Bonding and YOU.

Firstly sorry you don't feel like you and your new girl have bonded. Perhaps you feel detached because of your separation during her face-up and now she is back with you things will get better. Maybe she isn't exactly like how you pictured her but with time she could develop her own unique character. I hope you feel better soon.

 

calm down! try locking away your new girl in a closet for a few days/weeks. Then take her out again and try on some new eyes, wig, outfits... etc. or create a new character for her base on how she looks and not how you pictured her to be... sometimes it helps. OwO;

 

Yep, that's what you should do. With my Lati M, when i wasn't looking at him, i felt that I should sell him because i have another lati boy , Aida. However, everytime i take him out of his box i fall in love with him all over again and can't imagine why I ever thought I wanted to sell him. Changing wigs definetly helps. My boys hadn't had anything new in such a long time and getting the eye color and wig i wanted made them seem completely new in my eyes. I don't display my boys so it always feels like the first time. Definetly put her away for a little while, get her some new clothes or a wig. she'l look completely different and you will love her again. If it just doesn't happen, then you might want to put her up for adoption.

 

It was really hard for me I was soooo totally in love with Souldoll Clara and when she arrived she was beautiful but all I ever did was just sit her on the bookcase or fix her hair... I never played with her like I did Lucine and I as much as it pained me I decided she was just too big and that's why I couldn't do anything with her... so I am selling her... so I say yes you can love the way a doll looks and still not be able to bond with them... but give it some time I waited about a month or two before I made the decision.

 

Maybe your doll got a beautiful faceup but it just doesn't project the same emotions as the faceup you fell in love with.

Fixing this can sometimes be as easy as changing the eyes. Are you sure you have the same eyes? Some eyes may look starry and fantastic but appear to look within or far away - not at you. And sometimes a dramatic color of eyes can make a doll look very different than a muted color. And darker eyes can make a doll look dramatically different than lighter eyes.

Sometimes a slight change in the way the eyes are set can make a big difference. Are your eyes set with the same angle up/down as the photo you feel in love with? Does she seem to look at you or elsewhere? Some dolls need to have their eyes set slightly cross-eyed to look at you rather than look far away. I like my dolls to look at me.

Or maybe the way the doll looked in the photo is a style you like to look at but not personally own. Some people love their own dolls to be glamourous or goth. Although I love to look at glamourous and goth dolls, for my own dolls I mostly like a more shy, sweet or needy look.

Do you still love the one in the photo that originally hooked you? If so, look to see what is different between that one and yours. And figure out what needs to be changed. You might decide that you need a different faceup.

But while you are doing all of this - play with the doll. I think you will find many threads in General about bonding. Many people suggest spending time with the doll. Have the doll sit with you while you watch TV or read. I like to set a new doll next to my computer when I am using the computer - in a doll chair or lounging against folded cushions in their box, and I pose them so they are looking at me. If I am on the couch I pose them there. I change their pose occasionally, and sometimes give them a small stuffed toy to hold. Hold and handle the doll. You don't have to do it constantly, just try to do it for some time every evening for a while. It sounds weird but I did this with a doll and although she was making me sad when I started, during the week she started to me me smile - just once at first, then more. Bonding sometimes just takes time.

If you keep trying and still cannot bond with her or change her in ways that will help you, don't feel bad about selling her. I had a boy doll I could not bond with and now someone else is really enjoying him. And many of my own dolls are pre-loved.

I will see if I can find a good bonding thread...

Here is one...
http://www.denofangels.com/forums/showthread.php?t=5368

And here is a big thread - of people talking about bonding and not bonding...
http://www.denofangels.com/forums/showthread.php?t=23710

Carolyn

 

Thank you so much everyone for your support. I think after considering what could be wrong I am going to switch her eyes (I had origionally given her two different colored eyes, and although they do look very pretty together I think it may be whats offsetting her gaze?). I will be handling her much more and (am sick right now, grrr) plan on taking pictures of her new face up when I feel better.
She is a MUCH different doll from Emiko. Her face up is far more dramatic and her body is much more mature so perhaps just getting used to her different quirks will help. Admittedly while she was gone getting made up I was toteing Emi everywhere with me, so its a little odd to handle a doll with such a different personality.
I appreciate all the advice! Its such a blessing to have so many people to talk to about my girls Sometimes the most comforting thing is just to know that someone else has felt the same way.
Happy Holidays everyone!

