Do you feel that you should pretend to love dolls that you don’t?

I do walk on eggshells at DoA. But it's not just here, I've checked out other forums and found the tone mostly the same. :\ Personally, I chafe at the level of sensitivity in the bjd community at large. I find it annoying and unnecessary. Even when I'm making a casual remark, I feel obligated to add "in my opinion" and/or soften my tone though it should be perfectly obvious that I'm expressing a personal opinion rather than mandating judgment over random internet strangers' taste in dolls. Urk. If it were only DoA that's like this, I'd deal, whatever, every forum has its rules/quirks - what aggravates me is that it's seriously the entire freaking bjd community (or at least, all of it that I've encountered online, and I'm not counting that one forum that's overkill snarky to the point of incomprehension).

I'm sick of dolly political correctness, or the fear of coming off as an elitist. If you say you think a sculpt is cheap, overrated, ugly, and I happen to love that sculpt or even own it? That's fine by me. I'm serious; I wouldn't be even slightly offended, and in fact I wish I could find someplace where people would chat about bjds as honestly and freely as this. It'd be much more interesting from my perspective and I would feel much more relaxed in such an environment.

I wish bjd culture could be blunt and mellow - I wish that if somebody says "x doll is cheap" or "y doll is ugly" people could just engage in discussion/debate about why x/y doll is/isn't cheap/ugly rather than turn the argument to why people shouldn't offend the fans of x/y doll by expressing their negative opinion. If I say, "ugh, x musician is teenybopper pop trash" or "y sports team sucks," normally fans of x musician or y team wouldn't go "omg why are you such an elitist making me feel bad about my taste in sports/music, who are you to judge!"; more likely they'd retort, "what the $#*@ are you talking about? x musician/y team is great, clearly you have no appreciation of music/sports...(etc)". You see, it would be assumed that my disdain for that musician/team does not imply that I'm crowning myself some grand almighty arbiter of musical/athletic taste, and it would also be assumed that the whole debate is not to be taken too seriously. But I could never get away with such a remark at any bjd forum; even if it were allowed, I couldn't post that because bjd people are much more thin-skinned and people will have hurt feelings over it whether they respond to me or not.

I'm getting awfully long-winded here, but basically I just wish I could read discussion on bjds that's the same kind of flippant, casual tone as discussion about shoes or movies or books or art. I wish it were that people could just say outright that this one's overrated, that one's an unfairly overlooked gem, that other thing was so last season. I wish negative comments were as lightly regarded as positive comments, rather than carrying so much weight/impact.

Yes, I know at DoA there are in fact rules to enforce niceness, that's fine and I'll follow those rules while I'm here. But I'm complaining about the whole bjd fandom at large here, where it's not just a matter of rules, this whole sensitivity complex is so deeply ingrained in the norms of bjd culture that you can't seem to get away from it.

In closing, AAAAAAAAAAAARGH. (And if you think I'm totally wrong and there are places where bjd people are totally chill, straightforward and blunt in their discussions? Link me to the place in a pm or something. I'd be very grateful.)

 

I wonder on here if we have gotten to the point where people are confusing simple good manners with overbearing correctness. I see a lot of posts on here about "I feel stifled because I can't say what I like" but here is the thing, in society you can't say what you like. A long time ago I was with a man who had a daughter. He was chubby, so was she, he walks out with no shirt on one day and she looks at him and says "Fat Daddy!" in a gleeful voice. Sounds funny until you realize this was an 11 year old, not a 4 year old. Simple fact is no one had ever told her "if you say mean things to people they will not like you!" It is called empathy people. How would you feel in a situation? how does that other person feel?

Saying "people are too sensitive" is possibly a bit carried away honestly. Many of us are not too sensitive, we simply desire a world where manners have not been forgotten. Freedom of speech has become freedom of insult in too much of the world and people hide bitchiness and nastiness behind "but I am only speaking my mind, it is just my opinion" My answer is "yes, it is your opinion but was it invited?" honestly, if I want a critique I will post in the critique section, or ASK for opinions.

