Bonding and YOU.

thank you. this made me feel alot better about my particular situation, considering my mindset at the moment. ^^ I'm feeling a little better about all this. I mean, it's gotta be pretty lucky to get the perfect doll on the first try. Of course I feel a little weird about possibly needing to part with my first doll. Even if he isn't more than a doll to me, he is still special in that sense. But then, that isn't enough reason, for me, to keep him..

 

I agree with what everyone else has said--wait a while. When I got Kai, I got an extra wig and pair of eyes at the same time. When he got to me, in his default blue eyes and Yen wig, I didn't really like him at all. I thought, "What in the world did I do?" Frtunately, once I changed his eyes and wig and gave him a (horrible, but better than nothing) faceup, I began to like him more and more, and he started developing a personality quite a bit different from the one I thought he would have. Now I can't imagine selling him. With Aidri, though, the bonding was instant from the moment I took him out of the box. If I hadn't just happened to have different eyes and wig for Kai, I don't know that I would've been able to bond with him, so hold onto your darling for a while and see how it goes.

 

My first doll, thankfully, was insta-love. She came as a kit, so I think part of what helped me was sanding and stringing her myself.

I DID have issues with my second doll. I held onto him for 4 months before I decided I couldn't bond and wanted to put the money towards a doll I would love.

I would personally give the doll at least a week to settle in. It was VERY rocky when I tried to replace that second doll, even with a doll I had wanted for a while. There was that fear that I wouldn't bond at all, and that I would forever be a one doll person no matter how much I thought I would enjoy a second. For both: We sat together on the computer, watched TV together, I had both sleep in my bed. We looked at doll clothes on rinkya, ebay and other sellers sites and they would tell me what they liked and what they hated. It helped me develop them a bit further. But the thing that helped me finalize my decision was TIME.

If after having him for a week or so, you still feel nothing, put him in his box indefinately and start looking at pictures of both his type of dolls and other types of dolls. If his type still calls to you, then take him out of his box and go back through the "normal" bonding activies. (Dressing, eye and wig changes, Internet and TV usage together, etc.) and see if that helps. If a different doll calls to you consistantly, then leave him in his box. If after a week or so tanned Els continue to not appeal to you, it might be time to find him a new home.

 

I really am sympathising with you on this I think its really sad you're not bonding with your child as well as you were hoping to.

The first doll I bought, El-ss, within a few days I was really feeling guilty about spending so much money on what essentially is a lifeless object. Within a few days though, that feeling was dispelled, and when he arrived I was completley over the moon, as I was when my girl arrived.

If you think your bonding issues lie within the fact that he's of dark skin, then don't deny it. I find that he has a very specific look to him, and is quite difficult to customise. And its true what people are saying; that changing the direction of the eyes changes their look/mood completley. Try putting his eyes on a sidewards glance instead of front on. This will look far more subtle.
If he has cold eyes, hopefully you invested in some warmer coloured eyes, like brown, or even black.

At the end of the day though, don't force yourself to fall in love with your doll. If he doesn't want to bond with you, then don't force yourself to bond back. Simple as. Im not saying that you should give up straight away and put him up for sale, but don't force your relationship with him just because you FEEL you have to take him everywhere you go. I love my dolls beyond believe, but I definatley don't get them out everyday.

Try some photostories, as this will help build your doll some character ^_^. He isnt an inanimate object deep down =3

 

I agree basically with lynsey. give it a shot for a little while, try some different wigs and eyes on him, and if you still don't like him, put up for sale and don't feel guilty! Sometimes certain dolls just don't do it for you! There's no reason to feel bad about it.

I've sold several dolls because I just couldn't warm up to them. Some I kept for a while and tried to like them, and eventually I owned up to it, and realized that they weren't the right style of doll for me and I sold them to someone who would enjoy the dolls more.

That being said, when I first got my Tsukasa, I was kinda "eh, I'm not sure if I like him" about him. I took a risk, and sent him off to be repainted... when he got back, I adored him, and ever since I adore him! I would never sell him now except under dire hardship! ^_^

 

Well, I've just about read every thread in here about people having troubles bonding with their dolls and other threads about how to go about bonding with your dolls... But I'd just like to know: How do you know when you've bonded with your doll?

When I started my layaway for July, I was so excited. I looked up her measurements here and started making a bunch of clothes for her (some fit and some didn't.) I was constantly on DoA looking at pictures of other Yo-SD Suzunas as well and kept in contact with the seller the whole duration. Now that she's here, I find myself STILL frequenting DoA and looking at OTHER dolls. o_o Don't get me wrong, I love July and take her to school every day with me... But I want a bigger doll. >_< I'm finding July to be much less versatile than bigger dolls. She's a child. I can't seem to think of her otherwise. Since she has come home, I haven't made any new dresses for her and, for some reason, I can't seem to make myself do it. No motivation.

