Doll Bonding. Can you, or can't you?

I would give a strong no to that. That theory implies maternal feelings towards dolls, when many don't seem to relate to them in that way -- you can feel strongly attached (or not attached as the case maybe) to something without anything maternal going on. It also suggests that only girls/women would bond with their dolls which is an assumption I would not choose to make. There also seems to be the idea that people are actively, consciously pushing the bonding thing, when the word usage seem pretty optional -- you can talk about your doll with out using the word 'bonded' and people will understand you fine. Just substitute 'like', 'happy with', 'attached to,' 'connected to,' 'satisfied with,' or what ever works to describe the way you feel about your doll. I would say that the pressure is self-inflicted rather than something foisted on them by the community. 'Bonding' is simply a hobby term (hobbies tend to pick up all kinds of terms that seem to apply only to them) that people can use or not use as they choose. It is up to each individual to decide what they want out of the hobby, what is important to them in a doll, what they feel about dolls.

There's nothing wrong with not using that term. However, there's also nothing wrong in having and wanting a stronger attachment either -- it all depends on the individual, as it should.

 

Exactly. There is just no guessing what the world looks like to certain people. But how they play with their own toys is no concern of mine.

 

I agree with Taco on the maternal feelings vibe. There's actually a thread on that topic, and while there seem to be a few people that have that sentiment, it's far from universal and seems to be more rare. Admittedly, the idea of people using a child to patch a hole in their life chills my blood, too, and it does happen often enough. "I want someone/something to love and love me back" is a powerful drive, though what JennyNemesis says is an incredibly important point, too -- it's hard to know who is looking at things from a perspective of 'I'm looking for hobby stuff I like that seems fun' and 'I'm looking to fill a deep emotional need'. The way things look from each of those places tends to be fairly different. While it's comforting to think that a language choice might help make things more clear, it's usually not that simple.

 

@Katherinex: You know what? The imaginary friend thing kind of makes sense to me. It's not how I see my dolls, but I used to have three of those friends when I was a child and it was fun to have them 'around'.

 

I'm also in agreement with Taco, and feel that people should be able to decide certain things in this hobby for themselves.
If someone is the kind of person whom worries about 'not bonding' with a doll so much because they read that 'that's the thing to do' then IMO you can't protect them from something they should
decide for themselves.

Odds are they worry about many things they can't relate too and will more than likely find something else to worry about. I will help any dollfie owner with the little knowledge that I've gained full-heartily, but I cannot help you make your own decisions.

Though the division of us that do bond with our dolls, I don't feel are 'weird' or 'crazy', and are certainly not trying to start a 'doll bonding trend'.

 

Doll bonding. Can you or can't you bond with a doll?
Yes, in my opinion it's possible. A little bit like you can develop a bond with a pet, even if it's just a little hamster :3. Even though dolls aren't living beings, they 'come to life' because we bond with them and create a personality for them.
What does the term "bonding" in the doll world mean to you?
Getting attached to one, particular doll, it's looks and character. You could have two dolls of the same sculpt but still be bonded to one doll more than to the other, because each doll is different and has a different feeling around them.Also the need to take care of the doll. I know that my doll isn't a living being but I still feel bad if she's not properly dressed when it's hot or cold outside. And protecting the doll from the sun, pets or sticky children fingers

What do you think of the term? Is there a better word that could be used?
I like the term!

Have you ever bonded, or not bonded with a doll once it arrived home?
Yep... but I do think it takes some time and effort sometimes!

Has not bonding with a doll caused you to sell it? Why?
No, but I could imagine it happening. If I wouldn't bond with a doll I wouldn't want to spend time and effort to the doll, and my energy would go to the dolls that I did bond with. However I would certainly try to a certain extend to bond with my doll if it didn't happen right away.

Is it weird to be able to "bond" with an inanimate object?
No! My boyfriend's overly attached to his ipod and macbook Pro. My dad's attached to his guitar. Besides my dolls I'm attached to a certain mug and to my sewing machine. I used to say I was married to my Nintendo DS. Some people might have a favourite notebook, pen or maybe an umbrella. It's a little bit different but still, each of these examples involved being particularly attached thus bonded to something inanimate. It's good to have a bond with things that are important for a person, because the person will take better care for it!

