Doll Bonding. Can you, or can't you?

Doll bonding. Can you or can't you bond with a doll? I think owners can bond 'to' a doll, but as dolls are inanimate objects and are not conscious, living beings in their own right I find the idea of a doll bonding with their owner a bit strange

What does the term "bonding" in the doll world mean to you? I consider myself bonded with the dolls I currently own (as displayed in my signature.) I'm very happy with all the crew, love them all to death and I miss them when I haven't played with them in a few days. When an owner feels content with their dolls and knows that they would be extremely unhappy if they sold or damaged certain dolls, that's what I consider bonding.

What do you think of the term? Is there a better word that could be used? I use 'bonding' and 'attachment' interchangeably. I'm not sure which is more appropriate in this case.

Have you ever bonded, or not bonded with a doll once it arrived home? For me, the bonding process begins long before the doll arrives home. I look at pictures of the doll, consider eye and wig combinations and like to have a homecoming outfit ready for them for when they arrive. Often they already have a name before they arrive. As far as I can remember I've liked all dolls I've owned as soon as I've unwrapped them, but some I have bonded with and some I haven't. If I don't feel a sufficient connection with a doll for a period of time I will make plans to sell them - if I feel awful about selling, I try again and see why I might not have bonded well with a doll the first time, because I figure that if I can't sell, there must be something about the doll that I'm a little bit attached to.

I don't particularly like male dolls, but I bought a SDC Kurt because he's a froggy boy and I collect frog memorabilia as well as BJDs. I made plans to sell him because I only wanted girl dolls, but I was heartbroken as I packed him up because I was so attached to him. I kept him and he has been in a prominent place in my doll space ever since. I couldn't imagine selling Rupert for any reason because I am so bonded to him. I can't quite explain it either, he's a male doll, which I don't particularly go for, he's not got as much wardrobe as any of the girls because I can't find much in the way of appropriate boy clothes for him...there are lots of reasons why I shouldn't be as attached to him as I am...yet he is my 'rainy day doll' and whenever I have a bad day, just looking at him can lift my spirits.

Has not bonding with a doll caused you to sell it? Why? I have limited space, so keeping dolls I like but am not particularly attached to takes up a lot of space, so I prioritise my space towards the dolls I am attached to. I traded a MiniFee Rheia (who I thought was utterly beautiful but I wasn't particularly bonded to) for a YoSD Yuh and instantly fell in love, so selling a doll because you haven't bonded with it can have the best outcome.

Is it weird to be able to "bond" with an inanimate object? I always ascribed personalities and traits to objects around me like my phone and computer and when I was little my plushies and teddies always had personalities and preferences, so I suppose for someone who isn't used to that it is strange, but it's perfectly normal for me.

 

I believe that you can bond with an inanimate object like a doll. In my mind, the term bonding is just slightly more than "like" or "dislike." In my opinion, there are emotions and feelings involved when we talk of "bonding." I think for me, I have an emotional attachment to my doll as a possession. I "bond" with my doll when it provokes a positive emotional response for me. When I see my doll, I love the details of her sculpt, I see the aesthetic beauty of her, and I also can imagine her character. I become attached to her and over time the appreciation grows and I think that is bonding. When I see a doll that I don't particularly appreciate and would either never buy or, if I bought it, would have no qualms about selling, then I see that as a failure to bond. The doll triggers no real emotion in me. I have no attachment to it. I suppose someone could say I simply didn't like the product, but I also know that I've seen dolls that I think are very well made quality and detail wise with their own form of beauty that I can appreciate to some extent, but it still doesn't trigger any emotion or thought that makes me want to buy it or keep it. However, I don't disagree with those people who see the term "bonding" as something reciprocal, and in that sense, no one can truly bond with an inanimate object. But in my personal opinion, I think that bonding can be one sided and as long as I get an emotional response, I can consider it a bond of sorts. Maybe we can find better terms to describe how we feel about our dolls, but for me calling it "bonding" suffices.

 

Doll bonding. Can you or can't you bond with a doll?
I get very attatched to them, yes.

