t follow convention especially as I got older. It has left me with a constant feeling I need to justify my hobbies all the time.
I’m in my mid fifties now and I’ve only recently discovered I’m autistic which explains a huge amount but the scars are still there and they do stop me from fully enjoying many things that I love.

 

It hurts very much to read. Im so sorry about your experience, really. I somehow managed to concentrate everything positive possible exactly in dolls. Whatever happenes i can come to my dolls n feel better. I wouldnt permit anyone make me feel bad about having them though some ppl try to. It doesnt matter, i just dont permit. Dolls and everything about dolls exist in my life only to make me a little bit happier. I love them n i enjoy everything i feel about them. Even when a doll comes broken or someone cheats n doesnt send me a payed doll - many things happened - i dont let it break my happy little dolls world.

 

I collect figures and books and only just started my BJD collection (I only have 1 resin doll at the moment - a Honey Delf Madeleine) so I'm long used to the stigma against collecting. I used to feel bad over it when I was younger and was so embarrassed, but at the end of the day, all that matters is that you're doing something that makes you happy. That being said, I don't just go telling everyone about my collections. Most people just wouldn't be interested, so I just talk with it among friends.

 

I initially felt nervous on taking photos of them in the public since a lot of the best scenery and areas usually has people in it. Over time, I developed a 'whatever' attitude and take them out for photos anyways. No need to worry about those things, and if people are so eager to take photos of people in those same places, no need to feel embarrassed or ashamed of taking photos of a doll since it looks like a person too.
What does bother me is my spending. 'I probably could have spent that money on something else' is the general feeling.

 

Bless you @limpopo, you have the right attitude toward it!

 

I definitely feel a pretty high level of shame/embarrassment as a man who collects BJDs. I have other unorthodox hobbies I’m more open about in person, but doll collecting is one I keep completely private except in specific communities like this one. I’m even too embarrassed to go out in the yard to take photos most of the time, because I worry my neighbors will see me “playing with dolls” and think poorly of me. I can handle being seen as a bit odd, I seem to come across that way no matter what I do, but what makes me feel horrible is when people treat me like a threat to themselves or their children because they can’t fathom any non-creepy reason why an adult man would have dolls. I’d rather spare myself the strife and spare other people the worry by keeping it to myself.

 

In reading posts by male doll collectors, all I can say is - you're all welcome at my place any time. I hope that we as a society can advance to the point that men will no longer feel ashamed to talk about collecting dolls or showing off their collections. It makes me sad that anyone feels they need to hide their hobby.
Maybe this is the one exception to my "we don't talk about doll prices" belief. Tell them how much the doll was. Inflate the price. If anyone gives you a hard time for having dolls, scoff and tell them, "You couldn't possibly afford this. This is a custom, handmade work of art."
Then again - no shade to Barbie collectors. *she says, knowing she has at least 100 Barbies floating around her house.*

 

I don't think people should feel shame about their hobbies, if you do there is nothing wrong with that. People should be able to enjoy what they like in peace, as long as it is reasonable and not weird, without others judging them or feeling judged. I don't feel weird about collecting and owning dolls, even though people look at me weirdly till I explain it a bit more.
I have just learned to ignore the weird looks or odd questions.
@Elliobjd you shouldn't be ashamed about owning dolls. People shouldn't shame anyone, man, woman, enby, kid, or adult for enjoying dolls.

 

No. They're basically next level action figures and $$$ to reflect that. BJD can also be considered an art form. You're also an adult who can do whatever you want. If someone has a problem with that, then they don't deserve to know you.

 

Oh my god, why "can be"?? BJDs are ART!!! One of the most beautiful forms of!
My father, for all his life, was collecting paintings and some antique porcelain (n he was a very serious man!) n noone would ever say that was something rediculous. So, even some of my other family members, who for years hated him for collecting, once said: "huh, u r also collecting ART, like him" Even ppl who obviously hated anything connected to collecting n to arts do not doubt BJD is an art!
For me it is so clear, i do see many dolls as masterpieces.
If something can deeply touch ur soul - it is art, whatever it looks like. And BJDs are a beautiful form of art, harmonious and delightful, not just an art

 

I ve been constantly in shame about how much I ve spent on my collection my family makes sure I'll never stop being ashamed, it is no matter to them that because I'm frugal in every other thing the whole is less than what they spent in various forms of entertainment and I'm not actively buying for years now I still has to be ashamed , now I know my biggest mistake is that I shared the fact I own the dolls with them , no stigma can harm you as long as you don't share stuff with people that don't deserve it.

 

The way I consider it:

My doll collecting is not hurting anyone.

The entire human population of Earth is distributed like a bell curve of 0% to 100% shaming. You'll find someone aligned with every part of the spectrum.

