Bonding and YOU.

I'm scared I won't bond with Phaerie, too. I've had attachments to stuffed animals before, and a blanket, but that was when I was young. Now I'm afraid I'm too "old" to have that bond with an inatimate object. I just hope that my love of creating characters and the important story behind the character after whom Phaerie was named will help me bond with her. The character she was named for is very dear to me, and a friend suggested that as a naming base because she thinks it'll help me bond with her.

I'd be devastated if I didn't bond. I have so many images in my head of traveling with her and taking pictures and sewing her clothes... If we don't get along, it would ruin everything. ):

But I agree with everyone else. Just give it some time, and try customizing him. I already have stuff on the way for Phaerie to help me find her "look" and "personality." If we don't bond, I definitely intend to give it tons of time before selling her in favour of another doll. I only want one, so I want the one I have to be well-loved and cared for!

Good luck bonding. I know somewhere deep inside you love him and he loves you... But you just have to bring it out somehow! ^_^

 

I'll be 28 in June, and I'm very much attached to my girls. ^_^ I go through periods where they're simply dolls--no spark, just resin pretties to admire on my dresser--but even then I can't resist stroking their wigs or patting their hands.

I'm probably dooming my dolls to yellow-skintoned doom, but I can't bear the thought of tucking them away in boxes. I did that to poor Tambre for the first month of her being home, though it was only to avoid my family gawping and carrying on about how I spent that amount of money not only for one doll, but TWO, in such a short period of time. ^^; (When Aislinn came home, I stopped worrying so much. I wanted to see my dolls, dang it, especially considering how much I paid for them!)

As others have said, take heart. Tambre really came into her own after I switched out her default wig and eyes for a knee-length chestnut-colored wig and deep purple peepers. And I had Aislinn a solid month-and-a-half before I modded her body and gave her a face-up that truly reflects her personality. Believe me, I know what you're going through, because within a week of her arrival I had visions of selling Soulkid Katie to find a doll who better represented the character. Now I can't imagine any other doll filling that role.

 

It's actually surprisingly common for people not to "insta-bond" with their dolls. I have just one doll, a Tender Yen. I waited for 3 years before I was able to buy him, mostly because I was afraid it would be just another EXPENSIVE pretty thing for me and I would grow tired of him. When I opened his box, I was blown away with how "perfect" he was, but after a couple of days I felt impatient, and started messing with different wigs and eyes. It sounds weird, but I hurt my boy's feelings, because as he said "If I was so perfect, why did you try to change me right away?" I mean I was treating him as "just a doll", when I really felt a much deeper connection. It took several weeks for us to recover from that blow, but everyone is different.

It is possible to love at first site, but after awhile the "newness" wears off, and you have to develop a real relationship with your doll. I have no doubt you will find what works for you. For some people just watching TV, or movies together does it. What did it for me, was cuddling in bed while I read, and taking a bath together. If you aren't someone who moves alot in their sleep, try sleeping with him.

It may be that when you find the perfect wig and eyes his personality will just click and you will insta-bond. When I got these grey eyes for my Ro, was when we both finally got that real bond.

 

It's like growing out of cartoons and Candyland. That only happens when you give up on the fun things in life and give in to the world's view of 'adult behaviour.' It's time to forget what the world thinks and just think what you think.

I mean, how drab would life be if we didn't keep a bit of our childhood knowledge?

Being able to make friends with our dolls (and other 'toys') is what I think makes this community unique. They may sometimes be mere objects, but other times they're more than that. Their changing whims help us continue with being who we are and if we can't bond with them, then that puts a speed bump on our roadway.

 

I found what helped me make a bond or really secure a bond with my boys is taking pictures. Because for me they really take on an attitude or personality in how they come out in the pictures or how the poses are.
Like my breakaway always wants to look standoffish in pictures and like he's so cool...and it really just gave me a feel for him.
Also, to bond with Kohya, I took him to a play and just answering questions about him and having people look at him really made me feel a part of him. They don't feel that close when i'm just sitting with them but when I'm taking pictures or taking them somewhere, we're a family.

 

I'm not worried about it with Nameless, really...
I've always found it very easy to form attachments to objects. (I even name my cars. ^_^ ) Any doll or plushie that spends time around BSR and I tends to develop a personality of its own without any prompting at all.

In the end, though, all that any of our dolls are is just dolls... They're pretty pieces of resin with no heart or soul or motive will of their own... What makes them more than that is what we put into them.

So, if you do find a personality and form an attachment to your El, putting something into him that makes him more than just an ornamental object, that's good. He'll become very special to you because you've given him some shadow of "life".

If not.. don't worry about it. Don't feel guilty or bad... It just means that something about him wasn't quite right for you. He won't hold a grudge if you replace him with someone else that's more to your liking.

 

I sympathize with your situation... I've had a couple dolls that I haven't bonded with. I appreciated them, found them beautiful, admired them...but couldn't LOVE them. But, with that said....I firmly believe that dolls need to be engaged to become important to us - at least in the BJD sense. When I've spent time with a doll - posing, changing eyes, wigs and clothing styles...talking with them (even a mental conversation, lol!)...having interactions with the other dolls...and they becomes engaged with the household, that is usually the time I feel a bond happening. But...if I dress the new doll, wig it and all, and set them down and just feel like that's all I'm apt to do, is just sit and look at them...then I know it's probably not going to happen. *sigh* Anyway....my advice is to NOT remove the faceup yet (you may regret it later)...give it some time...share some activities with him...change his eyes and wig....or at least try a photoshoot. Maybe it will help. If not...well, that's the subject of a different post, and let's not jump too far ahead. But the most important thing is to give yourself a break and don't expect too much, too fast. Remember, your doll isn't like a puppy - it can't jump up and down and lick your face (can it? No, not yet, anyway...)...so you have to create the magic....and that can take a little time. Good luck, and report back! :>)

 

Bonding can take a little time--it did with my first two boys. After all, it's kind of like getting to know a new person. I just tried to handle mine a lot--I watched tv with them, carried them around the house, frequently changed their clothes and it really helped me feel close to them.

