Do you feel that you should pretend to love dolls that you don’t?

Well, some of us find it discouraging and frustrating that people equate simple honesty with "looking for trouble".

 

I feel that no one should pretend to love (or like) something they do not actually love or like. You should always be true to your own feelings. However, I do think it a matter of good taste to not publicly express your dislike of something in a way that embarrasses someone. I also feel that just because you do not like something, that does not mean you should go and make sure that person knows you dislike it. There is no need to make others feel bad if it can be avoided. If you are asked if you like it or are asked for an opinion, there are many ways to be honesty without being rude. You could simply say, " I am so happy you are getting a doll you like" or "It is not really my style, but it makes a nice addition to your family" or "I am not a big fan of that company, but it is always exciting to get a new doll." Anyway, those are just my thoughts and how I would deal with a situation in which someone had a doll I did not love or like, but felt obligated to discuss it.

 

i wouldnt go and say ''ah, this mold is really ugly'' and stuff cuz i think its a bit inpolite.
especially if, on the forum, most poeple keeps complaining about a certain mold and its the one you own! its your first (maybe only) doll and you love it to death but everyone thinks this mold looks terrible. its not very fun :/
also, for exemple, you are at a meet and look at a doll and say you dislike the mold, not to the owner directly but she/he ears it anyway.
its can really upset someone. and i know that by experience! (and I'd also be)
so i say, better not to tell any bad things about the doll. (dont lie and say its awesome anyway. just stay silent)

 

If I don't like it I don't comment. Simple as that. I see a lot of nastiness on here, some outright and some subtle. How many people in this thread have taken the opportunity to start expressing their personal dislike of a particular company? That was not necessary at all. This thread wasn't supposed to be about what you do/don't like. But as ever on here, those who hate brand X will put it out there at every opportunity.

Be nice people. Think of other people feelings.

 

I think the Thumper Rule should apply when the owner is present ("If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all.") and folks should generally keep their paws off until invited. However, if a person is speaking hypothetically (for instance "I don't understand the attraction of Pullip dolls. Their proportions are bizarre.") they shouldn't be condemned for having an opinion. Granted some folks express themselves vehemently or flamboyantly. Luckily we have the privilege to walk away from such uncomfortable people.

 

-On the DOA boards where discussion and debates are the norm, do you feel that it is acceptable and safe to express dislike for a doll or doll company?
Yes, as long as you're careful and tactful about it. Going into a long, vitriolic rant about how much you hate company X or sculpt Y is not a good idea, while pointing out certain aspects of, say, a head that you dislike would be okay (although ideally point out any things you do like at the same time).

-Do you find that DOA members are overly sensitive to someone not liking their doll? Or do you totally understand the offended party and think people should only say good things on DOA about all dolls.
I haven't really seen any drama of this sort. I can imagine people being very sensitive about it though.

-Are you willing to admit that you don’t like a doll on the DOA board? I don’t mean in a thread where someone is showing off their particular doll. More like in a thread where people are discussing companies or aesthetics. It would be awkward to drop into someone’s thread just to tell them their doll was not to your liking.
I might be, yes. I'd be more inclined to ignore the thread and comment on something I did like, though. If I were talking about disliking a doll it would more likely be in the context of a faceup that made the doll appealing to me when it wouldn't be normally or something similar.

-Would you mind if someone said they were not into a doll you happened to own?
Not really - it's all down to personal taste. I wouldn't be especially happy if someone specifically came into a thread of mine with photos of my doll and said they disliked it, but I wouldn't be devastated or anything, and general comments about the doll type I wouldn't care about at all.

-Do you find that you can’t help but feel offended/attacked/defensive when someone does not approve of a doll you happen to own? If so why?
I think I might have a defensive knee jerk reaction, but when I stop and think I just stop caring. I would never actually make said knee jerk reaction public - think before you speak/post etc.

-Have you ever thought that you over reacted in the forum to someone expressing dislike of a doll you happen to own? If so what was it that made you so mad?
No - I haven't seen any particular dislike of dolls I own anyway.

-If you are someone who does get defensive do you feel totally justified when you are mad? If so why?
N/A

-If someone dislikes a doll you happen to own do you try to convince that person that the doll is beautiful! If so why?
No - everyone has their own tastes. I probably don't care for the dolls they like either.