As for people who worry that they can be accused of elitism there is something to remember, saying "I don't like XYZ company's dolls, they do not appeal to me" is very different to saying "XYZ company's dolls suck" one is personal taste and opinion, the other is decrying judgment. This is also different to elitism, where people, for example, and there are a lot more examples out there, ONLY like one company, or ONLY like dolls that cost over $XXX, and all others are worthless trash. If you are polite, and use manners being mistaken for elitist is difficult.

These are traits I see in greater society today, not just in the doll hobby. Sometimes people ARE too sensitive, but now days most of the time I hear people decrying over sensitivity or run away political correctness the fact is they are simply standing up in defense of unwarranted and uninvited rudeness.

 

The problem is that some members of the community are *so* thin-skinned that they've come to believe that "I don't like XYZ company's dolls, they do not appeal to me" and "XYZ company's dolls suck" are exactly the same, and they react equally to either. They take anything short of "OMG so kawaaaiiiii! I it! " as 'rude', 'negative' or some sort of personal affront to their tastes and the reputation of their favorite artist/sculpt/company.

That's not an exaggeration, or even especially uncommon. It happens all the time.

Like I said earlier, people have forgotten that being honest isn't necessarily the same thing as being rude. They take any opinion that differs from their own as a slap in the face, no matter how kindly it's phrased.

 

Is it really political correctness taken too far, though? A lot of this is really just good manners and communication. And when it comes to communicating on-line, it can be more difficult because tone does not always translate properly--all the more reason to take a little care in how you say things, because that is important. The fact that you are seeing this issue come up in other places should be a pretty good indicator that it's manners rather than oversensitivity.

That doesn't sound very mellow, though--I mean, you can give opinions, but when you phrase stuff like that, don't be shocked that people take it the wrong way because it does come off as aggressive. You can talk and choose what ever words you want, but if nobody understands what you're aiming at, then yes, you will likely end up with the meaning of your posts being misconstrued. If what you write comes off as picking a fight or being intentionally rude to most people, then it's up to you to be misunderstood or change how you're communicating.

Owners put *a lot* of work into their dolls--that's a different scenario than passively watching a movie or buying a pair of shoes. While I suppose there are people who are very sentimental about shoes, dolls generally garner far more attachment than other everyday objects. People aren't going to talk about their dolls in the way they talk about shoes or the movie they went to last Friday. Personally, I see the tone here as being pretty casual--it's just respectful of other owners at the same time.

I'm not sure I know of any, but personally, those are not places I would want to hang out. So often people complain that they have to watch what they say and it crimps their style because they're just "blunt." However, we change our tones all the time depending on what situations we are in--we don't talk to our bosses like we do our friends, and we don't talk to people we only half know on the internet like someone who has been a good buddy for years. It's normal and is the way things work within human society. Personally, I wonder if when people complain that they can't just be "blunt" they just don't want to have to take the effort to use good manners/be respectful.

That can happen--there are degrees to everything. However, sometimes "I'm just being honest" really is just an excuse for being rude. It depends on how things are handled.

 

Oops, please disregard

 

I and a friend chat to each other about moulds/companies that we dislike, but do not actually post on a public forum our views on some doll mould/company moulds. We don't like Naripon much (though some paintings of them are absolutely gorgeous), I don't like minifee a-line bodies but she adores them, I like dreaming dolls but she can't stand them. That is done in private between us two in a joking manner as we know we have completely different tastes.

