Don't be embarrassed!

Well, my doll isn't here yet, but I already know that my friends are going to be a little, let's say "off" about him.

Most of my friends aren't into the same kinds of things I am but we bond on a lot of other things, so generally they are quite accepting. I'll tell them about how excited I am to be getting my doll and most of my friends will be like, "Oh that's good!" I have a few friends who know how much they cost and are like "Why would you spend so much money on a doll?" and I just tell them that it would be easier to understand when they see him.

I plan on showing him to my friends, and I know that some will be like, "oh thats a doll?" some will be cool with it and some will be just whatever with it.

They know better, however, then to diss or be disrespectful about things I like because they know that I would do that about something they like and they don't appreciate that.

Personally, I feel that you need to just take a quick minute and think about whether you really wanted/connected with your doll and the hobby. Sometimes you start a hobby and find out you didn't like it as much as you thought you would. If you do decide that you like/love/bonded with your doll and realize it was your friends I think you should really talk to them about how you feel they're being disrespectful to hobbies and things that you enjoy. Friends, even if they don't appreciate something the way you do, doesn't mean they should influence you so much that you regret liking something. If they just don't get it, I would just be like, "You don't need to get why I would do this, just accept the fact that I like these dolls, you don't have to, I do though". I'm just going with the assumption that your friends are being a little snotty/mean about it. I don't know if that's the case, but either way your friends should in the end get the fact that you like your doll and are not weird/abnormal because of it.

Plus, don't let anyone tell you what's normal. I have yet to find a definition to a "normal person".

Sorry, I tried to help, it looks more like I rambled on then anything. >.>

 

once you get some clothes and a wig and a face up, your doll will grow on you more, it is hard to bond when there is nothing but a shell.

 

Yep. Lizzard's quoted post is 100% correct... People are hard-wired to read each other's reactions and take social cues from the way others act. So, if the OP is ashamed or dismissive about the doll, then it's a good bet that her friends will react in kind. Her attitude towards him will influence theirs.

Personally, I don't let everyone I interact with know what all of my hobbies and interests are (I figure, I don't really care about every single thing they do in their spare time, so why would they be interested in everything I do in mine? And yes... That means that I have friends I've know for years who have no clue my dolls exist-), but when I do mention them, I find it's pretty easy to get an "Oh, okay. That sounds interesting"-response if I take the attitude and tone of it being 'no big deal'.

No matter how geeky a hobby is, if you don't seem to find it shameful or worth being embarassed over, odds are good that no one else will either. At least, not to the point of being vocal about it.

Now, if the OP really, honestly *IS* ashamed of having a doll, then it's probably better not to fight a losing battle. It'll be better all around if she just finds another hobby, because engaging in hobbies that cause stress instead of soothing it is kind-of defeating the purpose of having a pass-time in the first place. o_O

 

I'm not embarrassed about my dolls, though there are some places I choose not to take them and I prefer to be out in public in a group. However, I am also naturally shy. Actually most people have been genuinly curious and interested about my dolls--I've had very few negative reactions. When explaining my doll habit I stick to the things that other people are most likely to understand, which in my case are the creative aspects.

As for the bonding thing--having the right wig, clothes and eyes make a huge difference. You may very well feel differently when you get him all decked out the way you want him to be. Sometimes it also just takes a little time.

 

I haven't even begun to save up money for my first boy, but I'm always kind of paranoid to bring him up. I've dropped random hints to my family, but they've never asked about it, though the one time I showed my mom a picture online she got upset with me because I was supposed to be writing a paper >_>

I just brought it up with one of my friends, though, all kind of haphazardly and afraid she'd think I was being silly, but she responded really well, saying "Oh, those, yeah, they're really pretty!" The price bit scared her away for now, but when I mentioned I was getting them for my characters she mentioned she'd love to do the same, just later. It was very heartening, so now I'm not quite so worried about eventually putting the money out, because it's nice to know at least one person around me will be positive.

 

I agree with Lizzard too- peoples reactions will be heavily affected by how you present your doll. When making fun of him makes you feel bad afterwards, you should definetily not do it. I am under the impression that you bought him because you found him beautiful, and he did cost a small fortune... so my best advice would be to get him a wig, and some clothes (lots of simple tutorials on DoA, how to make a hoodie from a sock etc ), get him a permanent face-up and say to yourself that it is perfectly ok to love your doll no matter how old you are. (I am 26 have no plans to stop playing with dolls anytime soon). I believe that just getting him a wig and some pants will make your doll more confident to stand up for himself

I think the main issue here is insecurity, but once you give it a thought- won't your friends be supportive to something that means a lot to you? If you try to approach your doll differently and tell your friends how you feel about him, they will also have a chance to accept him- and your interests. Feeling embarrased by many things is perfectly human... my solution, about my dolls, is to tell it like it is- that I love them and they mean alot to me, but to add that I know I am sort of irregular and silly- then we can all laugh together about my silliness without offending my beloved dolls

 

Is it bad that some of my favorite public doll photos are ones where there's someone with an obvious "WTF?!" face looking at the dolls in the background.

