Don't be embarrassed!

Like others have said already, I think it is the social pressure that is making you treat him that way. You say you feel guilty, is it because you're acting in a different way than your true feelings towards your doll? Or is it because you feel guilty that you spent money on something you think you might not truly like?

If it's the former, then you could try not taking him out in front of your friends/people you know will make you treat him this way. If they ask about it, try telling them you don't want to take him out. Treating him differently than you would normally could end up hurting your 'bonding' with him. I hope you figure this out. *hugs*



As for me, my doll hasn't arrived yet, but I don't think I would treat him differently in front of other people. For things that are precious to me, I am very protective. XD I at least expect other people to be respectful to things that are precious to me, even if they hate/don't like it, because that is the only way to earn my respect in return. :]

My older sister sometimes sees me browsing BJD pictures and exclaims 'EWW'. I just look at her with a blank expression on my face, saying nothing. She quickly changes the subject. XD

 

I don't have a doll yet, but I do have a number of "weird" hobbies.

Try explaining roleplaying to non-roleplayers, or reiki to those who don't believe in alternative healing. It doesn't work and goes south, fast.

Just because some of your friends don't get your new hobby doesn't mean you should abandon it or never talk about it. You can, just don't go overboard (all too easy especially when you're really excited about something) and if they want to know more they will ask. Definitely wait until you have finished your boy before taking him out again- the more proud of him you are the easier it will be to bond with him and for your friends to see what you are excited about.

You might still feel embarrassed. It happens. I love my bright pink beanie with bunny ears, but I get embarrassed when I wear it sometimes. But just because you are embarrassed, don't make disparaging jokes - not only does it tell your friends that it's ok to do that, but it also starts affecting how YOU think of your doll. And that doesn't mean you can't joke, but turn it into a positive! I've been told I was doing Hippie 101 when I did my reiki course, I laughed and said sure, at least hippies are less stressed out; I have had friends ask me if something I told them was what me or my character did last night and I grinned and said that at I had the thrill of living more than one life at once and could do things I'm not capable of in the comfort of my living room. People have said that my half-finished teddy bears look like "creepy heads on spikes" and I've giggled and contemplated taking a bunch of them to count out how many movie tickets we'd need next time we went. I imagine I'll treat my future doll the same way. I will love her and won't hide her, and I will take negative comments and turn those into something to laugh and smile about and my friends will accept the new hobby just as they accept the rest of me. Weird, but awesome.

Just don't go shoving your doll down their throats and you'll be fine.

 

I love you lol. Seriously though ^^.

I feel like I wouldn't take my doll where she is not wanted. Not even in public, but even my mother would give me a "=|" expression if I brought one of my other dolls to show her or just have with me while we're doing nothing. In public... I do figure that you'll never see those people again and everything but it's just realizing that what you're doing is not so ridiculous, and that people will only make you feel bad about your hobby when you show that you feel bad about it. It's actually true but I still need to work on it.

Message to myself and everyone xD:
Don't be embarassed! Don't let anyone spoil your opportunity to enjoy your dolls wherever you are. Like, you just spent the money, you might as well get your money's worth out of it!

 

lemme see... I don't think it's "wrong" for you to feel embarassed right now, but definately it's not really a place where you want to be, is it? Just think, people waste money all the time on things heh. Like some people smoke and pay a lot for those cigarettes. But try telling them about it and they'll be quick to shut you up because it's they're life and whatever. Obviously there are many people on DOA and all of them have an interest in dolls, and a lot of them have always collected dolls, so people saying "omg dolls are for kids" is really ignorant actually. They're a model of a human and are not even like kiddy dolls/Barbie looking with big vinyl heads and a cloth stuffed body of something. They're resin and beautiful. I really can't see what's so wrong about it, in fact I would be raising my eyebrow to see little kids toting one around and buying them at Wal-mart. So, not for kids. Trying to be normal is overrated. It's not going to make you happy. I agree, finish his "look" and then maybe you'll feel proud enough about him to not be so embarassed by it. Also, as was said, people might even look at you weirdly for badmouthing your own doll. They'd think you're just confused and that's no way to get respect. People admire others who can stick up for something, otherwise that's how people get pushed around @_@. That's basically what I'm trying to say. (And I still need to take my own advice -_-)

 

Double post u_u there really is a need for a "delete" button heh

 

Personally I'm not embarassed to take my boy anywhere with me. I probably would more often if I was actually the driver (I really need to hurry and get my lisence). At first my best friend thought I was a little weird for spending so much on a doll but I eventually brought her into the hobby so now we both have dolls whom we love and take pictures of together. I'm sorta an outcast so yeah, not really friends to worry about besides her... and I hang out with pretty open-minded people so, yeah. I'm never really embarrassed, anymore... I used to get embarrassed really easy in middle school though.

