Doll Bonding. Can you, or can't you?

Honestly, 'bonding' is just the word I like to use for that feeling of "OMG I need to have this one- it's just what I want!" I don't feel the need to delve into the possible meanings- and I certainly am aware that resin cannot love you back. However, the artistic and personal nature of these dolls definitely makes them something that I feel is intrinsically mine, and mine alone. No matter how many people have doll A, my doll A is my interpretation of it, and therefore unique. So that creates a particular feeling of 'this item was customized by me for me, and of my own imaginings.' That said, you can sell your doll for any number of reasons, and I've totally sold dolls that I didn't 'bond' with (ie dolls I didn't feel were so intrinsically mine). Nothing wrong with that. There's no need for others to be all weirded out by those people who do like to feel some sort of connection to this extremely expensive item of personal taste. I personally think it's natural, just like it's natural if you feel nothing at all but a sense of satisfaction at having purchased something you think is pretty.

 

Doll bonding. Can you or can't you bond with a doll?
No, I would never consider myself "bonded" with a doll or any other object.

What does the term "bonding" in the doll world mean to you?
I tend to take it pretty literally when people use the term bonding. Honestly, whenever I see someone using it in reference to a doll, I cringe. There are way too many doll owners who seem to think their doll is somehow alive/has a soul/can reciprocate some kind of emotion for me to take it any other way most of the time.

What do you think of the term? Is there a better word that could be used?
A doll might have "sentimental value," that's a term I would use since it expresses the fact that you have an emotional attachment to something but doesn't imply a 2-way relationship. The necklace my grandma gave me before she died has sentimental value, but I'm not bonded with it.

Have you ever bonded, or not bonded with a doll once it arrived home?
The reason I buy a doll is because I like how it looks, so when I find one I look up lots of pictures and I've never been disappointed. I never expect some kind of emotional attachment.

Has not bonding with a doll caused you to sell it? Why?
see above

Is it weird to be able to "bond" with an inanimate object? I think it's very weird and creepy. Whenever I hear about people "bonding" with their dolls, or talking to their dolls, or what have you, I can't help but picture some crazy person dressed in rags in a dark room lit only by the light of a computer screen clutching a doll to their chest and stroking its hair.

 

This is interesting to see everyone's views. It seems to be an even amount that think it's totally ridiculous and others that think it's fairly normal.

Though it leaves me to wonder 'What are your intentions when you buy a doll?
It's hard for me to see myself putting X amount of dollars and time into something without becoming attached in the least, IMO.

I know some use them for artistic endeavors and some use them simply because they're fun. But how can you appreciate the work you do without appreciating what your using to do it with?

I also find surprising that someone said it's to make the hobby out to me more 'special' than it is. I think that that's a matter of opinion but, being given a completely customizable medium does seem quite special to me.

 

Doll bonding. Can you or can't you bond with a doll?
Usually I bond with all my dolls

What does the term "bonding" in the doll world mean to you?
Doll bonding means I want to keep the doll, I generally like looking at it for a long time, I sometimes take naps with them as well and I take a long time to set them up nicely. If I just want to leave the doll in the box then I'm not bonding with it.

What do you think of the term? Is there a better word that could be used?
I think it's a good term, I think of it more as deciding if your money was well spent or not.

Have you ever bonded, or not bonded with a doll once it arrived home?
I've bonded with all my dolls except for one so far

Has not bonding with a doll caused you to sell it? Why?
I received an Elfdoll Lydia from a friend as a graduation gift and she was a beautiful doll, but she just wasn't for me. her boobs were too big for my taste and she was a 60cm girl, I am just used to girls that are smaller. so eventually I ended up trading her for an MSD sized girl

Is it weird to be able to "bond" with an inanimate object?
If it were bonding with anything else. But with these dolls I put a lot of thought, care, time, and money into making these dolls perfect for what I want so I want to bond with my creation.

 

To me there is a difference between being attached to something and bonded with something/one. I'm very attached to my house, but I haven't bonded with it. In my opinion, I can only bond with living beings, not objects. I have to have a relationship with someone to be able to bond. No matter how much I love my dolls, my piano or my appartment, they do not love me back and as such I can be attached to them, but never anything more.

 

I understand why there are such different approaches now. For me, bonding is just another word for attachment, while I agree that to be bonded to a person or a pet relies on reciprocated feelings, when I talk about being personally bonded to a doll, I just mean that I'm particularly attached to that doll, not that I believe the doll loves me back. I'm firmly in the 'dolls are inanimate objects with no soul' camp, for the record.

I think within the hobby the concept of 'bonding' has been interpreted differently by a lot of people and that's contributed to confusion, especially as more and more people continue to use the term. Perhaps an alternative word should be circulated if it'd stop misunderstandings?