That said, I tend to take my dolls only to places where I can find receptive, like minds, such as doll meets or conventions. Pick your battles- if one set of friends is going to make you feel bad about your doll, only bring it out when you're among friends that *don't*.

 

I do feel a bit embarrassed about her, but I know that I really shouldn't.

I feel bad about how much she cost sometimes, especially when talking to other people. But this hobby really isn't that expensive in the scheme of things. Sure, a BJD is expensive for a doll, but not for a hobby. If we'd all taken up go kart racing we'd be spending much more on keeping our karts running than one doll would cost. My brother's spent a small fortune on his car. People spend much more on their hobbies than we do, honest. If it's what you want and it makes you happy, like my girl does, then there's no harm in the price whatsoever.

I spend all my time with artists and designers, so I've never gotten any crap from my friends for having her. They get why I'd want her. They call her creepy, but it's as a compliment. And even though they're supportive and interested in her, I tend not to play with her much outside of my room. It's not so much that I'm embarrassed, it's just where I'm most comfortable interacting with her. I'm much happier being one on one with my doll than with anyone else around.

I think you will also feel much better about him once he's dressed and has a wig and things. Their personalities really shine when you're happy with how they look. In the end I don't think it matters if your friends like him. It's neat if they do, but if they don't, don't sweat it. It doesn't mean they don't like you if they don't understand your hobby.

 

no i don't get embarassed. This may sound harsh but it's only my opinion, if your friends don't really get it, maybe you shouldn't take him with you?

I know none of my closest friends like dolls. They think it's a lot of money but none of them can judge (one spent $120 on some headphones... me and the other prefer headphones for like $20 if possible) they know it too. They also am aware of how i am with my finance so it's not a big thing with money scale. I just simply don't talk about them much or bring them along. Embarassingly i did go on about them way too much last year and i felt bad that they got annoyed with me (2 months none-stop talking about it... enough to get them irrated, i was worried they hated me after)

I took my Rae out with us once and we messed about. They were fine with it. Still don't get it or anything but they saw how i was very protective, very worried and i did spend more time photographing him than anything else (we were on a day trip, one of them ended up photographying with me) I noticed that time with friends is different, i don't treat my dolls differently, i don't act different, he sits on my lap and i cuddle him but we don't revolve around him.

If you feel pressured then maybe seperate the times you spend with your doll and your friend. I take my dolls along for doll meets or our anime meets for example. I treat them the same as i do at home but i also interact with people normally too. If you're not comfortable don't take him. If you do take him, treat him how you usually do then people would know how serious and committed you are. Usually people are very nice about it. All my friends just struge it off, it's part of who i am, they like me for being me, it's just another wacky thing that i do and they love me for it really that's how i view friends. Besides my boys always just sits next to us. Being good and not hogging attention.

 

No, I'm not embarrassed at all by Kaesu, and lately I've been taking him everywhere. My friends are mostly indifferent; a few think he's creepy, but they're not mean about it, and one likes him. My family, however, is mortified to be seen with a 20 year old who carries a doll, but I don't care. That's their insecurity, not mine.

As for how you should treat your boy, that's for you to decide. If your friends aren't into bjds, though, I'd suggest waiting at least until poor, naked Jan has a wig and some clothes before parading him about. Besides, it's got to be cold in Canada; he'll freeze his lil' resin bottom off.

 

are you embarrassed to bring your doll places or show people?

I don't think I'm embarassed about my dolls, however I don't take them to places much because it's awkward and not comfortable I guess (for me). I think it depends on your friends, your friend cycle and what kind of people they are/what kind of people you deal with. I'm eager to show my dolls to my best friend, who lives away and hasn't seen them but I will probably feel a little awkward around my friends, because they don't really get the doll thing (as expected). They might know that I like different things, I'm nerdy/geeky but still, it can get uncomfortable when they actually meet the doll, get to see the doll and you're right there, next to it. well it really depends though, when I just visit relatives they have a good reaction to me and the doll. (see below) When it's people my age, I get a little embarassed.

About the "how do you treat your doll in front of others" aspect, I've only taken my Blythe to friend's houses and I usually hold her in my hand, I caress her hair, I touch her little clothes and I show the people around me that I like her, that I adore her actually, that she means something to me and they accept it pretty good (even though in the back of their minds, they probably think I'm crazy). their reaction is OK. =)

I admit that I do feel bad sometimes about their cost, not about playing with dolls at this age though but about their cost. People make you feel like that but it's wrong.

Yes, there's that part too, where you don't want to freak them out, you definitely have to put a wig on your doll to show him/her.