If I look at a picture of someone's doll and think the sculpt is awful then I don't go at them and say things like 'that is awful, how can you stand looking at that thing, why not get _____ company doll as they are much nicer', that would just be rude...though saying positive things you do not believe in doesn't really help either. I just don't post my view on it, no pretending I like them but not hurting anyone's feelings. I don't like Glati/Glot heads but I won't go at people for having that head

If someone came at me for my liking of Angel of Dream dolls (I've gotten the 'cheap chinese crud' about a lot of my dolls, even the korean and japanese ones) and started telling me I would be better off selling him and getting a Volks Shirou Tachibana or F-31 or Irvin, etc. it would irritate me but the only reply they will get is a 'sorry you do not like, but none of those moulds really work with the character'. Might as well be civil in a reply (Oh, and that is zero against Volks dolls, I have OT volks dolls, just their larger moulds are not suitable for any of my characters)

Hope I got the right end of the stick with that. Ignore me if I haven't

 

You have a point, but I am involved in a number of other hobbies/fandoms with online communities, and bjd is the only hobby (that I'm involved in) that is quite so prim. Now, in the end I guess neither you or I can be totally right; we each clearly have very different sensibilities of what sort of online behavior we're comfortable with and what sort of community spirit we enjoy being surrounded by. I stand by my opinion that the bjd community is too stifling, though I'll amend my statement to add that I can understand that the level of politeness mandated by this and other bjd forums is comfortable for the majority of bjd fans. For me, though, it's always going to rub the wrong way. I do see bjds as not particularly more personal than taste in music or shoes. Heck, my allegiance to certain music groups is probably more personal/passionate than my taste in dolls. And when I'm interested in something, I want to hear all the "I like it/love it/hate it" from the vast faceless internet hordes - I think it's dull when all I get is the "like/love/[silence where someone has skipped over the matter so as to avoid raining on the joy parade]". I don't approve of taking potshots at individuals, of course, but I prefer more edge when it comes to discussing companies or general trends.

 

-If someone dislikes a doll you happen to own do you try to convince that person that the doll is beautiful! If so why?

I do not feel the need to. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion and they have every right to express that.

 

-On the DOA boards where discussion and debates are the norm, do you feel that it is acceptable and safe to express dislike for a doll or doll company?

i feel that everyone should have the right to express their opinion. I don't think that said opinion should be harsh or attacking but constructive.

-Do you find that DOA members are overly sensitive to someone not liking their doll? Or do you totally understand the offended party and think people should only say good things on DOA about all dolls.

I do think that some people can be oversensitive. I know people get very attached to their dolls as if they were their children, but at the end of the day it is a doll. I would be tiffed if someone insulted mine but I wouldn't get so worked up over it.

-Are you willing to admit that you don’t like a doll on the DOA board? I don’t mean in a thread where someone is showing off their particular doll. More like in a thread where people are discussing companies or aesthetics. It would be awkward to drop into someone’s thread just to tell them their doll was not to your liking wow.

Yes, i think I would. I haven't come across to many of those situations yet.

-Would you mind if someone said they were not into a doll you happened to own?

No actually I would prefer it. I was looking into getting a Model doll from dollmore and I read a lot of people's review on it, it wasn't great. I don't own a doll yet so this is the best example I could give.

-Do you find that you can’t help but feel offended/attacked/defensive when someone does not approve of a doll you happen to own? If so why?

No not at all

-Have you ever thought that you over reacted in the forum to someone expressing dislike of a doll you happen to own? If so what was it that made you so mad?

Nope

-If you are someone who does get defensive do you feel totally justified when you are mad? If so why?

It would have to depend on what the person was saying. If i feel that they are outright attacking me rather than just telling me their opinion hell yeah i will get pissed.

-If someone dislikes a doll you happen to own do you try to convince that person that the doll is beautiful! If so why?

No, I would try to modify the doll until i feel that they are beautiful.

 

Doll preferance is a very personal thing. I dont give a hoot if people dont like my dolls. Unless you are making them to sell, it should only matter that you love them!

 

If I don't like something, I tend not to comment. Though I have noticed a trend where I'll find a thread with a sculpt I don't care for, but the makeup/clothes/photography is beautiful, and so I'll preface my comments with: "I'm not generally a fan of (sculpt) but your (customizing) is beautiful."