 

I don't think there is a problem into saying you don't like something. Everyone has likes and dislikes; it's all in what you like. That's why there are so many different doll makers out there. Everyone has their own taste. I don't think you should go up and say "your doll is hideous, mine is much better" you should be respectful. Just because you don't think it's beautiful doesn't mean that it's automatically ugly to everyone too.

 

First I really don't think that anyone on DOA feels that anyone should be rude. What this thread seems to be getting at is if in areas where discussion is encouraged, can/should people state an opinion that could be taken as a negative towards a mold or company by another. I.e. stating you don't like something (size, shape, sculpting, company, resin color/type/texture, etc).

Since some people are passive-aggressive and others are in-your-face (or Mars vs. Venus, toe-may-toe vs. toe-ma-toe, etc.) many just take things the wrong way as their viewpoint is based on their own nature. A passive-aggressive will see others that way (and read things that may not be there) and those that are less subtle will assume a person means exactly what they say (and miss the underlying insulting statements completely).
Sorry if this is a huge rambling mess, but I'm finding it difficult to be concise and clear here.

It’s all in who reads the thread (or at least their out look); if I'm expecting to be insulted I'll take a random comment that way. Heck, I've bad mouthed my own dolls. Sometimes there are things that annoy me and in a discussion thread I'll state them. Now I won't blow up out of the blue, but a current topic (or question) might remind me and I'll post my opinion that is on topic for what is currently being discussed. For example in company X's discussion thread we are talking about posing and getting the most natural look. Maybe someone states that x mold is their favorite because they can get it to look real real easily, someone else may state that they have trouble posing the body (and maybe other company Z poses better for them) and I might mention that I don't like my doll's hands as they are not well sculpted so I try to minimize their appearance in a photo shot.

In this thread the molds or companies mentioned are probably being used as reference or an example. But again this illustrates my point that it’s all based on the reader’s viewpoint. I don't expect to see a "subtle nastiness" so I see it as someone using an example to illustrate their point. I'm not saying that they are or are not being "not nice".

I think I'll shut up now. I probably make absolutely no sense and I’m tired.

 

There's got to be something that doesn't offend about "that doll". Gee, what nice hands they have! Great feet! Otherwise just don't go there.

 

-On the DOA boards where discussion and debates are the norm, do you feel that it is acceptable and safe to express dislike for a doll or doll company?
I think it is ok. It should be acceptable. It is kind of my mantra that not everyone can like everything, so people should not get so upset just because they have an opinion that differs from someone elses.

-Do you find that DOA members are overly sensitive to someone not liking their doll? Or do you totally understand the offended party and think people should only say good things on DOA about all dolls.
I have noticed lately that some members are a little overly sensitive. I mean if some one comes right out and says "hey you, I don't like your doll" then they have every right to be offended. I can even understand people taking offense to a post that says something like "I think such-and-such-sculpt/so-and-so-brand is seriously ugly" because that is rude. Its kinda important to use a bit of tact when stating your dislike of something, and that goes for all hobbies. I think people should feel fine about stating if they dont nessisarily like a doll. But at the same time I think it would be best to just not talk about a doll you dont like, unless some one asks you directly

-Are you willing to admit that you don’t like a doll on the DOA board? ....like in a thread where people are discussing companies or aesthetics.
Oh yea. In fact I think I have. I do tend to try not to name names, but I have admitted a bit of strong dislike for certain sculpts, and I think even to a certain company(see there- not naming names cus I dont think this is the place) but I always try to give reasons for my dislike rather than just blatantly saying I dont like them.... like saying "The mouth just isnt my style" or "the shape of the eyes look kinda weird to me"

-Would you mind if someone said they were not into a doll you happened to own?
Like I said, not everyone can like everything, and I hold very strongly about it. I may question their reasons just because I like to know people's opinions(read nosey) but I wouldnt be offended

-Do you find that you can’t help but feel offended/attacked/defensive when someone does not approve of a doll you happen to own? If so why?
I dont know if "approve" is the right word, unless you mean they think something like, I shouldn't own a doll from a certain company because of its history, then I may get a little offended. History is history, and as long as that company is on the straight and narrow now, I don't see why anyone should hold grudges.

