Bonding and YOU.

If you're going to be removing his face-up, be really careful about his tanned resin - it could wipe off, but I'm not sure. People redoing their dolls face-up generally tends to go one of two ways: it's either insta!bond with the new face-up that they worked so hard on, or it's horror because the face-up didn't turn out they way they should.

 

as others have said, sometimes it can take a very long time. my own dolls, vanilla and miyabi i had problems with bonding, vanilla came before miyabi and she took easily a month for me to bond with, and it took a whole lot of switching out eyes, wigs and clothing. miyabi came easier because i was already aware that sometimes it takes awhile for you two to bond. but afterwards, its worth it.

either way, give it lots of time - sometimes just spending time can change alot. sometimes they are..."shy" and take awhile to open up to you. i think since you felt better about watching tv you only need to give it time. if you have a bedstand, put them on there and say goodmorning to them each morning. that helped me too...and carrying around. lots of stuff.

if a month or so passes and you still dont find anything, dont fret, there is a perfect dollsomeone out there for you. :>

 

I sort of felt the same way when Katie came. She was pretty and I liked dressing/undressing her, playing with her wig, holding her, etc... but it just didn't seem like we got along! When I read about the intense bonds that some owners on DoA share with their dolls, I felt like I was doing something wrong. I loved Katie-- just... not as much as I thought I should.

We stuck to it for a while and it seemed we still had a bit of a lukewarm relationship, but when I thought about selling her, I realized that it just wasn't an option. So, end of rant, every doll/person relationship is different. Don't worry too much about it-- the worst that could happen is that you end up selling him.

 

I had this problem with my doll. One thing you could try is doing something together with him, like customizing of some kind. Try different wigs (this was a big help with me), or different eyes. You should wait before trying the faceup, but in the meantime there's plenty you could do to make him a little more your own, instead of just something from a store. You need to try and personalize him.

I'm starting to make all of my doll's clothes, and I must say it has helped with bonding with Evelyn a whole lot. Just all the effort I've had to put in. It also helps trying a few different styles of clothing on him, to get a feel of what he likes.

You're gonna have to push yourself a little into bonding with him, its not something you can expect to just happen as soon as you open the box and last forever. Its like a relationship, and it requires a little effort. Give him a few months until you can try that new faceup, and if that doesn't work, try a few more faceups. And after that if you still can't bond, maybe you should consider selling him and using that money for a doll you will bond with. But don't just throw up your arms and say "oh no, somethings wrong with me, I'm not bonding with him!" right away (which is what I did after a few days with Evelyn, though we get along great now). Give it time. He's a beautiful boy, and I'm sure everything will work out!

 

I agree with the switching eyes and wigs bit. I'd wait to change his face-up. Anei and I didn't -really- bond until I got him his green eyes (he had these really ugly blue plastic eyes).

 

That feeling was begining to happen with me and my tanned el. I feel it was because I didn't have anything to do with him. My sewing skills arent great and I didn't have any new clothe to change him into either. He slowly began to turn into another boring object in my room, though a lovely object. Then I found him a friend online (a little Shiwoo ) and they "chatted" for a while. Now I can't imagine not loving him to death. I think letting him be "human" in finding a friend and actually "talking" with that friend made him much more real for me. He went from a beautiful doll to an awesome little person that I can hang out with 24/7. If you let your doll become more "human" in your eyes I think it might speed up the bonding process. Just a suggestion.

 

I bonded with Delphi right away, but I made myself play with her lots on purpose, because i feared no bond. Thankfully I've got one, but she always sits on my chair or desk and i always say good night to her and rogan before i go to sleep at night or before i go out. I usually sit with one on my knee while i'm browsing DoA (found that 2 on your knee at once makes for typing difficulties) I think that strengthens the bond because you're browsing a BJD form with your BJD. Keep him a while, i think it will help.

