Bonding and YOU.

Haha, thanks ^^''' I don't think so... hey... hm... so you want to marry me too??? ^^
Ok! I can take care of 2 wifes ò.o

 

I see some of her where she looks WONDERFUL, then I see the fuzzy camera pictures with the "helmet head".

 

Ah, that's so much more elegant and less blunt than I would've phrased it.

"Doll Bonding" doesn't exist in my life. "bonding" is something I'd do with a human infant or a dog/cat/bird/etc. I love my dolls a lot, I play with them, they get a lot of attention and affection, but they are inanimate and I can't bond with an inanimate object because it has no personality or reations other than what I imagine for it (so it would, basically, be like bonding with myself). I know lots of people disagree with me and that's totally fine, I'd just like to second what you've said -- if you don't take bonding the same way everyone else does it doesn't make you a "bad doll mommy." There's no right or wrong when it comes to toys.

 

I am the same kiwiflowers... to me, they're beautiful and I love mah boys and play with them all the time, but they're dolls. I don't really have set personalities that I can't override if I want to - it always seems strange to me when people say, "no you can't do that, _____ wouldn't like that" about their doll.

If you want to have really elaborate and awesome backstories for all of your dolls, and not have any that don't fit into the story of your characters, and try and stay true to their character at all times, and treat the doll like a person - I think that's totally FINE! But its wrong when people who do that look down their noses at those of us who don't. I have dolls cos I love dolls - I always have, and I probably always will. If I wanted babies - well, you know how it goes XD.

 

If you'd rather use the money for something else -- anything else -- sell her. If you like her presence enough that she's worth the financial investment of keeping her, keep her.

Dolls are expensive, and whether or not you ever plan to sell them they are a financial investment. If you take this touchy-feely nebulously-defined "bonding" out of the picture, it's about cost/benefit pure and simple. The benefit, of course, is largely immaterial -- joy at playing her, the brightness she brings just sitting around your house, etc -- but the cost is decidedly financial.

NEVER buy or sell a doll based on the thought/guilt that someone else could "love her more". She's a doll. She could be kept in a box destrung for years or she could be carried around on a velvet pillow and it makes absolutely no difference to her. Make your decisions based on what dolls you want in your home, what dolls you enjoy playing with, and what dolls you can afford. If you're conflicted, put her away in her box for a few weeks and see if you miss her enough to take her out before the 14 days are up.

 

XD That'll work. Just come on up. ;P

 

heck, this thread made Cacau propose! Can I get in on that action too?

Anyway, very very well said, and I vote this is a sticky too. People seem very concerned about this. beautifully said!

 

I'm going through a similar situation and all I can say is, beauty alone is not enough, at least in my case. For me, personally, if I do not feel an emotional bond with that doll, I would rather it go to someone who could love it on that level.

Best of luck with you decision

 

Thank. You.

*gives cookie*

 

Just because you don't treat every one of your dolls exactly the same way, doesn't mean you aren't "bonded" to each of them.

Just as an example, the metaphor of a parent/child relationship is often used to describe feelings for these dolls ... think about how parents can interact differently with different children.

Perhaps Child-1 loves baseball, so the parent goes out in the backyard each weekend & throws a ball around with the kid. Maybe Child-2 is into fantasy, so the parent takes that kid off to see the Lord of the Rings exhibit when it's in town. Is Child-2 less loved if the parent doesn't play baseball with him/her? Is there less of a bond when the parent doesn't drag Child-1 to see a museum exhibit based on a film that bores Child-1 to tears?

Of course not. Spending time with each of one's children, sharing activities that are of interest to that child, is a part of good parenting. And somewhere in this, I think the metaphor has broken down.

Anyway, there's nothing wrong with interacting with each doll differently ... maybe there's one that's your favorite to photograph ... another who inspires you to make all their clothes ... and another who just exists to be beautiful.

Does your Sharmin bring joy to your heart & a smile to your face? Then keep her & phooey on anybody who tells you different. If she doesn't ... well, then you can sell her off & find another doll that does.

 

I guess im the only one against this... people come here for help...
Its a good idea to link them to other peoples thoughts... than to tell them straight out to deal with it themselves

Bonding just may be between you and your doll; but some people are lost in a sea of thought not knowing if the price tag was worth keeping him or her...

If they give you a scenarioi i believe that you should say what you would do; even though every person is different; that's precisely why someone would post to such a large quanitiy of people; more more opinions!... if they don't agree they obviously don't agree...and if they do..then i suppose you found their level.

 

I think you're misunderstanding what I'm saying here. People DO come here for help, and that is what I'm trying to do with this thread. I'm not telling people who are having difficulting finding how to enjoy their dolls to suck it up and deal with it on their own, I'm trying to help them understand that they don't have to enjoy their dolls in the same manner as everyone else. They shouldn't feel bad about not wanting to take their dolls out in public because other people do. They shouldn't feel bad about preffering to to stick with straight photoshoots instead of photostories just because other people enjoy doing stories. There's many many different ways to enjoy your dolls, and I do encourage people to come to DoA to get suggestions on what they could do to enjoy them more if they're stuck. That's one of the big purposes of DoA after all. ^^

I repeat:

 

That's the nicest way of explaining what you had said on the first page.


The way you expressed it seemed to make any newbie who read it...intimidated ...i don't know..it could have been me.. But i would have been dead scared you were going to come after me if i fell in that situation

 

*wanders in* Did any one watch Ragedy Ann as a child. I think dolls are like that. good luck with your doll-hope it makes you happy...*...looking slightly lost...hey this isn't the marketplace ...wanders out*

 

heheh.... I think the main point is NOT to scare newbies! Because I think sometimes new members with their first doll feel pressured to try to develop a certain "relationship" with their dolls which doesn't work for all people - and that's probably why we get so many "am I bonding properly?" threads.

Hitasura's just being reassuring that there's more than one way to skin the proverbial cat - or in this case, be a good doll owner..

was that the most screwed up metaphor or what?

 

Amen, sistah. I really hope the mods slap a sticky on this topic.

 

Depsite the fact that it's been said contless times already; very well put.

It'd be nice if this were to be stickied. For no other reason than to point out that "To each their own" is always a good philosophy to go by in bonding/interacting with your doll(s).

 

If this is going to be considered for a sticky, maybe there should be a collection of links to the various discussions regarding bonding and how different people enjoy their dolls? There have been a lot of good discussions on this topic in the past, and it might be a helpful addition to what's already been said.

*runs off to look for threads*

XD

 

Very well said, Hitasura. Thank you for making this post. It's nice to finally see an open-minded and rational discussion of this subject.

I personally have a very spiritual bond with my dolls, due to my medical disabilities. I am unable to carry them around with me or sleep with them, but they are always here in my room with me - where I spend most of my time, and just knowing that they are there watching over me while I am bedridden for 3 days at a time brings me a lot of comfort.

I enjoy seeing pictures and reading stories of how others bond with their dolls. Each story is unique, and each person has their own way of bonding. If we all bonded in the same way, this would be a pretty boring place.