Bonding and YOU.

Well, it's always sad and disappointing when you can't bond with a doll, but sometimes it just happens. It sounds to me like trading dolls with your sister would be the best thing for Gwyn. You might want to make sure you like the U before committing to trade (or I guess you could always sell it if you don't).

As for Yuki, if you haven't bonded with him in 4 months, I doubt it will ever happen. I would consider selling him to someone who might be a better fit for him, and trying again with one of your other characters. If you just don't feel right selling him, you could try having him stay at a friend's house for a little while... see if you miss him. If you don't, then you'll know that you'd both be happier if he had another family.

 

I had a Dark Prince Michael, the doll of my -dreams-, and I simply never bonded with him, so I sold him to someone who would probably much more appreciate him and I've never regretted it. I agree.. If you haven't bonded in four months, you probably never will. ):

 

I can understand how it would drive you crazy... sometimes this hobby is very stressful. I just wanted to say that I understand how you feel, and I sympathize with you. Here is a hug, so I hope you feel a little better! *hug*

 

I didn't bond with my first two dolls... no matter how hard I tried, I just couldn't become overly attatched to them.

The two dolls I have now... I wouldn't trade them for the world!

Sometimes you just have to keep looking until you find the right one... besides, more often than not, you end up sending the doll you can't bond with off to someone who absolutely adores it... how could that be a bad thing?

 

Maybe you would feel less sad about this if you thought about it this way: Maybe Yuki needed to come and stay with you for a while so his real "intended" person can save up the money for him, or discover BJDs in the first place, or otherwise get ready to welcome him to his true home. He needed a good home for a while, and he chose yours--and maybe your real "intended" doll is out there waiting for you. I know you wanted to bond well with your first, but having him has taught you some things you didn't know about doll ownership--right?--so you'll be better able to appreciate the RIGHT one when he or she comes along.

Does that make any sense? ops:

I do think these things work out for the best eventually! I like/love/admire all my girls in various ways, but it wasn't till the fifth one to come home that I finally had that sense of being deeply bonded with a special doll, the way I had read about and longed to experience. When I first starting buying BJDs, I could have told you confidently that I would *never* be able to bond with a doll like Sarah. I didn't admire her terribly much when I first met her; she grew on me, until finally I ended up surprising even myself with the way I practically *begged* her owner to let me adopt her! She's not my prettiest or most graceful doll. (I feel guilty saying that!) She's got posing issues and wig issues and scuffs and scrapes, and she needs a new faceup and better eyes and a restringing and all kinds of other attention. Yet she's my favorite now; she's the one I want to do the most for and take places with me, the one who's most "real" and closest to me, and the one I'm dreaming of customizing. And she's the one who still gets to sleep next to my bed (and the only one who's ever slept *in* my bed), the one that I talk to, the one that I carry around with me from room to room.

I hope that helps a little!

 

Ok I feel i should say some thing about bonding here. I don't post about my dolls a ton. Just when i have a question or something to sell...but

When Riddel came to me she was a dd head with uneven eye holes and paint smeared all over. She course me less then $12. I fell in so deep of love with that head that i would talk to it, pose it, put it to bed. She didn't even have eyes or a wig. She was a *head* ops: . But hundards of $$ later, now she has many clothes and wigs and i've cleaned off some of her paint, but purposely left her with her orginal lips (she still has no eyebrows) This was the face i loved and i can't change it

Now when Nefret's second head came to me (Her first had had an acident) It came with a face that took my breath away. However, for whatever reason, I didn't bond. I told myself to give it time, but I couldn't give her the same affection as my other girl. I bought a blank head for Nefi and was instantly surprised how much more attached to the new head i was. I am now selling my other painted head in the forum.

So there it is. Bond matters. For some of us its instant for others it takes a little work, but if your not feeling it after 4 months, you prob never will. But just you wait, soon you WILL find a darling that will take your breath and your heart away.

Keep working at it Hope this made sense... Good Luck!!!!!.

 

Thanks so much to everyone who responded - it really means a lot. I'm feeling a bit more optimistic about everything than I was last night. I figure I'm gonna try a bit more. I've been planning on giving Yuki a new faceup, and I think that might help. Who knows? ^^;; In any case, no matter what happens, I figure it'll be for the best.

 

I'm so worried I won't bond with my dolls when they come. I've never really bonded to any doll before *cept for the pony surprise >.>, btu that was a stuffed animal)

 

I tend to get attached to inanimate objects (even DVDs ops: ) so I'm hoping I can bond with my doll well enough when she comes.

 

I so agree ,
I had a white Demon Unoa Sist ...who was a dream doll , she was beautiful , but I just felt , uncomfortable , like I was supposed to dote on her ...but I couldnt , ..I prefere tiny and boys
so I sold her and I sold all my large dolls
so I have learnt now , these dolls arent cheap , if your not 100% happy with them , sell them , trade them whatever , get the doll you are happy with :grin:
I have just parted with 3 tinys because they just didnt have the right character , now I
having that niggely doubt is aweful

have the ones I am 100% happy with , and thats a much better feeling

 

I'm a little torn at the moment... The last little while, I've been wondering if I should sell my Sharmin. The thing is, I really don't know if I want to or not. I find I don't play with her or take her out as much as my others and it makes me feel bad. I find her incredibly beautiful and I find myself just looking at her face a lot and how pretty it is, but I don't feel as strongly attached to her as to my others. I know I love her, but I think someone else could love her more. I'm just so confused as I would love her to go to a home where she's greatly loved and played with, but I still like the fact that I own such a pretty doll. Any advice?