When Rogan arrived (in pieces - UFK) I picked up his head and felt disappointed. He didn't look quite like i expected him to. Even once i strung him he seemed like such a stranger. But once i did his faceup (he came without one btw) He was my Rogan. He was (and is) perfect. I think sometimes that can make a difference, but think carefully before erasing that LUTS face up, make sure you won't regret it. If you're worried you'll mess it up you could commission someone here to do his new face-up but i think part of my bonding experience with Rogan was doing it myself.

 

I'm having bonding issues atm, too - rest assured that you are most definitely not the only one!

I have to second the above suggestion, though - finding the right wig and eyes can make such a huge difference! Even if you're relatively happy with what he's currently wearing, try some other combinations if you can - the right one might only jump out at you when you actually see it.

Same goes for an outfit which is perfectly 'him' (or 'her'). I was buying items of clothing on ebay and DoA when I saw them cheap, but I realised that the boys need an outfit which is really perfect for them, chosen with their personalities in mind, rather than the cost. So I've splurged on one set of expensive clothes for each of them, and they practically live in them now ^_^

Now if only I could do a decent faceup ;_;

Cyph

 

Don't rush things. I got Heath and loved him at first and then I realized I didn't love him. Some days I did,some days I didn't. I wound up selling him when I needed money badly to get Isao. As I boxed him up to leave,I realized I had made a horrible mistake. I should NEVER have let him go. I'm so sorry now......Think it thru for a while first.

 

I'm sitting here anxiously devouring the bonding threads as they pop up, because every once in awhile I sit and think, maybe I won't like Miki as much as I hope to once she arrives? I mean, I look at the official pics of the Harang sculpt on Souldoll and it is absolutely horrendous with that wig and outfit. I actually refuse to show those pictures to people wondering about my doll because they're not very nice. It took me looking at owner pics of Harang boys here on DoA (there weren't any girls to find when I was ordering ;_; ) to make me realize how adorable the sculpt could be.

But then I take a look at the pics of the faceup my friend did for me before sending her on home (she's now in transit! Yay!) and think, nah, she'll fit right in beside my Buddy Christ, Catra, and Chibimoon figures/figurines. I'll set her beside Peter, Gus, Maggie, Baby Bear or my plush lobster Rocky and have them all interact with their new family mate. There has never been a Teddy Bear I couldn't bond with, although for B-Ball it was touch-and-go (he was knit for me by my Nanny, and wasn't exactly bear-like), even he grew on me, so I expect that Miki will be no different. There's a possibility that it will take time, but I know it'll work out for me ^^

Take your time to try and bond with your El. Find a name for him that fits him, and don't force yourself to interact with him. Forcing yourself may have the opposite effect. A few days is definitely not very long to see if things are going well.

 

I was in the same situation.. Well, without the parent problem. I tried so hard to bond with my dream doll, because I had loved him for so long, and I simply couldn't. Instead, I chose to find him a more loving home and sold him. ): I would give it more time, though, until you're certain you won't regret selling him. It's your choice, not your parents'.

 

Well, my husband likes to say "low expectations are the key to happiness in life." There's a bit of tongue in cheek there, but, there's truth, too. Sometimes we build our expectations so high, that when we achieve or acquire what we've longed for, the reality can't match the fantasy of our expectations. This is especially true for the anticipation that builds while saving money and waiting patiently for these expensive dolls that already carry an aura with them. Reading about other people's relationships with their dolls only heightens the expectations. You expect magic when the doll finally arrives, but one person's magic may be another's ho-hum.

Give your fellow some time--I second the suggestions that were made, but I would definitely not change his face up, in case you eventually decide to sell him. I don't think your parents will object, if you remind them that he is a limited doll, no longer made by the manufacturer, and that you will probably make a profit in selling him. Most adults understand the idea of "investment" :-)

 

I have five in my lovely little family, and each and everyone of them has a different relationship with me.

Right off the bat I can say the one I bond with most is Sen. Perhaps its because of how much work I put in to getting him. Perhaps its his drop dead cute face that just make me squeal inside. I honestly don't know what it is, but Sen means a lot to me and we bond on a very strong level.

