Date...meet my doll...doll...meet my date

Honestly, I dont have 40+ dolls that take over an entire room/closet, and none of the ones I do have are decked in BDSM or any other kinks that're ripe in a portion of the hobby, so I wouldnt (and dont) find any embarrasment in mentioning bjd to a boyfriend or future partner. Though I think it'd be much more likely that they'd simply see them tucked away on a shelf rather than me actually gushing about them during a date...

Of the last two boyfriends I've had, one was into cosplaying and had absolutly no room to talk, and the other simply didnt care.

 

For me, possessions are just stuff- who I am is not defined by them. What I like is part of that, but if a guy isn't into my dolls or finds them creepy, no big deal! I find 'em creepy sometimes too (like when they stare at me for not buying them new wigs etc... ahem.) I leave my dolls out in the open, on my shelf with my books, and I don't say anything at all. I let the guy ask me about them, and if he doesn't no big, it'll come up eventually. What I don't do is have all 13 of them hanging out on the shelf grinning a him when he walks in. I'd be freaked out by that too. I think it's totally fine if someone doesn't find your dolls as interesting and wonderful as you do- it's only one of the *hopefully* many things you like. I hate American Football with a violent passion akin to flame. He may just find it as all absorbing and intriguing as my dad does- I wouldn't dream of finding fault with either of them for that, mostly because I find sewing for anatomically correct resin dolls and shopping voraciously at any vintage clothing store to be the height of entertainment after all. "Nuff said.

 

As a guy I do worry about what girls would think of my doll. I only have one doll, so its not like it would be hard to hide until I thought she was a keeper and would be understanding of my hobby. My last girlfriend was a Japanophile like me, so she was already familiar with BJD and had wanted one for a long time, and I helped convince her they are definitely worth the money. Sadly things didnt work out on my end and we havent really seen much of eachother since then :/

I do get really ashamed of myself sometimes, thinking "what girl would want to date a guy that plays with dolls?", but then the rationalism kicks in and I figure any girl that would accept all my other quirks, like my love of sewing, Japan, cute things, and doing drag (im not a crossdresser, but I love doing drag for halloween and I was in a fairy tale drag show at my school), as well as being bisexual, dolls are probably the least of my worries xD I have a lot of weirdo baggage.

I mean, Ive thought about stopping sewing and getting rid of my doll stuff and trying to be as straight and normal as possible, but screw that xD I may not have found her yet, but im sure there is a girl out there that is perfect for me and wouldnt mind my quirks, and im sure would have plenty of her own that I would love just as much. Whats the point in being with someone if you have to sacrifice the things you enjoy. They would be in love with the person you pretend to be ):

 

Absolutely, fallenfae! Life is too short to waste your energy making up a fake persona for people to fall in love with, instead of getting to keep all the love for your almost-perfect self.

The kind of guys I date only find my dolls' bondage-gear cool-- I'd be more embarrassed if I got caught owning a plain doll in a frilly pink dress. There are quite a few freaks in harnesses & leather pants sitting on my shelves, which seems to put flesh-and-blood freaks at their ease.

They're also, collectively, a fabulous conversation-piece: "Wowww, where DO you find a bullwhip that small?" and "I had no idea D-rings came so tiny" and "Is Fluevog making thigh-high boots in that size?" For first dates, nothing's worse than awkward silences, and there is NEVER an awkward silence in my apartment!

 

Haha, I had never thought about it before and I just figured doll collecting was one of those "normal" things that was a hobby and there was no reason to be bothered by it, but when my boyfriend saw my doll in my room he was freaked out by it. I had to cover my doll up so he wouldn't be bothered. He slowly came to accept it but it was just funny to see his initial reaction...

 

I was really nervous about telling my boyfreind about my Bjd's. He seemed ok with them. He dosn't hate or dislike them. He likes but dosn't love them though. he is just. He has the "Eh its your thing". Kind of thinking.

 

I don't really see how it would be a big deal. I know grown men with huge Matchbox car collections. They're 'toys', too, right?

