Bonding and YOU.

Well, it took a little bit to feel like Arashi was really here, but he is such a sweetie now I couldn't part with him.

Jun T. was a little weird. Because the very first day she seemed to be moody and have a bit of an attitude. But then I was changing her outfit, she was laying on my lap, and she seemed to have a really vunerable side to her. I have noticed that in other's photos of her. So we bonded much more quickly. To me she's a normal 13 year old girl, gotta act tough or sassy to cover that child still inside.

Sometimes I think it takes alot of just trying different things, wigs, eyes, clothes, to see if you and the doll click. And sometimes it just doesn't happen. Don't beat yourself up over it. And sometimes it takes longer. I think it has to do with what we go through to get these dolls. It's alot emotionally besides time and money. So maybe we sometimes expect more than we get at the beginning?

 

Well I recieved my first BJD today, so I can't speak from a long term perspective but this is my experience:

I felt an immediate connection to my girl when I opened the box. It was like she was laying there waiting for me, she even had this 'hurry up with it' expression. I've had no trouble bonding with her, she is so bueatiful I thin it would be impossible not to. However, I still feel distant from her. Its like meeting someone irl for the first time, you might have heard all about them but when you meet there is this akward silence. We're still sort of going through that ^^; I've been posing her a lot today, taking photos and talking to her and I can see that she has so much personality but its not really coming out yet. I guess I'm still getting to know her.

-Kitari

 

I was worried about bonding myself.

but when i got Liadan, he had no face up and no clothes that screamed 'him' so he was actually kinda blank for a while. I still loved him but i didn't realise how much more i would fall in love and be able to communicate more with him when he got his wig and face.
He just wasn't Liadan without them i realised. I loved him but his personality was there yet and now it's there in full bloom.

The same is happening with Dustin, his face up isnt' complete yet as i have to make modifications to the one he came with but he's got a little of his personality peeking through and i'm sure it will come out in full force when he's done ^^

 

Nai was my first, and he sort of fades in and out, but we bonded the instant I pulled the bubble wrap off his little blank head. Even with no eyes and no faceup, he was still there.

Right now he doesn't have a proper body, and his wig and eyes aren't *quite* right, but he's there most of the time. Sometimes he fades out if he's feeling really sad, but all I have to do in those moments when he's lying there looking like his resin will crack from the weight of his sadness is to pick him up and hold him and reassure him that I love him and that I'll protect him forever, and when I pull him away from me and look in his eyes, I can see him smiling and feel that he's back again. He tends to be kind of quiet, probably from his sadness, but he really is a happy, chatty little thing when he gets going... Once he has a body and clothes and more suitable things, he'll be a lot better off. ^_^

Lutz was another instant bond as well. He just kind of came out of the box and announced that he liked it here and that he found me acceptable. We're still getting to know eachother, but he's rather chatty and happy already. He's also very fond of Nai, so that's worked out great. ^^

But sometimes there just is no bond. :-/ I just sold the Dreaming El head that came with Lutz because there wasn't anything between us and I couldn't find out anything about him, and he seemed to hate me besides... So on he goes to a new home, and I can feel already that he's happier. He still won't talk to me, but he doesn't feel like he's going to kill me in my sleep anymore either. ^_^;;;

So... Sometimes it works, and sometimes it doesn't. But if you feel there's something there, there probably is. Maybe she's just like my little Nai and not sure of herself just yet? Make sure to reassure her and do little things for her to cheer her up. ^^ I'm sure she'll come around!

 

Ian-KunX I swear I was thinking of that head of yours when I wrote my bit above, lol.

I read your other post about it and am glad it is out of your life. Sometimes things just do not work out.

 

Blue is sort of.... awkward to hang with. He doesnt speak, I dont know if he CAN, and hes very.... uncaring, like he doesnt express opinions on anything, he lets me do as I wish with him... I would say laid back but its more then that. Hes sort of empty... but hes still there @_@
I knew he would be like that though, I have muses so some of my dolls sort of.. moved into my head before I got their bodies ^^; I think I'll be more comfortable with Ayame, my Ren, and Liath, Blues twin, because theyre more outspoken and I like bratty characters >> Fiadhna, my Jupiter who's on his way, is very sweet and worries a lot... hes fun to tease >> Im hoping the others will help Blue open up a bit ^^

 