..so I'll just carry on collecting as usual

 

I'm learning not to be ashamed. This creative hobby has taught me many skills and relieves me of stress. Some people in my neighborhood are not comfortable with me sharing photos of my dolls and spending time with them. But some who had a problem with it before have gotten used to it and stopped blaming me. I realized that I don't want others to define who I am. And I've been very relieved since then. I accept myself for who I am. I'm learning that the hard way. But it's important and necessary. Accept me for who I am, or move on. And it really works. The less I'm ashamed of myself, the more others respect me.

 

I am still a bit nervous to go in public with my doll. I'm not a confrontational person so the fear of dealing with comments from strangers has me more worried than shame.

On a different note though I just wanted to say that I wouldn't know about the hobby if it wasn't for a male collector I met in college. He was extremely passionate and knowledgeable. If it wasn't for that particular introduction I don't think I would feel the same way about BJDs. I hope we remain a welcoming community for all sorts of people.

 

I wouldn't call it "shame" as much as I'm aware that others can and will judge me for my hobby, so I'm discerning about who I discuss the hobby with. For example, I discuss it openly and happily with my spouse and friends, but I don't discuss it with casual acquaintances or my in-laws.

As for taking my dolls out in public, I want to do it more often, but they're generally not in a state of completion to where I'm comfortable showing them off yet. That's also not a shame thing, that's a "you're still bald and need eyeballs" thing!

 

oh, I hope you can enjoy your doll without regrets!!!
I had some issues in the past with ppl thinking it was childish but I got over it with the years. I see BJDs as a form of art, like a painting or any other sculpture, made to be appreciated by those who can see the beauty more than any stigmas. ♡

 

I feel absolutely no shame about owning dolls. I’m an adult and I can spend my time and money on whatever hobby I want, as long as it isn’t hurting anybody.

There’s actually a handful of male doll collectors in my local community and I recently got one of my guy friends back into the hobby after 5+ years as well!

 

I do and I don’t. I am at a point where I’m quite open about my hobby- I work in the arts, am covered in tattoos and I dress very “alternative” so I don’t think most people I’m around in the day to day would think anything of the dolls when it comes to me. When I tell people they are always interested about them or have seen pictures of BJDs before and want to know more about them.

However I have in the past had some negative and offputting experiences not so much in the dolly world but outside that damaged a lot of my self esteem and that sometimes has made me feel “ashamed” of myself. When I was at school I got bullied for being goth and listening to metal, it got so bad that I had to move schools 2 times in secondary school. And it’s funny because many people who I think I would have bullied me in school come up to me in street and tell me how much they like my style. I definitely wasn’t the only one who got bullied like that in my school but because of my already nervous, anxious state it bothered me a lot. I would get bullied on MSN by kids from my old schools and some weirdo kids would call out stuff at me if I took a certain bus… which terrified me for a time - some were still doing it until I was about 17/18 which was really odd.

Anyhoo I developed pretty bad self esteem from it all and I felt sort of scared to just “be” anywhere. It didn’t help that back then online (2011/2013ish) people would bully others on sites like dA/tumblr worst being someone who I thought was my “friend” begun making fun of me and some others behind our backs on there. Mainly over mine and others art, drawings and cosplays. From then on I stopped posting my art online… the whole experience actually made me work very hard at improving my art. But that experience hurt me a lot… it comes to the point that now I wonder why it affected me so much seeing as I came a long way in my life since then and I graduated from the top art school in my country but yet I still felt so negatively towards my own abilities because of that previous experience. As I’ve gotten into my late twenties I’ve started to build more confidence and be more open instead of hiding. It actually is a lot for me to even have posted this xD Sorry for this long rambling post I’ve wanted to post in this thread for a long time as I’ve had a lot of thoughts on this matter… but yeah there’s my story

 

I heard a waiter say "What a retard!" as I left a café today, as I took a SD and apparently he isn't ok with someone sitting quietly in a booth with their doll. Still no shame! I'm living my best life!

 

I don't know about other countries but I feel like doll collecting is heavily stigmatized in America for either gender. Dolls are something you're supposed to grow out of, otherwise you're one of those weird old ladies with the creepy doll collection. If you style your dolls "sexy" and mature they think it's weird, if you style them cute and baby doll-like it's perverted, which is even more prevalent for male presenting collectors. If your hobby/collection is anything other than what society deems acceptable (no one is out criticizing my vinyl lp collection) you're going to be judged and likely have bad experiences. I went to meets when I was younger and had a very I don't care about anyone's opinion attitude but now that I'm older I just want to enjoy my hobby in peace which means staying home I always did enjoy the volks parties when they were still in LA, a large scale private meet was refreshing.