Don't get me wrong, I would never think of selling her for a larger doll... But I'm starting to feel guilty after reading all these threads. I badly want to bond with July the way other people have claimed to have bonded with their dolls. And I've been doing what I can and have been taking a billion pictures of her... So when do I know when I've bonded with her?

 

^-^
'Bonding' I think is different for everyone babe ~
When do you know? Well I think only you know that ^-^
If you can't possibly bear to part with her, then you probably already have.

Sometimes it helps, if you want to find out how much you love her... if you put her away for a day ^-^ if you can't keep her out of sight, and end up going to get her out again then you're attatched.

Don't worry though! I don't think there's anything wrong at all with wanting a bigger doll ~ It doesn't mean you love July any less... just that you might want to add to your collection.

Don't feel guilty hun.. just enjoy her!

 

Hey, let me say: I don't sew OR buy stuff for my dolls. When I got Chocolate I wanted Mikael and I also wanted Vanilla. I didn't mean my love for Choco or Mikael was less. Love is never enough ^^' We aways want more.
I'm not aways playing with my kids either. Sometimes they spend most day sleeping, but when I play with them I love them, I think of them a lot...
Bonding is different for everyperson ^^

 

For me, it's really about getting to the point where you know their character, their personality, almost inside-out. I don't bond with the dolls themselves (they're just resin, after all, and I've upgraded several of mine in the past), I bond with the character. If I can't envision them in my head, if I can't know what they'll say or do or how they'll react to this or that, if I don't know how they work into the overall "story" of the world in which my characters live, then I don't "bond".

I should also mention that I have six dolls now, and I still adore looking at other dolls, particularly custom auctions on Yahoo!Japan, and saying to myself "what if?" But it's not that each new doll butted out the old, or that any future dolls might do that - it's that they're bringing a more complex story to life. Adding to the cast, not replacing the previous one.

 

I agree with what Butterfly said. I love my Winter, but I still constantly look at other dolls, wanting to expand my collection. But it doesn't mean I love him any less. In fact, out of any doll I have planned or could think of having, he is the one that will always stay. I could never part with him. So, don't worry. =3 Just keep looking at those dolls, and I'm sure July would love to have a bigger friend around to play with!

 

Everybody bonds with their doll differently and some people don't really bond at all with their dolls. The only thing that really matters is that YOU like her and enjoy having her in whatever ways are most satsifing to you. It's easy to look at what everyone else is doing/feeling with their dolls and feel like you aren't doing 'enough' but don't let that bother you too much. Bonding is a personal thing, so it won't be the same for everyone. I wrote up this thread on this issue a while back if you'd like to read through it, you might find it helpful. ^^

http://www.denofangels.com/forums/showthread.php?t=22455

 

I think that everything everyone's already said is very sound advice. I'm like Valentine in that I bond to characters first and foremost, but it seems to have reached the stage where my boy fits easily inside his shell and feels completely natural in there. Perhaps that's what bonding with the doll himself is.

I think my own personal definition of having bonded, then, would be when I know the ins and outs of a character completely and that character is perfectly at home inside the resin. When you don't look at him/her anymore and think 'oh, it's a doll of _____', but simply 'oh, it's ____'. Just as everyone's already stressed, however, it's different for each person. No one can tell you when you've bonded and how the best way to go about it is: only you can do that.

 

Wow....I feel so much better for reading this.
I was worried about the whole' bonding' issue as I felt I would never be that close to my dolls, because of little things like not being able to take them out (Im asking to be mugged) or centre my life round them. There may be days when they aren't played with at all. But I think they are both beautiful, and have had some idea's on customising them.
It was made a bit worse as I have a Tender Zen on order, and I have her backstory, look, props etc planned out...Im making her stuff and havn't even considered what the twins would be like...

Thanks to this thread I dont feel under pressure to make them instantly MINE. I was worried that having default make-up and wigs would make them less mine, more DOC's. Im an artist, but that doesnt mean I want to strip their faces bare and start from scratch-I love them how they are. But I have enormous support for those who do-Its daunting and you rise to the challenge.

I think this should be a sticky somewhere. I added to another thread about bondig, but this thread says exactly what Ive been looking for

 

Try taking photos of him... It's nice to get a different perspective some times you know?
When Saryoon first came home I was thrilled and exited like you but I came home late and I didn't have much time to be lovey with him. The next day I had school and other boring things to attend to. I really didn't know much about him and I was scared that I didn't love him. The next day, I went on a photo suite with Britt in Princeton and i saw some completely different sides to him. It helped soo much... But also spend time with him, at first I was afraid to touch him almost because he was so expensive and I didn't want to break him XD! You might want to modify his face-up rather than completely wipe it... I'm decently confident in my own ability to do a face-up but I didn't have to because saryoon came with a default because I bought a fullset, but since hes come home I gave him a water-colored pencil eyeliner as well as a little pastel blushing around his eyes and new eyelashes... I pamper him XD

excuse long rant XD

 

Motivation:
If you will allow me to channel July--"Clothes, please."
Possibly said a bit too loudly, as children have two volume positions (the other is too quietly (what?)).


