Bonding and YOU.

I'm having an extremely hard time bonding with my boys-

They are my first two and only bjds and right now I just wish I'd never bought them T-T

I loved both of their sculpts when I saw them, and I waited three months and spent an incredibly hefty sum for both of them, and right now I'm feeling stressed out about having them, and annoyed because I couldn't do the faceups right on them, and I generally wish I didn't have them at all!

I guess I just want to know, is there any way to get over this? Did anyone else feel that way about their first dolls? I've wanted a bjd for awhile, and I was so happy to know I'd finally be getting one (or two rather >.<) and now I'm just over it- no excitement, no joy, no love and it bothers me like crazy! I really really reaaalllly want to love my boys- I think I do deep down, but something is just stressing me out about having them- I don't know what it is, but one is still nekkid because I haven't had time to make clothes for him, and the other is without a faceup because I messed up on the one I did on the first one.

It's all making me miserable! I don't know why either! I'm trying to sell one of their bodies because I think I just need to start over in a way- but I still want the sculpts on my wishlist, I know that I'd love them more- but I've made up my mind that I won't be buying anymore until I can love the ones I have properly. *sigh* I really could use the advice- this is breaking my heart!

 

I think i know how you feel Teruchan, I just bought my first doll from my older sister not to long ago. I had waited a long time for him and when he came i was stoked. However, he's not the doll i'm referring to, I just bought my first girl a few weeks ago, and the whole time i was thinking about getting her i wondered if i was making the right choice. I think, in due time the fear will subside, and i will come to love her as much as i love my first doll.

I hope this helped. And about the face up I'm sure some well earned practice will make you a pro in no time ( i ordered my doll with out a face up too... I'm in for a real challenge when i try my first time)

 

I felt that way when I got my first BJD, an SD. I fell in love with her pictures online, but when I first opened her box I was so upset with myself. I hated that I had spent so much money on a doll and she wasn't what I was expecting. I had never seen a BJD in person. I didn't have to do her face up, but her body wouldn't stand on its own and I got frustrated. I thought, "What in the world was I thinking and now I am stuck with this thing".

I put her back in the box and left her there for a few weeks. After getting over my initial shock, I took her back out and dressed her. Once I started investing some time in her, I truly did love her and now I don't regret my purchase.

Maybe you just need to put them away for a bit and then when you have more time, try making something for them to wear. I don't think anyone started out with face ups that were exactly what they wanted, but if you keep trying and read about the different techniques and tricks, you might find you can get to what you want.

If that doesn't work, you could always sell them and when you feel comfortable with a BJD again, find one you like that already has the face up.

 

I'm sorry, it's really frustrating when this happens.

Like Gracie said, putting them away for a little while sounds like a very good idea. You'll then have time to think about what you want. Or sometimes, simply changing the wig or eyes will make a huge difference (or even just repositioning them!).

I used to have problems bonding with my SD, something was just off. One day I decided to change her wig and BAM, we "bonded".

 

It can be a bit overwhelming to have so much of a blank canvas to work with. I feel it would prevent me from being able to use and enjoy the doll when I have so much left to do. I couldn't handle that much so I requested the company face-up to at least give me a semi-complete doll to work with(face, eyes, wig).

I am making all of the clothes myself, which takes time. I plan to seam and blush my girl soon, but I couldn't handle doing the face-up on my first girl. I'll probably redo her faceup at some point, but I felt more comfortable letting someone more experienced do it the first time.

 

What you say about faceups is probably true. My first faceup on my doll was a relative disaster, and I had a lot of trouble bonding with a face that wasn't right for my character. I redid his faceup another two times, and each time I got a bit closer to what I was looking for, quality and expression-wise. When I did my boy's faceup the fourth time, I seemed to bond instantly with him. He simply seemed to fit, and something definitely clicked. Those bonding woes are gone now.

I know that faceup woes can really damage the bonding process, but I certainly don't think you should give up. And as others have said, something a little, seemingly arbitrary thing like an eye or wig change can be the missing element. Keep on trying, and the satisfaction of getting things right will pay off. C:

 

Thank you guys so much! I think maybe I do need to just put them away for awhile. I'm going to try re-doing Mikah's faceup and then they are both going to sit aside for a little.

I guess being stressed about school doesn't help much either, but I'm just going to try to find that crazy love I had for BJDs again later- maybe over spring break when I'm at home for a week XD

 

I'm sorry you're feeling this way about your boys, and I can honestly say I do relate

All I can do is echo what people have said is to maybe just put them away for a little bit, after all you've just gotten them and first tries with sewing and face-ups are always ridiculously difficult if you've never done anything of the sort before. Currently my very first boy, well, I don't even know where he is right now ( had my sister lock him up in her room ), he doesn't have anything to wear that actually suits him and is still face-upless despite countless tries I've given him. It is disheartening but I think it just takes a little bit of work ( and in some caes unfortunately, more money ) to really get them up to that level where they start to feel like your own and that you're actually working with them the way you want to.