 

Reading all this makes me feel *incredably* lucky.

I bonded with Mikos before he arrived, and when I actually saw him I fell even more in love with him- he was perfect, face up, wig and all... I never doubted that we would bond and I can't see it ever weakening. Maybe if I got another doll I might not bond with it that well.... but Mikos and I never had a problem.

I wish evryone found it as easy as I did- I can't imagine how painful it must be to have all the excitement of waiting for your boy or girl, and then to feel such dissapointment- so for those of you waiting for the bond to form, I really, REALLY hope it goes well for you...

 

Thank you for all the help, guys. This really means so much to me. ^^ Yesterday night I ordered him three pairs of new eyes and two new wigs, so I'm hoping that'll help.

 

Bonding is a topic that comes up a lot round here - but I was just wondering what it really means. Obviously, it's one of those things that will have different definitions for everyone, but how do *you* know if you've 'bonded' with your doll? How do you know if you *haven't*?

I guess this comes up because my first only arrived very recently. And I absolutely love him - he's divine in every way I can imagine...*wanders off in happy dream-state*, he's the perfect shell for the being who wanted to exist here.

But at the same time, we're having odd some dissociative episodes...

It's because he lived inside my mind for so long, and was so real, and life-size - always talking and laughing and moving - and now he has this new body that's miniature, and won't do what he wants when he wants it, and rather than being his naturally protective self, he has to rely on me. So as yet, he's kind of hovering half-in, half-out of his shell, which makes my relationship with the doll-form istself a little odd...(he does have ever-lengthening periods of time when he's just perfectly settled in, though, so we're both sure it's just a getting-used-to-it thing).

So, what I want to ask is how other people know that it works, or that it doesn't (though I suspect it's really one of those matters where...just the fact that you can say it works, kind of means it does, if you know what I'm getting at...).

Thoughts?

~moomintroll~

 

One way I know I've bonded with Kazutaka is the fact that I just can't seem to leave him alone. I want to be around him all the time, so I even take him to work with me and to the store if I can. I need to get him a carrier though, since my backpack and a blanket aren't good enough wrapping. >.<

The bonding was immediate, too. When I opened the box and unwrapped his face, our eyes met and it was...magic. No other word for it except that.

He used to hate getting pictures taken and posing and stuff, but now he enjoys it. He's a little camera whore. X3 One way we've really bonded and he's turned from cold to sweet is by doing so much together. Making clothes has really helped, though I get glares and sad looks when I try to force sleeves on.

He doesn't seem to mind having to be moved or held to get around. In fact, I think he likes being spoilt so much. Besides, how do we know what goes on when we turn our backs? X3 Once, Kazutaka's hand was up and held out to my puppy and I'm pretty sure I didn't pose it that way. My puppy is scared of him, and it was sweet that he was trying to be nice to her.

Bonding is just a loaded issue I think. Different kinds for different people and on different levels.

 

I know I've bonded when I know I couldn't ever sell them.
It usually takes about a couple weeks and a change of wig for this to happen for me. And I like to watch at least one movie with them.

 

Hmm. If I can't get them out of my head, if I want to take photos of them or buy things for them constantly, if I can capture their personality in photos or stories...those are all good signs.

But then, I'm more attached to the characters themselves than the resin shells. =^^=;;;

 

You know you've got a bond when you take your doll out of his/her box, look into their eyes and there's this spark. KohakuTenshi described it as magic; that's more or less accurate. There's this chemistry between you, this strong force keeping you together that seems to get stronger everytime you look at them or touch them.

It's a very distinct feeling. You know when it happens. :3

 

I also bonded with Kivara instantly. I don't think I ever really grasped the concept of these creatures until I opened Kivara's box. The nonchalant smile, and the intelligent eyes were enough for me.

Now... I can't put him down. I take him just about everywhere from work to Pizza Hut. If he doesn't like something, he tells me. My best friend/roomate, is also so smitten with him that she offers to carry him around most of the time.

I was going to turn him into my original Character, who's name is Glenn Ravensong, But who's true name is Kivara Manx. The El mold was so perfect for what I had in mind. I even had the right wig and eyes for him.

Glenn is an absolute darling. When I opened the box, I knew this was not going to be the Case. I gave him a choice of names and he promptly showed me his name was Kivara, by looking best in the red wig I had bought for him. It is his default wig now. =/

He's a little smart-mouthed brat, but I love him. And I'm hoping that he and my soon to be Breakaway will get along, but you never know.

 

That would be one surefire sign, yes. :P

As for bonding, I don't know. I don't feel that strongly for my doll. After all, he's a doll, not alive. I know that I like him more than my other 'toys' (computer, stuffed animals and such), and I love having him with me when I'm outside, although I prefer keeping him in his bag, but as for bonding...

I think the "bonding" with him happened when I looked at the owner pictures and went "I want that one and no other kind of doll" and then a personality fitting for that doll emerged, just as it does when I chose a name to write about and a person forms under my eyes.

Heh. I'm having trouble explaining this. Hope I make sense...

 

I understand what you mean--when I got Frank a body, it was a different experience than my other two dolls that didn't have pre-existing characters. Frank didn't seem to have trouble adjusting to the resin body, but it was different for me to be able to interact with him in a physical form...I'm still fascinated by the fact that it's Frank in there, lol.

As for the rest--I guess I feel a lot of affection for them, feel like we interact well with each other, and that some sort of connection is made.