Bonding and YOU.

I had the exact opposite problem. Tali's currently just a head, but when I was working on it, he sort of got "stuck" in the head, which freaked his significant other out completely...So I had to get him "unstuck" until the time he both a) gets a full body and b) his significant other gets one...

Kel spends a lot of time out of body, but that's because he -wants- to. He's a dragon, and really, it's just cruel to keep him in his body for long periods of time.

I haven't had a problem bonding though. I bonded with Anei and Kel almost immediately, and obviously Tali isn't a problem.

 

I bonded with Vasiley the moment I opened the box ^^ the thought of selling him gives me the chills, I always want to hug him, have him near me and I want to take him everywhere..yet, when I take him outside, I'm very protective of him..I'm always talking to him, petting him, thinking of things to make for him..don't think about the whole bonding thing too much, just play with your doll and you'll notice you're used to him and that you can't imagine him not being there ^^

 

Yep... I'd say you've definitely bonded with the doll if:

A) There's no way on Earth you'd sell them. Period. End of discussion. You're just too attached to them... It would be like selling your dog, cat, or kid brother.

B) They've developed a distinct "personna" of their own that's comfortably connected to both your imagination and their physical form.

and C) They're anywhere on the top ten list of things that you'd try to save if a Vogon construction fleet was about to demolish your house. ^_^

IE: If you've formed an attachment to them, if they comfortably fit the concept and role you had in mind for them, and if you place a lot of sentimental or emotional value in having them around.

 

I think there's always going to be some unexpected surprises when you suddenly give a character that's lived only in your head for so long a 3D body. I know I certainly had to make some adjustments when I started getting dolls to be my comic characters. Sometimes they're 'there' and sometimes they're just a doll.. it really depends on what my current state of mind is and how much attention i'm paying to them. But I think these dissasociative spells are soemthing that happen just the same even with characters that don't have a 3D shell.. but since you *do* have a concrete, real object to 'hose' them now, it's much, muuh easier to be reminded of the fact that you haven't been thinking much of them because you can just look over and see them at anytime. I don't think it's that you're having trouble bonding, it seems more that you're just still getting adjusted to having a constant reminder that he's there 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. ^^ And as you've already mentioned, the size factor and the the complete reliance on you to move/act also does take adjustments.. but he still always relied upon you in the beginning to think and act they way he did as you were his creator. Again, it's just a lot more noticable when you have a 3d version of them.

I'm not sure how relevant his will be for you, but it might help out some on the topic of bonding.. here's a lpost I made a while back about how and if some people bond with their dolls and how bonding works is completely dependant on each individual:
http://www.denofangels.com/forums/showthread.php?t=22455

 

I came across this recently. Where I can't seem to put down my lovely Narae, whom I have named Usagi; I really have no interest in my Warrick, whom I haven't named at all. I am constantly searching for things for my Usagi. But I have maybe taken Warrick out of the case the max of four times. ; ;

I think my Narae is the doll I have bonded with the most, whereas Warrick... Just nothing has happened there.

 

There is definitely more than one way to enjoy bonding and/or know you've bonded with your dolls. Unfortunately for me the "tried & true" methods of bonding (if that's what you desire) don't work for me.

I have discovered:

A) I suck at sewing (and that's putting it mildly ^^; )
B) I'd be afraid to try and do my dolls' face-ups myself at this point, though maybe eventually
C) I haven't got the funds to go buy Eyes & Wigs to change out until I get the "right" combination

So I write their story and through that story, the dolls become more "alive" for me (I had the doll characters before they had a story).

I know I've bonded with my bunch (for the most part) because I can't imagine ever selling them, there are moments where I just want to sit with my dollies and enjoy their silent company (before they tell me to start writing again), and because, for the most part, they go everywhere with me and I feel odd if I don't have at least one of them with me.

 

Same here, though I only have one right now. If he's not here next to me I just feel...lonely. And I worry that he's lonely, too. I bought a Lilica so he can have company, but I don't think I'll be able to leave them both at home either. XD I just have to have my Kazutaka or I worry like a mother. I frequently refer to him as 'my little resin son' because he's like a child to me though I've never been, nor will I ever get to, married or had kids.

*snugs Kazu-chan*

 

Sometimes it's a little hard to figure out. But hang in there - give it a little time... it'll happen.

I wouldn't sell Simon for the world. He was my first kid. I didn't have any real concept of how he was going to be... He just kind of was.