That way, you're not attacking the person's choice of doll, merely stating your own personal preference, and still managing to say something nice about the work that has gone into making the doll their own.

 

I think making a general negative comment about a doll sculpt or company can be a bit iffy if you don't word it just so, or else you get a whole band of people on your back. I definitely think some posters are over sensitive, and others are definitely tactless. I'm more likely to talk about my opinions and preferences about dolls to people I know well enough not to take it personally, and I won't say something negative about someone's doll unless they specifically ask for my opinion. I won't lie about it, but I won't be unnecessarily cruel either.

One thing that gets on my nerves is when constructive criticism is asked for, and when it is given in polite terms the person who asked for critique gets all huffy and defensive and objects to every well-meant suggestion given. I always get the feeling that these people were only fishing for compliments and aren't looking to improve at all - which is the very point of asking for constructive criticism.

As for myself, I couldn't care less if someone didn't like my dolls or were saying tactless things about them. They're my dolls, they don't have to please anyone but myself. I know I have odd tastes for things in general, and I don't expect my dolls to be any different.

 

I think the doll forums are the only place on the internet I've ever experienced that are so stifling in terms of what is allowed to be said, because in all honesty, most forums on the internet are all about general good times saying whatever it is you feel like. There's also a total lack of humour about the hobby in general, and you actually see this on both of the big forums. Sometimes I think people just need to lighten up, we're all adults playing with dolls after all. And yes, I do invest a lot of time and money and questionable creativity into my dolls, but calling my doll ugly or my character cliched doesn't hurt my feelings. I can joke about them and admit to their flaws.

I am a very blunt person, and yes, if you ask me what I think about something, I will tell you what I think, even if I think that doll looks like it was beaten repeatedly in the face with the fug stick. If I ask someone what they think about one of my dolls, I hope they offer me the same honesty. Just saying "It's not my taste" just reeks of.... disingenuity to me, and whenever I see someone write that on the boards I always wonder what they really think.

Does this mean I go around trolling threads for doll companies I do not like or snarking in the galleries? No, I don't, because I don't see the point in looking at dolls I do not like because why would I want to subject myself to that? It's counter productive.

 

-On the DOA boards where discussion and debates are the norm, do you feel that it is acceptable and safe to express dislike for a doll or doll company?
I have never encountered any issues with it, or noticed people argouing about it. Maybe it's simply because i don't pay much attention to the doll comunity in general. So i can't express an informed opinion on this. I do think that everyone should be allowed to express their opinions, as long as they do it respectfully on the people who owns the doll and the people who made it.

-Do you find that DOA members are overly sensitive to someone not liking their doll? Or do you totally understand the offended party and think people should only say good things on DOA about all dolls.
Sometimes, yes. I can partially understeand it, since it is something you worked for, and that you love. I'm strongly against aggressive and close minded defense trought, wich is more common in younger people i noticed (well... It's kind of like a fact. Just one year ago, i'd have gone crazy if someone told me that my dolls sucks. Luckily things changed now.)

-Are you willing to admit that you don’t like a doll on the DOA board? I don’t mean in a thread where someone is showing off their particular doll. More like in a thread where people are discussing companies or aesthetics. It would be awkward to drop into someone’s thread just to tell them their doll was not to your liking.
I am not, but just because of personal...stuff. I am going to keep my opinions to myself, even for just dolls.

-Would you mind if someone said they were not into a doll you happened to own? (please, I am not looking for examples of one weirdo telling you to your face that your doll was horrible, anyone would hate that!)
Depending on the way said person expresses his/her opinion. If they are respectful of my choice of buying said doll and just want to express their personal opinion on this, i'm fine. Everyone has the right to have opinions, and i'd accept it.
But, if i had to receive, let's say, a PM screaming things like "lol, you're dolls sucks" et cetera, i would be strongly annoyed and ignore said person or report the fact to the mods.

