Bonding: When to give up, and when to wait.

There have been a few dolls I've had to ultimately concede defeat on and sell - but in every case, it took me 2 years of trying before I gave up and put the doll up for sale. I will try everything first - I will redo a face-up two or three times, try bagfuls of wigs, every possible colour of eye in several different sizes, several different clothing styles before I finally admit that it's just not working.

 

When Andraye first arrived we didnt bond well ;;__;; he had many problems, and the boy i had visualized was nothing like what he was, i felt terrible, not just for myself but for him. So after a few weeks i ordered him some new clothes, wig and eyes to try and give him a new breath of life, and i can happily say it was a complete success ^w^
I've now bonded with him really close i've fixed a lot of his problems and with his little "make over" he looks like a new boy ^^ exactly who i pictured him as, i couldnt be happier
im so glad i stuck by him ;;u;; and he seems a lot happier now too lol

 

I haven't had this happen with a BJD yet, but I did have it happen with an off-topic doll. I got her sometime last year, and then I got my YoSD and my PukiPuki and started attending a lot of meets. I tried to give myself time to bond with her, and try to get as attached to her as I was with my other dolls - but it didn't work out.

 

Sorry for bumping an old thread.
I just got my first doll yesterday and was able to spend two full days with him before having to go back to college. And...I don't know. He doesn't have a face-up yet, or the right clothes or eyes so I'm going to give that all a go in hopes of bonding. I just look at him and like others have said, feel like he isn't mine. There is something in his face that almost frightens me (he has this glare that looks like he hates me) and I actually didn't sleep well at all last night because of it. I played with him all day, made him pants, fixed his wig, took arrival pictures and still can't shake this feeling of actually being scared of him. I used to have a bit of selective doll phobia when I was little, but didn't expect it to re-emerge considering I picked him out. There's also all this underlying baggage that's tainting my bond with him--family thinking I wasted money and thinking he's weird/I'm weird, being too embarrassed to tell my friends about it, feeling disconnected from the doll community etc. After I ordered him I happened across my first love-at-first-sight doll, and now I can't get her out of my head! (I'd have chosen her as my first in a heartbeat.) I'm so torn and it really sucks.

 

It can be hard to bond with a doll, especially if you find another you really love after getting a doll. I'd definitely try getting him a faceup, and eyes and clothes - he may feel more 'finished' then, I know that happened with one of my dolls, who I gave one faceup and a random wig I had, and she didn't seem right and I really considered selling her, but then I ordered her a wig on a whim, and redid her face up a few times, and then she felt more like mine, it took a while though.

And on a personal note with bonding, I passed on one of my dolls to my sister, as a Christmas present. I do wish I could have bonded with the doll, as she was one of my first dolls (ordered two at the same time), but when I saw how happy my sister was with her, it made everything worth it. Figured a happy-ending non-bonding story was needed for the thread!

 

Bonding is a little different for me because the 2 dolls that I've bought aren't based off characters. I developed Ces' character and personality after he arrived and I plan to do the same for Seraphine. I feel that this makes bonding generally easier because they tell you who they are over time.

When I first got Ces I was really pleased and happy. He was the first sculpt I ever really, really wanted, and didn't just want to buy for the sake of having a BJD. I was swept away by the weight of the resin, the detail he was sculpted with and his pretty eyes.. yet at that point I could have sold him if I had too. Why? Because he was pretty plastic at that point.

It's taken me 6 years to fully get to know my boy, and now I'd never sell him. He has his own personality and fits really well in to my life. I swear I see different emotions on his face sometimes.

So don't give up if your new doll just feels like a shiny toy to you at first. It takes time to establish a character, and sometimes the end result might be different to what you planned, but as long as you enjoy your doll I don't think it matters.

 

Sometimes it does take a while I find anyway. Usually I will try new or different eyes, changing the wig or clothing. If that doesn't work. I send my doll out to the spa for a make over/face up. Just about all my dolls are ooak anyway since I don't generally bond with factory face up's. I only have a couple dolls without a custom face up. Now I just received my LeekeWorld Art Doll Florence with factory face up and I ADORE HER!! Love her to pieces!! I think it's because she is totally unique, with her bobble head, white snow resin and tiny chest. I also received my Doll Leaves Wish who is blank and I am having a hard time bonding with. But I believe it's because he is blank and needs a face. Once he gets his face. I'm sure I will be smitten.