 

Agreed.
there seems to be a lot of of "if people bond, its cause they're crazy or believe their doll has feelings" thought.
I bond with my dolls, but i know they dont have souls, they dont have feelings, etc. And honestly nothing against people who do. If you believe your doll has a soul, well i disagree with you, but i wouldnt call you a loon.


I think a lot of people who dont "bond" take the term bond too seriously.. cause i see a lot of comparison to humans or pets, and i dont think most people mean it in that serious a manor. Though to be fair, i also know people who would think bonding with an animal the same way you would with a human is crazy. i dont agree with that either, but Its all relative that way.

 

Doll bonding. Can you or can't you bond with a doll?
I guess I can. I don't think I've "been unable to bond" anyway.

What does the term "bonding" in the doll world mean to you?
I guess to me it seems the same as when people say they "love" someone. (Because I don't really get what that means either, but I know I love some people.) I think it just means you click with it. You like it and you understand it (the aesthetic and all..) and.. you.. don't dislike it. I guess.;;; (And I guess people usually mean it in a strongish sort of way.)

What do you think of the term? Is there a better word that could be used?
I dunno. I don't love it. (hurrr) Uuh.. I guess I would just not have a term for it. "Do you like your doll?" "Not really, I guess he isn't the type I like.." that works just fine. Rather than "Not really, I am not bonding with him."

Have you ever bonded, or not bonded with a doll once it arrived home?
I really like my doll. I thought she looked weird without eyebrows, but I did not feel the disappointment and inability to "bond" some people describe. I gave her a faceup and began to like her a lot, and so I guess this was "bonding".

Has not bonding with a doll caused you to sell it? Why?
No, I have only bought one doll.

Is it weird to be able to "bond" with an inanimate object?
No.. I have always tended to become fond of inanimate objects. I like objects, and I like "bonding" with them. I don't get really into it in like a crazy way or anything, but I think it's fun. Stuff is here, let's have fun with it.

 

Doll bonding. Can you or can't you bond with a doll? I think so.

What does the term "bonding" in the doll world mean to you? Language is a pretty flexible thing and the word *bond* probably explains better than any other word a person liking or not liking a doll.

What do you think of the term? Is there a better word that could be used? Like, love, I suppose. Bonding is just a term used in the hobby that explains a process between owner and doll. Any other word can be used but it doesn't change the process.

Have you ever bonded, or not bonded with a doll once it arrived home? Yes.

Has not bonding with a doll caused you to sell it? Why? Not sell it, but give it away to a family member. Maybe too many dolls anyway, and one just wasn't what I expected in the long run.

Is it weird to be able to "bond" with an inanimate object? No. I really love books, and tend to become enamoured with certain ones. I call that bonding with an inanimate object.

 

I like this topic. I have always been unsure about this myself.

Doll bonding. Can you or can't you bond with a doll?
Well... To me, a "bond" is a relationship. You can't have a relationship with an object because... They can't reciprocate anything! You can care for, love, and be attracted to an object, but since it can't love you back, it isn't a bond. But this is just me working with the literal definition of "bond."

What does the term "bonding" in the doll world mean to you?
My interpretation of what other people are saying is... I dunno, they make it sound similar to bonding with a pet. Like, over time you get...close to the doll.

What do you think of the term? Is there a better word that could be used?
Okay, say you're walking through an art gallery. All of the pictures are nice, but suddenly you see one and you come to a dead halt and can't stop looking at it. To you, it's beautiful, poignant, amazing. To me, that is the feeling of attachment that I have with my dolls. They are beautiful and I feel happy and charged up when I look at them, because something in how they look speaks to me. It's not because I've developed a relationship with the doll. Maybe some people do feel that way, but to me it's better to just say that you like your dolls!

Have you ever bonded, or not bonded with a doll once it arrived home?
Well, sometimes you get the doll and they don't pull you in in person the way they did on the site. That feeling of interest isn't there, so you sell the doll. I have decided that I don't like them as much in person and sold them. I never thought "I am not close enough to this doll and I should sell it." It was more "This does not look the way I anticipated, so I will sell it."

Has not bonding with a doll caused you to sell it? Why?
Not really. See above.

Is it weird to be able to "bond" with an inanimate object?
Some things speak to you. Maybe they reflect your personality or something, I don't know. But you can't bond with an object the way you bond with a person or pet. You can certainly prefer some things to others, and everyone absolutely does. But it's not a relationship. So... Yes, an object can be special and important and sentimental to you. But no, you cannot "bond" with an object because you cannot form a relationship with an object, and that is what a bond is, right?
Just my opinion, of course

 

I don't use the term "bonding" when talking about feelings towards dolls myself, because it feels too emotional to me - but reading through some of the comments here about the literal meaning of "bonding", I did want to point out that it doesn't always mean something reciprocal in the non-doll world.