-Do you find that you can’t help but feel offended/attacked/defensive when someone does not approve of a doll you happen to own? If so why?
Not when people is talking about the mold itself or the manifacteur, etc. I do tend to get more heated when people gets into a close minded, angry argument about particularities in my doll's customization or character. I don't mind critiques, but i don't like being insulted on something i worked on.

-Have you ever thought that you over reacted in the forum to someone expressing dislike of a doll you happen to own? If so what was it that made you so mad?
I did, once. And i got banned from said forum. But it was for the causes stated in the above comment. I could keep writing about it and get angry, but for everyone's sake, i won't

-If you are someone who does get defensive do you feel totally justified when you are mad? If so why?
I just got over defensive once, and i do feel like i wasn't justified to say what i said, because i myself went very offensive and on the personal side, wich is something no one has the right to do, even if my dolls were being, let's say, getting an harsh critique.

-If someone dislikes a doll you happen to own do you try to convince that person that the doll is beautiful? If so why?
I'd never do something like this. If everyone trought the same, it'd be a very boring world. People has the right to express their opinion, as long as they do it respectfully

 

-On the DOA boards where discussion and debates are the norm, do you feel that it is acceptable and safe to express dislike for a doll or doll company?
Yes, as long as it is done in a respectful way. I wouldn't come out and say "Man, that is a butt ugly doll, why does anyone like that?!", even if that is what I'm thinking, because that's just rude. But saying that it isn't my style, I think, is perfectly ok.

-Do you find that DOA members are overly sensitive to someone not liking their doll? Or do you totally understand the offended party and think people should only say good things on DOA about all dolls.
I can understand to a point, some people say things that really aren't very nice or necessary. But some people can be a bit overly sensitive.

-Are you willing to admit that you don’t like a doll on the DOA board? I don’t mean in a thread where someone is showing off their particular doll. More like in a thread where people are discussing companies or aesthetics. It would be awkward to drop into someone’s thread just to tell them their doll was not to your liking wow.
I usually don't. If I see that people are discussing a doll that I don't like, I just don't join in. Unless there is a certain aspect of the doll that I do like, then I will say that the doll isn't really my style, but I do like the eyes or the hands or whatever.

-Would you mind if someone said they were not into a doll you happened to own? (please, I am not looking for examples of one weirdo telling you to your face that your doll was horrible, anyone would hate that!)
No, I don't mind. Everyone has different taste, as long as they aren't nasty about it, I don't care if they don't particularly like my dolls. For example, my favorite doll is Luts Soony. I know some people don't like her because she looks too anime-ish or too innocent. Those happen to be 2 of the reasons I do like her. But it doesn't bother me when people say that, maybe that's just not their thing.

-Do you find that you can’t help but feel offended/attacked/defensive when someone does not approve of a doll you happen to own? If so why?
I really don't feel that way. I see a lot of dolls that I'm not particularly fond of either, and I wouldn't want anyone to feel hurt because of that. These dolls are like art, and art and beauty are very subjective. Everyone likes different things, and that's as it should be.

-Have you ever thought that you over reacted in the forum to someone expressing dislike of a doll you happen to own? If so what was it that made you so mad?
No, I haven't experienced this. If you don't like my dolls it's your problem, not mine.

-If you are someone who does get defensive do you feel totally justified when you are mad? If so why?
This doesn't apply to me (see above)

-If someone dislikes a doll you happen to own do you try to convince that person that the doll is beautiful! If so why?
No, I don't. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. I think every doll has some aspect to it that is beautiful, even if I don't like the way it looks over all (I feel the same way about people, there is no such thing as an ugly person to me). But I'm an artist and tend to look at things differently. I wouldn't try to convince anyone that my dolls are beautiful if they don't think they are. They are entitled to their opinions, just as I am entitled to mine. ^-^

 