What does the term "bonding" in the doll world mean to you?
Hmmm...satisfaction and enchantement. If I think a doll is beautiful enough or I get an idea from seeing it then a bond is formed and sealed when it arrives. I don't have characters that I want to give doll form, so I guess it makes it easier for me.

What do you think of the term? Is there a better word that could be used?
Imprinted perhaps. I think I like that better, really.

Have you ever bonded, or not bonded with a doll once it arrived home?
Yes, I bond or imprint on every doll I've had. If I don't want it enough to purchase then I supposed I wouldn't be able to.

Has not bonding with a doll caused you to sell it? Why?
n/a

Is it weird to be able to "bond" with an inanimate object?
Not at all. Kids do this with toys and other security items and adults generally do this with cars, cameras, boats, etc..

 

Doll bonding. Can you or can't you bond with a doll?

I don't bond with dolls.

What does the term "bonding" in the doll world mean to you?

While I agree that it holds different meaning to each person, it seems like the general accepted idea of doll bonding is that the owner and the doll forms some special bond like a close relationship.

What do you think of the term? Is there a better word that could be used?

I think it's a bit silly. A bond to me means a two way connection. You cannot bond in a relationship with a doll. They are not alive and thus do not share a connection with you. I can understand being attached or liking a doll, but in the end, the doll is just a doll. I never use the term and instead say that I either like or dislike a doll as that usually sums up my feelings about my dolls pretty well. A couple of my dolls I can even say I love them because they are prized possessions, but I would never say we share a bond. I'm more emotionally invested in my computer. I suppose that even would be a better word than bonding, or perhaps one sided attachment.

Have you ever bonded, or not bonded with a doll once it arrived home?

I have disliked dolls upon arriving, or found my like fading over time as it is perfectly natural for feelings to change over time.

Has not bonding with a doll caused you to sell it? Why?

If I don't like a doll, what is the point of me keeping it? Of course I sell dolls I don't like or no longer want to own.

Is it weird to be able to "bond" with an inanimate object?

I often think this whole idea of bonding with these particular dolls in this particular hobby is trumped up because a lot of doll owners feel the need to make this hobby better or more special than other hobbies when it's not. It's just a bunch of people collecting dolls.

I also would love for more people to be able to just say, "Hey, I bought this doll. I didn't like it" instead of having to read a whole paragraph about how much they love the doll and thought it was perfect but they're just not bonding. A little more honesty about what really is the heart of the matter here. You don't like the doll as much as you thought you would, or it doesn't fulfill your needs as much as you had anticipated it would.

 

Doll bonding. Can you or can't you bond with a doll?
I didnt used to. I first got my el in '05 and loved him, he had a bit of personality, but i was pretty off put by the people in the hobby who "bonded" or were really more into their dolls than I thought normal. I remember meeting up with some doll people years ago, and some would almost only talk to me through our dolls. That was a bit much for me. And probably why i still dont do meets.
Right before i got my second, i was still saying, i dont really "bond" with dolls, im not that bad. Well turns out i am. Once he was home it was pure love, and i fawn over all my boys, they have personalities, and i would say i have an attachment to each of them.


What does the term "bonding" in the doll world mean to you?
That you see the doll as more than just a piece of resin to sit on a shelf. Ive collected a lot of thing, comics, figures, etc, and wasnt emotionally invested in any of those. Its when you're reflecting a bit of your self, or something you like onto the doll. I think most people know its just like roleplaying, and i see nothing wrong with that.

What do you think of the term? Is there a better word that could be used?
I think the term is fine, but do agree with previous statements, i think it can be a little awkward for those who dont "bond" like this expectation from other people of how you interact with your dolls. its a commonly used term in the hobby and i dont feel saying something like "i really like this doll" always accurately expresses a persons feelings towards the doll.

Have you ever bonded, or not bonded with a doll once it arrived home?
It took me a while to bond with Talbot, my Finn. But once i got his eyes and wig made, and he had the look i wanted for him, it was dolly love. With my keid, it was love at first sight, and with El its been so long i dont remember.

Has not bonding with a doll caused you to sell it? Why?
Havent had this happen but i imagine if i ended up with a doll i couldnt get to a look i wanted, in order to bond, i would sell it.


