Bonding: When to give up, and when to wait.

Ahhh... I still don't know the answer to the question. My first doll I got in November and I got her for all the wrong reasons. I got her because she was the first doll I'd ever seen and I thought it would be fitting to have her as my first doll. What I should have done is waited until I'd seen Leekeworld Mihael and fallen head over heels and known what it's like to fall in love with a doll but obviously I didn't know the difference.

I miss her when she's not there. I do love her to bits and I wouldn't give her up for sale (largely because she was my first doll, so she'll always be special in that way) but she doesn't speak to me. She did once, just after I'd placed the order and occasionally she'll say a few words. I think bonding is like... the doll's personality clicking with yours so that you can imagine their personality and words without effort, so essentially they're talking to you and you know them but she just never clicked so we never bonded.

I'm going to keep trying though, while I get my other dolls. Hopefully when her sister gets here she might liven up, otherwise it will be a complete disaster because the other doll will essentially have a shell of a sister. My advice is to keep fiddling with backstories and personalities, it's surprising how flexible a doll can be before you've bonded. Don't worry about it and if you should sell because I think that makes things worse - if you're planning to get another doll or searching for one then focus on that. Maybe when you're more relaxed about it, it'll just come naturally. There's a lot of pressure to bond when it's your first doll and you don't have any others, I think.

 

Ah now, you are beginning to make your doll your own.

I think by taking this course of action you are well on the way to bonding with your doll.

It might well be that after I get Mei that I would want to change her factory face up. So I will just bite the bullet and do it. I've already ordered a can of MSC UV Cut from Think Pink! in the Netherlands (plus other sundry items like eye putty, 2mm elastic x2, and MSD sized S-Hooks).

Phil.

 

usually, i kinda bound with a doll right when i get it. if not, i wait til it has its hair, eyes and faceup and everything it needs to be complete!
if then i still havent bounded with it, then i give up -_______-

 

it's more a feeling than an exact science, I always know, mostly I like them instantly but in one case I didn't so I tried changing the character, the face up, the wig and eyes, his name, but he still didn't stuck with me.. So I waited some time, made him some new clothes but I still couldn't bond with him.

So after a few months I sold him, and when i didn't regret it or anything I knew it was the right thing to do..

 

Give the doll a bit of time, sometimes unhappiness with them is an unhappiness with you, I discovered that with Taffy. See if there's something you can do together to bond from making an outfit to seeing a movie to shopping. With Lucifer all it took was getting him some jewelry but I think it was the alone time we spent looking for it. I had to remember why I wanted him in the first place.

Taffy and I still haven't fully clicked, the biggest obstacle is his 70cm size, but I'm stuck with him good or bad because he's a prize head. I did change his eyes and usual wig, made him a new outfit for his new personality. We're more comfortable now.

 

I have two dolls, and for both of them, it took some amount of time before I really bonded with them; I didn't really fall in love with them right when I took them out of the box aside from the initial "Oh my goodness, so pretty!" reaction.

For my first boy, he arrived on a really stressful day, and I think I was just too worried about what was going on to enjoy him. I actually didn't even do anything with him that first day, I just put him on my dresser and ignored him. About three days later, though, I had calmed down about the stress I'd been going through and found a quiet moment to just play with my new doll. I repositioned his eyes and sewed him an outfit, and that was when I bonded with him.

My little Soom Glot was an entirely different story. Like many of the people who ordered them, I waited over six months for her! When she came, I was thrilled with her looks and really happy to have her, but I didn't really bond with her until a month later! I think this was because I wasn't used to photographing or sewing for such a tiny doll, but once I got used to it and found out that I wasn't half bad at it, I really fell in love with her. Now I wouldn't give her or my first boy up for the world.

 

I already love my Dollfie, even though I haven't even finished her yet! It's just, the more I think of how her personality plays out, the more innocent and carefree she is, and I just think it's so darn cute > w<

I've also been planning on buying two larger dolls (a boy and a girl) and I already love them. I haven't even started buying them yet either xD I think that once you've figured out their personalities, you grow more and more attached to them every day ^^

 

Last year I ordered Katie from Souldoll. After much anticipation and waiting she finally arrived. While she was beautiful, she was not quite what I had expected. I debated what to do with her. I decided to have a new face up done for her. What a great decision. Here she is with her new face up, body blushing, manicure, and pedicure. I adore her now and I am so glad that I had her redone! Lisa from Pepstar did Katie's redo...Lisa gave Katie "life"! I just came back from caring for my mother after she had major surgery. We had so much fun with Katie on this trip. Even my 22 year daughter who does not share my obsession with doll collecting had fun with Katie. The next BJD I order is getting shipped right to Lisa!