Ann in CT
cringing back from the chorus of CLOTHES PLEASE from all my dolls, except my todler, who is content in her ragged kitty-cat suit. ac

 

Its taken me a year to bond with my girl.
But surprisingly enough after part of her broke, many restring sesions, eye changes, atempted blushing, and baths I am now super connected.
Try restring him or making him somthing.
Also put him in his box for a week or so that way you will know what it will be like not having him around.

 

".... Toyland, Toyland/
Mystic and merry Toyland/
Once you pass its borders, you/
Can ne'er return again...."

That is total BUNK!

I am here as an adult collector to absolutely say that the above post is totally true, there is no reason for anyone to "lose interest" in dolls or other hobbies as you reach adulthood and move through it. It is common to get busy with other things as an older teenager and young adult - but I can't tell you how many people eventually come right back to what they know, because these hobbies strike a chord within them that they never forget.

If it wasn't for my dolls, my action-figures, my Spider-Man-related collection of statues and memorabilia, and my model horses I don't know what I would do! They are stress-relievers. And I am an "old lady." [to many here I bet I would seem old, anyways] My husband tolerates these obsessions with a mostly benign grumble about the CC bill every now and then.

The hearts of doll-people in a way stay young forever. It makes us special.

Still watching cartoons and reading comic-books over here. You will pry my dolls from my cold, dead hand. My one caveat to younger collectors would be to be VERY CAREFUL what dolls and toys you discard as a teen, because you may well mourn their loss later on.

As for the bonding, I could totally see it taking awhile. Sometimes you have to get to know someone. I also totally agree with somebody's comment about expecting too much, too soon. Dangerous. My doll arrived faceup-less, so altho I loved her right away, I didn't really "fall in love" until she had her face. My doll is probably a bit neglected during the school semester, but I told her I had to pay attention to other things in order to get that great job later and BUY HER MORE STUFF... she grudgingly understands. It's all about the clothes.

 

^_^... I'm 26, I still buy lots of toys (not just ABJD) and I watch cartoons quite frequently actually...! you could say I have and "excuse" since I draw cartoons for a living (ie, watching them is part of my job, so to speak) but I have plenty of adult NON-Cartoon-making friends who love cartoons and I think they are perfectly mature and awesome. (and I think if I didn't make cartoons, I'd still watch them.)

Sure some toys and some cartoons are only appealing to kids... but the very best ones are appealing to all ages...!

 

I haven't even gotten my dolls body and I'm already feeling "tired of her."

Has anyone ever felt this way before? I keep telling myself and I feel that deep down inside, I just need a completed doll to feel a whole lot better but recently, I see her head and feel like not doing anything in particular with her and I start dreaming of things such as
"oh, she has a body now,...now what?" "A DD body isn't resin and doesn't have strings"
or
"she needs a friend, how longer more till I save money for another doll?" and

"I will never have the talent to paint a professional faceup, what's the point of owning a doll?"

This past friday, I changed my thoughts about the doll I've been dying over for a long time and did a head photo shoot. I thought, well, heads can have fun too while waiting for a body. I'll post the pictures up on the gallery soon and if you ever feel like you're starting to loose intrest in your dolls, clean him/her up, go outside and take pictures up the woohaw!! Just looking at her in these pictures made me cheer up and forget about the negative things about doll collecting.
Such as the money, the stress, the competition of having that awesome doll, the faceups, the clothes etc.

I held her big noggin of a head in my hands and stared at her for the longest time and realized that she's the one that's going to make me happy when I finally recieve her body.

So what I was trying to say after I posted my own story, have you ever felt like you "hated" or "regreted" or "stopped loving your dolls"?

 

i have to be honest. there was a period, while skah was being shipped to me...that i felt very afraid i would regret the decision to spend over three hundred dollars on a doll. i had only been interested in bjds for about two weeks when i purchased him XD they hooked me very strongly. that feeling of regret overwhelmed me months later when i started reeeally thinking about it. but when he arrived...the moment i laid eyes on him, that feeling was long, long gone. love at first sight :3 when i gave him his first face-up and his first restringing, the bonding was amazing. i talk to him now XD say goodnight to him when i go to sleep. perhaps when your doll is complete...when you can pose her and see her personality come together, you'll be much happier. give her time! ^_^