At times, I doubted myself - though. Certain wigs or eyes just aren't him. And some of the clothing I had on him initially weren't him either. If I left him in any of that for longer than a day - I'd feel my bond with him slipping. I know it sounds funny, but if something just isn't right - that's how they'll communicate it with you. It's like they're screaming out, "This isn't me! Change me back!"
When I put his wig, and eyes and clothing that are him - back on - I felt silly for having doubted my love for him.

When I first got the BW Dreaming El... I was having a super tough time bonding with him. He was beautiful - but he just didn't fit in with my lifestyle. My kids go with me everywhere - and they get scuff marks and dirt on them everynow and then too. Because of that, I knew that sooner or later I'd have to let him go to a home where he would be much happier.
And when the time was right, I did.

Kazu-Kyohei was originally a sleeping chiwoo head. With my neverending obsession over woosoo, I wanted to have him modified to look like one. When I got him in - I was the happiest person in the world. He still looked like a chiwoo - but his eyes were like woosoo. He was beautiful to me. No exceptions. ^_^

~Try other wigs on him - make him clothing - get his face-up redone so that he looks just like you want him to. They won't talk back - but through photos and concepts, you can make him look more like the person you wanted him to be initially.

I Hope this helps ops:

 

I didn't make Haruyuki with a particular character in mind, and he never really becomes "perfect" because I like customising him so much. But he's definitely developed a personality, and I really dote on him. He gets cleaned all the time, and whenever I see a nice bit of fabric, I have the urge to make him something. So I always have fun doing stuff for him, almost like he's a little person. I'm not necessarily bonded to a particular character (in fact, I've changed his name and persona just for the hell of it, and I think that having a preconcieved character that will inhabit your doll makes bonding more difficult, or at least makes you feel more pressure to bond).

So basically, if your doll brings you happiness for the most part, consider yourself bonded. If you constantly find yourself stressing over whethere it's the right doll for you, take some time to really evaluate what's keeping you from being satisfied. If it's completely impossible for you to imagine one of your characters in the doll, try creating a completely new persona that fits better. It's amazing what a change of wig, eyes and faceup can do - these dolls are really versatile - but the most important thing is to keep your mind flexible as well, and to not worry so much!

 

You know you've bonded when you know you have. It's circular, but that's the only way to describe it - you know, and it's different from everyone else so how they know really can't help. It's all because they're your dolls and what you do with them and how you choose to play (or not to play) with them is all up to you, and there's no right or wrong, only what makes you happy.

Marcia.

 

I can definitley relate to the frustration of suddenly having a solid 3D shell for the character. I got Isabeau not only to be inspiration for my art and motivation for my sewing hobby, but also because I had recently moved very far away from the rest of my family and in particular I was missing my mother, so I saw her as a new little person to gossip and talk to. But when I first got her, I was scared to death of touching the resin body that she now resides in. The character that had been slowly developing in my imagination took to the form so quickly that it was just natural, but I had to get over the feeling that the doll was fragile and should only be on display. I was one of those children who was taught to take care of my toys very early on, and for some that meant not to play with them. Also I didn't have any clothes for her, for I had the guilt of feeling like I was a "bad parent" for not being able to provide things for her to wear. I think the bonding truly began some eight weeks after I got her, when I tried to put some blue colored eyes (she currently wears brown) in her head and first I had to get over the fear of putting the pens in to hold the elastic in place, then the fear of touching her head to open the headcap. But as I was trying to get to the eyes, I had an almost impossible time getting the headcap off, so I left it wedged to the side; I reached for the putty that held the eyes in place and suddenly the headcap snapped back on my finger! It only stung for a minute, but (as I usually do) I began to speak to the doll and then I looked at her face and the expression had changed from the usual curious look to one like tears were going to appear at any moment. I had the sudden feeling of "She doesn't want blue eyes, she likes her brown ones." and left it at that. Once I got clothes for her it felt easier to force her body into poses that I was too afraid to do before, and now I make it a point to restyle her wig once every two weeks. I've also gotten supplies to someday begin doing faceups, although it probably won't be to Isabeau's face right away; I'll probably buy a blank head first to test different techniques on. I guess the whole point is that you have to get over the "new" phase, and being a new doll owner is tough because I know I've never had a doll quite like this, and it's hard to get into the mindset that they are something that can be played with and carried and touched...I, like everyone else, say that it's amazing what an outfit, new eyes/faceup/styling an old wig, or buying/making an outfit can do.

