Bonding and YOU.

When I first got Takeo, We were fairly indifferent to each other.
And I mean that in the sense that even though he took long to arrive, when I got him it wasn't a shock.
After about a month, I realized how attached I had gotten to him even without really playing with him or doing nearly as much as others do with their dolls.

With Yamato, when he arrived I was overwhelmed.
Now, hes the same as Takeo.
Though, Takeo will always be a little bit more special to me. For reasons I don't even quite understand :/

 

I was so scared when I got Juniper. I had never purchased something so.. frivilous before. So much money. But she stole my heart right away, won me over with her innocence and her sence of humour. She's like a good friend, understanding and patient. Except, it is not fun to hug her, because she is HARD. ;_;

 

I find that time makes you more attached to them, unlike the small dolls/action figures I have collected, who I usually got bored with not long after getting them/customizing them in some way... Probably because BJDs allow for more of a constant change factor--the eyes, wigs, faceups etc can be changed whenever, keeping the doll 'new'. I'm really attached to both my dolls, and have had Milan for over a year and Dorian for about 6 months ^_^

 

Hmmn... evolved and changed.... this applies to Dawn most and Cami just a little tiny bit.

Dawn's five months old.
When I first got Dawn, we bonded immediately. I loved her greatly... and still do. At first, she was picky about her clothing and such and now she's not so much... but she will tell me her preferences. I used to have long chats with Dawn at night about life and such, but we don't do that so much anymore. It's a bit sad, but we're still bonded. I still take tons of pictures of her (and Cami now that I have two girls) and pose her and she still sleeps on my bed. I guess there's more of a comfort level now that she's been here so long. But I also know that there's a security in that comfort--that I know how to put an arm back on if it comes off, that I know she'll love me forever as I will her, that even though we don't have long conversations and her make-up isn't as vibrant as it used to be, we'll always connect in a very heart-felt way. I just love her so much! The love will last forever... I will always think of her fondly.
I think I'm getting to know more of her little quirks and such as time goes by. I also know what clothes look best, what I should buy... what I should do if such and such happens...

With Cami.. I've had her for a few weeks now. At first, I thought she was scary, but I've gotten to know her better over time. I am beginning to really and truly love her. She's beautiful and fun and I love that about her.

Time improves my relationships with my dolls. I just love them more and more.

 

My relationships have varied... in general, though, there's a period during which I have to sort of... acclimate myself to the new presence, so to speak? They arrive and they're so fresh and new (and often long-awaited) that I'm almost in a state of shock... I wash my hands before I touch them, I paint them and then I refuse to touch their face... I don't take pictures of them standing because they might do a faceplant and break their nose... And then, over a few weeks, we get used to each other... I start to learn their little quirks, and they start to fit in, and we just generally get used to each others' presences, and everything is magically perfect. Or something close to it, at least. ^_~

I think Andrei is a good case of that... he showed up the day after my birthday, and I was just so... blown away to think that I had my Lucas, the end all be all of my dream dolls, after so many years of wishing and hoping and being afraid to hope. When I laid eyes on him, he literally took my breath away. But I was so scared of disturbing the delicate balance that for what seemed like the longest time, I didn't really PLAY with him... and then, one day, I gave him his faceup, dressed and wigged him, and it was like everything just sort of fell into place. He wasn't any longer some figment of my three-year-long dream that I was afraid to touch lest he disappear. He was just... Andrei. And that cemented it.




~Kalmia

 

I spend my life trying really really hard to make sure I get the bigger decisions in life "right" in the first place. So, I think things like: getting marrried, having children, getting a dog, buying a house or a car, buying furniture, and even expensy BJD acquisition over very, very carefully before I take a plunge.

Granted, it's a LOT easier and far less painful to "change one's mind" on a car or doll acquisition than a bearing a child!! But I don't want to have to. I plan, weigh all sides, and when I commit, I'm ready. I stick by what I've got for a long time, because I don't think I've made rash decisions so far, and I'm pleased with them. (I've had the husband over half my life, and I think I'll keep him for the rest. XD)

So far I've never gotten rid of a car until it became a fairly old one and my family needed a better one, and I've never sold a house unless it was a good move to a better place...

Kasai arrived on Chinese New Year (very auspicious! ) this year, and though he didn't look EXACTLY like the Volks website Isao 1 photo which MADE me get him, he's totally gorgeous and I've been head-over-heels ever since.

Not a day where I ever have regretted my decision to spend so much on him. And not a day where I'd trade him for any other Isao faceup out there, either. I adore him. (And I do my darnedest not to damage his beloved faceup! XD)

(SHH! Don't tell Kasai! He'll get a swelled head! Then I'll have trouble getting his headcap off to change eyes! :p )

 

With Bael, it's been nothing but snarky comments and demands from the day he arrived. lol He'll always be a little more special since he's the first bjd I'd physically seen and the first one I've owned. I changed his eyes straight-away, coated his face, painted and pastelled his face up within a few days of getting him. Now I've moved on to making clothes for him. lol I think 'working' on your doll really helps with bonding.