 

My first instinct it is to go "No, no! I love my girl! I'll take her anywhere " Then I wake up.

I get embarressed to take my girl out into public with me. I haven't gone and walked around with her by myself before. Maybe it's a worry in the back of my mind that all the "doll haters" will come out and be "Gr" at me. *rolls eyes*

I don't have a problem if I am with some one else. I've taken my dolls to work, even walked around the biggest mall in my state with both my dolls in tow (with my doll group) and not had a problem. I even walked around a swanky 5 star hotel with her wig faling off every five seconds with just a handful of people.
My friends are actually pretty accepting of my having dolls, because alot of them are artists and understand that what got me started was the thrill of a different kind of blank canvas.

I really want to take my dolls to Michaels and see if some of the teddy bear clothing fits, but again, I'm afraid to. Maybe it's a nervousness thing I have to get over by just doing it. *shrug*

 

thank you Sebastian^^ and i love that show! ... sorry off topic. *hides*

 

I don't feel embarrassed at all with taking my girl out or around my non doll friends. If they all "blah bah" I just ignore it. People are always telling me what a waste they are. Screw them. Anywho, when my doll is around other doll with nicer clothing, face up, and things like that is when I feel this way. My doll isn't as lovely as some of the others and I feel bad that I can't make her as beautiful or well-dressed. Still, I don't feel like that and you shouldn't either. ^_^

 

Don't beat yourself up. You don't have to live up to anyone's expectations when it comes to something like this. How you feel, is how you feel and it may vary from time to time. I'm old and been around the block a few times. Heck, I may have even drawn the map. lol A lot of people are not going to understand and nothing you can say will change their minds. I don't carry mine around, but lots of people know I have them. They make my little den/office area in my house look like an Alfred Hitchcock movie, with little resin bodies setting EVERYWHERE, staring at all that dare enter. lol. I DON'T discuss their costs however. lol. People REALLY don't understand that. But it's okay to feel conflicted. I don't know how old you are, but I suspect you are at the age, where feeling conflicted is actually a developmental milestone and you are right on target. There are people your age, who may "make a stand" and are outspoken about their dolls, but they are comfortable with being seen as different, and may even wear their difference as a badge of honor. But that's what works for them. And if you want to know the truth, there are some new parents who have conflicting feelings about their newborns. We have this idea, they have the child and immediately fall in love, because that is what's expected. But in reality for some, it's new and scary and demanding and they don't know how they feel and feel guilty for it. Well, a doll isn't a baby, but in some ways can be similar. You haven't had him long. He still really doesn't have an identity yet. He is bald and naked and doesn't have the faceup who will make him feel like yours. He's sort of undefined at the moment and you're just trying to figure out where he fits into your life. You'll figure it out. Trust me on this one. What kind of doll person will you be? You'll find out in time. These dolls mean different things to different people. This is suppose to be fun and relaxing, not traumatic. You may find that you are just not a dollfie person. Or you may find your are your own kind of dollfie person and that's okay.

 

I used to be a rather self-conscious person; I strongly disliked the thought that my dolls might draw attention from complete strangers in public. I feared that most people would consider me, a woman over 30, childish and immature for not only collecting dolls but also having an obvious emotional attachment to them and, God forbid, playing with them. So I never dared take them anywhere, let alone take pictures in public places.

For the first year or so, most of my friends and family had no clue that I collected dolls, and I even downplayed their importance when talking to those who found out accidentally, like the OP did with her friends.

But I was always irritated with myself, because I believe that every bit of happiness you experience in this life (no matter where you gain it from, as long as you harm nobody else) is important, and every second of it that you miss
because you worry about the opinion of others is a wasted one. It may sound like a platitude, but life is short -- and you never know when it throws you a curveball.

