Don't be embarrassed!

I think maybe I am older than most of you who are responding to this thread, but the emotions are still the same. In my family "fitting in" and "being normal" was not emphasized, so I didn't grow up with that as an influence. My parents were artists and intellectuals, and we lived in New York, so I had that on my side. I grew up in the 70s and I was a punk rock kid when it was still a novelty, so me and my sister got used to being stared at in the subway with our Crazy Color hair as young teenagers. As an adult I was an artist with a very "non-corporate" type career working in the film business, so I never grew out of my non conservative habits. I have tatoos, and have had interesting piercings (the only one left is the nose). I have had people stare at me and make rude comments most of my life. I am used to it, but it still sometimes causes me a flush of embarassment. However, I persevere, as I think it is crucial to remain true to yourself and not be cowed by other people's opinions. I think that it is ethical to behave as you wish as long as you are tolerant of others actions, and you do not behave in an offensive or obnoxious manner. Or break any laws.
I have children (they are well cared for), I have a job, I pay my taxes, I go to church, and I have unusual hobbies.
I'd rather be the way I am than a hypocrite who looks "normal".
I bring my dolls to work on occasion, usually I just explain them away by saying that I paint them or use them for models or whatever, I don't always feel like explaining myself. At least more people look like me (tatoos, etc) so I don't have to justify myself. It's exhausting.
The reward is I have a 17 year old son who is actually proud of me and thinks I look cool. That may change but I'm enjoying it now!

 

To be honest I will buy my first resin and I would never tell my mom how much it cost. It's not because I'm embarrassed. It's because she sometimes can be so difficult... I'm an adult and I don't need to hear her "save money" complains all the time, you know what I mean? LOL. I love this... I have something to do and a way to show my creativity. I don't buy clothes for them so I enjoy make drawing of what my dolls will wear, buy the fabric and run to my sewing machine. I do feel embarrassed sometimes. For example, I bought my Dollmore Ha- Yarn yesterday and my husband asked me about her story. Gosh, I couldn't start immediately to explain to him because I felt that maybe he would feel like I'm getting crazy . I don’t know where I get the idea of him thinking that. So after take a deep breath I told him the whole story of the dolls I want to bought because all know each other and it's an insanely long one. He said "WOW!, I never thought you could create an history like that with dolls. It's interesting!". I learned yesterday that being unusual it's not bad and what other people think should not worry me so much. After all, everybody like something that other people may find weird or unusual.

 

Bah embaressment. Not a fun feeling. The only time I get embaressed is when theres like hundreds of people staring at me. x.x;

Its a little strange though, when I walk around with my doll I feel confident, and like my mom says, 'armed and ready.'( Armed and ready to smack down people's mean opinions about my doll xD)
[ People who make fun of other's hobbies should be the ones who are embaressed. Not us. ]

 

Well, I have one good friend that's in love with my doll, but I really don't like to let on how into the doll community I really am. Not because I'm embarrased, but because I'm just a 'child' (*cough*teenager*cough*) and I don't have enough money on my own to keep buying these dolls (though I've fully financed my first and only resin brat)

 

So today I was at my friend’s house, and I brought Jan with me. My friends are all pretty accepting, though they still dont really geit. What I found then (and i've been finding a lot recently) is when I was with them he ceased to be Jan and just became 'the doll'. I treated him like crap, said things like 'yah maybe I will sell him, I don’t know if I like him that much'.

I've been thinking about him a lot lately, and how uncommitted I am to him. I feel weird around him (possibly cause he's bald, naked and doesnt have a permenant faceup). I've only had him a few days so i'm wondering if thats normal. But how am I suppose to treat him? I treat him differently when i'm alone then when i'm with people. I fool around with him to make people laugh or creep them out and stuff, and I feel kind of guilty after.

How am I suppsed to treat him?

I'm different for my group of friends. But I like being normal too.I don’t know where I’m going with this, I guess its mostly, are you embarrassed to bring your doll places or show people?

Or maybe, are you part of a group that doesn't associate with this type of stuff, doesn't just not understand, but like COMPLETELY shuns it.

 

Yes... and then again, no.

I don't feel embarrassed around my friends or family. Although, most of them find my dolls beautiful.

I do feel slightly embarrassed when I get stared at in public - however, that doesn't stop me from bringing them out with me. So, it's a 'yes' I get embarrassed sometimes... but no, I don't care that I do at the same time. It won't stop me from doing what I want to do.

