Bonding and YOU.

I agree with TFB - I've bought a doll I loved the mould of and everybody's pictures, but I couldn't get a character to fit with the doll, or she never told me her name (no name seems to fit), or they just sit there and gather dust compared to other dolls I've bought.

 

I think that not bonding isn't just seeing it and disliking it. It's easier for me to use examples than to try to explain it, personally.

Not bonding could be someone who gets a doll, and thinks it's beautiful, but finds that they can't get any inspiration to do anything with it. They may realize that they can't seem to get the doll to look the way they're happy with, and prefer to look at pictures of what other people have done with it than have the doll there, sitting and collecting dust.

It could also be they loved pictures of it, but opened the box of theirs and went "....Oh." It could be a bad experience with getting the doll (having to fight to get it shipped, or just dealing with overall bad feelings about the transaction or shipment), or maybe the doll just doesn't look as radiant as in the shots they've seen.

Or maybe they bought the doll to be a companion to someone else's doll, or because they saw someone else's version of that mold, and they and that person had a falling out and they now have bad feelings associated with the doll.

In neither one of these is it strictly the owner buying the doll and wanting to buy something else instead, it's just not feeling that utter joy whenever you look at the doll. Hasn't everyone bought something and later regretted it, thinking that it wasn't worth it, without a specific reason?

 

To me personally, not bonding would be not being able to form an attachment to the doll. My dolls are more than just objects to me--I want to be able to feel that I'm attached to them and that they have meaning.

I usually bond quickly, but that's in part because a lot of my dolls represent pre-existing characters that I already know very well. Sometimes doing things like trying different style clothes, a different face up or eyes can help an owner bond to their doll. It can take time, but not always. It depends on the individual. I have turned down buying dolls in the past, because I worried that I would not be able to bond to them. As beautiful as they were, they didn't fit in with my other guys and gals and didn't inspire me in terms of developing a character or story for them. But these are just my experiences. Everyone's mileage varies.

 

I will try and explain, having been here myself

When I bought my IH Gentle Soori, my first SD, I waited a few months for him due to layaway.... I was really excited the whole time and couldn't wait to get him home

When he arrived however it was a different story, he was big and clumsy and just didn't feel right as part of my doll family, even though he was a stunning doll. I put him up for sale, and waited for response. It felt almost awkward having him in the house, definately more than just "not the doll I want".

Luckily for me, a few weeks down the line and he started to grow on me. I actually enjoyed having him around, and bought him new things and really started to "play" with him, photographing and sewing, and it didn't seem awkward to have him there, it felt "right"

It was a bonding process I believe as now I couldn't be without him

 

Bonding - No - Wrong purchase - Yes! I'm new at this hobby too (10 months into it) and have four dolls. Three fit into the historical costuming I do, one does not! I purchased her as a stress release while waiting for another doll. She was cheap'er' and I could get her with in a few days. A big mistake, but I'm going to sell her not because I didn't bond with her, rather, she was a impulse purchase.

 

When someone says they "couldn't bond" with a doll, it means they didn't really like it, and that when you say, "So you just didn't like it?" they'll make up a bunch of stupid justifications for why that's not the case.

When someone can't bond with a doll, it means they were disappointed with it. For whatever reason. And sometimes you grow to like something over time, like how I liked certain songs after listening to them 20 times when I hated them the first time. It doesn't mean I "bonded" with the song. It means I grew to like it. Sometimes people grow to like something. Sometimes they never like something. But it all boils down to liking it or not. "Bonding" is just a stupid, fluffy word to dress it up as something else.

 

As I person selling my second doll, For me is after some time, I didn't feel as attached to her as I did my other doll.
It's sad, but at lest I'm honest about it.

 

I think the term bonding has to do with becoming personally attached to your doll (or other object). Someone may like the doll they have, but they don't feel like it's personally special to them, they don't enjoy it as much as they feel they could, and it's time for them to move on. The word "bonding" in particular seems to work for the dolls, where it might not work elsewhere though. To "not bond" is just an overall way of saying "I don't enjoy/feel attached to this as much as I could". No shame in that, and I think it's a shorter way of saying things. Doesn't mean you don't like it, it just wasn't for you.