Fortunately my wife and I are in this hobby together. I'm not crazy about the tiny dolls she loves but she likes cute things and that's nothing new or strange to me! Likewise she puts up with my pretty-boy obsession and has no complaints about my dolls either.

 

well, Im a woman and shave my head, have a septum piercing and collect stella luna shoes with more passion than I collect any other thing so a doll or two sitting next to my bed is the least a guy thats dating me should worry about XD

if someone cant accept you for who you are, then its not the right person por you!

 

If I were to actually date in the future, I wouldn't make a big deal about it. If they can't handle my hobbies, then they have no business with me. Yes, I might warn them about it or bring it up at some point, but...beyond that? I'm not going to be ashamed of what I enjoy. Heck, I carry my guys around in the general public. Besides, I think everybody has their thing that they collect. Anyone I date can get over the fact that my thing is dolls.

 

I don't think that one should have to fully disclose that on the first date like how you're divorced or have children, just because you've got a large collection.

I let some people know about my doll collection and usually their mind's blown about it, til they get used to seeing them and how I am about them (which is generally nonchalant and treating them more like statues in the background). If you play with your dolls fine, if you don't fine. If that person that you're bringing to your house can't handle seeing a few dolls or a bunch of dolls in your home, knowing how much you spend on them, they can get the eff out XD

Some wouldn't think this is the topic for a first date, but technically when the dolls come up they always ask "Well how much are they?" normally I laugh and don't say, but eventually they'll ask again and at that point and then I tell them. It's nothing to be ashamed of because it's your hobby, but it is something to be gotten out of the way. Nothing would be worse than getting to the live in partner phase and having that person JUST figure out how much you just sent to a doll company.

There are people that can't wrap their brains around others' hobbies. It's best to figure it out earlier on so that if the connection is missed, it's missed earlier before you get fully attached to everything but the key issues that will put you in a world of hurt because you avoided them.

 

To be honest.....this is a question I've recently been thinking about myself. I'm pretty new to this hobby, having just gotten 2 dolls with a 3rd on the way, and I realise that these are quickly becoming another extension of crafting hobbies (I love to sew; my dolls are wonderful models).

Personally, I feel like it's most important to remain true to yourself and what you love. That's not saying you should pile-on all of you hobbies excessively when you're trying to get to know someone, but rather.....consider the roles your hobbies play in your life, and make sure that the person you're trying to bring into your life can except you for what you are. I don't think I could have a relationship with someone who seemed like they were ashamed of any part of me or wanted to change me for the sake of their "image."

Unfortunately for me I tend to fall "in lust" with people who don't see the creativity in the things I love (my sewing, my diy, animation, art, comics, dolls) and for me....I live to be creative. I guess I just need to find someone who can't help but make stuff too.

 

I didn't really mention my dolls to my boyfriend until we moved in together. I have a much larger collection of My Little Ponies, and if that didn't freak him out pretty much nothing else would.

 

I don't see why you would have to disclose that on your first date, really. (Unless you have a giant collection standing proudly in your living room, and the first date is at your place - in that case, I think that one's pretty obvious). It's not creating a fake persona, it's just holding back certain more personal things that you don't share with people who you don't know if they're going to stay in your life. I don't tell random non-love-interest people I first meet about my dolls either - it's only after I've been friends with them for a while (and I can usually tell what kind of a person would be interested in BJD's) that I show them some pictures - drawings of the characters, and photos of the dolls that represent them (I've been spot-on all four times, and all four eventually want to own dolls). Eventually when I have bigger dolls, I want to display them against a backdrop of drawings and photos of outfits that I like and/or designed, then I can share them more freely with random people because they're my fashion mannequins, and a wider range of my acquaintances would understand those. Right now, my dolls and my characters are very private things that I only explain to my friends who I know will listen in length and ask questions to clarify what I say because they're genuinely interested in the things I might like.