-Have you ever thought that you over reacted in the forum to someone expressing dislike of a doll you happen to own? If so what was it that made you so mad?
No. I have strong dislikes of many things so other people who dislike my likes, and like my dislikes are expected.

-If someone dislikes a doll you happen to own do you try to convince that person that the doll is beautiful! If so why?
Yes and no. It depends on why they dislike it. If it has to do with the shape of the sculpt, then no besides asking them if there were anything i could do or say to change their minds, even a little. If it has something to do with the stereo type behind a doll, like a doll thats more often portrayed as gay, then yea I totaly would.

 

-On the DOA boards where discussion and debates are the norm, do you feel that it is acceptable and safe to express dislike for a doll or doll company?

Since it's the debate threads than yes. The debate threads are ment for people of different opinions to share their views in a mature way. Discussion threads are kind of along those lines as well, but should be treaded with a bit more caution. If the whole conversation is leaning towards one side, you shouldn't pop in state your opinion if it differs in a nasty way.

-Do you find that DOA members are overly sensitive to someone not liking their doll? Or do you totally understand the offended party and think people should only say good things on DOA about all dolls.

Yes, I have met quite a few members who can be sensitive when people say anything negative about a mold they own, even if it's as simple as they don't like their joints. If you cannot tolerate other peoples' opinions on a certain mold, you should quietly remove yourself from the discussion. Same goes for people who do not like a certain mold. I don't think it's about being rude, but more about respect for other people.

-Are you willing to admit that you don’t like a doll on the DOA board? I don’t mean in a thread where someone is showing off their particular doll. More like in a thread where people are discussing companies or aesthetics. It would be awkward to drop into someone’s thread just to tell them their doll was not to your liking wow.

Yes, it would essentially be the same as discussing a type of car. Hearing other peoples' opinions about a certain doll can really help someone who is thinking about purchasing that doll. So long as it isn't destructive, critisim can be very helpful.

-Would you mind if someone said they were not into a doll you happened to own? (please, I am not looking for examples of one weirdo telling you to your face that your doll was horrible, anyone would hate that!)

Heck yeah! I personally could care less if someone didn't like any of my dolls, their opinion isn't going to change my own or make me sell my dolls. Chances are I won't like their's, and if they can give me the same respect I gave them than what does it matter?

-Do you find that you can’t help but feel offended/attacked/defensive when someone does not approve of a doll you happen to own? If so why?

Nope, the doll isn't sitting on their shelf, it's sitting on mine. If they feel so inclinded to hate it, good for them. There are more than plenty of BJD's I personally dislike.

-Have you ever thought that you over reacted in the forum to someone expressing dislike of a doll you happen to own? If so what was it that made you so mad?

Again, no. I kind of chuckle when someone attacks a doll they have never owned, handled or even seen in real life, but I don't get heated over it.

-If you are someone who does get defensive do you feel totally justified when you are mad? If so why?

Not one of those people. I have my opinions and I am very strong with my opinions, in fact I will at some point offend many people due to my bluntness. I won't go out of my way to state them, though, and since I am opinionated I will give another opinionated individual the same respect they give me. If they don't, that's another story. ^^

-If someone dislikes a doll you happen to own do you try to convince that person that the doll is beautiful! If so why?

Hahaha, no way! I think it's very sad if you honestly feel the need to do this. If you are that insecure, you need to stay away from the debate and discussion threads. Heck, keep that doll locked up and never bring it to light to anyone unless you've already pre-screened them and found they think the same as you do. Then make sure you stay in your closeted world and never talk to another soul. See how dumb that is? Let other people have their opinion just like you have your's.

If we as adults (and young adults) cannot tolerate other users' likes and dislikes, then we should not hold any debate or discussion about any doll from any company. One great thing about being human is having the opportunity to decide what we all think by ourselves.

 

-On the DOA boards where discussion and debates are the norm, do you feel that it is acceptable and safe to express dislike for a doll or doll company?

I feel that, so long as you choose your wording carefully, that yes, you can. If you say "OMG x doll is soooo hideous!" Would be completely inappropriate. However, "I don't care much for the mold of doll x, I prefer molds that look like y." Then that should be perfectly okay.

-Do you find that DOA members are overly sensitive to someone not liking their doll? Or do you totally understand the offended party and think people should only say good things on DOA about all dolls.