I must admit I had (and sometimes still have) quite a few problems in bonding with my resin kids ops:
My first one, an SD Ken, is a rather mysterious and moody being. He speaks telepathically, and doesn't talk much. I have never been able to completely understand his whole personality.
My second one, a Chiwoo, is rather quiet and melancholic, maybe because his string is very bad, so it's very hard to pose him and change his outfits.
My third one, an El, did undergo a very stressing experience (he was nearly stolen by a very dishonest man) before coming to live with me.
Maybe it's because he was still shocked that he called me the worst of things when we first met. But now he seems to be truly fond of me: he's the one that speaks to me more often. He's very wise, and always comforts me when I feel sad by always telling me the right words to cheer me up.
My fourth one, an MSD girl/boy hybrid, doesn't speak much to me, maybe because (s)he's very jealous of his/her companion (my El), and doesn't like his fondness towards me at all.
When I look at him/her, this is what I get most of the times: "I'm here just for him (El), do keep away from my boyfriend, woman!" Sigh... ^_^;;;
My fifth one is going to be another problem child, I'm afraid.
He is an F16. He's very quiet. Serious, pensive and melancholic. And he's only fourteen! >_<
I don't think he feels much comfortable with his body, because he was only a head when I got him, so I had to find another boy's body for him.
Oh well, I think most teenagers don't feel much comfortable with their own bodies, by the way, so that's not unusual, I believe ^_<
But I haven't been able to understand his personality yet.
Basically, I only know he likes the color blue ^_^;;;
And that he'd like to wear casual outfits just like a common kid from the outskirts of London (silly me that wanted him to wear EGA clothes! >_<).
Problem is that I can't find the right outfits for him in anywhere, esp. all of the sweaters and T-shirts he would really like to have. Siiigh!!!!
And I think he probably likes Harry Potter, this is why I have decided to rent all of those movies, last week. I never found HP interesting before, and now I'm slowly becoming an HP fan, lol!
My SD13 girl hasn't got a body yet, since she didn't like any of the bodies I wanted to buy for her.
She truly knows what she wants: I'm very much afraid I'm going to have a kind of tiny Hermione Granger!...^_^;;;;

 

Some dolls don't grow on me until I've personally customized them.

Kaye... well... I bonded instantly with her picture in Haute Doll... so when she got here I didn't even think about it

 

As others have mentioned, sometimes giving a doll a new look (even with something as basic as wig and eyes) can really help with bonding... kinda make them more "themselves". ^^ I didn't really totally click with Joshu until I got his black tailed wig, which is his default now. Devin and Allistair were pretty much instant. Luce is... not coming along very quickly, but I think it's the fact that his faceup is not what I had in mind, and it's going to get redone ASAP. ^^;

Good luck with your Sharmin, Misuka, maybe she just needs more time to feel at home. ^^

 

I bonded with Choco at the second I looked at her.

Mikael took 5 minutes. Yeah, Exactly 5 minutes.

So.... right now I still didn't have any bonding problems... hm....
I hope I won't have with my big girl when I get her T.T

Kisses

Cacau

 

I think you shouldn't worry about bonding. It comes naturally, if it comes ( usually it does ). As others have said, doing stuff like changing a wig, eyes, or blushing the doll or something like that, might really help.

Keep in mind that the doll is an inanimate, lifeless object ( *dont* jump on me over this, please... I don't mean to offend ). I believe that what we call bonding is somehow finding the characteristics and features in it that we also have in ourself, or things that we consider somehow "ideal"
In other words, the doll is a mirror in which things that we like manifest ( did that make any sense... >_o ).
Sometimes the doll just doesn't reflect anything back to you, and you feel that you don't bond. Also, I believe that sometimes you might be unable to bond because you stress about it. So just relax.

I didn't know all this bonding stuff at all when I got my first doll and if I had known about it, I would've probaply just been all "whaaaat the.... O_o;;; " and wouldn't have believed it at all XD;; But when I already had my boy when I started noticing this bonding-talk stuff, I immidiately knew what they were talking about.

Now I find it incredibly facinating. Am also really curious to see what will happen with my new doll, it's pretty likely that I'm gonna have trouble bonding with him when he arrives but I'm not worried, just excited ^^

 

I bonded immediately with Rosiel & Absynthe (Tender Too & Bee-a).

I also bonded quickly with Kurai (SDC Kurenai).

I'm still trying to bond a bit with Moonliel (Elf Doll Jin). She's very quiet and scared of everything.

I had a Dollfie Dream that I somewhat bonded with ... but it was more for sentimental reasons - she was my first doll, and my mom helped me with her face-up. I sold her shortly after I got my DOD dolls.

I had an Angel Elf Soo for less than a month. I didn't really bond with her at all. I think I just have a hard time bonding with the larger BJD's. There is something intimidating about them, I guess.