In the legal/chemical/social sense it's bidirectional, but what about in construction or sewing (or just tying someone to a chair)? Not that I actually think that people are usually comparing their doll-feelings to cement, but potentially someone could be using the glue metaphor rather than the relationship one.


Still not going to say it myself though!

 

Yeah, that's the crux of it - all we need is a new buzzword! You can be "bonded" to ANYTHING-- your job, your car, a hobby, a movie, a favored daily routine. This doesn't require reciprocity, and it doesn't require the object to be sentient. Seems pretty clear-cut to me. And I don't care which buzzword we use. The semantics do not get my panties in a twist. Some people are just way too sensitive about the whole notion, i.e. its very concept offends their leftbrain sensibilities to the core, and should just relax.

When I consider a doll to have 'bonded' itself here, I mean that it's fully integrated into the collection, it fits the character I had in mind for it, it's "stuck" to the name I chose for it, I'm liking the mojo it gives off, I am feeling content and copacetic about the choice (& the massive purchase) that I have just made. I know perfectly well the doll has no feelings & no preference about where it lives. ^^

But I haven't encountered any problems bonding so far; my decision-processes are such that I think I bond with these dudes before they get here. Once they're here, working with them in photos & changing their looks just increases the bond between that doll & his character.... and he does seem to become even more 'himself', as I have conceived that character.

 

Doll bonding. Can you or can't you bond with a doll?
I'm one of those people who cries when I find find something I can't live with when it comes to the BJD world. I cried when I found my girl who I'm ordering soon (ask Momo Haruno-she will tell you: she was hanging out with me on my birthday Monday night when she showed me a video on YouTube about someone getting a Dollmore Youth Eve Chami. >.<) I have bonded to dolls that I have bought and made in the past and the Skelanimal Diego I got for my birthday (that's another story-off topic), so I can bond with a BJD just by knowing it's the right one for me.

What does the term "bonding" in the doll world mean to you?
To me, bonding means sharing a deep, personal and sometimes spiritual connection to your doll because that doll means something special to you whatever that may be for you. That doll is like your best friend in a way, just like your pets can be your best friends. Sometimes you need a non-sentient being to understand and be there for you.

What do you think of the term? Is there a better word that could be used?
No, there's really not a better word for this term. You "bond" with your doll, period.

Have you ever bonded, or not bonded with a doll once it arrived home?
It's an off-topic doll, but yes, I didn't bond with it AT ALL. I want to throw the porcelain alien into the flaming fireplace and sit back while it bubbled and burned.

Has not bonding with a doll caused you to sell it? Why?
I haven't experienced that and I hope I never do.

Is it weird to be able to "bond" with an inanimate object?
No, it's not weird to bond with inanimate objects. I think that it helps you figure out things about yourself. I know people who go gaga over the right skateboard, computer, phones and cars, name them and become heartbroken if they lose it. (I'm one of those people that names their electronics and cars and believe that they each gain their own personalities).

 

I mentally replaced the word "doll" with "baby" and got serious cold shivers. Is the emphasis in some quarters on bonding (and the guilt some feel in failing to live up to these bonding expectations) just another way to make girls/women feel inadequate?

(Though, seriously, if somebody is going to take the filling-the-void route, far better to do it with a doll than with a baby.)

 

I don't bond with objects. I think that bonding implies a reciprocated, two-way, emotional relationship with another sentient being. I can get attached to non-sentient things, and be very upset when they are lost, but I don't love it or bond with it. Pets are sentient beings...they can think. A plant is not a sentient being. A rock is not a sentient thing, neither is a doll. My pets are dear to me as children; my pets are family members and rank right up there with them. Growing up, we were taught to treat the family dog as a little brother. I just cannot view pets as something less than a family member. Objects are different. I anthropomorphize my evil computer, Glados (that's her official name), but I'm not bonded with her. Dolls are no different.

 

No, they shouldn't. We should ask why he/she feels that way.
Words have different meanings to different people. Don't know if you ever had an argument with someone at your job about something that looked completely insignificant, until you realized that the person you were talking to had a different understanding about something than you did? Doesn't mean that he was too sensitive or neurotic or whatever, he simply gave the word a different meaning than you thought he did.