 

Only you can answer that question, but frankly, I think it's easy to feel guilty after reading this board if you don't take your dolls outside and do photoshoots of them in 30 different outfits at least ten times a day. (Okay, I'm exaggerating, but you know what I mean. :wink It's your doll. If looking at her gives you pleasure and you really feel like she adds something to your life just by being there, you should keep her and not feel guilty. Besides, things may change: you may find that you feel even LESS enchanted by her later on, or you may be saving for a limited doll and want to sell her to raise money when there's a pressing need.

The dolls don't go down in value, so if you're torn, I'd say keep her until you feel certain you're making the right decision.

Good luck!

 

darkwood has some good advice.
I say hang onto her. i've been debating selling my Asha, i just don't feel like my bond is what i think it should be, but when I think about selling her, it maks me sad.
so hang onto her for the momnet. Remember, everyone is different when it comes to loving their dolls.

 

Put her away, in her box, in a closet or somewhere you won't see the box for a few days to a week.
If you have other dolls, play with them instead, then if you don't miss her, that should tell you if you are bonded or not.
Harder if it's your only doll, but I think you have others?
Good luck, these questions are never easy.....

Michelle

 

There's no set standard to judge if you're really "bonded" enough. If you're happy with her, keep her a while longer. Maybe things will change and you'll start spending a lot more time with her. Or maybe you'll realize you don't really like her that much, and you'll decide to sell her.

 

I totally agree. If you just leave them lying around (and unplayed with), imagine seeing hundreds (or thousands, in some cases) of dollars just sitting there - money that could be earning interest in the bank or used for something else.

 

She's your doll. If having her pleases you on some level - ANY level - then that's all that's necessary. You don't have to play with her or sew for her to take pictures of her ever if you don't want to - she's YOURS, and YOU get to decide.

IMNSHO, this whole bonding thing is overrated. I'm not "bonded" to many of my possessions which make me happy. I don't think you need to have an immediate and deep emotional experience to be very happy with your doll. If you simply like having her, that's really all that matters, isn't it?

Marcia.

 

it does make one feel a little guilty after reading how other ppl feel about their dollfies ^_^;

 

Okay. So, as I'm sure many of you have noticed, there's always at least one thread on GD that brings up the issue of someone who's worried about how they are bonding with their doll. Bonding is one of teh BIG THINGS in the BJD world. And this is really quite natural, as a large portion of owners out there do bond with their doll. The problem I'm seeing though, seems to be this trend that owners fear they'll be looked down upon or snubbed if they don't love/bond their doll enough, if they don't constantly take photos, buy them new things, etc etc. I think this is rather sad, as being worried about the 'status' or percieved opinions others hold about your dolls or your relationship with them is not the point of this hobby at all, I feel.

In any case, the point of this thread is simply a way to try and ease people's fears and insecurities about coming into the BJD hobby, both for new and long-term owners. ^^

Point One: Not everyone bonds with their dolls.
As said before, a lot of people *do* bond a great deal with their dolls. they create intrictae background stories for them, give them complicated and interesting personalities and so on. Which is of course, very fine and dandy and can make for some very interesting photostories and characters! But there are some people who buy BJDs just for their aesthetuc beauty. To keep them displayed in a case, maybe, or just to act as a model for making clothes, or just to have them sit next to them around the house to brighten their day. Either way is a perfectly valid and respectable way to enjoy this hobby.

Point Two: The relationship between you and your dolls is PERSONAL.
Should you be one of those people who do develop a bond or relationship with your dolls, remember that everyone bonds with their dolls differently. Someone may bond with them by taking tons of photos, another by constantly changing their hair or eyes or face up, another by writing out detail storylines. Naturally, people like to share what comes out of the things they do when they bond with their dolls. But always, always remember that the way someone bonds with their doll is not nessesarily the same way that you bond with yours. You may not post photos and updates of every event that happens in your doll's life with you, but that does not mean you love your doll any less. Some people are very open and social and like to share as much as possible, but others like to keep their relationships more private and intimate. The most important thing is that you are enjoying your dolls, not how much you publicize your love of your dolls.

To wrap this up: Everyone enjoys their dolls in a different way. HOW one enjoys them is not the issue, and should be respected even if it's not a method that you personally don't enjoy. So don't be worried if you're not sharing as many photos as you feel like you "should" or because they don't have elaborate background stories and so on. If someone truely loves and enjoys their dolls, in whatever method they find most pleasing to them, it shows through even if they post pictures/update daily or only once every few months. Instead of trying to think of what you "should" be doing to strenghten your relationship with your dolls, try thinking of what you would enjoy doing with them.

And of course, the people here on DoA will always be glad to offer suggestions to help you out should you get really stuck. But in the end, enjoy your dolls how YOU want to enjoy your dolls, and rest assured that you're on the right path to sucessful BJD ownership! ^___^

 

*chucks Love Points at yer head*

I have nothing more intelligent to contribute than this: