Do you feel that ABJD's compensate for something you don't have IRL?

Nah, I don't think that dolls will compensate for anything more than my inability to wear the clothes I like(what a surprise, lolita again!). Yeah, they're pretty dolls but they're only dolls so I don't really think that I'd be saying "you're pretty, I wish I was just like you" or anything like that. To me dolls are like...a seperate person. They're not alive and I don't think they are but I want to make them look nice because somewhere in my mind I think that they will be happy and when other people/dolls are happy I'm happy too ha ha! Which sounds crazy I would imagine but I did have a birthday party for my stuffed animal so...that's already established! XD Though if the little beggars wanted 50$ jeans or something I would have to say "...lemme think...NO! I could buy MYSELF a pair of jeans for that! You don't have to go out in public, I do!" lol

 

My dolls are just dolls to me really, I do give them names and personalities because then its more fun to play with them but they do not 'compensate' for something in me.

I'm almost 21, I'm an English size 18, have a cup size of g, happily engaged to my long term boyfriend. I an on great terms with my family, I'm not down right ugly and I'm well educated.

I don't really feel like I'm lacking anything, yeah I have my good days and my bad days like anyone else but on a whole I am satisfied with myself and my life. My hobbies and my art aren't a reflection on myself at all. I don't wish to be glamorous or famous and I don't have a sad past that I feel I need to hide with/behind a hobby.

I wouldn't think bad of someone who DID have their dolls/hobbies compensate for something, but for me they are just my dolls, my 'big girl toys', I just like them to be there so I can play with them and relax when I want to and have a creative outlet. I wouldn't want any of my dolls to have things in common to me because knowing lots of details or everything about a character takes out half the fun ^-^

 

I had to laugh reading this. That is exactly what my ex used to complain to me all the time ... about everything! It's probably no accident that after 22 years of marriage, we should both find our dissimilarity in this critical approach to life difficult to cope with.

I'm just not cut out of the cloth that can accept things at face value (sometimes wish I were). To me, life is about meaning, about living an examined existence, about discovering why I do what I do so I can understand not only myself but also others. I think this is one of the reasons why I am a "professional" writer. I'm interior rather than exterior.

But my dolls are not primarily a compensation for things lacking in my life - at least, not for things I can never be. I think of them more as a reflection of my own qualities - the ones I am comfortable with and admire in myself, the ones I want to cultivate, the ones I would never admit to if you and I are sharing our first cup of coffee together. To some extent, I suppose this is the "mirror of self" angle. But, if pressed, I'd have to say they were well-loved "tools" that aided my life's journey of discovery and growth.

Lisa

 

Yes, I'm compensating... I bought the base doll in compensation for the fact I absolutely cannot keep a human body proportional when I sculpt.

I mean, at the moment my boy has a very similar wardrobe to me, jeans and basic shirts. I'm actually regretting not getting enough of one of the fabrics I used for him to make a shirt for myself from it as well (it was on clearance). Okay, my studded leather boots aren't as tall as his (relatively) but that's pretty minor, after all, he doesn't have skirts, dresses, or a black velvet opera coat. I can look good, I just don't bother very often.

I am an artist and Tanal is my newest canvas, and the best part is he's reusable! Plus I simply adore dolls.

 

See, for me, I can't separate what I do from who I am. I'm not sure how anybody can really do that. I'm a writer and a musician. To say my writing isn't a reflection of me ... well, I can't say it ... it simply is. And to say my dolls were just dolls would be like saying the musical instruments I use to perform were "just" instruments and the music I created was "just" music, with no reference to me or my spirit or my soul.

These dolls don't rule my life, but they certainly enhance it by connecting me to things I might not otherwise have experienced or been aware.

Lisa

 

Much like a magpie, I like being surrounded by pretty things! These dolls are just a continuation of that, along with miniature dollhouses, and interior decorating; my surroundings make me happy. I do not think, in my case, that the BJD's compensate for something I'm lacking. I dress how I wish, and as I grow older I have a better understanding that the most beautiful thing you have is what's in your head.

 

I'm the same way, though I can take things at face value on occasion XD But I love to examine and learn, I love to take things apart so I know how things are built. I definitely don't think everyone should act the same way nor do I think everyone should have an introspective answer. I absolutely love to hear the responses from those who do though

In the case of doll compensation, I have to say yes, they do compensate for something lacking within me. I can't draw for crap: while a hobby that runs into the $$$$ may seem like a bit much to counterbalance an inability to draw, I still keep up with it because each doll has a story that interweaves with another's and creating stories is an extremely important part of my life. I only wish I could do these stories justice by adding a visual element (my ideal job would be to write comics for Vertigo or Wildstorm). They also compensate for time; I can write about only so many threads before I end up with 1000 unfinished stories. The dolls I have right now aren't the only characters I write about, but they're "hallmarks" of their existence if I'm never able to finish their threads. The fact that they sit behind me in this computer room also motivates me to keep pursuing their lives XD

In the basic physical department, these dolls don't compensate for anything I suppose. I'm 5'8", busty, and I guess I fit the description of pretty and exotic ("A tall Thai girl with DDs?? There ain't no such animal." to quote my sister). On the other hand, I have no shame in admitting my cast in dolls, fiction, and RP are predominantly male because I want to be male. I never ask anyone to call me by a boy name or to use the 'he' pronoun around me though, because I haven't gone on hormones and I'm not considering surgery until the procedure is guaranteed safe and um.... functional if you know what I mean >D I guess when that day comes, my dolls will compensate for something else; I may inevitably turn them all in for the hospital bill. [Please note: I'm not making light of any FtMs, I'm just very casual about my own gender and sexuality.]

 

I think you misunderstood me slightly. I mean, not so much in the doll part, but when I draw my art I do keep to my own visual style, my own way of doing things. But I won't draw pictures thinking 'gee I wish I had legs like that, and actually that shirt would be awesome to really own' and I also don't draw things thinking 'oh what about I draw that dress I have that I like a lot'. I won't draw things wishing that in some way shape or form I could be like that, I also won't draw myself much at all, only usually little chibi characters which is just pointless doodles.

I have my own style, but when drawing and writing I won't write things that are my fantasy (for lack of a better word) I'd rather create something different and unexpected, something that I would never be and never want to be. I mean I can daydream about things all I want, but its just day dreaming. When I'm creating something, a story, artwork or a character for a doll I want it to be something that isn't me. For example My Midori is a Japaneses teenager, as such she likes lolita dresses, mascots and guys like gackt. I wouldn't want to be like that, but to me its a lot of fun for HER to be like that.

I can be myself, wear what I want, behave how I want and do what I want allllll day all year long. When it comes to my art and my hobbies, I'd like it to be something by me, but actually much different from me. I already know everything about me, having characters that are like me or take up parts of me just wouldn't be fun, because then theres nothing left to make up.

I feel that using your music as a comparison against my point of 'personifying' a doll or picture of a person a bit dodgey. Making a doll or a picture of a person portray qualities, or traits you have as a person, or making it based on what you wish you had as a person is completely different. Music should be written from the heart, it should be what you and/or your band feel. I just think that same kind of personal feelings/attention isn't required in a doll or artwork of people for me.

 

Do you feel that you 'and/or' others around you are using ABJD's to compensate for something you lack in your life?

I do desire to be "A part of something beautiful" like she said. Whether it be painting a beautiful picture, making lovely jewelry, sewing pretty clothes, or faceuping an amazing doll, I do feel the need to be surrounded by beauty of my own creation.

And I'll admit it, when I'm having a bad day, I can look at my dolls and say "Well, at least I did right by you!" However, they aren't the only source of self esteem for me. They just make me feel good on a grey day. But I think I'm more beautiful than they are! I clean up real nice(but you can't take me anywhere)! ;3

I joke around saying, "As long as they look good, who cares what I look like!" but I don't really mean it. I worry about my own makeup and clothes when I go to a meetup more than I do about my dolls faceups and outfits!! I can dress them in the same thing to a meetup twice, but god forbid if I be caught dead in the same dress twice in a row!!!

So the answer to this question is "Sortof yes" for me. And also yes, I do believe that there are other people who use their dolls to compensate alot.

This is a good "thinking" topic. It really made me dust off my brain!

 

Some of my dolls are more reminiscent of the traits I have, while some others have traits I would like to have--but it's really more a matter of their characters and not the resin doll body. For instance, the way Liam views the world is similar to the way I view and react to the world (though in Liam this gets exaggerated) and Frank has the self-confidence that I wish I did have (though there are dissimilarities too). However, they were along well before I even heard of bjds, so I'm not exactly sure if that fits your question or not.

As for the physical dolls themselves--I don't see them as compensating for anything. I've gotten to the point where I'm pretty comfortable with my appearance.

 

I have never felt that I am using my dolls to compensate for what I lack. I am certainly not a conventionally attractive teenage girl with solid morals and a mainstream cultured life, but I am very comfortable and happy with who I am and what I've got, so I feel no want at all to use a doll to explore 'better' parts of me that I don't actively hunt out in my real life. My dolls are beautiful ( to me, at least x3 ) and have nice hair, attractive clothes, and some nice personalities - but I think being human and taking flaws and differences as they come is far more attractive anyday than an unblemished faceup and $100 outfit. :3

 

Amen to that Sister - what a nice balanced view you have

 

Compensate? I don't know... I can dress them how I want an djust playing with them is fun......mayeb I'm too simple I love my dolls I like them and I want them.

It's a hobby, plus I can design on them since I love fashion

 

I wouldn't really say my doll's are compensating for anything I lack...
They're fun, I like sewing for them, and I think they're lovely to look at, like art.