Another example from before I had my first BJD was a piece of malachite stone that I had as a gift from my grandma. It was really important to me. I carried it around everywhere in my pocket and held it whenever I felt anxious. I put it under my pillow before sleeping. One day I went swimming and I put my clothes in a locker. My stone felt out of my pocket on the really hard floor, and it shattered into pieces. I was heartbroken for days. I would feel equally heartbroken if something happened to my doll.

 

Doll bonding. Can you or can't you bond with a doll?
I personally don't. I'm into the customizing figures side of the hobby, not the roleplay/ doll playing side.

What does the term "bonding" in the doll world mean to you?
Some people feel a connection towards their characters and the dolls representing them. Some other people express their satisfaction with a doll with the same word. It's all fine, although it can create too high expectations when people open their boxes and don't feel earthquakes and fireworks.

What do you think of the term? Is there a better word that could be used?
I don't have any particular opinion on that.

Have you ever bonded, or not bonded with a doll once it arrived home?
No, I don't describe my relationships with dolls that way. I have felt frustrated when I was doing my first faceups on my first doll and they'd look awful, but I persevered on and the doll looks quite nice now.

Has not bonding with a doll caused you to sell it? Why?
No, I haven't sold any doll yet.

Is it weird to be able to "bond" with an inanimate object?
The metaphor can be taken too far.

 

Doll bonding. Can you or can't you bond with a doll?
I would like to think I bond with my dolls. Afterall, I have strong feelings invested in them, and I wouldn't get rid of them for the world.


What does the term "bonding" in the doll world mean to you?
Bonding, in the doll world to me means that you've successfully created just what you imagined, and all the struggle was worth it. You think of your dolls as friends, or characters, and give them the time they deserve - whether that's talking to them, using them as models for clothes or photoshoots, or even just taking them off the shelf to 'play' with once in a while.Bonding means you care about them in someway, whether that be 'love' (tender, passionate feelings) or even just being content.


What do you think of the term? Is there a better word that could be used?
I think bonding covers it pretty well. Afterall, a bond is a friendship, and a friend is someone you understand. Being the owner of the doll, I would think you'd understand the doll best, wouldn't you? And if you're crazy enough like the rest of us who talk to them, or play with them, you could say the feeling is mutual, I think.


Have you ever bonded, or not bonded with a doll once it arrived home?
I have only not bonded with my first doll head that came home, when it became clear it wasn't the right mold for his character. I didn't get that 'Wow, he's perfect!' feeling, and so didn't end up being content with him. When I sold him and got a new mold, and all the other dolls after, I have immediately bonded with them - I got the content feeling that yes, they were perfect, and I couldn't wait to do things with them.
　

Has not bonding with a doll caused you to sell it? Why?
I sold my first doll head because I didn't like him as much as I though he could be, and found someone who would. I sold him to find a better one, and have bonded better with that one instead. Afterall, why keep something you don't like?


Is it weird to be able to "bond" with an inanimate object?
Is it? I mean, most people as children have an inanimate object that brings them comfort, an item which they usually give a name or personality, and that is not considered wierd. So what really is all that different about dolls? Dolls allow us a more mature outlet for a variety of things, which can be a comfort in itself. So no, I don't think bonding is all that wierd at all.

 

Taco, I was also responding in part to a post earlier in the thread, where the author stated "I've seen threads where people seem to feel inadequate due to their not immediately feeling a powerful emotional connection to an inanimate object, and that is messed up." I got the impression, as I read through the comments in this thread, that there was an emphasis, maybe a micro cult-of-bonding, in *some* quarters - certainly not all. I am very new to the hobby and to the DOA community, so take my wonderings with a grain (or thirty) of salt.

 

Doll bonding. Can you or can't you bond with a doll?
In the way that we generally use this word in the BJD community, yes, I did bond with my doll.


What does the term "bonding" in the doll world mean to you?
I feel that it means you are successfully able to give them a personality and have it stick. Also perhaps that when you look at them or think about them you feel happy.


What do you think of the term? Is there a better word that could be used?
I think that bonding works well and as it's become the commonly used word it would be nearly impossible to change it.


