Bonding: When to give up, and when to wait.

I think sometimes, you think a certain doll is what you want, but when you get them they aren't what you wanted, maybe it's the dolls posing abilities, or the doll's arms or joints that bugs you...or maybe they just look better on the promo pictures, we don't know if we will like a doll really till we buy it and actually hold it.....sometimes you just get tired of a doll and see something better.....this hobby has me pulling my hair out sometimes!!

 

For me, its instant. If I don't bond with a doll the instant I see it on the website, I never will. When the doll arrives is already too late to bond, I have to bond before I order. I know it sounds silly, but it's the way I work with this type of thing.

 

I'm glad I found this thread, 'cause now I'm not quite as worried about not bonding or even finding a name for my Kay yet. He was even more of am impulse buy than Holden, my first doll, was and I'm having second thoughts already. I want to give him a chance though and he's only been home for about two weeks so far. Today he sat with me when I watched a movie and then for the rest of the night he lounged on my lap as I read and played games on the iPhone. I'd talk to him every now and then, but he wasn't very talkative, just chilling.

I can honestly say I never expected to find myself trying to bond with a doll in this way, but I think it's because they're so lifelike that I'm doing it. It feels kinda natural, I suppose. He's a very comfortable size (26 cm) and definitely pretty, but I think the impulse thing is messing it up a bit for me. I always buy things on a whim, so I'm used to these reactions, but it feels worse with a BJD since they're so expensive. :P

I'm planning to buy two Migidoll heads (Ryu and Yuri) during the next order period and I feel my attention is currently more on those characters than trying to figure out Kay, which really doesn't help. But perhaps things will fall in place and Kay and I can get to know each other? I'd hate to have to sell him..!

 

It took me almsot 2 years to bond with my morant. and the issue? he wasnt in the right wig. I had bought an awesome long red wig for him and i just didnt feel him unless he was bald. i love his face but with the red wig he just seemed to be like MEH at me all the time. my friend came over one day and i was showing her my doll stuff and popped on a white mohair wig on morant just to show it to her and immediately i knew morant was mine, my doll, he was happy and i was happy. all along it was just because hes not a red head! ever since then hes been by my side. im even trying to buy a female doll for him now and then a male friend. ^ ^ hes so perfect now im glad i didnt buckle and sell him off.

so my advice to you is to try different things on your doll. when your doll is 'right' youll just know ^ ^

 

My two dolls that I've had for more than a year are definitely made a connection with me. Every other doll after them I seem to sell because I can't connect with them. The connection for me is not something really deep but I like to like my dolls if I'm going to spend a lot of money. I've had many dolls that I bought thinking that I would really like them but end up selling. I think mostly its because school has become a bigger priority to me than it has before.

My newer doll, Volks F-01, seems to be in a limbo stage. Unlike the now gone dolls before her she wasn't an impulse buy. I waited a long long time before I decided to buy her. I thought maybe if she wasn't a spur of the moment doll then I would have more of a connection with her. When I first opened the box I was so excited and happy that I finally had her. Then after a few weeks I got an uneasy feeling that she wasn't feeling right to me. I'm glad I found this thread because it reminds me that I still am trying to find a right wig for her and buying her clothes. I still haven't found a right name for her yet either. I also want to get her face up changed. I decided that if she still doesn't fit in after that, I'm probably going to sell her.

 

I have a doll right now with whom I didn't had "the click" at first..
To be honest.. it was one of my Grail dolls.. Mephisto.. Or Ringdoll Markus..

I was looking everyday at his company pictures and was sooooooo in love..
but when I got him home.. His eyes were smaller than I thought.. His face up was HIGH gloss..
His wig was weird.. and he didn't have the metallic arm.. and he didn't have the joints I expected..
And so on,, and so on.. (so it could always happen to one of your grail dolls you want)

I didn't have the funds to buy MSC and redo his face up to my liking.. and he is wearing one of Kuro's wigs and pair of eyes.. But I think that when I redo his face up it will be better and I can finally feel that Click I have been searching for..

So I guess that it will always take some time.. Because even though Kuro is my favorite.. I had to bond with him as well because my parents said all kinds of negative things about him which made me feel really bad ><

So take your time.. you can always decide later to sell him..
Otherwise you might regret that decision

 

absolutely same with my thought.

For me, bonding start after I play with them for a while (3-12 months) I can not bonding only after I saw their pictures on website.

If I only like their look, it is just more than enough for me to seach and collect owner pictures but dolls I want to keep in my house must be the one I like to spend my time and play with them.

