Bonding and YOU.

hmmm, I LIKED my Sylvie the moment I saw her. I was GLAD I had her when I won her. I didn't think I'd keep until about...three months later. She was pretty and all but... I always regreted the money. It took me MONTHS to bond with her. (but now she is my ab-fab favorite and knows it)

my tinatsu was instant. Before I even OPENED the box, bam, love.

My latest girl, a Cyndy, wasn't working for me. She was my dream model, yeah, and I had wanted her for years. When she arrived I was almost disappointed. It felt like the want was better than having. So, I took her completely apart, restrung her (which SUCKED!!! her arm holes are too tiny for knots to pass through. I tore off some skin when the clamp poped and the rope scraped my palm), and redid most of her face-up. It was a real bonding project. My blood, sweat, tears, and profanity went into her. Now she is my girl!

So, there. Took me anywhere from instant to months.

 

the same can be said for me and my "family"

i instantly bonded with each of my preciouses to the point where i just like to stare at them all day.

however i too also had a yder that i tried to bond with but didn't see anything happening in character with him. So he goes to a new owner who will love him to bits!

^^ try different eyes and wigs on your doll to see if maybe that might help some.

^_^

 

Probably exactly the same thing I'm doing now; wondering if I should spend more money buying various wigs and changing makeup or cut my losses and focus on the doll I know I enjoy as-is. ^_~
To me, bonding is forming an attachment, whether it's with a person or a doll or just some object that make you happy that you don't want to lose; which is why I didn't ask what other people thought bonding was, because I already have my personal definition.
I just figured that since most people run with their own definition anyway (I've never heard of a "by the book" way to bond with anything...) I'd ask how long it took various people, as a human-interest type thing. With most things in my life, I'm used to an immediate reaction, for better or worse, and I'm interested in the reactions of other people. ^_^

 

Some of my bonding took place right out of the box, and some happened as I was doing their faceups....one was rehomed even after I did his faceup and did a few short photostories...just didn't work after a while..even though he was my first real BJD.
Right now with my Dim Odelia....I have had her a few months now and still am not bonded with her....I am dissatisfied with the body posing..so I may get her a new body..but I love the face sculpt..I was even planning on selling her, but now with the discontinued dolls, her being one of them, I may keep her, wipe the Dim face up off and do my own..the bonding might happen...she does take wonderful pictures...even though she poses for crap..
I had an Elfdoll Adel for a while, she was cute but just didn't "do it" for me, but I just got a OD SO-Ye tiny in around Halloween...and I just loved the little sculpt..and been having a ball doing her up...she is sooo cute..!
so I guess it all depends on the dolls..and your expectations...and maybe it is just the vibes of the person that handled the doll before you {since we all leave our essence on things we touch}.....who knows..

 

I think for now I may just set her aside and practice faceups on my little Yder head. Maybe at some point I will feel comfortable enough to wipe a "professional" faceup and play with Lishe's look. Or maybe even save up again and get someone from here to do it. I do love the eyes I got for her, so I will try to work from there. ^_^

 

Or you can sell your Lishe and keep the money for a doll that more closely will match the character you are looking for...

If something doesn't suit, it just doesn't. You shouldn't force yourself to like a doll. They are way too much of an investment in time and money to "settle" for.

It's one thing if you like the sculpt but not the faceup. It's another if you're looking for a particular character and the doll isn't right.

 

im not that sure, but i guess it does take time.
i've had bonding issues with almost every doll of mine.
i actually really think it's the way you put the doll.
ie, the face-up and the hair.
especially the face-up.
for my ren girl,
i could never bond with her that well with her default face-up,
and when i did them myself. they just really didnt seem her.
i sent her off for a face-up and i am absolutely inseperable with her now!

if you're too scared to wipe of that face-up, maybe leave it on for a bit longer, and see if you do bond. go on changing her wig and everything, and spending more time with her. in the end, if you REALLY STILLLL dont see any results, go on and wipe off the face-up.
to me, i think it's worth it. you'll love her so much more!

 

It's really different for everyone, and I think it
can even be different with one person and different dolls.