 

I didn't want to start a whole new thread and this one seems to adress my current problem. Please help me!!
I wanted an El so badly and saved up and then waited the 6 weeks for him to arrive. He's been here 2 days and there's no spark at all. He seems angry and sad and I don't feel a personality in him at all. My Tsukasa (Woori) and I bonded immediatly. He has so much personality and his face just lights up when I walk into the room. He makes me feel so loved.
But Asato (my El) seems so... empty. He just sits there and I feel awkward holding him. I've already thought of possibly selling him but that seems so cruel. And my husband seems to communicate with Asato very well so I don't want to disrupt that relationship. I don't know what to do.
Does anyone think it may be because my mini was adopted from someone else. He was already over a year old I think so maybe he just had time to really develop his personality. Asato however is new. Straight from Luts. Could that be why he feels like such an empty shell to me? Maybe I will have to work harder to bond with him while he develops his personality because it's like he was just "born"???
Please help me out. I'm fairly new to dolls and only have these 2 guys and really need some reassurance/advice from more experienced doll people. Thanks so much!

 

It took two months for me to bond with my DoD Si, Akya! I was just about on the edge of selling him when I put him away for a while and realized I missed him terribly. After that, I felt a emotional bond with him

Give Asato some more time, he may just need warming up. Until then, keep holding him, take photos, change his clothes/wigs/eyes .. basically play with him. You'll find that he doesn't feel so "empty" afterall - at least, hopefully!

Good luck with him, he's a lovely doll ^^

 

Just play with him...it's the best way to bond. Maybe he's angry and sad because he feels like he is intruding? That may be why things are going a little better for Asato and your husband...you and Tsukasa have a very strong relationship already. Spend some time with him, play around with his hair and eyes, and just try to get to know him.

Good luck, and congratulations on your new boy.

 

Awww Asato, that's too bad, and after that wait and everything!! But I wouldn't give up hope! Just let his personality be his own, if that makes sense--if he's aloof, unlike your little one, maybe try accepting him as aloof and he will feel more comfortable? Dolls can be very different that way... My El is certainly aloof, he doesn't look at other dolls and rarely looks at people, but I love him a lot... To me he's mysterious and brooding, I love him for his coldness. Maybe it just takes patience? Your El is definitely a beauty... Try to keep up hope and just spend time with him ^_^

 

Something I found helped me bond with the dolls---and especially get inspired to make them things and such---was to put a doll chair on my computer desk where I spent a lot of time and sit the doll there where they were close by a lot---and so they could browse DoA and all the shops with me! ^__^;

 

To Ecchan: I just think -honestly- that your doll is beautiful to the very core. And perhaps he looks 'young' outside, but definetly doe snot look sad to me. I think he looks 'introverted', quiet, perhaps shy... but SO SWEET. And he doe snot look 'innocent young', I think he has that 'older ina young body' that some dolls have, in the depht of his gaze. I would relly love to know more about him... why don't you make him a nice photosession to show us??



And to Asato... oh, c'mon, how can you not find an El gorgeous? Hihi, perhaps your expectatives were that high that you made the poor thing to be scared to disappoint you... now take a little time and sit near: Look at the graceful curve of his lips, the so perfect line of eyelids. You know as well as I do, El's are handsome to die for... just take your time, stare, try to gues what he is thinking, and let yourself being charmed for his raw, new beauty. Reach him to light, and make photos... it's so easy to fall in love for an El. C'mon, just forget every initial rejection, stare to him with blank mind and listen ^^, and I'm sure he ahs so many things to tell you.


HUgs


Nany

 

Oh I definitly DO think he's gorgeous!! The problem is not that at all. Just lack of connection. But I will try everyones suggestions and really work at getting him to open up to me. And my husband said the same thing you did. I think maybe you guys are right. He knew his faceup wasn't what I asked for and he probably did feel my disappointment. I suppose that would make him feel sad and distant from me. I feel bad now. I guess I hurt his feelings.
I'm going to spend alot of time with him over the weekend and reassure him that I AM happy he's home. Thank you for your advice. It helps so much!!


And thank you to everyone else also. It's so wonderful to have people to talk to about these things. You have all made very good points and given me wonderful advice. I appreciate it so much!!

