Can They, Have They, Do They ? (BJD's through hard times)

I think if anything going through the hard times with the doll would bring you closer to the doll even if it hadn't truly helped in the sense you would have liked for it to be. I myself loving having things to cuddle so even though I may not speak to my dolls as I would have say my animals or other humans, though I don't say much to others.. Simply holding and cuddling with the animal was enough to relax me and distract me..

With dolls there's all aspects to cuddle with simply as you're watching television or reading a book. Then there is also the chance to bond by dressing and playing with the doll.

Ignoring problems isn't the way of course, but sometimes when going through hard times it helps to have something to turn to to take a breather and just focus on something else. I've known this and it's always helped me.. But I see dolls taking that spot in my life even now I long to cuddle with the doll I do not have.

 

They don't do very well as a distraction since you can only buy new things when you have money but they definitely are comforting. Especially if you've bonded with one of your dolls. When I'm feeling down I just pick my guy up and hold him for a bit, then watch a comedy or something with him sitting next to me and I feel better.

Plus I used to go to counselling, and my counsellor said that apparently these dolls are really helpful although we never got around to talking about why haha. So apparently professionals think they are comforting too

 

A few years ago I'd actually started a "BJDs as Therapy" thread which you can find in my profile under Threads Started By User.

I have a serious and life threatening genetic disorder called Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome. I got into BJDs when I was still undiagnosed but was getting worse healthwise.

My Puki goes to almost every appointment with me but my Pukifee has been to her fair share and one of my docs always loves seeing them. It breaks up some of the more difficult aspects of EDS...I lay with my dolls in bed and am actually working on a photostory about my disability with Macchiato (I'd already made one...this is more in depth though).

I also have some emotional/family issues that my dolls have helped me though...I took a short break from the hobby but it was a very depressing three months when I did! (never again I swear!)

So in short...YES YES YES. I'd actually feel quite lost without a BJD in my life.

 

However, your doll will never wake up and tell you it does love you. It will never say everything's alright. It will never ask you how your day was, or if there's anything it can do to help. It won't even lay on you and purr, or bring its favorite toy so you can play catch.

No, I avoid my dolls when I'm stressed out. The last time I tried messing with them (a simple restringing) when I was stressed I ended up breaking my glasses. I'd much rather handle them when I'm calm and collected.

 

I admit, I'll snuggle my girl when I'm feeling really down. I'll just sit and hold her little hands and she makes a great confidante. Listens really well and will never spread my secrets...

That said, I'm glad I have my mother around still, as when I'm down, I'll also head straight for mommy hugs!

 

@ReineDeLaSeine: I too am getting diagnosed with EDS! However, I'm just the hypermobility type instead of the lifethreatening type. I wish you good luck with your health! I find some comfort in the fact that my Renny is more flexible than I am. -_-

 

Some of them are comforting. Some are actually the opposite when they frustrate me! XD

Serenius in particular is very comforting because of his character, being the angel of joy and serenity, because I can hug on him and pretend to be comforted by that. Also, I find if I'm having a particularly rough time I can focus on caring for them and it takes my mind off of caring for myself. Not that I don't care for myself, but shoe\clothes shopping for them is so much more fun than thinking about the eventuals of not being able to fit my own clothing or how I can't walk some days or how I now have to wear long sleeves all year and a hat because I can't have ANY sun exposure (wow, just like a doll).

So yeah, they can be comforting. In regards to the sun exposure thing, if I focus on how I have to protect them (instead of me) then I don't have to think about why I'm covering every inch of skin or rushing into shadows or not taking walks outside anymore but in the mall. Because their resin will yellow not my skin will blister and my symptoms will flare.

It's very comforting to proxy my symptoms onto them. To focus my upset and need for comfort onto them. "Oh, are you sad, sweetie? Come here." And hug them because Nathanael has a heart condition and gets weak easily. Poor Bradley has trust issues and parents who pushed too hard as a kid. Thomas has a body that's shutting down and works on mechanical gears.

Instead of thinking about my own mortality, I put it into a creative process and place it on them for processing.

It helps.

EDIT: Wow! I didn't read the whole thread and I see now there are others who have their little health helpers, too. Amazing I'm not the only one who takes them to doctor's offices. XD

 

It may sound odd but that is what I actually like about the dolls. Being comforted is great but there are times when it just makes me feel worse. Somewhere deep inside I know I am over reacting and worrying about things that I either can't change or that don't really matter in the least but I can't stop panicking about them either. So when hubby has to console me over and over again it makes me feel crazier. Then I start worrying about how I'm making his life worse because he has to walk on eggshells and constantly rush to soothe me which just makes my anxiety worse. I wonder if he will leave me because I am so needy. The dolls don't do that. I can be as clingy and needy as I want and it doesn't put them out at all. I never have to worry about them or what they think of me. Two of my dolls are especially good at times like this. They are larger and have a very comforting weight and the characters they represent are "protector" characters. So I find them very soothing to hold and think about. These characters are able to protect the people they care about in ways that I have not been able to.

I know this isn't a normal thing, just what works for me. I can be very self conscious about what my problems look like to other people and I am not very trusting of other humans. It is something I have to work on but the dolls fill in that gap for me. I do know that my husband doesn't think these things about me but I can't stop feeling the way I do. Just to give you a different take on why the not talking thing might be what is actually comforting.