I've bonded with all of my girls very quickly, but the dolls that I've adopted have held a different presence when they arrived than my new girls. Like Remedy (my Kun) was one of my two dream dolls, but she had to come to me new. That doll had to have one owner, and that owner had to be me. Though I was in love with the look of Kun, it wasn't until my girl arrived and I opened that box that I knew she really was mine. However, my Liebchen was my second dream doll, but I sorta knew she'd be adopted because I was always missing the pre-orders. When I saw "the one" in the marketplace, I couldn't pass her up. In this case the bonding started from the moment I saw her pictures on DOA, before she even arrived. Bryte, my ToYou, took the longest. She came without a face-up, and while I had the most-developed history for her, it wasn't until I actually gave her a face that she became one of "my" dolls.

I've got a case of the rambles tonight, sorry.

 

Heh. I have only one doll so I only have one experience. It was instant bonding even though he didn't look exactly like what I expected (a heck lot girlier than what was shown). However, I opened his box, it was instant love, he owned my soul, and all that. But as time went by, he settled more and more into his character with the correct wigs and eyes coming in and time spent with him.

I'll say you might want to take a close look at your doll and see if she's acceptable to what you want. You might want to try changing wigs and eyes and taking a heck load of photos of her. If you're still feeling like she's not really the one you want, then you should probably consider selling her.

 

I have to say, as nearly everyone else has, that "bonding" is a personal thing and it just takes as long as it takes. I also agree that if it's really not working for you, then perhaps consider selling her on and waiting until something jumps out at you again. In the mean time, you could try just playing with her a lil bit and seeing if she comes a live for you.

For me, bonding was instant with Trys. I saved for him for two years, trawled endless pictures, and then when I saw the pictures on the Luts site, I knew it was Trys and the SECOND he came out of that box, he was like a part of me. I've recently adopted another little chap from the marketplace and the feeling was the same there, I saw those pictures and just knew he had to come live with me. I haven't even seen him in person yet, but the "bond" is still there.

 

Bonding can be instant. And can also take a long time. My partner has recently bonded with a doll that she has had for nearly a year.

However, I believe that in many instances, a "failure to bond" is actually nothing of the sort. If one buys a doll with a pre-conceived idea of the doll's character and look, there's a very good chance that the doll will fail to match one's expectations. If however, one buys a doll because of it's face-mold, it's face-up or something else, then the true inner doll will speak to you when it arrives.
Somehow, dolls are remarkably good at refusing to accept a personality or character that will not fit. They really do sulk. They can even get quite angry if you turn males into females.
My advice with the Lishe is to try NOT to impose a personality on her, but to let her true character come out over the next few weeks. Try different wigs, different setting for the eyes, different clothing. If she is the doll for you, then she will speak. If not, then she will also tell you.

 

I don't think I saw anyone posting this link yet, but it's full of very good advice and I think everyone should read it who hasn't yet *wishes it was a sticky*:

Bonding and YOU

Personally, I've not had any problems bonding with any of my guys thus far: straight out of the box they've been the characters I planned for them, slipping into their new resin bodies with no problems whatsoever. If you say you can't feel the character your girl was bought to be, perhaps one problem is her hair, eyes or yes, even her faceup. If you have a close bond with the character she's going to be, then perhaps one thing to do is spend some time playing with different hair/eyes and trying to get them as close to the way you see her in your mind, and alter the faceup accordingly? (It's no good keeping it because of the cost if you're not happy with it, after all)

As I said, I bonded with my guys immediately, but that bond definitely grew deeper the longer I had them. I tend to think that a stage occurs when you look at them and think not 'oh, it's a doll of .....' but 'oh, it is ....', and that's where the true bonding lies. The more your girl looks and feels like her character - eyes/hair/faceup, clothes and even the way you pose her, perhaps the easier it will be to bond with her. After all, the bond you do have with the character is already there - you bought a $600 doll for her to live in, after all! There has to be a bond there! *laughs* The trick is 'convincing' her to adopt the resin shell, as it were.

 

I bought a yder head off someone here on DOA, for a character I had in mind. The face up was lovely but there was nothing there, no bonding, nothing, he was so wrong for the character I hoped he would be. I was so tempted to wipe the face up off, til one day, I swopped his long white wig for a short black furry wig and BAM. A new character emerged and I fell in love with him, it was literally instant. o_O Now I have another head for the character I first wanted, and a brand new character XD

 

Others have suggested swapping heads with your Yder - I might even take that a step farther, and, if Lishe doesn't work, maybe just sell her head and buy another that suits you better. I know there are issues with the comparability of resins, but if you're satisfied with the doll's body, at least (which to me doesn't have much personality of its own without the head anyway), it would be easier to try getting just different heads instead.

I guess that's too pragmatic for a thread about bonding with one's dolls, but I'm another person who got into the hobby because they're beautiful, and not necessarily because I wanted a character.