Is it weird to be able to "bond" with an inanimate object?
No! Not at all. Its roleplaying in a way. I also play some D&D and have roleplayed in various forms before. When i give my dolls personalities, and likes, and have an attachment to them, im projecting onto them. And its the same when i play D&D, or used to roleplay on line. Its play fantasy and i think its fine and healthy as long as you know its just a form of play.

I know how easy it is to sterotype or judge people, especially when feeling lumped into the same hobby and not being like those other people in some way. But ive been on both sides of the bonding topic, where i thought it was weird, and now where i put a lot of time and effort into my boys and have an attachment to them.
I mean look at classic cars. Some people could restore a car and take hours and thousands of dollars to do so and turn around and sell it. but for for some people rebuilding that car would be a dream, a time and emotional investment into that car. I dont see either as weird. or dishonest. People just are who they are and interact how they do, and as long as they understand the difference tween fantasy and reality, i see no harm or reason to judge.

 

Doll bonding. Can you or can't you bond with a doll?
Going by the dictionary definition - no. Going by the common accepted meaning that most DoA users have - yes.

What does the term "bonding" in the doll world mean to you?
For me - to bond with the doll is to have a special particular like for it - it brings you a certain kind of joy. It's not simply oh it looks pretty and functions well - I had a doll that did both, and I still think the sculpt is amazing... but when it came to owning the doll - despite liking it well enough - I just didn't get that special joy from it.

What do you think of the term? Is there a better word that could be used?
I think taken too literal or too 'deeply' thought out - the word isn't a very good choice. I personally take it in a very light hearted manner and read it akin to "They don't bring me the kind of joy I wanted" rather than "I dislike them" because I liked all of my dolls basically - but not all of them brought me the kind of joy I demand from this rather pricey hobby. A better word? I don't think I have one to offer unfortunately. I think we make it a bigger deal than it has to be anyway. To-may-to, To-maw-to :P

Have you ever bonded, or not bonded with a doll once it arrived home?
I've had this issue a few times now, having gone through a reasonably number of dolls. Not due to flaw or anything unexpected either. I've begun to be able to get a good idea how high this dolls chance will be to stay... my favourite doll ever, I spent every day waiting for him with his promos as my laptop wallpaper among other things. I looked up owner pictures plenty - but it's the basic doll itself that had my heart long before he arrived and he kept it like no other. He only went off when I was in need of selling him for financial reasons basically.

Has not bonding with a doll caused you to sell it? Why?
Because I cannot own a large amount of dolls, because for me they are pricey, and because I HATE clutter and hoarding behaviours - I will not keep a doll that doesn't make me feel that special way. I need to truely feel happy and inspired by the doll. Maybe not constantly - but atleast a fair share of the time. I hate wasting money, space and energy on anything - so I'm certainly not wasting all that on a doll that doesn't fufill what I consider a need for me in this hobby.

Is it weird to be able to "bond" with an inanimate object?
I don't think it's weird to have a certain kind of special like for particular objects, however identifying it differently than you would with a bond to a person is very important. I'm very much for trying to seperate the object from the memory you associate with it though - I have a great dislike for clutter and hoarding tendencies though and so this allows me to let go of things much easier than when I was younger.

 

Doll bonding. Can you or can't you bond with a doll?
Depending on the doll I can bond with them or not.

What does the term "bonding" in the doll world mean to you?
I think bonding would mean that they really grow on you and with you. You could be having a bad day and pick up one of your dolls to just play with the joints or see what funny poses you could put them into and it makes you happy. Some might find that a little weird but I think that's a type of bond. Anything that can make someone happy can have a bond between them.

What do you think of the term? Is there a better word that could be used?
No, I think bond is a very good word for it.

Have you ever bonded, or not bonded with a doll once it arrived home?
The very first bjd I ever saw, well...he gave me the creeps actually. lol. But slowly over time I became more and more attached to him and sadly he wasn't even mine. My first doll was to shell a character of mine. I was a little hesitant when I first got her though. She was adorable and everything but, something just wasn't right. Over time I threw out the idea of my original character and started over with my small dollie. I gave her a new name and basically let her 'grow.' I became very attached to her after this happened. So over time I've bonded with two dollies.