 

True, but I think there's a difference between being comforted by an inanimate object and being comforted by a living being. Sitting with my dolls is the same to me as hugging a stuffed toy is for a child - I feel at ease simply by them being there, or just doing something with them sitting next to me.

I don't necessarily need something to give me an action (for example, a friend asking how my day was, or my cat rubbing up against me and purring) in order for me to work through feelings or feel happier about my day. Sometimes just having something that exists that you love cheers you up.

XD Not that I in any way do not appreciate my friends or my cat, but there's something to be said for playing video games with Shin in my lap. I really, really like doing that, and it's peaceful for me.

 

Rosencrantz, in particular, has helped me a lot. He's my favourite doll and the one I'm the most emotionally attached to, and just looking at his derpy face lifts my spirits a bit. When I'm feeling particularly down I like to have him sitting beside me, in a place where I can just glance over and smile at him. I love him so much and he honestly brings me joy just by existing - the Camine mold itself makes me happy just by existing.

 

You're welcome. And yeah, they just tell me it's "too early to give it a name". I have all these blood tests and symptoms, but nothing leading to a "definitive diagnosis". But when I press they're like "Well, it could be but..." and it's very frustrating because they say its also "too soon to treat". So while I go about my day to day life, I know that I'm standing\sitting\playing\working here dying, and there's not a thing I can do about it. At first it was kinda of scary, you know? But then you just have to adjust to it and keep moving. I can't change it. I can't stop it. I can't make it better. There's only 'symptomatic treatment'.

So when it gets really bad it is nice to have something to hold onto or lay next to and think about how in their world they suffered a little bit, too. So you're not so alone. Maybe that's why I have so many angels, nephilim, and undead characters! XD

 

I think it's natural to feel calmed by doing something you like, like a hobby. I know that when I'm having a really bad day I like to put off my work and just chill and sew my guys some clothes.

 

I think this, too! I don't like the thought of being a burden on my loved ones, and while the dolls are never a replacement for the beautiful care and love that I receive from living beings, sometimes I just don't *want* anyone to be concerned about me, or see me in a rough state. I would rather hug something that won't worry about me if I'm upset/sick/etc. and won't feel the need to do anything -- or won't feel period. I want to know that I can make up the things that he or she says, I can make assumptions, I can pretend anything I want to pretend. I can change his or her clothing if that makes me feel better, or sew, or take photos of the doll. I can choose to talk or not to talk about what I'm feeling. The doll will never be hurt, and that's why I take the most comfort from it sometimes when I feel a certain way. ^^
Sometimes it's also a matter of control - I can 'control' the doll in a non-malicious and non-hurtful way. I can take it out for a photoshoot because it will never want/not want to go. Or I can say that it wants to go so to me, it wants to go. But through all this I know that I'm not overriding the wants or needs of another being, but I also get the benefit of a 'present' feeling of 'someone' (i.e., the character I've made for it) who can be available or unavailable 'emotionally' as I feel that I need them to be. I can fulfill my own creative needs in this way and am helped by that, but I'm also not really doing anything to anyone else.
Even emotional attachment to the doll is somewhat controllable. I can sell it or buy one knowing that no one gets hurt, and the only feelings I have to consider are my own. A break-up or another relationship failure is so different -- you have to consider the ones you love and how they feel and a whole bunch of things, but with dolls I can still like a 'character' but also feel that it's not the right time to have him/her and sell him/her (or choose not to buy it). It's kind of like a commitment you make only to yourself in which you only have to consider your wants, but you can still feel like you're taking care of or doing something for 'someone' (the character).
Sorry that was so long-winded, I hope it makes sense.

 

I definitely get what you are saying. The part I bolded is also a big part of it for me. I can feel the character I have put in the doll who is as "there for me" as I would want them to be and in a whatever way I would want them to be. They never say the wrong thing and hurt you more either. Like you said working on my own creativity is very helpful to me in coping with a hard time too. Sometimes putting my feelings or experiences onto a character and having them handle it, maybe the same way I did or maybe totally differently, really helps me process things.

I think the other reason I like dolls, or even pets or stuffed animals vs a person when I am really upset is that I don't like to be told that everything is going to be ok. Some consoling and holding is okay but when I am having a hard time I want to really live it. It is the only way for me to get out. My husband, as much as he loves me, cannot lift me out of a horrible mood. I have to pull myself out or it just won't work. I don't want to hear "it's ok" when I don't feel ok. Intellectually I know the whole world isn't ending, but for that moment my world is ending and I want to just deal with that. I want to get angry, I want to scream and cry. So many of the common comforting phrases almost belittle the person suffering. Almost as if it isn't ok to suffer, you should just push it away and move on. Maybe it isn't healthy to wallow in your suffering, but it is the only way I know to deal with it. This isn't always the case, sometimes I want to be consoled even if I don't know how to ask for it, but sometimes I just want my suffering validated or better yet, to just be left alone. The other part for me is that I hate to cry in front of other people. Part of it is not wanting to put more on them, but most of it is just that I don't like to be weak in front of other people. I don't really trust other people, I've had too many bad experiences. I can't even really cry comfortably in front of my parents. Sometimes you just need to cry to heal and I find the dolls, or my dogs, or even a plushie better for those times.