 

I definitely know what people mean about feeling like a doll isn't 'yours.'

I ordered an IpleHouse Barahan when he was still just a limited edition, and I was so excited because I thought his pictures on the site were just sooo beautiful! I was even worried I'd love him more than my other dolls, and nervous about it because the others were particular characters I'd been writing and role playing as for years, and this was just a random doll that had captured my heart.

Then, when I finally got my doll, I was abysmally disappointed. Everything was wrong from the start. His box was plain and ugly, just cheap cardboard without any writing or color. All it had was an 'IpleHouse SID' sticker on it. Then I opened the box and there was a dark-skinned doll, when I'd thought I ordered a paler one, and he was covered in this crazy bright orange face paint. He had brown eyebrows with a gray wig, where I expected both to be black when I ordered them as default, and his eyelashes, which were aimed downward in a sultry expression in his factory pics, were long and curled upward. His head seemed too small for his body and it was shaped funny; his clothes didn't fit right and made him look like he had a really wide butt.

Needless to say, I was pretty devastated. I sincerely thought I'd been sent the wrong doll. I posted a box opening thread here and discussed my disappointments, and many people were harsh, saying he looked just like his promo pics and that I was being negligent for making 'defamatory' statements and 'accusing' IpleHouse of not giving me what I'd paid for.

I kind of hated him, really. But the worse things people said, the guiltier and sorrier for him I felt. I started keeping him with me and then I finally sent him off for a new faceup. It didn't turn out the way I wanted it to and I had it wiped. When his head came back to me, I was relieved I didn't feel upset about him looking totally blank, like I'd thought I would. I sent him right back off to someone else for a faceup, and he's been gone for a couple weeks now.

And I have been completely worried about him and moping about him all weekend!

XD I miss him like crazy. I really can't wait to have him home and all in one piece. I've been plotting a little spending spree on IpleHouse to buy him some new clothes, and I've picked out a new wig on ebay, and I'm going to try and find some nice eyes for him, too! I know he's a doll, but I want to spoil him. I think it's safe to say I've fallen for this doll, even faceless. I've put him through a lot now and I really just want him home so I can get to know him without all my previous expectations and just love him for who he is, not who I wanted him to be.

 

I think this really depends on each person. I had bought a Cherry girl and had a personality and everything picked out for her. No matter how I dressed her it just didn't stick.*

After about a year we still weren't bonding so I tried to find her a new home, she didn't sell. For awhile she was sitting on a shelf not getting the love she deserved. After awhile I dyed her black with Rit dye. I fell completely in love with her!

I don't think every doll will bond with an owner but making some drastic changes can help!

 

That's a tough one. But you can love your dolls in varying degrees. I love all of mine, but I definitely have my favorites. For me it feels like the more time I put into a doll the more I love them. Taking your doll out with you is a great way to bond

 

For me the bonding begins when the character that's body your saving up for starts telling you about them. My Mei's character I had no idea who she was going to be until I got told what I'd have to do to earn the money to get her and her wig and shoes.

That's when the little elemental began chattering my ear off..

 

I'm in the same situation myself. My Homme Kirill is my first doll, and I was really excited to have him home. When he arrived, I thought he was really gorgeous....but that was it. I was left feeling cold. I couldn't really bond with him and I still am struggling. I buy him new outfits and wigs and new eyes, but something about him still is off..I will hopefully fix this problem with a new faceup. (It's really pretty and well done but it just doesn't suit him.) I really really REALLY want to love and keep him and I'll feel really bad if we never bond.

 

Well, I made this comment almost 2 years ago, and since then I've gained more experience in this "bonding process".

For me, it still mostly depends on the character the doll is shelling -- of course I have to like the sculpt, but it's the character I'm imagining that gives the doll shell life, that makes it personally interesting to me. Once I make a doll "mine" in my imagination, it usually comes home. So when they did come home, I'd fallen in love with them almost immediately, because I'm attached to the characters that I've already invested my imagination into. Likewise, if I like a sculpt but don't have a character for it, it's not coming home because I haven't made it "mine".