 

I'm not embarrased, I just really don't like negative comments about Rel so I dont really publicize her existance. I think it's because I am so attached to her, it hurts when people voice their [negative] opinions about her. It's almost like someone saying your child is weird/creepy/etc... But I have noticed that if you act more open about your dolls, even proud maybe, people wont be as harsh.

 

I guess I'm simply too old to get embarrassed about much of anything anymore but I can still understand the pressure of wanting to fit in with your friends. Perhaps that isn't the best place to take your doll. Get him dressed & wigged & perhaps take him out in public to photograph him around strangers rather than friends. You may be surprised at the positive response you receive.

Personally, I love showing off my dolls. Some folks act like I'm the crazy old doll lady & others are truly interested & ask questions. People's reactions are often amusing to me. If you're comfortable with yourself, that will come thru & most folks will be respectful of it.

 

In my opinion you're jumping the gun a bit.

Just sit back and relax, and get Jan to look the way you want him to look before you go showing him to people who don't know anything about BJDs. A blank doll can be a very scary thing to people who've never seen one before.

If you're aching to share Jan with people, post more on DoA or even better, why don't you try to find someone in your area that's interested in BJDs? It really helps to have someone to discuss your problems with and someone who could possibly help you out with tips and advice. Otherwise I think it'd be best to just keep him to yourself for now so that you can avoid the embarrassment and the guilt. That way you can also enjoy playing with him without anything or anyone influencing what you think about him and how you act toward him.

by the way... I'm not embarrassed by my dolls. With Kaji I was really afraid to let people see him, though, because I wasn't sure how people would react... So he sat in my bag most of the time. Then one day I couldn't take it anymore and I took him out randomly to sit with me during one of my art studios. When I took him out he ended up getting a lot of attention... The best part was that people were really interested in him and even though some of them said he creeped them out they were genuinely curious about him which made me bond with him a lot. This eventually led me to being completely comfortable with having my dolls out in the open... And even though now some people are really kind of weirded out by a guy walking around with a big doll. I enjoy the hobby too much to care.

 

i've got an extra pair of pants and a tank that i made just real quick to cover my boy. it doesn't fit his personality: the jeans have two 'holes' on the right leg and some small designs in black on his left leg. the tank and the pants both close by snaps. if you need some cloths i'd be happy to send these to you. i don't need them anymore. here's a pic of it. he's the one to the right XD

oh, and yes i do sometimes, but most of the time i just remember my mom's collection of doll and i get over it.

 

Working in a blue-collar environment for 16 years, you develop a thick skin. I don't take flak from anyone including family. It's my money, my passion. When you're young, it takes awhile to figure out who you really are and how you are going to be as a person. Maybe you just want to fit in with your friends more at this age. For now, I think you should leave your doll at home until you feel better about yourself and your hobby. Your doll deserves it and so do you. sorry, don't like to sound like a old hag but i am one.

 

Funny thing is that when I carry Zarr around with me in his entirety, yes, I get embarassed. I worry that people are laughing behind my back, even though I know these feelings are just the leftovers of childhood insecurity (I was always teased for being short and never speaking to my classmates -- I preferred drawing and reading to highschool drama), but it bothers me nonetheless.

However, I don't feel embarassed at ALL when I drag him to college with me in pieces. I sit down right in the middle of the common area, pull the parts out of the boxes, and start stringing him up right then and there, no matter WHO is around.

I've actually had students stop studying to stare at me in confusion and amazement while I work on him. I don't mind that at all...I guess it's the art student in me that doesn't mind being caught in the process of assembly. While this is going on, I'll answer all questions happily.

But if I'm caught carrying him around, I won't even be able to recall what his NAME is. I freak out that badly! D:

And to your question about friends, I DO treat my dolls differently around them than with myself. Not badly-differently, but I'm much more likely to joke around with him.

 

oops sorry double post

 

elfy016: First, that tank is cute! And Second, HAIBANE RENMEI! (Sorry, saw the little postcard/poster behind your doll and automatically squeed XD).

Hah, yes, I'm the same way! Not about dolls (haven't had the oppurtunity) but I'm all ready and raring to tell you about any art piece I'm working on at the moment, but once it's done I don't really want to show it to anyone...:p

I think Cadmium and the others who have said so are right to say that you should just take your time. You JUST got him recently, and not only does it take time to get used to having one/doing things with one, but it also takes a while to get over the residual Buyers Remorse feeling, whether you bought him for yourself or not. You might not realize it, but maybe some of your embarrassment is caused by a feeling of "should I really have spent all that money?". If you can't answer that to yourself yet, then of course you will feel uncomfortable bringing him around other non-doll people and trying to explain why to THEM.

Just give it time. I'd say if you're still feeling unsure and embarrassed in like 6 months, and you still don't want to really do anything with him then, THEN consider selling, but not before unless you're absolutely sure.