 

I sold a doll with the explanation "Did not bond" before- in my case, it meant that I really liked the doll, and thought that she was beautiful, but I just couldn't get myself to "doing" soemthing with her. She was very limited to certain styles and I did not redress her, and I also didn't enjoy taking pictures with her... So, I decided to sell her to someone else who would enjoy her more and wouldn't just always keep her in her box and look at her twice a year.

 

Thank you for all your insight! I think I understand it a bit more now... I think I was on the right track in the terms of what I consider bonding. I tend to be really imaginative and when I got all my stuffed toys when I was younger they tended to be asigned a "History", a personality and a story (some were so complex for someone my age too hahaha) to go along with them. And now that I'm older I still see there personality shine thru even though they are just a stuffed crocodile or a teddy bear to other people.

And now that I'm ordering my first BJD, I am already talking about him like he is a real person, like I have always talked about my favorite things I own. Just having turned 20 however my friends tend to see this as being a little strange. But I appriciate having a imagination that brings things to life through photography stories and little things I write about them. I have a hard time explaining to people that I understand that these objects are not real... but they are more than just a "toy" or collectible to me. They are an expression of who I am, like my art, it's like a peice of what makes me... me. That is how I see bonding. I was just curious if that was what everyone else was reffereing to when useing the term. Thank you all I can't wait till my boy comes home. I know I'm gonna cry happy tears

 

It's not just something I write to sell a doll, believe me The first doll I sold was my Syo Sweet Dream, which was my fourth doll at the time. I bought him because I thought a sleeping Syo was my dream mold. And I think it still is, problem is Volks remodeled him and then made him sleepy, and I wanted the original Syo face (I thought the promo photos were maybe just the face up. I wanted him in person to be sure). The doll was adorable and beautiful, but he didn't have the spark to him that all other Syos have. There was no personality I had in my head to go with the boy, he was just blank. So he had to go. My home isn't a shelter for all wayward adorable boys

I've sold about 8 dolls total now. Sometimes you just misjudge what you think you'll be able to handle. It can be hard to tell apart novelty attraction from deep attraction. I only sold one that I did bond with, and while I miss him, he's living with an owner who appreciates him as he was one of her elusive dream dolls so it's okay for me.

 

Not being able to 'bond' with a doll isn't ALWAYS a 'stupid, fluffy excuse' to sell something you dislike. Yes, I am sure there are people who have used the word in such a sense, but on the whole from what I've experienced this hobby is like one big series of trial and error. Buying dolls and molds to try and find one that really clicks. Disappointment and dislike can be two very different things, just because you're disappointed with a doll doesn't mean you have to dislike it.

For instance, I bought a Soom Heliot on layaway when they first were released. I love the mold and design, he is such a gorgeous doll...but as I waited the more I realized I probably couldn't and wouldn't ever bond with him. My dolls have so far -all two, three if you count the puki- been modeled after characters I've made. Fictional beings I have bonded with, sure...I am still struggling like you wouldn't believe to make their resin forms complete, so in turn I am having issues bonding with them. I recently had the urge to just say eff it and sell them both, I even posted Donovan's body and Damon's new head up for sale, but I've since then reconsidered... Damon actually started out as a Delf El, and to this very day I still love the mold and seeing what people do with it, but it just wasn't Damon...I couldn't bond with him because he didn't fit the mental image I had in my head of the character.

*rambleramble*
On another note, I have sold dolls and heads because I didn't LIKE the mold once I got it. Mostly I resell because I make impulsive purchases that hurt me later because I need the money. :< I do this a lot with doll clothes too, actually. I'll buy something because it's just so effing adorable and looks cool, but then realize it doesn't fit my dolls style(s) after I've paid. XD

 

I never really bonded with a toy until I got my Pullip (a popular asian fashion doll). There's a certain kind of connection with her where I almost treat her as if she were alive. Talk to her, dress her, give her a personality, buy things for her, feel guilty when I leave her behind. I've always wanted to bond to something this way, and I'm so happy I finally did. Here's hoping the same thing happens when my BJD comes.