Wow, kind of lost my train of thought for a second there but I hope what I'm trying to say is making sense. Trust me, at one time I almost went and sold ALL my boys because I was utterly frustrated with the hobby as a whole. I didn't though and I'm glad I decided to wait. I think you should wait too and if worse comes to worse, save up a little more, send our faceless boy for a professional to work on him and maybe buy them a nice outfit. Maybe just seeing them pulled together and looking more like how you imagined will help

*hugs* Don't give up just yet~

 

Maybe you could have someone else do your faceups (I know I would never attempt my own because I know I would be frustrated if it didn't look perfect).

Yes, as someone said, changing the hair and eyes can make a huge difference. Even the outfit. One of my dolls, I bought cause I loved his face, and I bought a wig for him I liked, and an outfit I thought was really cool. But then, when I put them all together, something just felt off. Well, one day I bought a wig I liked (and it wasn't intended for him specifically), and when I tried it on him, my feelings improved a little. Then I found this really killer outfit, which also wasn't intended for him, but when I tried it on him, it just worked, and now I just absolutely love him. Its the little changes that can make all the difference!

 

here is a thought.... maybe this hobby is not for you, and there's nothing wrong with that, it is not for everyone. it is expensive not only to buy the dolls, but all that goes with, clothes, wigs, face up supplies, or even custom face up. it takes time and patience to learn how to do a face up that will be pleasing to you. when you look at all the beautifully done dolls here, and yours does not look like that, it can take the joy away. but many of the people have been doing this for quite some time. if you do not enjoy working on them, you will only be left frustrated and sad.

if you have the finances, i would suggest getting some custom, professional face ups in the style that you have envisioned. then they would be the dolls that you dreamed of all this time.

if you just can't find any passion or joy from your dolls, i would say, sell them and stop being stressed, that is no way to live.

 

Face-ups are sooo boring to do. But practice and studying lots of tutorials is really inspiring.
And sitting with a little fabric, needle and thread in your lap while watching TV can produce something your poor naked one can wear. It feels better when they arent so naked.

And when you have money to spare, buy them eyes or wigs in different colors/styles. Dolls often turn out to be other than we imaged, so you when you find your doll`s "style", you feel more secure about them.

Its about getting to know them, like people, only they cant talk. .. (they can do that sometimes too if youre a weirdo like me )

 

I know I probably shouldn't have tried to do Mikah's faceup to begin with- but I just thought it would help me with bonding >.<
It didn't.
I just wiped him clean and I think I'll try again- because shock of shocks, painting him was one of the highlights of owning him. Other then that, I do need a break. Or at least a shopping trip- I haven't tried making any clothes yet- (disaster number 2 on the way) but I think that's what I looked forward to about actually owning my boys- just getting to make stuff and proudly show off their faceups

I just impulsively got Mikah some shoes, and I know now what kind of outfit I want to make for him. I also know what kind of faceup I want him to have, and I'm on my way to discovering the perfect eye colour. I think I'm just going to focus on him first.

I also think the problem I was having is because I kind of forced these personas on to them- I knew what I thought I wanted them both to be, but I don't know what they actually are- I know that sounds weird, but I can't really explain it. They also don't look familiar yet- I haven't ever owned dolls like these before- so they just look like someone else's dolls- not mine. I think once they look like something I thought up then I'll bond a little more.

I need to just sort of let their character's develope for me on their own- rather then rushing to stick lables on them that I think would be cool. Yurii's character is all wrong- it's not at all what I intended really, but I think it still might work if just leave it alone to develope. I kind of wrote his background before I really thought about whether that suited the doll or not. You are absolutely right Belladriel! I can't believe how much like getting to know a person this is >.< I really do need to 'let them tell me' what kind of characters they are. And they can't do that if I'm fussing at the characters I think they are.

Thank you all so much for your encouragement by the way! It's helped so much in trying to figure this out! I'm not saying I've suddenly fallen in love again, but I paid for these boys and I'm bloody determined to get the most out of having them, so I've decided to stop trying and just take things one baby step at a time! Sounds weird I know, but I think it'll work. If I'm not fussing about their characters so much, I can focus on just making them something aesthetically pleasing to me. Once that happens, the rest will follow.

 

you know, you don't have to have a character or back story, i buy dolls because they are beautiful, unique, or even awkward looking, each one speaks to me on it's own. i don't even play with them all that much, but they always surround me, wherever i look, and i love looking for, and finding pretty things for them. often times, i get "waaaaay" too many things for them, but i put them in the MP and i make someone else's dreams come true.

my first face up? since i have an artist's background? i thought would be a snap, i would be the best ever, i thought... but woah! it was horrific! the worst ever in the history of doll face uppery! so, so, bad..... but i kept asking questions, and trying again, and again, and again, and one day, out of nowhere, it all came together, i loved what i had done, and it gets better and better.

 

maybe it would be best if you sent them off to have professional face ups? and then bought a practice head to practice face ups on until you are comfortable with your own work.

before you think about selling them i would try making sure they both have beautiful face ups, clothes that fit the character (or what style you like anyways) and try taking pictures of them completed. i hear alot of people fall in love all over again with their dolls by looking at some of the pictures they take.

i think it would be hard to bond with a "blank canvas" so i see why your frustrated

 

i bonded with my first boy almost instantly i have a even better bond with him now. i can't seem to bond with my SO YE though...i've had thoughts about selling him away. as for my new girl, still trying to but not as strong with my first boy.