 

I don't know that much about bonding, I only have one doll.
When I opened him, it was kind of strange because:
1: I was expecting him to be tan skin
and
2: he had a reallllyyyy different face up that looked really strange in the lighting I had at the time
So I was kinda freaked and a little iffy. (okay, maybe even a little upset) But in a few days, I started to really bond with him and now I love him to BITS and I can't really imagine bjd life without him X3 teehee!!!! I love him so so much hehe. Oh, and I got him for Christmas too!!!!

So... maybe keep holding out and see what happens, and if it doesn't work out, go ahead and try to sell him I suppose

 

Generally, if I haven't given a doll a name after having it for more than three months, I'll know I haven't really "clicked".
That's why I recently sold one of my girls, she was very beautiful, but I just had no attachment to her whatsoever. I'd had her for half a year and still hadn't named her.

 

I had a doll head for years that I just couldn't sell, but I didn't really like at the same time. He had a really nice after-market faceup when I got him, but he just didn't click for some reason. He remained nameless and in my BJD trunk for years without a second thought.
Well, I recently decided to swallow my pride and give him a new faceup. I'm not all that good with symmetry (eyebrows! OMG!), which is why I didn't try in the first place, but I removed his faceup anyway. I INSTANTLY liked him better! Even with a blank face! He had stopped looking like a crack addict with tiny eyes and started looking like something more up my alley. I put in new eyes and he looked even better. I got really excited and started working on his faceup. I started small, trying out with light pencil several different shapes of eyebrows (and getting them symmetrical) and finally settled on a very basic shape - nothing dramatic or unusual. I then added some color... and I started having that feeling again - something wasn't right. I set him on the shelf and tried to figure it out. I tried a couple more times, adding a little more at a time, but it just still didn't feel right. I got a bit frustrated because I had just, FINALLY, started bonding with him... Then I realized it was because he looked too feminine (LOL), so I added some shading, changed the way his cheeks looked and changed the color on his lips to something more muted and then it was just like a bolt of lightning, he was GORGEOUS to me! The final touch was painting his teeth (he has a slightly open mouth) to stop being the BW slightly yellowed color and made actual white, covering with satin glaze and then taking a step back. He's perfect now!
So, it took YEARS, but I finally love him the way he deserves. I knew there was a reason I never sold him LOL

The OTHER hand, is becoming distant with dolls I used to love... but I think that's a separate topic...

 

Sometimes it can be something so simple as the wig or eyes not being 'quite' right that disrupts the bonding. I went through 5 wigs and 6 different eye combinations before my girl felt right!

I now adore her, rather just like her. It took a while and I was close to putting her away for a while to see if I felt different later on. I'm glad I persevered

 

Because it's you're first doll, I would wait a little more. From personal experience, it took a few weeks to bond with my first doll because I was getting used to doing face-ups. Once you get better, you may end up liking your boy a little more. Try to find little activities to do and see if that works.

At worse, you could just put him up as a feeler in the Marketplace if you're not totally sure about selling him.

Has something like this happened to you?
Yes, my first doll was hard to bond with with because I was frustrated with being completely new to the hobby. My fourth doll, while I've bonded, doesn't have a strong bond yet because I haven't had the time to do anything with her yet, like making clothes or giving her a different face-up.

How long did it take you to bond?
It took a few weeks to bond with my first doll. Usually once a doll has a name and is all put together, bonding comes much more easily.

 

I normally have trouble bonding with blank heads at first.

I had a Ryu for two years, and the first few months I had him he was blank. I was starting to second-guess myself, but I said, "No, I'll get him a face and then decide."

I did eventually sell him, because he no longer suited the character I was using him for, but I was sad to do it. Dx But the face-up made me love him instantly.