I really try and stick to the rule that I wouldn't say anything over the internet that I wouldn't say face-to-face. However, on the internet, there is the option to just shut the browser... so if I see something I'm really not into, I don't have to interact with it in any way. I don't think anyone coming here is forced to comment on dolls they don't like. The only time I've seen stuff really break out seems to be in general discussion or the debate forum... and then it tends to be aspects surrounding the doll hobby/community, rather than a doll itself. I've never seen direct bashing of a doll. Personally, I like the general feeling of enthusiasm and geniality on this board... that's sort of why I keep on coming here, haha~

I think saying something along the lines of "I don't usually like (X) sculpt, but yours is really cool" is fine. I would see it as a compliment, actually It would feel like the work that's gone into a doll or a photography set might have changed someone's mind on a particular sculpt, or got them to consider something they'd not considered before about a doll... I think that's a pretty cool outcome ^_^

I really don't mind if someone isn't into a doll I like... I'm sure lots of people aren't into my DG Noella, for example, maybe of her extreme cutsey features - huge eyes and huge head, very styalized. But then I'm sure some people wouldn't like the way I dress, for instance. Or the colour of my sofa. Or my taste in music. Where would it end? I can't tick someone off my christmas card list if they don't like something that I do. I think that's a little immature ^^;

 

Do you feel that it is acceptable and safe to express dislike for a doll or doll company?
Nope. That's the reason I don't post much - just lurk. 'd love to be able to have an opinion here and people NOT freak out about it. Props to kogepan and Kim for summarizing it up way better than I ever could. It would be great if I could tell someone their doll looks like the Grinch in drag and have them laugh and tell me what they really think about my doll, or anything else of mine for that matter. I really wish people wouldn't take themselves so seriously. If you really take that great of an offense to the opinion of some stranger on the internet, you need to get off the internet.

-Do you find that DOA members are overly sensitive to someone not liking their doll?
Oh yeah. I once was in one of those "are BJDs really worth so much money threads" a while back. I voiced my opinion that no, they're SO not worth it labor wise or material wise, but that they were given such worth simply because we like them so much. The Mona Lisa is worthless unless we admire her. Someone took it the complete wrong way, and compared me to one going onto a diamond enthusiast forum and calling all diamonds worthless pieces of junk, as if I was calling BJDs worthless. It was like I had attacked them personally.
I just left the thread as politely as I could. There's no point even trying to have a discussion/debate after that.

Are you willing to admit that you don’t like a doll on the DOA board?
Yes, even if I don't think it's safe. I don't like a 80% of the dolls out there, regardless of price, popularity, or company. BTW, everyone on here is saying that they don't like a particular doll, they just don't comment. But what if you've asked to see their doll? You can't just not comment after you've asked to see it. At that point, I'm compelled to find a compliment.

Would you mind if someone said they were not into a doll you happened to own?
Hell no. In fact, I know people don't like my Leekeworld Luke. I can tell because he's just not popular at all. I don't take offense to this, and I don't understand how anyone could. People's tastes are so vastly different it's a wonder that most of us can agree on a sculpt at all. I totally understand when someone thinks BJDs are creepy.

Slightly off-topic theory time: It must have something to do with being able to "see" artistically. Some people can look at a drawing and thing it looks just fine. Others can "see" that the proportioning is all wrong and wonky. It probably has to do with uncanny valley as well. Maybe artistic people can "see" that the dolls aren't that human like because they can see the differences in the features. Others who thought the wonky drawing looked fine might not see the differences and think they're too human like and therefore creepy.
( Either that or they haven't watched enough anime lololol )

Do you find that you can’t help but feel offended/attacked/defensive when someone does not approve of a doll you happen to own? If so why?

As long as you're not an ass-hole I don't care.

 

-On the DOA boards where discussion and debates are the norm, do you feel that it is acceptable and safe to express dislike for a doll or doll company?

If its a company you had a bad experience with I don't see anything wrong with telling what happened, just keep it mature, honest, and straight forward.

If its just a doll you see pics of belonging to someone else and you don't care for it wouldn't it be better to skip the thread. There are a million other threads here to look at.