Has not bonding with a doll caused you to sell it? Why?
I've never sold a doll.

Is it weird to be able to "bond" with an inanimate object?
I would have to say no to this. Like I said above you can bond with just about anything that makes you happy. Some people still have the first stuffed animal they had when they were babies right? You hold a bond with that stuffed animal and hold it dear to you. Bonding to a bjd doesn't seem like such an odd idea.

 

Doll bonding. Can you or can't you bond with a doll?
Definitely. I've bonded with both my dolls.
Strangely, though I like playing with Kia more (prolly cuz I'm obsessed with her fantasy parts) I think I have a stronger bond with Rei; it's more comforting to hug him and I am even more opposed to the idea of ever selling him.
What does the term "bonding" in the doll world mean to you?
Feeling an emotional attachment to them and wanting to keep them more than most other possessions.
What do you think of the term? Is there a better word that could be used?
I like the sound of bonding. It's the deep link between a person and something else.
Have you ever bonded, or not bonded with a doll once it arrived home?
I don't think I immediately bonded with either. Yes, I was full of glee. Yes, I loved dressing them and posing them and admiring their resin. But it took me a little while to feel like they were sorta family.
Has not bonding with a doll caused you to sell it? Why?
I still have my two, so obviously not!
Is it weird to be able to "bond" with an inanimate object?
No more weird than it is to bond with places or fictional characters.

 

Doll bonding. Can you or can't you bond with a doll?
I'm not sure I understand the question, on a few fronts: I don't know what bonding means, and I don't know whether you're asking whether I personally can "bond" with a doll or whether people in general can bond with a doll.

What does the term "bonding" in the doll world mean to you?
To be completely, brutally honest, I think "bonding" is a term people use to dress up liking or not liking a doll. I think it's an excuse -- for selling a doll, for not selling a doll when financial circumstances dictate you ought to, whatever. Rather than saying "I'm bored with this doll" or "I don't like this doll in person as much as I thought I would" when selling, or "I know I SHOULD sell this doll to pay the bills but I really don't want to!" people talk about "bonding".

What do you think of the term? Is there a better word that could be used?
I think the above makes my low opinion of the term pretty clear. If I had my way and/or mind control, people would just say what they meant rather than prattling on about "bonding".

Have you ever bonded, or not bonded with a doll once it arrived home?
I don't even believe in bonding, so no. I like dolls or I don't.

Has not bonding with a doll caused you to sell it? Why?
I've bought dolls based on company photos and on owner photos and had them not look the way I'd hoped once I got them home. I've had dolls for months or years and decided I was tired of them and bored, and therefore sold them on. I've had dolls that looked amazing but had some flaw in the sculpt that made them frustrating to deal with and therefore sold them. I think people who talk about "bonding" are actually referring to these things.

Is it weird to be able to "bond" with an inanimate object?
Yes, IMO it is totally bizarre and kind of ridiculous.

 

I don't bond with dolls. I have family and pets for that. Dolls are a wonderful hobby, a great outlet, I love to make them clothes and am learning to photograph them, but, in the end, they are toys.

 

I dont have mine yet but I feel the need to give in my two cents

I dont think "bond" is the right term, attached might be better.

Bond to most people can mean a two way street, but in this instance I think it's mostly on the persons affection towards a doll. I think to this community the word bond has simply adopted the meaning to feel attached to the doll, to love the doll (in the sense that you really really like it, no marrying dolls please) basically.

I dont think theres anything wrong with that, as a kid I had a few dolls who I loved, I imagined personality's for them and I felt very close to them. There is still a stuffed rabbit that as a child I dubbed "Rabbi" who I still keep with me. I dont sleep with him like I used to as a kid, but I still feel a "bond" if you will with him. And thus I would feel horrified if he got damaged or I forgot him when I moved houses or something. Him more so than a lot of my other possessions.

We attach sentimental value to objects, be it doll's toys music box's what have you. I dont find it strange at all it's human nature.

So "bond" in its original sense like I see many taking it here I do not believe so, but "bond" in the term that seems to have come to mean now a days yes I think that's possible.