 

I think that bonding is not only different for every person, but different for every doll. I love all of my dolls to death and would never in my wildest dreams ever think of selling a single one, but I'm more attached to some than others. Some are content just to hang out in my room, they don't need that many outfits or wigs, they don't need to be taken out places all the time, that's just the way it is.
Then with Haika, I have to be with him all the time. My roommate jokingly calls him "my parrot" because we've bonded the way a parrot and their owner do, completely inseparable.
However, when I originally got him, it was the first time I had put one of my original characters into doll form and it was strange to have him existing outside of my mind in a physical shell. But after a while, that only made me love the character more, and know him better.

As for knowing when I've bonded, it's a little sappy, but sometimes I look at my dolls and I get all choked up because I just lub them so much and I can't stand to be away from them for very long.

 

Took the words right out of my mouth.

Actually, a lot of what people are saying is really interesting - with me/us, the thing is...there was definitely the whole 'moment our eyes met' when I opened the box - I think it's more that *he* is still uncomfortable in his shell, and I have a *very* strong connection to him, so it's more a case of...I'm more attached to his soul than the container. But as Hitasura said, that's probably not that unusual when you give a long-term voice a physical form.

The strangest thing by far is learning to address his physical self when I'm talking to him ^^. I'm so used to having him in my mind, and suddenly... Also, I want to take him everywhere - but even when his body's not there, he's still in my head - again, character over doll, I suppose.

I definitely make him clothes all the time, and I've already done his faceup, and cut his hair - it definitely helped, but I actually think that's because it made HIM feel like his body was more his own.

It's almost less that *I'm* having trouble, as such, and more that it's his body before it's my doll, so I'll be happy with it when he is.

 

Oh god.. more problems.. I'm still so worried today. I've started feeling like I don't want to bond with him. I feel like a serious dirtbag for thinking like this. But it's hard, with him giving me dirty looks all day.. He looks really displeased with me. I think also, part of the reason I don't love him very much is because of his skintone. I don't want to sound racist or anything, but the color of his skin makes him much less versatile. He wouldn't look as good in certain wigs or eyes as pale dolls would. Though he's very easy to photograph because of this, I find myself.. not wanting to take pictures of him. Looking away when he's in the room.. And when I do look at him, I can't help but see the money I could use to buy a doll I /could/ love, instead of seeing just Kin. Diagnosis, please..? :/

 

When it comes right down to brass tacks... If he's not the one for you, then he's just well, not the one for you.

Give youself some time to think it over, and if he's still giving you the evil eye after a couple of weeks... Send him on to someone else an use the money to find a doll that really appeals to you. Life's too short to spend it with a doll you don't get along with.

And... like I said... it's not like he'll hold a grudge about it.

 

I know this is going to sound kind of stupid... but take his wig off and change his eyes to another direction.

Something as simple as seeing them bald and looking another way can change how he looks to you.

Wait until you have different colored eyes and wigs on him. His look will change drastically by those two things...

just give it a little time

 

Something that can help with this is opening up his headcap and changing the position of his eyes. A side-glancing expression can make him more demure; tilting his eyes up or making him "stare" directly ahead can make him look angry. I like giving Lucien's eyes a slight up-tilt sometimes...but it makes him look like he's glaring at me so often, I usually have to re-position his eyes right away.

He's a doll, so it's not racist if you don't like his skin color. It's just not a color that suits your doll ideal.

I recommend giving it some more time. Your feelings may change again. Are you still waiting on any wigs and eyes to try out on him? New clothes to dress him up in?

Also, I think attitude is a large part of the bonding process. If you already have your mind set against not really wanting him, then there's not much that can be done. But if you leave yourself open, there's more of a possibility you'll form the connection you want.

Remember, everyone "bonds" in different ways. Some people don't have emotional relationships with their dolls because they are, in the end, just dolls. I think imbuing your doll with a personality goes a long way toward bringing him to life, but this isn't something that everyone does.

 

What disturbs me is, his eyes are positioned straight forward, in the middle. It looks more like he's frowning. He doesn't have that strange smirk that he did when I first opened the box.

 

In the end, because these are just dolls, what he shows is a reflection of you. Perhaps he looks less happy because you're less happy? Put on a pair of happy goggles (as in, start looking in a happy way, not real goggles xD) and see what he looks like then. If you feed him happy thoughts and kindess, it'll generally reflect off of him as such. Remember how it felt when you first opened that box and saw his face, remember that everytime you look at him and soon, his smirk might come back to you.

 

You could always trade him for a normal-skinned El? =)

The most important thing is not to stress - take your time, and if you're still feeling bad about him after a little while, then selling him is probably the way to go. The important thing is to remember that selling a doll isn't a failure on your part! It's just the way it goes, sometimes. Plenty of people on DoA have taken ages to find exactly the right doll for them.

It'll work out eventually! Hang in there ^_^

Cyph