Doll Meet up etiquette?

You seem to have completely misunderstood what I wrote? I never discouraged anyone from going to con meetups. I only tried to explain why congoers may not have seemed friendly to the person who reported such an experience. I have been to both con and non-con meetups in great frequency, and I was simply pointing out that both types are quite different, at least as far as my experiences have been. I don't feel that my relating my knowledge was in any way "silly."

 

i wasn't saying you were discouraging anyone. i was saying that those who do discourage are out of place. and i was saying that that is silly, since it's a public setting.

 

To OP:
Typically there will be a thread about the meetup.
You should post there that you're interested in coming. It's courteous to let the host(ess) know you're coming before you pop up LoL

 

Since I've not been to a meetup, but I do get quite nervous about people handling my dolls, I would say;

1. If you want to touch a doll, or move it in any way...ASK! It's always better to ask politely, than risk someone's wrath.
2. If you're bringing food, keep it a fair distance away from the doll area.
3. Introduce yourself and your doll(s) to as many people as possible, it helps you establish yourself in the group and you get stuck in to more activities that way; a good idea is having buttons with your username on, so that people who only know you from DoA or from LJ will actually know who you are, or little business cards or slips with your email on so you can keep in direct contact with the people you've met (MOO cards are an excellent little contact slip. I have some made with pictures of my dolls on the back - again, it helps jog someone's memory if they've only known me on the internet and they see more pictures of my dolls than of me!)
4. Only bring as much as you can confidently look after; you might have twelve dolls and three SLRs, but prioritise. Realistically, you won't be able to look after all twelve at a public meet as well as set up your three cameras!

I'm not surprised people have the impression that we're a snobbish community when there are people out there who will be that rude to a child, particularly a child with an interest in common. This leaves me speechless.

 

Yeah, it's hard if your trying your best and they're not really making the same effort. Specially when they're all hardcore/bestfriends. They'll just say hie for the sake of not being rude then turn back to their friends again.

But the blame is not theirs. People are generally like that. I guess the solution there is to make a stand and show something unique to make them interested in you. It's not really about having the same interests because I know some people whom I have the same interests on but we just don't click. Going to gatherings and cons let's you come out from your comfort zone. (base on my experience) Whether you like it or not, sometimes you have to go outside the box and show what you are made of.

That was so incredibly rude and insensitive! That is just way beyond brushing the hair from a doll's face or turning the head and posing the body!

 

Another thing, I really think that meet-up ettiquette doesn't only apply to newcomers. Regular comers should have this sense of welcoming attitude towards the newcomers too. It's not only the job of the organizer. If everyone is making an effort then I think it won't be that difficult to make all the comers feel comfortable to each other.

 

I was a little freaked after my first meetup as well. I had a doll but everyone else there seemed to have at least three. And they were all the very very expensive dolls, where as I had my Weylin boy who was relatively inexpensive. I also felt kind of weird because my boy has an odd face, which is due to the character he is based off of, but everyone seemed to look at it like o.O WTF. I sort of dreaded bringing him to anymore meets after that, even though I think his face, although odd, is well done (considering it took me a good four hours to get it perfect.)

All and all it is hard for we newbies to go into meets because everyone else seems a bit more established and knows much more than we do. It's a double edged sword, I want to go because I want to learn more, but the fact that I don't know everything just yet makes me the outcast.

As far as etiquette goes everyone was very nice and that seemed to be the general feel. Although they did give poor Ryu the crazy WTF look, after they got over it they were all very very polite. I just made sure to be social and smile. That seemed to be the right thing to do.

 

Be aware of what you're saying. I've found the hardest thing at meetups has been biting my tongue when someone comes in raving about how gorgeous their own dolls are, and then tearing shreds off every other doll there. It's not a comparison game or anything like that. You don't walk into a room and say to a total stranger OMG your shoes are hideous, your hair is grotesque, I wouldn't wear that shirt if I was dead and didn't get a choice in the matter and your face looks like it came from st vincent de paul. Don't do it to their doll either.

 

While you’re certainly right that the point of meetups is to, you know, meet people, and that people should try not to let their own newness stop them from being friendly, I have to say that as a quiet (but friendly!) person, sometimes the people who are creeped out by the quiet ones just need to put up with it.

When I went to my first meetup, I was carrying my knitting around because that’s just what I do. I was also pretty quiet, because that’s just how I am. I talked to a few people, hung around with my slightly-more-established-in-the-community friends, and just wandered back and forth looking at the pretty dollies and taking horrible photos (no worries, they were without flash—camera’s broken, haha). There was one girl who kept telling me to put my knitting down and socialize goddamnit, and although I know she was just doing it because she thought I wasn’t enjoying herself, well, she was wrong (I was having fun!) and by going beyond a first friendly foray she actually negatively impacted my enjoyment. So I would definitely say this: newbies, be as outgoing as you’re comfortable being, and don’t let your newness or the fact you don’t have a doll yet make you feel second-class. Oldbies, be friendly to new faces, but remember that just as not everyone enjoys their dolls the same way, not everyone enjoys meetups the same way, and if someone seems content to sit at the side and watch people swapping wigs, consider letting that be.