I think that, unless an opinion is asked for, if you don't have anything nice to say, then don't say anything at all. If the person asks you for a critique, don't be blunt and also tell him/her the aspects you do like.

-Are you willing to admit that you don’t like a doll on the DOA board? I don’t mean in a thread where someone is showing off their particular doll. More like in a thread where people are discussing companies or aesthetics. It would be awkward to drop into someone’s thread just to tell them their doll was not to your liking wow.

Yep. Everyone has their own likes and dislikes. I have mine too.

-Would you mind if someone said they were not into a doll you happened to own? (please, I am not looking for examples of one weirdo telling you to your face that your doll was horrible, anyone would hate that!)

Everyone is entitled to their own opinion. Of course, I would also love to hear why they don't particularly like that doll (if it was per say about the faceup) so I could improve the next time.

-Do you find that you can’t help but feel offended/attacked/defensive when someone does not approve of a doll you happen to own? If so why?

Nope.

 

Like any other thing I don't like I refrain from saying anything that contains any personal preference. I usually keep my mouth shut.

If you ask me if I like it, I will say I personally don't like it, but in a polite way. Sometimes I have to use a euphemism like 'It's not my taste', because saying 'I think it's butt ugly' is not really nice and unnecessary when no specifics are asked.

This also means a certain risk if you ask for my honest opinion, because then I will be honest, still polite, but honest, and that might be painful. Don't ask if you don't want the truth.

Of course, I prefer it works the same the other way around. Don't say you like my doll when you don't, and tell me what you do/don't like when I ask for your opinion.

People have different tastes, which is perfectly fine. If those tastes differ greatly, avoid the subject all together. High risk it will cause a fight.

 

-On the DOA boards where discussion and debates are the norm, do you feel that it is acceptable and safe to express dislike for a doll or doll company?
Yes I think it safe to express your dislike of a companies doll.

-Do you find that DOA members are overly sensitive to someone not liking their doll? Or do you totally understand the offended party and think people should only say good things on DOA about all dolls.

I believe there are some overly sensitive people, but that they are outnumbered by the people who by the ones who are not.

-Are you willing to admit that you don’t like a doll on the DOA board? I don’t mean in a thread where someone is showing off their particular doll. More like in a thread where people are discussing companies or aesthetics. It would be awkward to drop into someone’s thread just to tell them their doll was not to your liking.

If it's a new doll thread then yes I will say if I like it or not. I don't think I've ever seen anyone really get offended in a thread where people were talking about companies in general and not someones personal doll.

-Would you mind if someone said they were not into a doll you happened to own?
Nope not really. If some one said I've never really liked (insert company name here) dolls. They just don't speak to me. That would be fine and nobody should really get upset about a comment like that.

-Do you find that you can’t help but feel offended/attacked/defensive when someone does not approve of a doll you happen to own? If so why?
The only time it really bothers me is when people say things like 'Oh great MORE fug from (company name). big surprise!' I hardly ever see comments like thoses on DoA though, just at other places.

-Have you ever thought that you over reacted in the forum to someone expressing dislike of a doll you happen to own? If so what was it that made you so mad?
Nope not really, even though my dolls are all of the so called 'cheap and ugly' Variety no one has ever said anything mean in any of threads on DoA I frequent. In fact everyone on here has been very nice!

-If you are someone who does get defensive do you feel totally justified when you are mad? If so why?
N/A

-If someone dislikes a doll you happen to own do you try to convince that person that the doll is beautiful! If so why?
No. There's no real point to that.

On another note:

Actually this is the only hobby i've ever been in that had another place out there that exists to pretty much rag on other peoples doll/aesthetic choices. I'm not afraid people on DoA will say rude things about my dolls, but more that something I post on Doa will be made fun of in that other place. Like I'd probably post more pictures here if I wasn't afraid they would be made fun of there (i'm not a very good photographer ). I think also some people have seen that certain companies are very much disliked on this other forum and so they are overly defensive on DoA.

 

Isen: by nastiness I mean comments like these:

"she looks like a constipated three year old or a child mimicking their slutty mother's face."

"I really hate the new face that DZ seems to be trying to push with the big eyes and snooty {read: disgusting} lips. "

"Try calling a Bobobie doll what it is (don't get me started)"

I've also come across "she looks like she's been the victim of domestic violence", "looks like he's been in a bike wreck" and similar types of comments. To me these are just nasty for the sake of being nasty.