 

I completely understand the whole 'he/she's not mine' feeling. I certainly had it when I bought my Caitlin. Though I think that had more to do with who I bought her from... because it was an ex, there was a lingering thing of 'did I just buy her to be able to see him again' or 'is this me trying to stay close to him' or some other reason just as, while possible, highly unlikely.
I bought her about 5 months ago now, and it took me a little while to actually 'play' with her... she spent a lot of time sitting on a shelf while I debated with myself over the reasons I had for buying her.

But its all good now, I think I just had to get over that emotional 'baggage' part of a breakup... getting my own thoughts back in order, and finding myself again after the rubbish was cleared. I love her to bits, and even got her a little one to care for So glad I waited until I'd really gotten over the ex before I decided for certain one way or the other, I couldn't imagine life without her now She's part of who I am, and I wouldn't change how I managed to find her for anything in the world.

 

that's a difficult problem, when to wait and when to give up. I've had and sold several dolls over the years, but I haven't always bonded with them... Some have stayed from the very start, some have stayed for a few months, some for a few years, before I sell them. When I decide to sell them, I always take the right to choose my buyer, so I can feel safe that the doll will have a good home with its new owner. I feel the time to give up, for me, is when I've changed wigs and eyes and styles again and again and still can't find a character for the doll/mold, then I give up. ^^;

 

Almost 2 years ago, I suffered bonding problems with my F38, he&#8217;s an FCS from Volks Sato (Kyoto) and he&#8217;s very expensive because his price was quoted in Yen. He&#8217;s a customized head, not a pre-designed LE doll. I am supposedly his first owner and I commissioned him. I wanted an Asian Samurai boy but he ended up like a European mature lady. The more I looked at him, the angrier I became. I wanted to smash his head and send the doll back to Kyoto. I have never sold a doll before in my life, if ever sold, this will be the first. I did not know what to do with him. I bought 17 wigs, almost bought every boy&#8217;s wig from Cotin Doll Shop just hoping at least 1 will make him look male. Friends say he&#8217;s a girl, making me very uneasy. I did not dare bring him to doll meets because he is hard to photograph as a boy. He would make a lovely SD 16 European girl. The doll itself had asked me to sell him as a charity doll so that money goes to charity, in this way, I get rid of him without collecting money. Yes, it was really this bad.

The person who saved the situation was my 70 year old mother, she is a doll lover and collector all her life. When she saw the F38, she fell instantly in love with him. She insisted he&#8217;s a boy and he&#8217;s more beautiful than Isao whom I love. She suggested I spend more time with Chris (F38), travel, go for walks with him, dress him in smart boy&#8217;s cloths. She says the doll bullies me, he seeks attention by not posing nicely in front of the camera. She accused me of bias, I love Isao more than Chris. She insisted the doll is of very high quality. Whenever she calls me on the phone, she would ask if Chris is alright. My mom looks at dolls differently, she looks at the mold more than the faceup. I look more at the faceup than the mold. She thought his makeup can be improved but since he came to us from Volks in this way, we should not tamper with his faceup. There is no guarantee that a new face up will be better. Things can get worse.

Chris has been with us for 22 months now. I&#8217;ve grown to love and care for him. Last summer, I went to Tokyo, tried to buy a carrying case for him but they did not have any and so I bought him a new suit. I have given up on getting him the right wig, he looks wrong in all of them except for 1 from Cotin Doll Shop and his default. Whenever he&#8217;s in good mood, his photos turn out really beautiful, whenever he&#8217;s in bad mood, his photos turn out all wrong. He&#8217;s still incredibly hard to photograph. I keep him at home to avoid negative comments. I have a limit of 5 resin dolls and a no sell policy. I am now considering selling 1 doll to make space for SD 17 Reisner but strangely, I won&#8217;t sell the F38. I&#8217;ve learned to love him just the way he is. He&#8217;s become part of the family. Looking back at how I hated him, we&#8217;ve come a long way. Christian F38 in exchange for Reisner is not an option.

So my advice for those with bonding difficulties is to give yourself and your doll some time together.

 

I go on the internet. I look at pictures. I fall in love with doll. There's my bonding. If it doesn't happen, I'm not buying it. It's probably easier for me since I get dolls for myself and not for characters or anything, so they don't have any requirements besides being able to inspire love out of me.

But if you have that nagging feeling in your head that this one wasn't worth it - you probably could use the money.

 

For me personally, if I don't love the doll straight out of the box then it's probably not going to work out. The only doll I've ever just adored right from the box is Charlie, my Beyla, and she's also the only doll that I've never once considered selling. I've been in to BJDs since 2006, and I've owned six full dolls and about as many heads, and Charlie is the only doll that's stuck around (other than Magdalena, my Sist FPs, but it's hard to say what will happen there as they're blank and bodiless at the moment) for more than a year. I think a lot of it has to do with the fact that I tend to be an impulse buyer and the list of dolls that I want is constantly changing.