Example: Last week we - at our company - had a huge discussion after someone dumped the two words "Epic story". Turns out that with 20 colleagues we had 20 different ideas to what 'epic' was. Some started to panic, others thought they were just overreacting, but when we sat down and told each other how we each explained those words, suddenly there was no reason to fight anymore. The entire explosion started because people presumed to know what others thought or felt, but neglected to ask.

Dictionaries alone will not help us avoid these situations. They only give a black and white definition and communication involves so much more.

 

Just to clear up first. To me dolls are simply resin with glass eyes and faux hair wigs. If I love or am attached to a doll that is it, I don't believe they love me too!
Also these are my own opinions of the definition, I understand alot of people have different definitions about different words, in a nutshell 'bonding' to me is one or more of the following: liking, being attached to, feeling a need to protect and care for, feeling satisfied with or enjoying simply looking at a doll. Also I do think 'bonded' has become a general term attached to this hobby, so the definition should really be decided on! But it probably never will! That said I shall move on! ^_^

Doll bonding. Can you or can't you bond with a doll?
I think it's certainly possible! It's almost like a pet or an imaginary friend, they may not be able to speak and in the case of an imaginary friend may not even be alive but there's something about them that you can bond with, being it that they are simply your favourite object that you own or be it that you love them like child. I think it's definately acceptable and possible, plenty of inanimate objects are capable of bonding with (even if they don't have faces) e.g. blankets, a favourite bear, a gift from someone close to you. So I'm going to say yes

What does the term "bonding" in the doll world mean to you?
To me it's feeling like doll is a person and to bond with it they have to have the characteristics you want and were looking for. If a doll doesn't do what you want all the time this could be bad or good but if a doll is just generally not satisfying you or is not what you expected it would be very hard to bond with it.

What do you think of the term? Is there a better word that could be used?
I like the term bonded as I tend to understand what everyone wants, but the term 'connect' and simply 'love' can show how close you are with your doll. If someone says that they do not love their doll yet, I assume they have not bonded or connected with them in either the way they wanted to or because it's not what they wanted or expected.

Have you ever bonded, or not bonded with a doll once it arrived home?
I tend to fall inlove with my dolls before they get to me from looking at everyone else's photos or discussing them with other people and I just cannot wait for them to be with me. I have never not bonded with a doll as I usually look at them over and over during my saving process and will change my mind or solidify my decision during that process. I understand if you buy a doll on a whim it would be scarier to try bonding. Also when people go for a different size than they're used to they find it hard to enjoy the doll. (Time can be a healer though!)

Has not bonding with a doll caused you to sell it? Why?
Like I said, I have never not bonded with a doll but I know that it would put you off playing with it and may not photograph the way you want them to (that is another reason why people can't bond with some dolls) so I would understand why they would want it to go to a better home. If you get a puppy that is out of control and too hyper for your family or home (say you've down-graded or a baby is born) then you would rather send it to a home where it will be loved, played with and just give joy to the new owner, instead of sitting it on a shelf and letting dust gather. (< not referring to puppies there btw! ^_^)


Is it weird to be able to "bond" with an inanimate object?
Like I said before, children and adults alike bond with blankets, (blankies!) teddy bears and gifts from people close to them. (I know someone who takes a penny everywhere with them as their late grandfather gave it to them) It all depends on how the object makes you feel when you see it, hold it and care for it and what you think whilst doing so. Objects that remind me of or are given to me by people I love always are a good start for bonding with, so when they look like people too they're definately on their way to my heart!

 

Doll bonding. Can you or can't you bond with a doll?
I have bonded with all six of my dolls, it took a bit longer for some, but they all bonded to me, I'd like to say they grow on you in a way that you feel affection towards them
What does the term "bonding" in the doll world mean to you?
It is when a doll and it's owner become tightly intertwined, as in, they are apart of each other, I could never get rid of my dolls, I am too close to all of them and I love them all too much to ever sell or get rid of them, they are like my children

What do you think of the term? Is there a better word that could be used?
No, not really, other than maybe if you grew to love your dolls truely

Have you ever bonded, or not bonded with a doll once it arrived home?
Like I said before, I've bonded with all my dolls, some took more time, but they all bonded eventually

Has not bonding with a doll caused you to sell it? Why?
Not Applicable

Is it weird to be able to "bond" with an inanimate object?
Never, think about it this way, as a child we attach ourselves to inanimate objects, blankets, stuffed animals, dolls, even things like couches. We all have the ability to love something inanimate, some people love their car, or maybe they love a certain piece of jewelry and you and that item have been through shit together, it's amazing how much comfort something can be. Another good example, how comforting is it to sleep in your own bed? How bonded to it are you when you cant sleep in another bed.

--Children even get attached to non-existent things, and don't we too? Characters we make up? They are non existent and we have bonds with them