I also have Remus. While I do love Remus, I notice I don't spend as much time with him nearly as much as my others. I even contemplated selling him, but I'm finding it difficult to ultimately come to that conclusion. I still look at him, and I still find him really beautiful.

Jeeves was another instant bond, but its not as strong as me and Sen. I like this little guy and while I don't spoil him nearly as much as Sen, he is probably the second one I'm mostly bonded to.

And the rest are special to me in their own special ways, but that'll take awhile to write out.

It just goes to show that every doll will be different for you for the most part. It takes time, and I'm sure your boy will come around ^__^

 

As many others have already said, you're not alone. Bonding can take time, you just have to be patient. When Rose and Lily arrived, I was so excited, but the excitement seemed to fade after awhile. So, I re-did Rose's faceup to suit her personality better, and that seemed to help a little. About a week or so ago, I decided to take Rose and Lily out shopping with me for the first time, and I really think that it helped with the bonding process a lot! It wasn't until then that I finally felt that I had bonded with my girls. Before, I would just leave them in my room for most of the day, maybe take them out to take pictures of them, but now, I take them with me whenever I leave my room. ^_^ Good luck, and just give it some time! If it's meant to be, it's meant to be!

 

I think this might be at the heart of things - I've always wondered if folks expect too much out of these dolls. You know, you open the box and somehow your whole world has changed.

Maybe that does happen for some people, but sometimes you just say "wow, what a nice doll". Which isn't a bad thing, you know!

It's sort of like meeting someone new - sometimes you hit it off right away, sometimes it takes time for a relationship to develop. If you just give up on everyone who isn't your best friend right away, you're shutting yourself off from a lot of wonderful relationships.

Marcia.

 

Thank you so much for all the suggestions and opinions, guys. I was feeling rather lost, but now I feel a bit more confident. ^^ I had become what I dreaded! Like my parents.. I was looking at him like a doll, expecting to love him instantly.. I used the word 'relationship', but I didn't even think about it in realistic terms. These things DO take time. And tonight I'm going to be placing an order and buying him some new wigs and eyes, to help find out who he is. Thank you guys so much, reading your comments truly helped me and brightened an otherwise lousy day. ^_^

 

Good to see that we all helped out! I wish you lot's of luck in figuring out your boy's look, and expect to see lots of pictures in the gallery! ^_^

 

Well, oddly enough this thread caught me on a day when Kazutaka and I aren't...well...something just isn't there. It's not boredom because I just spent tonight planning and cutting out patterns for Muraki's coat to make for him. I also made a few others. He got new clothes and he looks so cute in them, but I just don't feel like he wants to do much. He's depressed, and nothing I say or do helps.

So the bond is kinda wobbly right now. We bonded immediately out of the box, however, so I would say to give it a little time. A better way of bonding on a personal level that doesn't require killing a face up is by making clothes especially for him. Or jewelery, or anything you can design and make on your own.

Just give it time. In a month, if you find it's not working like you want, then trade/sell him. Don't feel bad about giving him up either, because if you aren't happy, then the doll isn't either.

 

I agree. As others have said, it's different for everybody. We all react differently to dolls. I recently realized that while I feel TK is beautiful and unique, he's just a doll to me. I don't feel bad if I ignore him for three weeks (which is pretty much what I did over winter break). He'll never be my friend. But still, if he falls over, I have a miniature heart attack. If my friends call him girly, I get annoyed. Our level of bonding is very basic. Two other dolls have come and gone since I got into this hobby, and it was the same for them. I don't expect more than that, and it works. ^_^

 

It took me months to full bond with my first doll. Most of mine was lack of time but I bought her in April and didn't fully bond with her until November when I had the time to make her new outfits that fit the personality that I wanted for her. I still brought her with me on road trips but I don't feel as if the connection was as great as it is now. I even sanded her seams myself.

Also, having another doll to let your imagination play off of their personalities helps, too. I got Howell in November as well.

My friend has went through several MSD's since she can't bond with them very well. She just didn't feel as if she could give them the love they deserved though she has no problems bonding with the large dolls. I think it's too soon to tell but maybe El isn't the doll for you.