Okay, I’m going out on a limb here, but I’m guessing that part of the reason you felt out of place was because you’re still a teenager…even if you’re normally outgoing, when you’re a teen it’s really easy to feel out of place, and to fasten on to something you did or didn’t do or bring as the reason, when in fact it might be something else. And for example, when you say it took you a long time to work up the courage to tell someone you thought her doll was great…it took me a long time to do the same, and I had a doll (not to mention an extra decade). The important thing is to realize that nobody really minds either way, and if you have a less-than-perfect experience, don’t let that stop you from trying again!

Anyway, I haven’t been to many meetups (bit of a homebody + working Saturdays = not a lot of group socializing), but I agree with what’s been posted. Read and RSVP to the meetup thread (or to the host if it’s not posted online)—usually that’s all that’s required, but sometimes there is a small donation/charge for rental space or communal food—and then be polite and friendly when you’re there. Most important: have fun!

 

Thanks for posting this. It's very helpful for newbies like myself.
Meetups sound fun and a little scary, all at the same time ^^;
I hope someday I'll be able to attend one.

 

undermost salamander: I know you probably wouldn't actually mean it this way but sitting back and just enjoying the meet quietly is one thing (I do it myself and I've been to lots of meets but its nice to just sit back and take stock for 10 mins or so after spending a couple of hours chatting) but sitting and doing something else entirely, like knitting probably gives the wrong impression, if someone did that at a meet I was attending I'd probably assume they where bored and didn't actually want to participate or wheren't particularly interested in what any of us had to say.

I think it's a matter of give and take, I'm one of the regulars at my local meets so know the other regulars pretty well (so ofc want to spend time catching up with friends) but I always make the effort to make new people feel included. I'm a painfully shy person but I still make the effort, I don't think it's much to ask that the new people make a little effort too. I've seen it so many times when we've taken the time to introduce ourselves and have a conversation with new people but then they just stick with the person/people they came with instead of mingling, which is how you end up with lots of little cliques instead of one big happy clique XD

 

This helps me so much It even helps me learn more things about how I should act about caring my own doll around other people!
I just hope I am able to go to a doll meet sometime in the future. School schedule conflicted with the one I originally planned to attend

 

Actually, I was walking around, looking at the dolls more than my fingers...
I can certainly agree that if you're paying more attention to another activity, that's kind of rude. But I actually know someone with ADD who gets really cranky sometimes if she can't do stuff with her hands, so she also really likes to have something constructive to fiddle with--you can never tell for sure what someone's mental state is, whether you're thinking disinterested, creepy, stuck up, or what.

 

Yeah, don't get me wrong, I totally agree and if you where interacting too that's great, I just kind of got the impression you where sat in a corner doing your own thing from what you'd said.
And like you say, you've got no way of telling what someone's actually thinking or why they're doing what they're doing but when you barely know someone and they look bored that's pretty much what you're going to assume regardless of what they may actually be thinking.

 

Oh, meetings can be fun but scary at the same time. One of the meetups i been to was huge, many many people going around and i saw some things that shocked me.

1st. - about 15 dolls were posed for a shot on a top of a table, right on the edge, one person was doing it and of course not every doll belong to that person. I thought it was completely mad. You don't want to be responsable for other people's dolls so don't go on doing risky things just because you think you can pose any doll in the universe.

2nd. - Don't ever say anything negative about someone elses dolls. If you haven't a good things to say, just smile and move on to the next, don't stare at it and go 'oh... looks so weird in person'. That's offensive. It was next to the doll owner when someone came up and said that about her doll. I fell offended and it wasn't even my dolls.

3rd. - Just because someone organised the meet up doesn't mean they can do whatever they want. Remember, it's YOUR doll, if you don't want it to be photographed or touched it's your right. I saw many people who felt intimidated because it was their first meet up and they let the meetup-oldies so whatever they wanted. It's awful.

4th - Treat other peoples dolls BETTER than you do yours and make sure others do the same to you.


Last meet i went to no one posed my doll because he wouldn't leave my side. I think it was on my face that i didn't want them to. When giving advices people always say don't do this or that to other dolls, but i think you should feel confident enough to say 'don't do that to my doll', especially if you are a newbie.

 

1) If you're going to have a huge bunch of dolls lined up ANYWHERE, even on the ground, have at least one person on each end (and one in the middle to jump out of the way for pictures, if possible) there to catch them. Anyone else from Houston remember *that* meetup? << Probably around 50 dolls in three or four rows against a wall, and one fell over. Domino effect.
When posing your doll, ESPECIALLY with others, remember that the doll can and will dive and take out anything around it. Not really etiquette, just really good to know.