 

I can kinda relate to your story--not because I found Cami empty, but she arrived with the new Luts eyebrows--the ones that make the dolls look angry. Well, I'm not sure I'd ever order another Luts face-up unless I could somehow change the eyebrows. In any case, over the past few weeks, I've really bonded with Cami because I've just learned to accept who she is and where she's coming from. Actually, I think she's great fun now and love her so much. I still think I'd paint my next doll myself... even if I'm not experienced in that or anything. If you don't like these eyebrows and you're disappointed with the face-up and all seems hopeless, just repaint the whole guy and see how you feel.
Give it some time as well... time might change your mind as you see how he interacts with your Tsukasa, you might get more of a clue as far as personality goes. Ask him what he likes and who he is and stuff... if he doesn't want to tell you, that's part of his personality as well.
Oh--also--there's that post you made with Tsukasa saying "Go away... I was here first." Maybe you should kinda look into that sentiment and see how each of your guys feel about it... I know if someone felt that strongly about wanting me not to be there, I'd ask why.
Good luck!

 

Well... as far as the pic post with Tsukasa, he was just being a kid. He didn't mean it really... he's just used to being the only one I spend time with. He was insecure about my forgetting him.
I don't know if you saw Asato's arrival pics or not... but he changed his mind pretty quick. Him and Asato get along great! Tsukasa already looks up to him. They really enjoy each others company while I'm at work.
And I know what you mean about the eyebrows. That was EXACTLY what threw me. He looked so angry! I redid them lastnight. I actually just got home from work and he seems a little more at ease today. I think maybe my reaction to him had alot to do with things. I plan to spend the weekend trying to rectify that.
And I bought him a new wig today also.
I'm really going to work at this. I guess it's like any relationship. They take commitment and patience!
Thank you for your advice! It's very helpful! :grin:

 

Well, if you have commitment and patience, i say it'll work out because that's what i used with cami and now I love her LOOOOVE her...

and by the way, your Tsukasa is sooo adorable. I must have a Woori one day (and a Lishe... and...)

 

So how many of you bonded with your doll immediately?
or did some of you, did it take awhile?
have you ever had a doll...insult you? and not in a good way?
the first time i saw a certain doll i was floored by her beauty. and then the more i looked at her and stared at her, she began to say unsavory things. i realised i didnt want a doll that would say that to me, regardless of how beautiful.
I got my other two dolls and was very worried i wouldnt bond with them. my Jun i have bonded well with, but she is quiet more to me but i think she laughs at me sometimes. my Sharmin is more what im worried about, she stays terribly silent. it doesnt feel like a bad silence and i think she is slowly coming out to me, but is this taking too long and i should be worried? Or do some of you find this natural?
now when i see more dolls, i see what some people say when you bond immediately online. Jun did that for me, but she isnt talking as much as id like. she is now more, so i think we are just getting to know each other. do these sound like bad things?

 

With my first doll, Kitori, the bond was instant - he was there and lovely and talked to me immediatly. He was shy, but that's just how he is - it was love at first sight for me though. I'm glad this happened with my first doll, or else I might have been disheartened.

My second boy Aiden... it took me quite a while longer to get to feel that sort of bond. We're still now even working on it (sometimes I don't like him much, the way he thinks is very foreign to me, but we do have a bond of some sort!), but I love him lots still. ^_^

Hale, it was just there, even before he came home. He's probably the one I can relate to the most, and we have the sort of 'relationship' where we don't need to 'talk' much to understand each other, which I'm perfectly happy with.

My other boy... well... I'm working very hard to find a bond with him. I had him months before anything 'clicked' even slightly, and now I still don't know who he is. He's off getting a new face up, and I hope this will get the process moving a bit more, but it's been a painfully slow process trying to gt him to open up. I'm willing to give it time though, so i guess we'll see how we go.

I wouldn't worry about it taking time with your Sharmin. She might just naturally be a quiet personality, a bit shy to come out. As you said, it's a 'getting to know you' process - not everything happens immediatly. So don't feel that it's wrong or bad that it's taking some time. In fact, you'll probably find out way more that way then if you bond at first sight! I wish you luck with it though. Try spending some time with her, changing wigs, eyes etc. There's a thread on here somewhere with some really good ideas to help you bond with a doll... they might help. ^_^

 

To tell the truth I was scared for a while that I wouldn't bond with Namie. I liked her, a lot, of course... but (and this is probably partially because I share her with my boyfriend) she never talked to me, nothing about her came out openly to me for a while. Paul was quick to give her a personality, even if it was just "The thunder scared her" or "She wants a new dress >w<"... so maybe I felt sort of like I was competing to figure out who she was o_o I could tell she wasn't as quiet as I'd imagined she'd be; or rather, she was, but not ALL the time. o_o It seemed like I could barely get a hold on her true self.

Then over a couple of days, a bunch of packages I'd been waiting on got here, including wigs and eyes. I got up the courage to take off her head cap and dig out her default eyes (yes, it's scary for total n00bs to do! ) and tried out all her different eyes, played with her wig... and all the sudden, in one day, she was just THERE. o_o I got a feel for her character and personality. I'm a bit busy these days to sit and play with her, but I feel like despite that we're still closer I'm really happy. Maybe you just need to spend more quality time with your girls? Try things out and see what happens?