Have you ever bonded, or not bonded with a doll once it arrived home?
I have bonded with my doll although I think I will bond more strongly when her face comes back with a face up. Then again, I tend to bond pretty strongly with inanimate objects that mean something to me in general. I've almost always been able to bond with my model horses and I tend to bond with stuffed animals, cars, good luck charms etc.
　

Has not bonding with a doll caused you to sell it? Why?
At this point no.


Is it weird to be able to "bond" with an inanimate object?
I don't believe it is, but then again I feel that inanimate objects that we spend a lot of time with or go through tough, or good, times with pick up some of our energy and feelings and begin to have a little of their own personality and wisdom. I still have some of my childhood stuffed animals and it's amazing how calm and happy they can make me feel when I've had a bad day. I think it's their wisdom and all the love I gave them over the years along with the stories I shared with them.
​

 

Doll bonding. Can you or can't you bond with a doll?
I can...well, I'm working on it with my two, but I do feel attached to them.

What does the term "bonding" in the doll world mean to you?
In the hobby, "bonding" I usually take to mean that the owner: likes the aesthetics and physical aspects of the doll; takes care of the doll (not putting it in hazardous situations, keeping it away from heat/light to prevent yellowing); and may have created a personality for the doll that they interact with on a mental-emotional level. Obviously not everyone does all of these things; some people choose to focus on appearance, others on the "imaginary friends" they create. Neither is better; they are just different.

What do you think of the term? Is there a better word that could be used?
I don't dislike it. I don't know if there's a better word that could be used, really, but it works as a sort of short-hand. "I didn't bond" rather than "its appearance wasn't what I expected and I'm feeling serious buyer's remorse". My best response to that is if you don't like the word, don't use it. There's plenty of other words.


Have you ever bonded, or not bonded with a doll once it arrived home?
No...I mean, I'm still getting a feel for dolls in general, but I like my two's appearances and they seem to fit the characters I planned for them fairly well. Part of why I bought the dolls was to have a small-scale model to sew for - I haven't had time for that lately and it's making me feel out-of-sorts and less "bonded" to them right now.
　

Has not bonding with a doll caused you to sell it? Why?
No. No plans to sell, really, and I'm the sort that researches exhaustively before plunking down a large sum.


Is it weird to be able to "bond" with an inanimate object?
For me, no. I was an almost only child (my half-brother is 6.5 years older than me) so I had a lot of imaginary playmates. I have a lock that I gave a name to when I was little, so "bonding" with a doll is a piece of cake. Both of mine are characters, although my first, Victoria, kind of created her character when I got her; Ren was bought specifically to represent one of my favorite manga characters.

Do I realize they're just big hunks of plastic? yes. I like to pretend there's more to them though. In some societies, it is considered possible to imbue inanimate objects with a sense of "spirit", so maybe there's something to the owners who do spend a lot of time playing with their dolls who feel their dolls do have a spirit or a soul. I don't think there's any way to know for sure. It doesn't really matter anyway. Everyone approaches this hobby a little differently and I really like seeing all the different approaches. For myself, I tend to be a cross of the philosophy in The Velveteen Rabbit and A Little Princess.


"Can she[the doll]—walk?" she asked breathlessly.
"Yes," answered Sara. "At least I believe she can. At least I PRETEND I believe she can. And that makes it seem as if it were true...." (A Little Princess)

 

Doll bonding. Can you or can't you bond with a doll?
It's possible, of course! I never really bonded with my first doll, but my second.. She hasn't even arrived yet and I already know I'll want to take her EVERYWHERE. She'll be my little buddy.~

What does the term "bonding" in the doll world mean to you?
I think it's kind of like loving a pet. You cry when they pass on or run away, or something, and you feel horrible when they get hurt and you just want to snuggle and take care of them. They cheer you up when you're sad, and all that good stuff.

What do you think of the term? Is there a better word that could be used?
I dunno about that. I'm not so good with words. x3

Have you ever bonded, or not bonded with a doll once it arrived home?
I didn't bond with Flo much at all. I only felt bad for buying him.. Dx; Frownyface. I think it may be because everyone I know fussed at me for spending so much on a "creepy" doll.