 

I bonded with all my dolls pretty much as soon as I opened that box, even the ones in need of faceups. I only have slight problems with my BBB purple sprite, Lilly, because I really don't like the BBB body but I just have to pick her up and she snuggles into my arms- Once I give her a new faceup I'm sure I'll love her more. I couldn't imagine selling any of my dolls.

 

If this has been discussed them please feel free to remove

I was just thinking about bonding with dolls as I was searching through the marketplace and on ebay. The amount of times that I read that a seller cannot bond with their doll and the only way to resolve this is to sell it makes me somewhat thankful that I bonded immediatly with my girls.

So, I was just wondering why some people just cannot bond well with their dolls? Is it because of having too many that you just don't have the time to dot on each of them? Perhaps the impulse of buying a really pretty scultp didn't work out in your favour? Or maybe the doll just doesn't fit in with your group? (that's just a few reasons I've heard)

I'm just really curious because I worry slightly that I might buy a doll and not bond with him/her.

 

oh, well, Haru's story is kind of complicated, but i find it very romantic somehow
here it is:

when i first got Reimu, my Kid Delf Aru, it was instant, apparently neverending love. i made her into a character of my webcomic, Wasted World. and this ruined everything.
the reason behind this is that, to devlop her personality, i created a secondary character, a pink-and-white lolita called Lilith, and i brought a Bluefairy Olive to make her into a doll. In the moment i opened the box, i realized that her face was just wrong for the original sweet and caring character (with the original Bluefairy eyes, she looked cruel and scary)
being deprived of her "big sister", Reimu became an older, "perfect" girl, caring, fun and loved by everyone. the classic "nice girl that everybody loves", so stereotyped and ugly. plus, i was growing bored of her face. i buried her into a box and put her for sale. (without everybody buying her)
months after, i redid the first chapter of my comic completly deleting her presence except for a small 1-panel cameo. after getting rid of her annoying comic version, i decided to open her box again just to see if she was yellowing or else. in the moment i saw again those blue eyes, little smiling lips and red cheeks, i fully realized that i forgot how she was simply beautiful. i quickly took her out of the box, hugged her tightly and whispered "i swear i will never try to sell you again".
now she have got a new name, Haru, changed clothes and i gave her an old SD wig i brought for mistake when i was into 1/6 dolls. actually, she's sitting with Purple in her arms and smiling peacefully i can see how she's glad to be finally out of that box.

and for the less interesting bonding story of Purple:

as i stated in Haru's story, she was originally supposed to be a support character named Lilith. just, i didn't realized how purely EVIL a little Olive can look with a pair of small eyes. her face was just wrong. thus, i decided to make her another character called Seven. i made her wear Reimu's old black and white striped clothes and i put her in her wig, after switching one of her eyes with a creepy red eye.
just, for some reason, after i decided to sell her, i started to grow bored of her face, and ended up burying her in her bed. it was only when my aunt came to visit and pointed out that the red eye was bigger and making her face look weird that i realized what was wrong in her. i switched her eyes with a pair of deep bue, big eyes that made her expression much sweeter. not caring nor compassionate, but sweet and pensive.
i changed her character from the little android Seven to Purple, the underdeveloped owner of a bondage/sadomaso club. i like her new character, honestly, she have much more personality. :3
i hope i didn' get you bored with my pointless stories and bad grammar @.@

 

I`ve had bonding issues.

Last year around summer I bought a AoD Mimi, who was going to be my doll-version of my character Miyu. She was sweet and all, but she was always so sad. Miyu isnt a sad girl, but very cheerful... So it was a big bummer for me. We didnt bond, and she sat on a shelf, sulking, with a serious identity crisis..

And last week I played with her wig, and switching around with eyes. Her cute buns came undone, making her hair messy, and she chose blank eyes. She looked like a ghost. And she was finally happy.

She became Yurei, the ghost. Now she fits in and is happy again. And so am I.
- Still miss my Miyu darling, but I`ve found a doll who fits her just perfect, and even if she wasnt Miyu, I`d keep her because she is too cute. And Yurei get a friend.


So bonding issues can be overcome.

 

i have issues with dolls who dont have characters or who cant fit the character they were intended to be. i was instantly in love with all my current boys. even the MNF Shiwoo, who was unplanned and acquired in a trade. i came up with a character for him and it was just "him." my roommates first doll did not have a character for months...she couldnt figure out why i didnt like her...but to me she was almost scary, no personality, no story, no life. she was like a barbie doll or something. now she has a character and ive started to see her personality and its not so scary....i need that to really bond with a doll.

character developing is the biggest part of bonding for me, and i have two that i couldnt bond with. one i traded for the Shiwoo...i couldnt make her into the character she was intended to be and because of that she sat on a shelf and i rarely touched her.

the second is my MNM Ville Valo...i cant bond with him either because to me he came with his own character in tact and it kind of freaks me out. i dont like having him around my other boys. so he's up for sale. it ticks me off a little cause i really wanted this doll.