Now if someone asks for honest opinions, does this look right, should I change this, ect. They are looking for your opinion, if you want to give it you should explain what you see that looks odd / needs changing, but be polite and skip any childish insults.

-Do you find that DOA members are overly sensitive to someone not liking their doll? Or do you totally understand the offended party and think people should only say good things on DOA about all dolls.
Some people love to be offended, but if they post a gallery pic and someone posts rude insults, they have a right to be offended. People should be more mature than that, we are no longer in grade school here.

-Are you willing to admit that you don’t like a doll on the DOA board? I don’t mean in a thread where someone is showing off their particular doll. More like in a thread where people are discussing companies or aesthetics. It would be awkward to drop into someone’s thread just to tell them their doll was not to your liking wow.
Its not bad to admit somethings not your thing, it really depends on how you handle it.

-Would you mind if someone said they were not into a doll you happened to own? (please, I am not looking for examples of one weirdo telling you to your face that your doll was horrible, anyone would hate that!)
Normally I would ignore it but I did care with the old artist forum when constructive critisism was paired with a gross insult. Its an issue of maturity again, adults dont normally go walk up and insult people out of the blue. I won't waste my time with that particular member, better to just report it.

-Do you find that you can’t help but feel offended/attacked/defensive when someone does not approve of a doll you happen to own? If so why?
No, not everyone has the same tastes. If I got offended by every rude thing someone says or does I would be too busy being offended to enjoy life.

-Have you ever thought that you over reacted in the forum to someone expressing dislike of a doll you happen to own? If so what was it that made you so mad?
Not really, on that one incident I think it was handled pretty well.

-If you are someone who does get defensive do you feel totally justified when you are mad? If so why?
If I'm POd usually there is a damn good reason, but I don't normally go on the defensive, its a waste of time to do that online, especially where trolling is going on.

-If someone dislikes a doll you happen to own do you try to convince that person that the doll is beautiful! If so why?
Nope, I won't go forceing a doll on a person.

 

So, on the internet basic manners don't apply? Some people can freak out too easily too often, but there's a flip side to that too--some people are completely tactless. There's nothing wrong with expecting some basic respect--yes, even on the internet. Sometimes it's not taking oneself too seriously, it's that we already have to deal with all kinds of crap in our day to day lives, and don't want to have to deal with it in the place we come to hangout and relax. And like it or not, if you're on a big hobby board you're going to have to expect that there are lots of people that do feel strongly about dolls, since that's why they're here.

Going up to someone (or the online equivalent) and saying "your doll looks like the Grinch in drag (or whatever)" is a bit like walking up to someone on the street and saying "your dress is ugly." Most people would find that inappropriate. Often when it comes to people we really know well, you can be blunt and say more what you want to say--however, on-line we don't really know each other that well, and stuff like that will come off as an intentional insult not a reason for a laugh. It's the difference between hanging out and talking dolls with good friends versus people who are closer to (if not) strangers. I'm not sure why that's so hard to grasp, because some of the things some people are complaining about not being able to say/do, are things that would be just as inappropriate face to face. When I'm with doll friends, we will talk about stuff that I wouldn't necessarily post on-line, but that's because it's a different situation, and we change our speech depending on the situation we are in and our audience.

As someone mentioned a few posts back, if you wouldn't walk up to someone and say it to their face, you probably shouldn't expect it to fly on-line either. Though on-line can feel less personal, there are real actual people behind the little screen names and icons that feel and react like real actual people do--you just can't expect that people are going to (or should) automatically give you (general you) a free pass when it comes to rude behavior.

If you've specifically asked somebody to show you their doll, then you've set yourself up for that situation--and because it's a specific doll belonging to an individual, it's become personal. However, it's usually not that difficult to be polite. If you really can't find much to say you can always say something like "He's cute and I'm glad you're happy with him, but I don't think it's a sculpt that will work for me."