It's also the words people choose - some adjectives, in relation to describing a mold for example, are very obviously a put down: e.g. pinchy, bug-eyed, deformed, cheap-looking, amateurish, boring... etc. These words are not neutral - they carry a negative connotation. As an example saying "I think the eyes of X mold are too large for the face" is better than saying "deformed".

I guess I don't get why someone would feel the need to say something like that about someone else's doll. Even if the comment is a generic one about the mold in general and not one specific person's doll. You KNOW there are people out there who own that doll. Maybe it's the ONLY doll they have, maybe it's the only doll they can afford, maybe it's their dream doll and they'll never have another one. I guess personally I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings. I guess I picture that on the other end of that thread, on the other side of the world is a person who could really be hurt and affected by what I say. Maybe they are young, or vunerable, or hurting in other areas of their life, or lonely and looking for some acceptance from a peer group and don't have a thick skin or the ability to just let it slide. Maybe your comment will make them feel bad about their doll, or make them enjoy it less, or make them feel embarrassed. There are so many different people here; all ages, all sensibilities, and in the end we're pretty much all strangers. So the level of politeness I would normally maintain is as if I was speaking to a stranger face to face. Everyone is different but I would never say to someone I've met a handful of times "your outfit looks cheap and poorly made" even if they asked I'd try and find something positive to say or not comment at all.

We are a peer group and people do take to heart what others say, like it or not.

It's just my opinion, obviously other people want to be able to say exactly what they like, but I think of the people who are reading the comment not just what I want to say.

 

-On the DOA boards where discussion and debates are the norm, do you feel that it is acceptable and safe to express dislike for a doll or doll company?
Well, as much as I hate to say it, their are some doll companys I just don't like because I do not like the look of the doll. Its not like if a person has a doll from a company I don't like I'd go "OMG!! THAT DOLL IS SO UGLY!!" I always try to find somthing in the doll that I like and complement on that.

-Do you find that DOA members are overly sensitive to someone not liking their doll? Or do you totally understand the offended party and think people should only say good things on DOA about all dolls.
I don't blame people for being sensitive, most people on DOA treat their dolls like their children, and to have somone remark their child as not being liked, I don't blame the person for being upset. I think its okay to place your views on a doll but be gentle about it not "EWW WHY'D YOU GET THAT DOLL?!" Just "Its not my favorite doll in the world, but I like the wig you chose for it."

-Are you willing to admit that you don’t like a doll on the DOA board? I don’t mean in a thread where someone is showing off their particular doll. More like in a thread where people are discussing companies or aesthetics. It would be awkward to drop into someone’s thread just to tell them their doll was not to your liking wow
I don't think its a good idea to just drop into a thread talking about how people LOVE a company then voicing my opinion on what I DON'T like about the company. That seems kinda like "Well I'm going to tell you whats wrong with the company."

-Would you mind if someone said they were not into a doll you happened to own? (please, I am not looking for examples of one weirdo telling you to your face that your doll was horrible, anyone would hate that!)
Hey they can voice there opionions thats fine, as long as they aren't rude about it. I would be a little upset but as long as they aren't mean about it thats okay with me.

-Do you find that you can’t help but feel offended/attacked/defensive when someone does not approve of a doll you happen to own? If so why?
Well, I guess a little bit offended and a little bit attacked just because like I said above its okay for somone to voice their opinion but I think it would be a little rude just to go to a gallery or a thread about your doll and just say "Well I don't like your doll." Just a little bit defensive but its okay.

-Have you ever thought that you over reacted in the forum to someone expressing dislike of a doll you happen to own? If so what was it that made you so mad?
Well, no one ever expressed anything against my dolls, so honestly I wouldn't know. Though I know some people don't like the two kind of dolls I have they never expressed anything towards me.

-If you are someone who does get defensive do you feel totally justified when you are mad? If so why?
I will admit that I am a really defensive person but like I said above as long as somone isn't rude about their opinion I'll get a little upset but nothing more then that.

-If someone dislikes a doll you happen to own do you try to convince that person that the doll is beautiful! If so why?
I think I would point out some unique features of the doll, but I wouldn't try to change their whole opionion unless they asked for some more reasons why I love my doll.