But when I'm catching a late show on television, and no-one else is home, it's nice to have something humanoid keeping me company ^-^
I guess I could be compensating, then, for lack of company, but it's not very often. XD

 

My doll isn't home yet but his character is complete and I'm already attached to him.
He is a vampire because I have a small fetish for that and I love aristocrat clothing. His character is very sweet en and cute but he wants to be cool and expresses that in his clothing style but his sweet character reflects in his face (he had big blue eyes and blushing cheeks).
His sweet character is very comforting because I'm very critic to myself (nothing is good enough, I'm lazy, ugly, boring, so on..) So I really need to learn how to be nice to myself and my doll will help me by that. And he will always be mine, he won't leave me for someone more interesting/cooler/whatever. That sound quite sad I know...but I hope he will give just the bit more confidence/energy I need.

 

I hope you don’t think it’s sad or weird that you use your doll as a tool to make yourself feel better! ! People use a variety of tools to do the same thing! (I have too!!) And I bet it will work, because there are confident 'doll owners' as well, and that confidence must rub off on you at some point!

I am glad that this doll can make such a positive impact on your life, we cant all come out perfect an loving of ourselves!!

 

I don't really think my dolls are compensating for anything personally. I've got a pretty damned good life I think. I live in a gorgeous condo with my girlfriend who I adore. I'm going to be attending college in the fall, learning something I've wanted to do since I was in the fourth grade. And while I'm not supermodel in appearance, I'm definitely not the ugliest person in the world. (Though I do photograph horribly, maybe they're compensating for that? XD lol)

If anything, I just see my dolls as an extension of what I do have. Some artistic talent and creativity. I've been writing stories with my girlfriend since we were 14. Four of our dolls (Santino, Aiden, Nemesio and Calysta) are from one of our longest running stories. When we decided to begin collecting dolls, it just made sense to us that we would turn these dolls into our characters.

So really, I just see them as a bit of progression, another extension of stories and characters we've grown attached to over the years. I don't really think I'm trying to compensate for anything in my life through these dolls.

However, I can understand the logic the lady Enki spoke to was mentioning. Using these dolls to be part of something beautiful/stylish/ect. And I don't think it's at all an invalid way of looking at it just because it's not how I view my collecting. If anything, I think it's a good thing. If people feel they're lacking that sort of beauty/style/creativity in their life, and these dolls help to give them that and make them feel a little more 'whole'... I'm all for it. This is a much healthier way for someone to feel beautiful than say (going to a complete extreme here) some girl going and whoring herself about because she thinks if guys want her she must be gorgeous.

 

I've... got depression and anxiety problems. For a while they were really bad. Twice I seriously considered killing myself. 3 times in my life have I ended up seeing a therapist or psychologist, I quit each time.

For me my dolls make me happier. They're always smiling at me, approving. I'm not afraid of being judged by them XD They always look up to me. When I can't bring myself to leave the house they're there with me. When I'm let down they're there. When I can't dress up like I wanna they can ((I like wearing lolita, one of my girls is decora and the other is still figuring out her fashion))

I guess, my dolls make up for the ability to be happy that I somes lack. Or, moreoverly, they make me feel happy. Does that make sense at all?

Edit: reading post above mine, I too use my dolls as part of an artistic expression. I sew clothes for them, design their styles wether they're wearing store clothes or sewn clothes, and I do their face-ups when i have the mateirals too ^^; ((meaning i've done shokos and plan to do mistrals as soon as I get more testors. she jsut arrived yesterday! i was expecting to need the testors like a week from now!))

 

I'm very sorry aquilla ... a personal 'attack' or disparaging comparison would be the last thing I would want to communicate. I think this debate question essentially falls under the umbrella of 'who are your dolls to you?' - and that has been discussed many times here. One of the debatable alternatives to compensation is reflection and inspiration.

I believe each of us has our important, perfectly valid reasons for how dolls fit into our lives, and I tried (perhaps unsuccessfully) to make my reply about me. I agree completely with you ... nothing is required here.

Here's an example of how this 'reflection' works in my dolly world: I have a couple who are Japanese, from the Meiji era. Their dynamic is based on things I would never want for myself (and frankly, as gorgeous as kimono are, I wouldn't want them as a wardrobe staple). But the dynamic of their relationship is very much something I reflect on and comes from a seat of meaning in my own life; their essence is based on the nature of love, distance and how individuals cope with external conflict. I make it up in the sense that it isn't happening now, nor do I wish it to happen in my life (distance love affairs suck!). However the nature of their relationship has deep meaning for me, and the expression of this relationship does come from my heart. In exactly the same way music and writing come from my heart.

From a different perspective, this Meiji couple prompts me to learn more about Japanese culture and the history of the Meiji era ... so the dolls themselves inspire me to expand my knowledge.

I just think the presence of dolls in my life works its way into more interior realms of head space ... and heart space. But that's just me ... I couldn't be otherwise if I tried. But I would never set this up as superior to any other experience (and again, if I gave that impression, my sincerest apologies)! I certainly appreciate - and often admire - those who come at this from a different angle.

Lisa