Yder is my only doll right now. I really like him - I mean, he's beautiful. But if you want to talk about a face that really HIT me and made me feel it had personality, and is something I've already 'bonded' with, I'd say it was Danbi. (I have to get this head. >_>) I have my eye on Miyu, another doll that just hit me as "the one for me", but all I've seen is pictures, so who knows how that'll work out. I purchased a different girl head from DIM so I could try the swapping thing, just in case Miyu isn't what I hope. (Can't imagine that though, she's perfect!)

So anyway. Like someone said in another thread I read recently, heads are easy to get. And they're easy to send. Hence my suggestion.

Also - because yes, I CAN talk more - along with trying different wigs and eyes, clothes can also help with the process of getting to know your doll. I was starting to feel lukewarm toward mine, but just buying new things to dress him up in really helped, and I think designing clothes especially for him will be a great way to get to know him better.

 

I still own one girl till now. For my first time i press the button add to cart i'm so excited and worry as well. Cause Im so worry how she would be when she's here. Then DOD send email said the package already ship and 2 days after the email i receive the package. I was so excited taking pictures till unwrap her from the bubble wrap I saw her face and she smile as like saying Hi.

That time I guess she still new here so she kinda nervous and so do I. But later after about 2 or 3 days her original personality all out and I was so happy cause my bondage with her are way too close tha i ever expected. I can't stop myself loving her and spoiling her too till now. xD

 

How long does it take to bond, you ask? For some dolls and owners it's instantaneous (like you noticed with your Yder head), but sometimes it takes a bit of time and patience. It took me about four months to bond with Napoleon (OD Dae IL), and it was all due to the new face-up I gave him.

I was all set to sell him, because I believed myself unable to bond with him, and the new face-up was just a last desperate try to bond - and it worked. I adore him now, almost more than I do Fychan (AR Cien Boy) that I bonded with instantly.

But, if you're certain you can't bond with your Lishe - and don't want to "waste" a $50 face-up - then sell her and wait until you find a doll that will fit your intended character better.

 

I think putting your personal 'stamp' on the doll has a lot to do with it. I've found that I have the most trouble bonding with the girls that have default faceups-- or else I need to fiddle with the faceup to make her my own. That said, 'bonding' can take anywhere from seconds to weeks for me. When I received my Choa, the second I got the bubble wrap off her face I was in love. With others, I had to work on them, make them clothes and do faceups etc, and then I felt like they were 'mine'. If you are afraid of redoing her faceup, you could try different looks with eyes, wigs, clothes, etc.

I would wait a few weeks before wiping your Lishe's faceup or selling her...sometimes they just need to grow on you. Still, I agree with what others here have said, sometimes what you see on the computer screen is not what you expected in real life. I recently sold my Narsha girl..while I was in love with all the photos I saw of her, once I received her she just looked...not right. Pretty and cute, but not what I was expecting. I waited a couple weeks then found her a new home. So give it a little time...but if you're still not bonding, then maybe it's time to think about a new faceup or a new doll.

 

I kinda understand how you feel,
Ive had no time to bond with my ren girl at all.
It wasnt untill a few days ago that i had time to fight over a name with her XD
Ive done only 2 photoshoots with her and made her loads of clothing on my way to school.
But i havnt got time to see her....

As for character, i didnt plan one for her. I think she will develope her own somewhere in my mind XD.
She seem to be bitchy and sweet at the same time...
Pokeing my eyes out in a photoshoot kicking my camra and all (and she dosnt have kickylegs) because it takes crappy pictures of her because its cheap.

About the face up.
Her default faceup is just sort of a basic face blush and lashes..and stuff..really basic.
I use water colors to add it.. and dont coat it so i can change it when ever i want.
It's just a pitty your faceup isnt what you wanted and was so expencive.

 

I don't know if this was suggested but you could sell the Lishe head and keep the body for Yder since you've already bonded with her. Most of the dolls I own currently I bonded with right away. I think I only have one that took me a while to bond with. The couple I have sold were the ones I didn't bond with initially. Good luck. It's a shame since she is your first BJD.

 

with my Lishe, narae and juri i basically bonded instanly or with a few days or a week or two. My el however, it just didnt work i didnt i believe it was his colouring really, so ive sold him but one day i may buy another el. I think if you changed her face like i would change his colour would work out for you, i think i confused myself lol if you can work out anything from what i said its a miracle :P