 

Doll bonding. Can you or can't you bond with a doll?

No, at least not in the way you can bond with a living thing.

What does the term "bonding" in the doll world mean to you?

I suppose to me, as far as doll terms go, it means really liking the doll? At least, that is how I assume the definition would be based on the evidence.


What do you think of the term? Is there a better word that could be used?

Yes. Absolutely. Bond kind of signifies that you and the doll bond, not just you bond to the doll or like the doll. I have a bond with my best friend, I have a bond with my parrot, and my dog. I would not say I have a bond to my snakes because they cannot feel the same love I feel for them. Attach, maybe? You are 'attached' to a doll?

Have you ever bonded, or not bonded with a doll once it arrived home?

I choose the dolls I do after lots of research, looking at company AND owner photos, so that I am sure that I like the sculpt; if I don't like it when it comes home, either all the photos were misleading or there is an issue with faceup or something.


Has not bonding with a doll caused you to sell it? Why?

Like I said above, if I don't like it, there must be some issue, or bad photos. I have not sold any dolls yet and don't really plan on ever selling my dolls, since I won't have a 50+ collection like some folk xD

Is it weird to be able to "bond" with an inanimate object?

...yeah just a little. I mean, have you seen Inhyeongsa? That girl kind of creeped me out, saying she could hear her doll and stuff. LOL

What I mean, though, is, if someone is saying they are bonded to a doll in the same sense that I am bonded to my dog, I think there might be some serious issues to work out. If they mean bond by "oh i really like this sculpt/character/overall doll" then wooo go for it~

 

I understand why the term 'bonding' is used. Personally, I don't like the term, it's too touchy feely and edges onto the dolls with souls thing for me (which is another concept I dislike).

I don't 'bond' with dolls; I am attached to them as cherished possessions. For me, 'bonding' is the process of creating a deep and meaningful relationship to another human being. I haven't sold dolls because I couldn't 'bond' with them, but because they no longer suited my aesthetic tastes.

I believe users use the term 'bonding' differently. Some use it to describe liking or disliking the doll. Others appear to literally mean feeling a deep and meaningful relationship with the doll.

 

But, if bonding is meant as feeling attached to/satisfied with the doll, and someone doesn't feel attached/satisfied with the doll (which certainly suggests they don't like the doll as much as they thought they would, or that their feelings changed), then saying they didn't bond is accurate. Hobbies all have their own terminology, and bonding has just become a such a term in this hobby. I personally don't care why someone says they're selling a doll (unless it has to do with damage or a quality issue of course), and after the fact I won't remember if they said they didn't bond or needed the money or whatever anyway.

I think often times people do say what they mean, it's just that they didn't word it in the way that you would personally. That can be an issue if very few other people are using the language in that way, but as this is a pretty widely used term in the hobby, then it shouldn't cause that much of an issue. If nothing else, you can assume that 'I didn't bond' means they weren't happy with the doll.

 

Doll bonding. Can you or can't you bond with a doll?
As others have said, I too think "bonding" means something more than the definition to each person.
In my opinion I think it's completely possible to bond with inanimate objects, but I've been
that way since I was very little. I've always "bonded" with stuffed toys and things of that
nature as well.

What does the term "bonding" in the doll world mean to you?
Bonding with a doll means to me that I am happy with the purchase, I enjoy
being around my doll, photographing them, and also enjoy cuddling and spending
time with my doll. I don't have feelings of wanting to sell them or being disappointed with them.
I really adore them and don't want anything to happen to them, and can't think of not owning that doll.

What do you think of the term? Is there a better word that could be used?
There might be a better word but I think any term used for inanimate objects
and emotions with them will hold some controversy. It would always be an
"is-this-even-possible-they're-just-resin" issue so I figure bonding is just a good
of term as any.

Have you ever bonded, or not bonded with a doll once it arrived home?
I currently haven't ever - not fully bonded with any of my dolls. Some I have
bonded with more than others and faster, and some I am still in the
process of bonding with. I have one boy whom I love to pieces and can't
imagine selling him or anything like that, but I can't put my finger
on exactly what it is I would like to change about him. It keeps me
from caring more about him than I could. But all of my others I have
bonded with very well.