 

If you aren't happy with the sculpt I would rehome him and start over. Sometimes as much as we fall in love with a picture, the actualy product falls short of what we expect. I rehomed a girl this week, that while she was gorgeous to look at, I didn't want anything to do with her.

 

I think sometimes reading what people write about their dolls gives new owners a false impression about what ownership "must" be like. A lot of people here seem to bond emotionally to dolls the same way they bond to fictional characters, but that isn't the way everyone does it.

I never "bonded" with my dolls. I've always seen them as purely objects, so I don't feel bad if I don't like how one looks or want to sell one. This doesn't mean I don't enjoy them, but it's not a deep connection.

That said, if you just plain don't like a doll, it's nothing to be ashamed of. If you have the means to replace it, it isn't a bad thing. It's a toy, not a child.

EDIT: Wow, this post was really dug out of the grave!

 

I just got my first doll not to long ago, and the minute I took him out of the box I was in love. I have no experience with not bonding with a doll, lol, and well, I guess I hope it never happens! Good luck with yours!

 

I've had various bonding experiences, but only really un-bonded and sold one. It is a bit of a weird process with me, because I go all sparkly eyed the day they arrive, then feel kind of uneasy about them for a couple days, and then I'm at least starting to bond after that. And with the one I sold, although some of it was resin quality issues (there's always something, though, NO doll is perfect), part of it was that he was from a storyline that I'm not quite ready to shell yet. He was alone, too, and would require commissioned clothes to get anywhere near right.

I really have to wave my flag behind the right eyes/right wig thing. For one week after I put my Maki T. in a certain set of eyes and wig, I had a rough time with him. He went into character limbo. I didn't want to look at him. Then I decided that, yes, I was re-shelling him as So-and-so, and began adjusting things accordingly. Now he's one of my go-to guys.

I find that I do get frustrated with dolls with big posing issues or lack of in-character clothes, eyes, wig, etc. But those aren't the dealbreakers for me, it seems. Both my MNF and JID boys have hard to dress, hard to handle bodies, but they still make me happy just by looking at them.

So it's hard to know when they have to go, although in my case I just did. I didn't even feel sad to see him go, as gorgeous as he was. I knew his buyer would give him a better home. At any rate, I certainly wouldn't sell a doll without trying a faceup and different eye/wig/clothing combinations. Those are what bring dolls to life. However, some people do take pretty nifty blank head shots, so that's another thing you could play with.

 

I instantly bonded with Porridge (my first doll to arrive) and Hope. The minute I got them out of the box I knew who they were going to be. Even with Porridge, who had a faceup I didn't like, and didn't have a wig or clothes. I still knew who she was.
With Andi, my SD, she originally belonged to a friend, but she decided to sell her. As Andi had been visiting me, I got a little attached, and my partner bought her for me. But she didn't really feel like mine until I had given her a new faceup and renamed her.
With the first two dolls that I bought myself, I bought them from a bad company. A very bad company. When they arrived they didn't have eyes or wigs, and didn't come with the event outfit that they should have. And I just couldn't bond with them. Even after going through face up after faceup, they just didn't seem to fall into who they were meant to be. They arrived in July 2010, and I didn't bond with them until January this year. I randomly redid their faceups, and they suddenly came to life. I don't know what it was, but they were suddenly perfect. Sort of. One is completely, but the other needs a lot of work, but I know who she is and what I want her to be.
I waited as long as I did because I am sentimental and strange, and didn't want them to feel unloved. Which is very silly, but just how it goes with me.
My best suggestion is to faceup your boy, and just see what happens. (I am assuming here that as you are practicing on a head that your boy doesn't have a faceup). It is a very personal thing, and for me always reconnects me to my dolls. And yes, my first few faceups were awful. I look back at photos of my dolls and cringe at how bad my faceup skills are. They aren't perfect now, but I am getting better each time I try. Also, I would advise just to try some wigs/eyes out. If you can find some cheapish etc, just see how they go - there isn't any harm in trying!

 

I have bonding problem with my second doll. I think she is the fastest dicision I ever made. I already give up on her and put her on the marketplace, but when I started to change her look... I just bonded with her. So I think it's take some time to bond with your doll.

 

personally, bonding for me takes a little bit of time. I bonded with my doll the second she came to me. two weeks ago I sent the head out to be faced up and it's been a week since its been shipped back to me. I'm so anxious that this wait is killing me.....slowly.

 

I have ordered my doll, but already I have bonded with just the thought of her, I have stared at pictures of the doll and drawn what I want her to look like. Im so excited for the moment I take her out of her box.