 

For a while before I got her, I was worried that I wouldn't really bond with Akina. That loomed over me until the second I took her out of the box and into my arms - it was like holding my own child and then I felt an instant bond. We've had a 'connection' ever since I first looked at her picture, but our first day together was what really brought me closer to her.
I brought her around with me everywhere for the entire day - around the house, getting coffee, and I even carried her around the grocery store ^_^;

 

Mike just screamed at me he was El, so I am sure we'll bond just fine. I am the one who bought the dreaming El head off Ian, so we'll see how that goes. Just wish I had a body for him when he arrives.

 

>___> I think my dollie and I will bond well. It's already been tested once, and I just ordered him today. x_x';

http://denofangels.com/forums/viewtopic.php?p=255318#255318 <--- story here if anyone cares to read. xD

 

Bonded with Kasai before he arrived.

Because he shouted so damned loudly at me that I "MUST. BUY. HIM!!!!" XD It was Supposed to Be, particularly since I very reluctantly turned him down before, but he came BACK. o.O

When I opened his box it was confirmation that it was the Right Thing. XD
(Funny enough, I do much prefer him to other Isao's I've met too - this one says he's ME / MINE. )

I've unfortunately started to bond with Jun Tachibana, and I don't even HAVE her. It's because she's so much like my bratty infuriating adorable beloved Human daughters (aged 10 and 14).... I was afraid this was going to happen.... I think my husband "falling in love" with a friend's Jun and treating her like a cute daughter clinched it....

 

I bonded with Kyoichi almost immediate over curry rice 0_0 well yea i was nervous tho but it was an instant bond...however my second one, shin...we didn't really bonded as i thought.l. it was really sad and i felt so guilty because i felt that i got him in a hurry and now i'm stuck with him. (i still feel guilty which is why i'm making it up to him.) yea it was hard and it felt awkward. He's very talkative tho. finally and currently i'm so in love with him and we finally bonded over a series of events. i'm glad to have him now. i still feel guilty tho. but yes i love him so much now. tho now he's way more quieter and he's becoming mysterious. i think thats he's way of letting me find out about him slowly. a way for me and him to bond.

 

What is it about Isaos? XD I felt a connection with Isao the first time I ever saw a picture of him, and I despaired...how on earth would I ever get this boy who looked at me so piercingly and gently at the same time? When I was able to get his head, and he came home to me, the bond was there instantly. He's my Erik, and has even been willing to experiment with his own look to use what I'd already bought, since I didn't have "his" wig here. He even looks pretty content to be on the glue bottle for right now--he sems extremely laid back, generally.

I'm not bonding so well with Alora, but she's not my doll, so it doesn't matter as much.

I'm eager to see how bonding with Rei goes, since he'll be my first whole doll, I'll have to give him a faceup and an eyeswap right off the bat, and I have yet to find a proper wig for him.

 

1st- Bee (sharmin) - Instant wow factor....I was quite besotted, but didn't feel particularly close to her, that hasn't grown with time. But I still find myself enchanted by her sometimes.

2nd- Edward (dmDean) - I was very taken with him straight away though slightly intimidated by his size at first. Now we're very close.

3rd- Jasper(dmJoey) - Wasn't too sure of him to start with...he seemed really sweet though. After a while little things started bugging me about his face...I couldn't strike up a bond with him at all. Tried customising him....didnt work...only made it worse. In the end I decided he was DEAD. I later used his body for Edward.

4th- Ichabod(dm Calvin) - love at first sight. though I didnt like him much from his official pics, i never thought about him or anything untill he started growing on me...so i gave in and ordered him and wow...I carry him about with me at home...i dont do that with the others.


5th-Claudia May (Dillui) - She came to me damaged and with dodgy legs that wouldnt straighten. But her face caught me. Breath taking little beauty. I think my bond with her is growing. But she is VERY quiet...but it goes with her being an Android. She lets me do anything....but at the same time she seems to have an Inner strength that the other dolls dont have.

6th- Billy 'Spike' (dm Asha) - havent recieved him yet, hopefully tomorrow. I feel him within me already though. This little guy I think is going to have a big personality.

 

Like many, I'm awaiting the arrival of my Soah. She will be my first BJD and I'm terrified . I sold alot of dolls that I love the be able to get her, and I'm continuing to spend money on wigs, eyes and clothes (like MANY/ALL of you!) not to mention sending her back out for a face-up.

I'm just afraid that after all is said and done...I won't like her . Or even want her. This is an awful lot of money to spend spend on a doll I MIGHT like. Admittedly, there is OTHER emotional "stuff" going in in my life that contributes to MY state of mind, but I still have to ask - am I the only one afraid that the bonding process won't happen?

Then, there's the question of 'What NOW?" What if we don't bond? What if I just can't make that connection? Do I sell her? Get another doll? Give up on BJDs all together?

Has this already happened to YOU? What did you do?