Has not bonding with a doll caused you to sell it? Why?
It has. But he's in a good home, and I'll see him again soon enough. I felt so bad for never taking him out of his box and playing with him, and for not being able to spoil him the way I wanted to originally.

Is it weird to be able to "bond" with an inanimate object?
Fff. No. It's just like how kids love their baby blankies and stuffed animals, but more expensive and less poofy. x3

 

Doll bonding. Can you or can't you bond with a doll?
People often assign value to objects, and objects with human traits can help the value manifest into something perceived as a bond. So...real or perceived I suppose it is possible.

What does the term "bonding" in the doll world mean to you?
Attachment. They're the dolls I can't imagine selling, even if I ended up in a box on the street. Having them around completely outweighs the possible monetary gain from selling them, or the prior investment to bring them home. But outside of the monetary aspects, I think they inspire their owners and provide a sense of happiness.

I also see the whole BJD collecting concept at times as some Overseer ideal, where humans have control over their dolls, and the feeling of control is where the "bond" is established. A person can essentially assign their doll a sense of worth by personifying it with a look, a backstory, etc...but it is easier to just say "bond" I guess...

What do you think of the term? Is there a better word that could be used?
I think "attachment" would be a better word because I don't really think the doll can feel (though I know some do believe in dolls having souls, etc, and to each their own) so the "relationship" is pretty one-sided. Perhaps "bond" is a way to imply a more romanticized notion of attachment some BJD owners think all owners in general are supposed to have for their dolls. It is a bit of a touchy area for some, though. Not all people feel this emotional connection to their dolls, nor should they have to. Just as there are many types of BJD around, there are many different types of collectors to covet them.

Have you ever bonded, or not bonded with a doll once it arrived home?
I have several dolls I cannot imagine selling, period. When I got into the hobby I was terribly romantic with the whole idea. I always said I loved my dolls and would never let any of them go. Things have changed since then, I've become a bit more objective, and I've had dolls move on to other homes because I've lost interest or needed money for reasons that outweighed keeping pretty objects on the shelvess.

Has not bonding with a doll caused you to sell it? Why?
The attachment to many has faded for me over time, often because they don't inspire me, or they fight me in finding them a look or being impossible to photograph. I figure it is time for that doll to move on and try to bring someone else some form or inspiration, so I sell them.

Is it weird to be able to "bond" with an inanimate object?
Yes but I don't really mind. I used to consider myself a person who wasn't particularly materialistic, but seeing the beauty in my BJD has changed that perception. It feels so strange to admire a chunk of resin, but then again, there's a lot to find impressive in portable works of art.

 

Doll bonding. Can you or can't you bond with a doll?
Yes, I can. Absolutely.

What does the term "bonding" in the doll world mean to you?
Feeling affection and attachment for the doll beyond what you normally feel for inanimate objects you own. It would be emotionally troubling if the doll were damaged or somehow removed from your possession.

What do you think of the term? Is there a better word that could be used?
I think it describes the feeling pretty well, and has served the fandom/hobby fine.

Have you ever bonded, or not bonded with a doll once it arrived home?
Yes to both. Mainly the former, even if I had not intended to keep parts of the doll . . .

Has not bonding with a doll caused you to sell it? Why?
Yes, it has on one occasion. I don't have the space and could use the money, so I sold him. I get the impression he's found a home where he'll be much loved, which is much better than him being wasted here.

Is it weird to be able to "bond" with an inanimate object?
Inanimate objects can be linked strongly to memories and emotions. A close friend had her house burn down and lost everything she owned; from listening to her talk, it was clear to me that losing some things hurt quite badly. I have other things beyond dolls that I would be emotionally distraught to lose. Bonding is an extension of that, I think. Plus my dolls are all representations of fictional characters I created, and I feel affection for those characters despite the fact that they don't exist. It doesn't feel weird to me, anyways.