When I first started dating my boyfriend, I didn't mention dolls or characters. We had a few things in common with our interests (we actually ran into each other at an anime convention, though he was attending one "in secret" because he "didn't want any of his jock friends to know (haha)", and he was also leaving for a beach party shortly afterwards). We just talked about... random things. I actually started dating him while I was home for two weeks during Christmas, so the next two months we spent texting and writing e-mails while I was on the other side of the country. We got to know each other a lot better. Two months later I flew back for spring break, and that was the first time I actually explained my characters, showed my drawings and my dolls (3 of them, at the time) to him. He was actually kinda freaked out of them (previously unknown pediophobia - I did ask if he was scared of dolls and he puffed up and said "no", which then was apparently a "yes"). However, now that he's gotten to know them too, he's perfectly comfortable with them, and he's the only person in my life who gets me doll-related gifts, now that we've been together for almost two years.

There's no reason why you need to spill your soul out on someone you don't know that well - most people actually find it sort of awkward and off-putting. So, I'd say that the whole doll thing should be done slowly, and not right away, unless you consider it such a personal defining characteristic that not mentioning it would make you feel like you're an incomplete person. (Or, again, the whole giant collection thing. I think it becomes... slightly more important then?) I'm not ashamed of my hobby, but I realize that it's an uncommon one which could lead to misunderstandings, and I'd rather the person be interested in making sure they're interested in actually understanding me.

 

I was kind of nervous about telling my girlfriend about my interest in BJDs, and kind of clammed up on it for a couple of years...I got the courage to show her some of my favorites online one day and now she has more than me. n_n;; Luckily my girlfriend is perfect. Otherwise I'd be a bit terrified to tell anyone, hehe.

 

Sorry, I wouldn't care in the least. Collecting BJDs is a part of my life and my personality - it wouldn't matter to me when they learned about my hobby (in fact I usually tell people quite quickly after we meet, if we're discussing hobbies and interests) and if they find it disagreeable then I'd be glad that I learned that before wasting too much time dating them. As far as I'm concerned if my date couldn't accept my hobby then I wouldn't want to date them. I already dumped one guy who told me I shouldn't collect dolls, I'd do it again if I wasn't already engaged to a collector (who joined the hobby because of me )

Don't feel nervous, don't be shy! It's not something to be ashamed of and it's certainly not something you want to spring on someone after you've started to care deeply for one another. I feel it's better to determine their tolerance before you get too involved instead of hiding away something that's obviously important to you (or you wouldn't be spending this kind of money on it) only to discover that the person you're dating can't get their head around it. I made this mistake once, never again.

It's quite possibly one of the worst feelings I have ever experienced to fall in love with someone only to reveal to them a hobby and have them become the most unkind creature you could imagine as a result of it. It's better to see that side of someone sooner rather than later.

 

I'm not so sure if I agree with that. The same could be said about me and bees but that won't stop me from levitating to the other side of the street if one becomes too curious about me. I don't mess around with fears, and bjds are just human enough to trip the psychological creepy meter. Also I personally can't see how such teasing can be completely harmless (maybe I just got teased too much in middle school to think that sort of ribbing wouldn't have some sort of negative impact unless you *really* knew the person and you had that kind of mutual good natured teasing relationship).

That said, I would let the person know that, while I wouldn't go out of my way to make him uncomfortable with my dolls, I wouldn't be giving up the hobby for them and eventually they would become an issue. I'd be willing to work with them to help them get more comfortable around the dolls if they wanted or at least come to some reasonable compromise.

 

ahah, I'm not dating anyone so I haven't this problem! but I'd love to have a boyfriend who collects bjds!!!!

 

I'm engaged, and my fiance has no problem at all with the hobby. My mother brings it up more than he does. He will actually go with me and pick out fabrics and has bookmarked dolls that I like for future reference. I think that as long as the person you are dating really likes you, then he or she should have no problem with your obsession.

 

Heh? DATE? I'd be more like "I won't make fun of your date if you don't make fun of mine..." because it might have to be a doll. Haaa

Kidding. But now that I love the bjd so much, this adds another "requirement" that someone would have to meet if I were to give any thought to taking a date-person as someone to become a special part of my life. He wouldn't have to collect dolls, although that would be a plus,

I just wouldn't want to bring anyone into closeness who would have a problem with them.