 

woah, lol, my thread totally got merged with someone else ^.^;;
haha, that REALLY threw me off
I wanted to say I changed her eyes so that both were the same and repositioned them some, and I think that it has really helped! Thanks again for the great advice!

 

I recommend switching the DD for the DDII. The poseability is much much better, and that horrendous back arch is completely gone.

 

I fell in love with my Shin'ichi when I first visited the DOD site and saw the Camine dolls. When he arrived I was totally smitten and nothing has changed. I love him to death and he's happy to spend time with me (even though he doesn't like the way I keep changing his name).

I have to admit things haven't been so easy with Raidan. Maybe it was the uniform, but he seemed very reserved and stand-offish. I loved him but had trouble getting close to him. It felt like he preferred to keep me at arm's length. Once I changed him out of the uniform, things got better - although now he seems to look sad rather than aloof. He's still reserved but that's just him and I accept that. He and Shin'ichi get on very well.

My third doll arrived yesterday and although he doesn't get to come out of the box until Christmas day, I couldn't resist a peek. I already loved Homme Ducan from his pictures at DOD but he's just to die for. I had been going to call him Malachi, but he told me his name is Lucah, so Lucah it is. He's the first doll that's "spoken" to me in this way, and I know we'll have no trouble bonding.

 

It's so soothing to see that many of us go through the same issues with these babies. I have too many dolls, I'll admit it... and there are a couple I don't "play" with much but I look at them contstantly. Can't imagine selling them or anything else.

BUT...I was just in a complete froth yesterday worrying about my reactions to my two SD sized girls. They just aren't sparking any sort of ... desire to cuddle, touch, play or anything else.

Now I've decided to wait, and look, and see. And not feel guilty or weird for not immediately falling head over heels the way I have with my elves and minis.

 

I made my girl from scratch, so we kinda bonded very strongly over the months it took to make her. I just loved watching her grow more beautiful as she progressed!

Now she's don't I have so much pride in her, and her sweet face is very peaceful, I think we have an instant "love" thing going on!

 

I think you can like the way the doll looks like but still can't bond with it. That's what happened with my Dollzone girl - I fell in love with her beautiful face but even after four months I haven't bonded with her at all, so I'm going to sell her.

It was very easy to bond with my boy for some reason, even if I still don't completely know his character.

 

I wanted to know how people bonded with their dolls. If there is another thread with this topic please post it I am really interested in the bonding process since i am new to all this!

 

I think there are several threads on this topic. If you put "bonding" into the search feature, you should come up with plenty of hits! ^^

 

oh sorry! I am still new but thank you for the help!

 

How do you know youre going to bond with youre dolls?
Is it just by luck?

 

I would say so. It helps if you like other things about them before you actually get them I guess

 

Well thier two dolls im in love with
but im worried once i get them
i wont be able to bond

>> like what happend with my little apple doll

 

This made me feel at ease as well...
Though I don't have a BJD doll yet, I somehow get the feeling I might not be 'worthy'.
I probably wouldn't buy things for my dollie all the time, nor would I take photos or play with her all the time. But she would be there and make me smile, like my pullips.
I mostly enjoy to take a moment here and there and sit down and change their clothes and sometime watch movies with them, like just hangin' out, haha. That's bonding for me really. ^^

 

I don't think it's luck, it's something magical and special.
If I had been sent a Soony or Shiwoo in place of my intended doll I wouldn't have wanted to keep them, As the doll I was sent was still a 'Lishe' in a form it did make it easier for me to accident fall for her lol