 

That's very clear, and very right. And yet, and yet. Clearly there are people (children and adults) who feel a sort of love coming from dolls and toys, while at the same time they know it's not "real". I agree with you that the doll has no soul (except faintly the soul we give her or him), so where does the feeling of love come from? From two places. Firstly from the dollmaker. Just to talk about an OT dollmaker for a second, Sasha Morgenthaler (1893-1975) created dolls for children which were intended to show the equality of races and to inspire children's play. The idealistic love Mrs Morgenthaler had for all the children of the world was communicated through the dolls she made. Secondly I think that feeling of love comes from the doll-owner herself or himself. A doll is almost like a meditation tool or a therapy tool. When we look at the doll we see a person who loves us, which reminds us that we are loveable. When we feel most sad or down or we've quarrelled with our mum or boyfriend, a doll or toy can assure us that we all deserve love and are loved. That's not a fake thing.

 

Doll bonding. Can you or can't you bond with a doll?
No because bonding implies a two way experience, a mother bonds with her baby and vice versa. It's not possible to have bonds with an inanimate object in that sense. I think this word usage is particular to this hobby, when I sold one doll very soon after buying her with great expectations, it was simply because the doll failed to live up to the expectations created by the sellers website photos. Plain and simple as that... it wasn't like we had moral differences or a falling out! The object simply failed to live up to my expectations.


What does the term "bonding" in the doll world mean to you?
To me personally I would only use the term tongue in cheek, because of everything I have said above. That isn't to say that I don't love my dolls to bits... but it's a one way street. A lump of plastic, however beautiful can only love you back if you invest it with that emotion in your imagination, so then you are kind of loving yourself back?


What do you think of the term? Is there a better word that could be used?
I think as a term within the hobby it's fine, it doesn't bother me that much


Have you ever bonded, or not bonded with a doll once it arrived home?
See above although I wouldn't have used the word "bond" except maybe in my sales thread because it seems to be the accepted norm in the MP

Is it weird to be able to "bond" with an inanimate object?
As I don't consider it possible, i don't consider it weird. We are in a hobby where vast numbers of people make absolute statements about things that they have not experienced all the time, you often hear people talking about how much they will love their doll and take it everywhere with them "when it arrives"... they don't actually have a doll yet so why are they making these statements when it is all supposition? I think this is probably where the whole bonding thing stems from, people creating scenarios in their head and have an imagination based relationship with something that they haven't yet encountered... when the doll finally arrives after the 3 month wait, can the doll actually live up to these expectations?

Not always, then maybe people feel a huge sense of loss because the reality and the fantasy don't match, so they have an emotional response to this situation, because the fantasy they were enjoying so much is now over. I think that then maybe gets referred to as "not bonding"

 

Doll bonding. Can you or can't you bond with a doll?
Yup, i can bond well with my dolls. They are just like a part of me.

What does the term "bonding" in the doll world mean to you?
Bonding meaning to be together and it connects you with the doll.

What do you think of the term? Is there a better word that could be used?
I doubt so.. haha "Together" wont be as good as a bond =/

Have you ever bonded, or not bonded with a doll once it arrived home?
I have been bonded to the dolls i have once they arrived.. Since their face-ups are done by me.. i feel accepted with the dolls.


Has not bonding with a doll caused you to sell it? Why?
Ah.. didnt sold a doll before.

Is it weird to be able to "bond" with an inanimate object?
I dont think so.. it could also be a sentimental object that we can be bonded with, to even plants or even a pet rock.

 

I really enjoyed reading your observations. I must look up Ms. Morgenthaler now!

 

Doll bonding. Can you or can't you bond with a doll?
Ibelieve so
Have you ever bonded, or not bonded with a doll once it arrived home?
Yes, three of my dolls have bonded to me, but one hasn't.
Has not bonding with a doll caused you to sell it? Why?
No, I have thought about it though
Is it weird to be able to "bond" with an inanimate object?
I do not believe so

 

Doll bonding. Can you or can't you bond with a doll?
It depends on the doll and company, I can bond to the doll I wanted and dreamed, but If the company and the waiting time makes me desperate... maybe it didnt...

Have you ever bonded, or not bonded with a doll once it arrived home?
Yes all of my doll bonded

Has not bonding with a doll caused you to sell it? Why?
Maybe yes... since I might giving a thought to it

Is it weird to be able to "bond" with an inanimate object?
Not really...