Has not bonding with a doll caused you to sell it? Why?
Not yet, like I said in the previous question...I've yet to
not bond fully with a doll. I do worry that if I don't bond
more with doll mentioned above - that I may end up
selling him. There could be someone out there who
could love him far more than I could currently. But I'm
just hoping I can do something (change faceup or etc?)
to bond with him more.

Is it weird to be able to "bond" with an inanimate object?
I don't think it is...but when I was little I bonded with anything at all.
I remember being sad when I lost my favorite coin purse when I
was 7. I felt like I had lost mt best friend because I really liked it
and I always took it with me so in a sense I "bonded" with things
like that as well. I think it's completely fine to feel either way about
it though. I feel that I can bond with resin but if someone else
feels that it's not possible, then it's their very own opinion and
I can respect that. But I myself, feel it's entirely possible.

 

Doll bonding. Can you or can't you bond with a doll? In the sense of forming a non-reciprocated attachment? Most likely yes. I do so with many inanimate objects. In the sense of the literal, dictionary definition of "bond"? No.


What does the term "bonding" in the doll world mean to you? I've always interpreted it as an attachment to the doll.


What do you think of the term? Is there a better word that could be used? Indifference, mostly. It's hobby jargon, that sort of thing exists in all hobbies. The term doesn't necessarily have to mean it's literal dictionary definition when it comes to something like this. I don't know if there is a better word for it, or what it might be. But it's not likely to change in the near future, so *shrugs* it is what it is.


Have you ever bonded, or not bonded with a doll once it arrived home? Sort of, I tried to become attached to the one head I've bought, but the more I look at him, the more he seems wrong for the character he's supposed to be. I like the sculpt, but I don't like it enough to feel the need to keep it.


Has not bonding with a doll caused you to sell it? Why? As soon as I get around to taking pictures, selling is the plan. If I feel something is nice, but not for me, why would I keep it? May as well try to find someone who likes it more than I do, it's certainly better than letting it sit around and gather dust.


Is it weird to be able to "bond" with an inanimate object? Once again, depends on if you want the dictionary definition or not. Is it weird to form an attachment with an inanimate object? I hope not, cause I'm weird enough as it is. Is it weird to feel as though you've developed close friendship between said inanimate object(s) and yourself, possibly as a result of intense experiences? I'm going to go with "yes", in my opinion. I can understand intense experiences enhancing your attachment to your inanimate object, but it's an inanimate object. It can't return your feelings, and friendship is a two way street.

 

I don't really think that's accurate. While that's how *I* read bonding, there are a lot of people who very obviously think it's something more than that, and that they have some kind of deeper attachment to their doll than "I like it a lot" -- that they have a reciprocal, personal emotional RELATIONSHIP with the doll, and that failure to form that relationship is grounds (perhaps the ONLY grounds in some people's eyes) to sell it.

I think it's unfortunate because it tends to mislead newcomers to the hobby. If they don't buy into the bonding thing, the rest of the hobby looks like a bunch of wingnuts. If they do buy into it, well, that's where you get all those frantic threads about people getting their first doll and not immediately feeling connected to it on a metaphysical level and OH NO WHAT DO I DO? SELL THE DOLL? LEAVE THE HOBBY? I've seen threads where people seem to feel inadequate due to their not immediately feeling a powerful emotional connection to an inanimate object, and that is messed up.

 

Doll bonding. Can you or can't you bond with a doll?

I'm fairly new to the hobby and only have two dolls but thus far, I think I've bonded well with. I've also experienced bonding with a doll while only seeing pictures. ^^


What does the term "bonding" in the doll world mean to you?

To me it means an experience that interprets your hopes and feelings for that particular 'thing'.
BJD are very realistic and thus they look more like sentient beings as stated by many others.
For instance my doll likes to 'hug' me, by flopping and grabbing for my chest.
That is a bonding moment because for some it can look like an expression of affection. Also, if you make doll characters, you may bond with the doll better if you have a well developed character.


What do you think of the term? Is there a better word that could be used?