In the same way, I can -- and have -- lost interest in a doll. Not because I didn't bond with it or didn't enjoy it initially: I just lost interest in that imaginary character it was shelling. When the character isn't alive in my mind anymore, the doll is just an empty shell; it may be beautiful, but its beauty is no longer meaningful. Sometimes a character faded away very quickly, while another took longer but still faded. So when it does, it's time to sell the doll because I no longer have any purpose for it.

This initially bothered me, but I'm quite relaxed about now. Change is inevitable in life, interests come and go, there's no point in hanging on to something that has no more meaning to me. Of course, it's regrettable that I invested so much money and effort in getting that doll initially, only to let it go like that... but really, it's become dead weight. I mightaswell sell the doll and recoup some costs. And honestly, I don't really miss the dolls that I've sold. They had served their purpose, now they move on, and I move on too.

 

I feel like this with my fairyland minifees. The first doll I ever bought was a mnf shushu. The day I got her I put her back in the box and sold her. Now I have a minifee chloe I've had her since June and I just can't stand her. I've been through at least 15 names, three eye changes, two faceups and nothing. I just dislike her. The moral of this story. I think sometimes you just have to admit it's not working and move on. No shame in that.

 

I've been feeling that way actually these past few weeks with my first doll Robin. Robin is an AOD Qian and I had picked her wanting a doll very badly after spending time with my only BJD friend's doll. I kept going back to her picture and just jumped head in deciding when I got her she would speak to me. She deserved to be beautiful and I still think the same way. I can't help but wonder if I put to much pressure on her to be amazing or if I kept comparing her to my old friends doll that I did quite enjoy.

One name change, six wigs, four eyes, and two face ups later in the span of about almost 2 years and I still didn't feel her speak to me as much as I appreciate her. I just can't figure her out and feel somewhat guilty but with honesty more relieved. She deserves to be loved and I only hope that someone would feel the same. I plan to put her up for sale.

 

So...

We all know the struggle - to buy new dolls, sometimes you have to sell others.

I have other financial stuff to take care of (of course, being an adult sucks!) but ...my question is, HOW...HOW do you know when you are holding onto your dolls because they MEAN that much to me, or just because you don't WANT to let go of ANNNYYY?

I have a doll that gives me a pang of regret, but...I don't know if it's going to be a true regret. This one is really hard to decide.

*sigh*

Any insight?

 

If I were going to sell a doll (which I've been thinking about a lot lately) I'd go for the one(s) that I find myself doing the least with. Like I have a few dolls where I am frequently changing their clothes and thinking of them when shopping for doll clothes/accessories. Then I have one or two where I change their outfit maybe once a month at most and just don't do much with. So I think the latter type of doll I wouldn't miss nearly as much as the others.

I'm not sure how many dolls you have, but there's only so much time one can devote to dolls and I'm sure everyone with more than 3 or so has at least 1 doll that gets the short end of the stick.

 

I feel the same... I'm about to get my 4th doll and I already see myself paying less attention to one of my dolls. I will debate for weeks before I decide though. I feel your pain, @FemmmeFatality!

 

I'm not sure if this uneasiness in selling her is because I don't really want to let her go and I'd really truly regret it, or if it's just because I don't want to let go of a single one - and the latter reason isn't a reason.

Just wish I knew the difference.

 

I've bought and sold many MANY dolls. It's a revolving door around here, if they aren't the main ones. How do I know? Several ways.

-They're not an important character in my stories. Side characters, mains who fell to the side, those who rarely get story lines--they end up being sold often.
-Their posing sucks. If I can't get them to do what I want, they get reshelled or given up on.
-They're pretty, but that's all they have to offer.
-They make me nervous to handle for various reasons--body blushing/tattoos I'm afraid I'll damage, really really expensive or rare, etc.
-When I look at them, I see dollar signs, not the doll/character.
-I often think about what I could buy if I sold them.

If I'm not 100% sure, I don't sell them. Sometimes, since I usually have my dolls on display, I'll stick one in a box in the closet. If, after a month, I don't miss them and haven't pulled them back out, it's probably time to let them go.