Now I have a new head for the same character, again blank, and I'm itching to have him face-upped. I've seen this head with both default and non-default face-ups, so I'm excited to see how mine will look! But still, there's the little naggy voice, "I'm sure about this, right?" But I just look at other owner pics, and it settles me down~

My advice to you would depend on how long you had him. If you try everything you can think of to make him "yours" but its just not working, you may want to consider the Marketplace as an option. Make sure you note it as a feeler, though. That way, if you get an offer you should like, but can't bear to sell him, you know you need more time to think about it.​

 

I had an Angel of Dream -Chen- [MSD size]. I think he is beaauuttiful and really loved him when I got him... other then the fact that he was SO small, especially compared to my SD. I got him because he was supposed to my my SD's boyfriend ,but I REALLY didnt like the height difference between them and thought it looked really odd. I stoped paying attention to him after a while. After realizing I was doing this, I considered getting him new face-up. BUT that wasn't the problem. I loved his face-up. It was just his size. So I ended up selling him and will be upgrading to a Angel of Dream -Gu- in the future, which is the SD version of -Chen-.

If you dont feel the doll is yours, even after trying new face-ups and such, I think its okay to 'let him go'.

 

This is the gods' honest truth, I swear!

I have just recieved a head back from a customiser, and having a face-up on it that is right for the character makes so much of a difference! Before I could hardly stand to look at the poor girl's face, and now I finally feel like she is a complete character that I can be proud of.

With regards to the original questions.... well, sometimes a doll can be really lovely and you'll still just never feel that connection to it, and sometimes it can make other people's eyes bleed and you'll love it no matter what. And sometimes a doll will just be a doll, and nothing you can do with it will even give it that spark of 'life' that makes this hobby so much fun.

It has happened to me, and in the end I always sell a doll if I can't make a connection with it. I don't view bonding a way a lot of people seem to, but if I can't make a doll feel like it is mine, then I don't keep it. I do use the box test though before I sell (put the doll in it's box for a while to see if you'll miss it) and it really does work.

Also, if I list a doll for sale and feel a sudden pang of regret, I cancel it at once and keep trying a bit longer! Becuase sometimes you have to take that last step to realise that you have a good thing on your hands!

 

Well here goes my two cents on the subject matter at hand.

My first doll I still love to this day because he is my first doll and my pride and joy!

The second however, the sparkle has faded. I was overjoyed with him when I first got him...but he's just not doing it for me anymore.

I think it has something to do with the awkward size of 60cm. He's just too big. I've come to realize I am not a big doll person.

Why would I want yet another 60cm girl doll...is baffling. I really am thinking of selling him...but I don't know...

It's probably because I bought him because he was "affordable" and not something I really REALLY "loved" so there in lies part of the problem.

On a whim, impulse buying can be a HUGE mistake. Considering he did set me back like $190, well $200 w/ shipping. That would have been used for a different doll that I liked better. I feel bad and guilty

I am also thinking of giving him away to my fiancee so he can look after him.

But at the same time, I am in dire need of money. :: sighs :: what is a girl to do? I have just not bonded with him. I even gave him a new wig.

It's still not working...ugh. Okay, I'll stop now.

 

This is an interesting topic as it's something I am finding right now. My doll is based off a character from a story of mine, yet, despite the few wigs I've ordered for him, I can't seem to get his looks down pat yet. As for bonding, I've only had him almost two months now and there has been times that I've wondered about maybe selling him off but I haven't and people say to keep your first. I'm just hoping it's a gradual time thing.

 

Aww this is something I am going through at the moment. I think my first doll spoilt me (HDF Candy), because when I saw her, it was absolute LOVE. I didn't care if I never looked at another doll again haha I decided on the name Clarice for her before ordering her, and when she arrived... She is my precious

I knew I wanted to get a boy to be her friend. I had always loved the KDF Mill sculpt, but decided on another tiny, and bought my Leeke-D Tori. I have had him about a month and its just not working. I don't like the face-up (beautiful but too peachy and doesn't match what I want to dress him in DX) and he just hasn't bonded with Clarice either. Just as I was having these feelings... I stumbled across a Mill head on the marketplace, in the UK, and bought it. It feels like destiny that I should have Mill I'm really sad because the Leeke-D is SUCH a sweet little boy, his face is heart-breakingly adorable, but for that reason I think its fair that I put him up for adoption to someone who will love him... I could have spent a fortune having his face-up redone, trying endless combinations of wigs and eyes, yes, but in the end I think its better for me to start from scratch with another doll.