 

I'm not embarassed. I'm proud that i'm not main stream.

But i do know how you feel. I never really liked my first doll, i felt that way about her, turns out she really wasn't the doll for me. I later got Sage and Keiji and they've stuck to me like glue.

 

I take my dolls to places. Most of the people approach me think they are wonderful.

I am not embarrassed by my doll. I am different, I have always been. So I do what I like. I am happier when people like my doll (or my puppets); but if they do not, it does not bother me.

I do agree with others, that you should take your doll with you when he is complete and ready to meet people. (You will not take your family member out to the public when they are naked and not feel embarrassed about it, right?)
Once he is all fixed out and looking handsome, you will be surprised how people's response to him will change.

 

It's sad that you (and I'm sure others) feel this way at times, especially when it's about appearances and outside influences, but what it sounds like to me is that you're opinion of your doll is suffering from pressure you're feeling in situations with your friends who aren't into BJDs.

I'm very lucky in that my friends, and though I am sometimes self-conscious when I'm out in public with a doll - though it depends mostly on where I am how comfortable I feel just carrying them around or having them out of a carrier bag - I don't let that taint my personal feelings about them.

My suggestion is to take a step back and decide how YOU really feel about your doll, because he's YOURS, and YOU should be happy with him. If you realize it's just outside factors that are making you feel this way, then brush them off, and be proud of your Jan! If however, this is a reflection of something like an ambivalence you have about BJDs, then maybe you're not happy with him, and you should think about that more.

But I really think this sounds like it's a social pressure that's making you feel guilty or silly for having him - Don't let anyone make you feel insecure about having your Jan

 

Even if everyone was against it I would never belittle Lucifer or degrade him or whatever. He's a very precious person to me. I'd stand up for him if someone were to say mean stuff about him. I think it depends on how much your love the doll. How can I be embarased of something I'm proud of?

 

I only get embarrassed when they ask how much I spent on them. I've lied, and I've told the truth. I tend to take them out with me, and they go to work all the time. I do have a floating head that hardly anyone likes, but I adore him and it makes me sad when people talk about him in a derogatory manner.

My closest friends took an immediate liking to Zan, and even bought my Christmas presents with my dolls in mind....after knowing Zan a few hours.

 

I just got my doll and I think I might be a little embarrassed when bringing him in public without other doll people around, but the way I see it, you'll never see those people again in life and they mean nothing to you. As for my friends, they support me in my hobbies (one just bought a MNF Shiwoo!) and would never degrade me like that. They'd probably hit me if I started badmouthing Isaac; they like him as much as I do. XD

 

First of all I'd like to say I really respect your honesty and your ability to look at your behavior somewhat objectively, especially at 16. Don't forget, as has been discussed here many times, there is a stigma attached to playing with dolls beyond a certain age. I would venture a guess that most of us have felt embarrassed at some point, I know I have, so you are certainly not alone.

You know, I don't take my dolls with me when I go out...that is just not the kind of relationship I have with them. Playing with my dolls is largely a solitary activity for me and I am okay with that. I get the most enjoyment out of all the creative things I am inspired to do with them~be it sewing, painting them, making jewelry...as an artist I am sure you can understand that. That may be what you get out of them too. How you feel when you are alone in your space with your doll is the truest measure of it's value in your life. If the way other people feel or don't feel about him penetrates your experience even there, alone and playing with him then that may point to a deeper issue that you will need to face at some point whether your doll is a catalyst for it or not (in other words getting rid of him won't make it go away)

I work around a bunch of transpersonal therapists, shamans & mystics...part of me was terrified they would find it shallow or silly so I didn't tell any of them about my dolls for a long time because I thought it would diminish the respect I got as a therapist. And I was ashamed of being ashamed. So I finally "outed" myself and I have found that the creativity these dolls inspire is something everyone worth my energy can respect (and my colleagues are more than supportive). I am an artist first and foremost after all~and the dolls are my canvas.

Since you obviously have the courage to be honest and an introspective nature I know you will find clarity about this for yourself.

much love

 

If what your friends say has such an influence on you, than maybe he isn't the doll, or this isn't the hobby, for you. Or maybe you just shouldn't take him around them.