I thinking bonding is an appropriate term, yes. I don't believe there is a better word for it. Bonding is not uncommon. People bond with cars, houses/building. In the simplest way to put it 'You bond with something that your fondest memories lie. It's more of a memory experience I think.'

Have you ever bonded, or not bonded with a doll once it arrived home?

Not yet. I hope I never have that experience, hence why I choose to buy
very carefully and not impulsively at all. For me, it's not the object of money.
(though I'm no millionaire)

Has not bonding with a doll caused you to sell it? Why?

My goal is to never sell a doll, so no not yet and hopefully not ever.

Is it weird to be able to "bond" with an inanimate object?

Hah! For me it's quite common! I've bonded with the strangest things since I was young to the point where not even I know why. I've become quite used to it and have given up on figuring myself out in that respect. lol

Hope this helps!

 

This is where my concerns lie also. I don't care what outsiders think about the use of the term or people who do or don't use it and whatnot -- but I have to confess, I do have some concern when I see people who come to the hobby, don't yet have a doll, and expect that having a doll is going to resolve a deep emotional trauma*, take the place of counseling, or fill a void they speak of having in their life that sounds deeper than what even the finest of objects could reasonably satisfy. With the increased use of emotional terminology, I think the expectation of a very powerful emotional connection is also significantly increased. For someone without pre-existing experience with a doll or with the hobby, it may sound like the answer to any number of needs or issues or problems in life that, well, I suppose it could be for some, but isn't something I'd count on to take on those roles.

*I do think dolls and play in general can be positive therapeutic tools, but it doesn't work for everyone, nor should it be expected to or presented as something that will as a quick fix.

 

Different people view their dolls differently -- they always have and always will. IMO it's one of the things about the hobby that's interesting. People aren't going to approach things the same way. Yet while the nuances of how the term is used can very quite a bit from person to person at some basic level if they are bonded to the doll then they are happy with the doll. Everything has worked out. If they haven't bonded with the doll, then there is some sort of dissatisfaction, something that's keeping them from being happy with it -- it could stem from all sorts of reasons from the metaphysical to the purely mundane, but something is clearly off for them. Maybe it's something that can be worked around, maybe it isn't and they feel like they need to sell. That's ok, it's not like there's a list of approved reasons to sell a doll. Choosing why and when to sell is just as personal a decision as choosing who to buy.

I agree that it's unfortunate when people don't give things a chance. However, I'm not sure whether or not a change in terminology would help that. For people who are buying their first doll, many of whom won't have seen one in person, shells out a significant amount of money to order a doll over the internet, then there's definitely going to be room for some cognitive dissonance. Partly because holding your doll in your hands is very different than looking at a picture, partly anxiety over the amount of money spent, and partly because new people in the hobby haven't necessarily figured out what they want to do with the doll. It can become 'ok, I have this doll that I've shelled out all this money on, now what?' They don't necessarily see that part of the attachment that people have for their dolls stems from what the owners' have put in and that they might have to work at things a bit. For people not used to the idea of customizing dolls, they might not immediately realize what a difference a new wig and eyes can make -- that sometimes to make things 'click' you have to make some changes. Bonding, connection, attachment, what ever you want to call it does not always come from simply pulling the doll out of the box.

There are certainly threads where new people express worries over bonding. However, even if 'bonding' was never part of the equation, I have a feeling there would still be a similar level of anxiety coming from newcomers -- it would simply be addressed as something else. Buying a doll for the first time can definitely feel like taking a plunge. I know that I was nervous when I hit the 'submit' button, however, oddly enough (or maybe not oddly depending on how you look at things), I found the talk of bonding to actually relieve some of my own anxiety rather than increase it *shrugs*. I also think that no matter what terminology is used, there will always be people who have unrealistic expectations.

ETA: About looking like wingnuts -- I see no reason to be concerned with that. People who are really into their hobbies (no matter what that hobby might be) often get looked at funny by other folks, because the nonhobbyists don't have any background on the hobby. Most hobbies and activities have things about them that can be misconstrued, and that's just part of life. You can't make everybody happy or make everybody accept everything you do. If someone is genuinely interested, then they'll probably stick around long enough and read enough to figure things out. If not, oh well -- their loss.