2)Don't go on and on about any drama in your life, especially if you're in high school and everyone else is not. Or even if they are. Really, we were all in high school, it sucked. Really, this goes for anything specific, like one game or movie. Don't just talk about one non-doll thing, though if you're nervous you might start to ramble. There's a good chance nobody else will know what you're talking about, which will lead to them finding other people to talk to, which means you probably won't enjoy it much when you realize that everyone else is suddenly occupied.

3)Nthing the 'don't do lewd poses' bit. Even if you're in someone's home, unless it's your own, you don't know how the homeowner would appreciate turning around to find inappropriate dolly goings-on. Also, remember that there may be younger children around.

4) Be ready for lots and lots of questions. A huge group of people with dolls will attract attention.

5) Probably my biggest peeve and advice-If you tell the person planning it that you will attend, tell them if plans change suddenly. I've seen so many meetup threads where 25+ people said they'd go, and less than 10 showed up. It's especially aggravating if it's a picnic sort of meetup, and someone has spent a lot of time and money making the food and buying drinks and plates and that sort of thing. Nothing like making two full-sized cakes and getting three 2-liter bottles of soda to only find a handful of people.

5-a) If it IS a picnic meetup, offer to bring something. It's just good manners, and really helps people out. However, if you are going to bring something and are suddenly struck ill or something, post it in the tread or PM people so nobody shows up with plates, cups, and napkins and the one person who was supposed to bring food and drinks doesn't show.

 

Just be polite and friendly. Ask questions, strike up conversations, give compliments, etc. Be polite to passer-bys (if you're in a public place). And on the chance your first meet-up experience isn't so great, don't let that keep you from going to other meets. My first meet I met a couple super-nice people, then a few who were quite rude. Overall, other than the two others who had been nice, it really wasn't much fun. Then I went to a meet at a different place (the Arundel Mills group) and it was awesome! So don't let a few rude people deter you! ^.^ (hopefully that won't even be an issue)

 

Just be polite. Try to find out what type of meet it is, if it's a picnic (we did that once) offer to bring something. If it's at someone's house, I find it polite to take off your shoes.

As others have said, don't touch without asking. Most people don't mind, but a) it's polite to ask and b) some people do mind.

Just think how you'd want your doll/home/stuff/feelings treated. And you'll do fine.

 

Look out for other people's dolls. If one looks like they're gonna fall steady them. If someone's lurking around acting suspicious like they're gonna steal somethin' go ahead and go over-you want other people to look out for your stuff you should extend the same courtesy yeah?

don't touch unless an owner specifically says "go right ahead! ". I know when I went to my first meet I was terrified to touch anyone's doll but other people asked to "steal" my girl for a photoshoot and I said sure so now at my next meet I know I just gotta ask and they'll likely say yes too! ^^

if someone asks "what are those dolls? why are you all here?" be POLITE. not everyone knows what bjd are and why a huge group of people have them. Smile, and just say "oh we're just here for fun and to talk to our friends" not "wtf, how are you so stupid?!" etc etc. I will admit there were kids at a mini meet who were rude(not like 9 year olds) and I was rude right back to them-gotta be firm with kids imho U_U

as many have said don't put your dolls into lewd poses with other people's dolls unless you know them! a couple of people at the meet I went to did so(and it was hilarious I admit it XD) but they knew each other well and it was all a joke.

basically meet up etiquette is the same as when you meet someone for the first time-don't be rude, don't do things that could be offensive and if you're unsure, ASK.

 

First meet up I went to, ugh oh man I felt out of place with my girl, but there were visiting out of state people that had organized it. I felt out of place with my girl and I babied her galore (still do!) and was a bit nervous about others posing her. I got to talking with those that showed and I had a good time, it helped it was a small meet.

The larger meet ups I'm still shy at cause the larger meet ups I know a few people I'm used to seeing a lot, then some I don't see except at this larger meets. There's a lot of admiring and I find I stick in my own little comfort zone, but usually I grab one and carry him/her around with me to help make conversation. Simple ice breaking questions can be "where did you get that outfit?" or "what mold is he/she?" and that can start a long conversation and a new friendship.

And I do agree convention meet ups are different from normal meet ups. There are a TON of new people and dolls to get to know. None of the owners (myself included) want to make any non-owners feel left out. We're all used to questions by random people in the hallways so if you go to a large anime convention or any other type of convention where you see BJD owners at just ask questions. For example I went to a Furry convention at the end of November and I had my little Caitlin dressed up in a fur suit and I found BJD fans/owners there! I had a few people ask what was I carrying and I was more than happy to let them know.