I don't really get embarrased. I've taken my boys out with non-doll friends, and still seem to love them just as much. My family has gotten embarrassed, and has even gone so far as to pretend not to know me, but.. *shrug* If they have a problem, it is their problem. I like having my dolls around, and there's really nothing to be done about it.

 

You might be interested in this thread Since it's about this in another way.

I used to be like you. I was terribly embarrassed about my interests and hobbies. When I was your age (oh God, I'm finally old enough to say that to someone past puberty *faints*) or actually a little younger, it was in the time before anime and manga were "cool", or at least socially acceptable. I never brought it up in public, even though I loved it in the privacy of my friends group and home, and when it DID somehow get out that I was into anime and manga, I would do the SAME THING and degrade it/make fun of it/belittle it to the person I was talking to about it because I didn't want them to think that I was really all that into it.

I learned later on that you really just have to be yourself. If you like watching anime, watch anime. If you like cosplaying, cosplay. If you like playing with really expensive and beautiful dolls that you save up for or work hard for and earn for yourself in someway, then PLAY WITH DOLLS. Do what makes you happy if it doesn't do harm to others. God knows there's really not enough happiness in this world at any given time. You shouldn't feel guilty about Jan, when it doesn't do anyone any harm, and you should be happy and grateful that you are in a place in your life where you or your parents can afford to spend the money on this luxury.

By the way, I saw the arrival photos you posted of your boy in the arrival gallery, and I think he's absolutely breathtaking, so you have even less of a reason to feel embarrassed necause he's just plain BEAUTIFUL. If you don't want to say you play with him, then you can always tell your less-than-supportive friends and strangers that he's an interactive art piece that you use to brighten your life and bring in some more reasons to be creative. That sounds much more sophisticated than saying that you just play with him (even if thats more of the truth XD ).

 

Definitely good advice!

But also, it's nice to have your doll looking his best before you show people, find the perfect wig and eyes, and a face up you're happy with, and a nice outfit ;D Not only will he look great to others, but your attitude about him can o a long way in making people more accepting.

I took my first doll out in public as soon as she had a body. She had on a too-small, borrowed wig, the wrong sized eyes, and my second sewing attempt (read: TERRIBLE). I got some negative comments (but ohgod, she was reaaaaly terrible-looking)... overall a really embarrassing outing. >_<

But just stick with him, try to get everything about him perfect and you'll either cease to care about what other people think, or he'll grow on your friends and they'll want one too >:]

 

In all honesty I was at first yes. When I was 12 my family suddenly decided for me that i was apparently too old to play with dolls, and proceeded to make stupid comments that made me push them aside. However BJDs are so far from the dolls most of us grew up with they feel different.

It only took about 2 months for me to get over any existing embarassment. I refuse to be embarassed about something that has brought me many new friends, has brought out so many of of my creative skills, has given me something to pour my little heart into and that gives me joy everyday I wake, just seeing their little faces.There is no logic to pushing it aside, there are too many pros.

It's okay to be a little embrassed at first, because society has done a rather thourough job of telling us what it consideres "normal" or "right". Break away from the masses, and don't let them push you around based on -their- likes and dislikes, or what -they- think is how you should be. If people are being rude to you sometimes you really need to give them a taste of their own medicine and retort back to them with something that gets the message through their thick skulls.

 

I loved this quote from the thread Sebastian linked

especially that last bit, So true. "People pay attention to the signals you give them, and react accordingly"

 

Oh heck yes. I haven't even got him yet and I'm already thinking "oh god what if situation x happens and I feel like y and then z comes in and ruins everything and agghhhh!" I think it's definately normal to be embarassed at first when you get a new hobby. I was so nervous to say I watched anime that I even tried watching shows like The OC and everything just so that I could say I watched it when I didn't even like the show! But eventually I just figured "screw it. I'm not going to alienate fellow anime fans by pretending I like these crappy network shows! I'll never meet any anime friends if I keep doing this!" Because of this past experience I don't allow others to tell me that dolls are stupid. My doll is MY DOLL. Mine. Not theirs and they don't have to deal with it so people who think it's a waste need to shut their mouths. The only way to conquer your embarassment is just simply to take him out with you and when people say something negative either don't reply or say "that's your opinion". You don't have to be snotty about it(though I love being snotty myself) just say it to show that you're not letting them influence your likes. If people know they can influence you they're going to but if you don't allow them to they'll get over their obsession with saying negative things!

 

Third that, 1000%. This is so true.