 

This is a really interesting discussion. I wonder if people in the bjd hobby are partly so sensitive and quick to take personal offense at a negative comment because the hobby itself is one that draws negative comments? By which I mean, it seems that many of us have family members/friends who are quick to insult us for being adults who love dolls – so perhaps it makes any negativity within the hobby itself feel more hurtful than is reasonable. Like, DOA is a safe space away from a world that thinks that we’re a bit crazy – so any negativity towards a company/doll that we love feels a bit like a surprise attack from someone who’s supposed to be ‘on our side’, so to speak!

Personally, I wouldn’t feel particularly comfortable being flat-out honest and saying ‘I don’t like that sculpt’ unless I’ve been asked or unless there’s a compelling reason for it. I’d be more likely just to click the back button. But on the other hand, I do think that people should feel free here at DOA to give a negative opinion about something that’s factual – such as the customer service of a company (however popular it is) or if a doll arrives with flaws – without having other DOA members rushing to the company’s defence, as if the complainant has said ‘all dolls from this company are awful, and anyone who buys from them is an idiot’. It does make me raise an eyebrow when I read someone write ‘X company/artist hasn’t replied to my emails for two months! What shall I do?’ and then get replies from members saying ‘Maybe you should have more patience. Perhaps X is sick – have you thought about that? It’s hard work being an artist/small company!’ Sometimes I do get the impression that it’s considered bad form to complain about a much-loved company, even if the complaint is a legitimate one.

Overall, though, I like very much that DOA is such a positive community.

 

I don’t think you have to pretend to like any doll…personally for me, if I go to a post & there is a picture of a doll that I don’t care for, I go by the adage…”if you have nothing nice to say, don’t say anything” then just move onto another post. I’m not going to like every doll & people might not like my dolls, but that’s why so many options exist. Everyone has different taste. I think negative comments are counter-productive. This is just a fun hobby, everyone should be allowed to enjoy their dolls.

 

On the DOA boards where discussion and debates are the norm, do you feel that it is acceptable and safe to express dislike for a doll or doll company?
Ch-yah. I see it done all the time. So is it safe? Sure. Is it acceptable? Fairly. Does it start drama? Often. Why? Because... (continued in answer to question 2!)

Do you find that DOA members are overly sensitive to someone not liking their doll? Or do you totally understand the offended party and think people should only say good things on DOA about all dolls.
...messageboards tend to draw drama-llamas who like to get into snits. That's all it is. There are a whole bunch of us who can live and let live, but a few bad apples spoils the bunch, y'knowuamsayin'?

Are you willing to admit that you don’t like a doll on the DOA board? I don’t mean in a thread where someone is showing off their particular doll. More like in a thread where people are discussing companies or aesthetics. It would be awkward to drop into someone’s thread just to tell them their doll was not to your liking wow.
THUMPER'S RULE. Live it, love it. If you don't love it, nobody's holding a gun to your head and telling you that if you don't comment, you'll die.

Would you mind if someone said they were not into a doll you happened to own? (please, I am not looking for examples of one weirdo telling you to your face that your doll was horrible, anyone would hate that!)
Uhhh-nuo. That's why I own it, and they don't. (Or they do, and they're just nuts?)

Do you find that you can’t help but feel offended/attacked/defensive when someone does not approve of a doll you happen to own? If so why?
Uhhh-nuo. Again... I own it... and they don't. And if they're so insecure that they've gotta violate Thumper's Rule to tell me how unlucky I am, I'm gonna chalk it up to insecurity, and move along.

Have you ever thought that you over reacted in the forum to someone expressing dislike of a doll you happen to own? If so what was it that made you so mad?
Generally, if I'm not asking questions, offering praise, or just generally lurking, I keep out of other peoples' business. It works out pretty great for me, actually.

If you are someone who does get defensive do you feel totally justified when you are mad? If so why?
Well, if someone was ragging on me and mine, to the extent that it actually cropped up into a drama-log, I'd probably just have the Mods remove it. And post moar pictures.

If someone dislikes a doll you happen to own do you try to convince that person that the doll is beautiful! If so why?
NO. Because arguing on the internet is like running in the special olympics - even if you win, you're still retarded.

Shoutout to all my differently-abled doggz. You guys have got it together. Have a laugh at the rest of us.