 

I truly don't think 'bonding' has anything to do with just disliking the doll. I almost sold my Virginia several times because for the longest while she was just sitting in my room. Then I began to sew for her. Quickly after that she became real to me. I believe that is what bonding is. Seeing a doll as a real thing. Suddenly selling them becomes out of the question. At least, That's how I see it.

 

The word bond in general means "to become attatched to".. usually on a more emotional level. Alot of people will like a doll, like how it looks, like what other people do with it and then decide they want the same mold. But then when they get the doll they do not become attatched to it.

I had that happen recently. I really like the DoT elf sha. Its a very pretty doll, I like the shape of the face, the ears, and the eyeshape, which matters alot to me. But when I got the doll I didnt feel that instent pull of attatchment. I still liked him, and he suited a character I had, but there was just nothing there.. I gave it a few months, and as much as I still liked him, I decided he would be better in a new home where someone could really love him, and thankfully he did find that home. ^^ I usually dont have trouble becoming attatched to my dolls, so it was very odd.. and I did have a little trouble letting the elf sha go, but I dont regret sending him to someone else to love.

 

As many expressed before "bonding" is kinda a word many used - but on different level.

I think in the case of MP listings, people may use that word because they do not want the potential buyer to have possible negative feeling about the doll. Saying "I am selling this doll because I hate it blah blah blah" some people may subconsciously get the feeling that there is something "off" - not necessary damages - but just "off " about that doll. Plus for people who are listing their new dolls on the MP quickly after they get the doll is to avoid looking like a "flipper" - once again, just one of my view.


For me, to "bond" is for me to get attached in the sense that the doll can work out for me - i.e. looking the way how I thought he should look like, allowing me to take pictures of him looking handsome. Be able to hold poses without support long enough for me to take pictures. When I look at him, I get that all "yes!! you look so nice" feeling in my heart. And I need to think over a billion times before I dare to make a decision to sell him


That is pretty much what "bonding" is to me - making me feel that the aspect of this hobby that I like is achievable with that doll.

 

I think in most cases, it's just a nice way of saying, "This doll really isn't for me."

When I talk about bonding, I'm really talking about developing the doll's character and being inspired to create (write, take pictures, or sew) by that character. If the doll's character doesn't fit or if I'm never inspired to do anything with the doll, then I haven't "bonded" and the doll should probably go to another home where someone will get use out of it.

 

I think this may be one of the reasons why I have no trouble 'bonding' - I'm over 40 years old and have been making up 'characters' inside my lil' old turnip ever since I can remember - not only do I have a massive 'back catalogue' between my ears (right underneath the wobbly sign that sez: this space for rent or lease ) I can knit up a new one to order pretty quickly.

Also, I get a kick out of realizing the same character in multiple dolls (counting OT and self-made, I probably have at least a dozen Tigerbabies by now) so I am not looking to any one sculpt to be the 'definitive' version of a character, a charming representation of some facet of their identity will more than suffice.

Add on to that the fact that -living thousands of miles from the closest shopping mall - I am used to ordering almost everything I own by mail: either I have got very good at making satisfactory choices based on minimal info, or I am ready to adapt my concept to what shows up in my post office box.

 

It may be a little like art--sometimes, even if you like a certain painting, for example, or even love it, it may not be something you'd actually keep in your house.

Granted, I don't have my first BJD yet, but I did have this problem with all but a handful of the dolls I had as a kid. I had tons of Barbies, for instance, but I only really formed an attachment to about four of them. I didn't dislike the rest, but I could not really convince myself that they were real characters, that they were my friends. It's a fine line between liking something and forming that emotional attachment, and sometimes gets blurred. It's when it gets blurry that you get people buying dolls, or anything really, that they like but can't truly love when push comes to shove.

 

Ice Mutt pretty much said exactly what I was going to say... there is a difference between things I like or enjoy (songs, food, a painting by someone else that I think is pretty) and things I have a personal attachment to (my dolls, my car that I restored with my dad, paintings I've done myself that have meaning to me).

For me, the difference between "liking something" and "bonding" is the amount of personal investment in the object. I have had dolls that I've liked, but I sold them because they never became personal for me. And just plain liking a doll isn't enough around here, when I see how emotionally invested I am in my other dolls.