A few months ago, when I got together with my partner and first told him about my dolls, I expected him to find them strange, or balk at the amount of money I spend on something that's basically a luxury toy. He just looked at them, though, asked a couple of questions and then remarked that it seemed like a very creative hobby.

You never know, people can surprise you.

I still don't take my dolls with me to work or shopping or anything like that (mostly because I feel no desire to), but by now, I've taken a few of them with me when I went to visit friends, and I've gone to a couple of dollmeets in public places, and that's always a lot of fun. So far, most of the reactions from "outsiders" have been ones of friendly, if a bit amused, interest.

 

I'm embarrassed of myself being embarrassed. It's not Ivo's fault that he gathers stares in public places, it's my fault for taking him to those places and feeling embarrassed when people keep on staring.

It's just.. I don't think there's anything to be embarrassed about, since my doll is something I love more than anything else, and I should only feel proud. But well, sometimes it's just not that simple.

 

I see a lot of people saying their friends accept them and don't care about the hobby; Which is all fine and cool, but I know personally not everyone of my friends fit into that scope. One of my four room mates likes my dolls, she thinks their cute. The girl who lives in the room across from me, is a good friend, but she thinks he's weird.
Even when I first got my Yders body she came in and made fun of him; which made me feel slightly embarressed, she then posed his hands in *naughty* positions down his pants and had a laugh about it, I tried to laugh it off but did in the end feel pretty guilty about it. So I've learned to not really bring my Doll around her, or to talk to about my doll around her. Though, over time she's become more accepting of my doll and really stopped teasing me about him. Just the other day I had him chilling out in the living room with me and she came out and picked up my new digital camera and started snapping pictures of him [Shes a photography major] which I read as a sign that shes more alright with him.

I guess when it comes down to it, either your friends will stop bothering you once they realize you're serious about the hobby and that you love your doll the more you exude that kind of energy around them; either that or you just know not to bring your boy around them and find other friends to show him to. Heck, it might even be an opportunity to meet new friends in your area who also have this interest!

And the problem with bonding at first I think is very normal. when I first got my Yder, Daai, he was just a floating head on a stuffed body with no clothing. I didn't warm up to him at first, I thought he was pretty, but no more than that..But the more I fussed with his hair, and when I made my first crappy out fit for him, I grew closer to him.
I'm sure once you get Jan a real faceup [which your temp looks very good, I saw it in critique, ] with the right supplies, which you can get at a local Micheals or Pearl if you're in the US, and maybe make him some temporary clothes, you'll start to bond with him. Once you develop your vision, you'll grow to really love him. He's a beautiful boy, you just have to give it time.

Also, if you really cant afford to get him any clothing any time soon I'd be more than willing to make a hoodie or long sleeve shirt for him free of charge, free shipping too. :]

[Edit] Here's just a pic of the hoodie I've done.

 

Aww thank you! I guess we kinda have the same situation Yah, I just sent him off to China to get his face done and I miss him already, so something's gotta be warming up!

Awwwwwwww! And thanks so much for offering to make a hoodie! Wow, people on here are just too generous, another girl sent my some pants and shirt for Jan and I ordered him some clothes recently sohe should be good before his head shows up! Thanks for your offer, its so generous of you Your boyis just SUCH little cutie!

 

I was too excited not to take Rhiannon out and since I get stares with the weirder things I've done with my hair or wearing blue tinted perscription glasses I've gotten used to it. If you just got him and he's not really complete, don't sell him and later regret it. Work on getting him more complete and then take him out you might feel a little better about it.

The only thing I've done that made me not want other people to see was when I was doing an outdoor modeling shoot with Rhiannon and I had to change her clothes....with a small boy running around with his mom behind him. I didn't want to get a negative reaction from a mother. But other than that I've managed to have fun, especially taking her out to resturants and just creeping the wait staff out when they come to the table. They get a laugh out of it after the shock of the doll.

 

With friends and family I'm not embarrassed in the least. They all know about my boy and most of them love him to bits. ^^

Around the public eye I do feel odd.
People (Especially if they are non-BJD people) are very closed minded about things. I've had people get on me about my hair color when I dye it and carrying a doll around doesn't seem to help much. Oh well. It only matters what you yourself think, right? =3

 

Really, I bought my dolls to share with others and to make them smile at the sight of such a lovely piece of art. But this hasn't been the case all the time so they sit in my room for now. When going on an outing, I will always take my dolls in a bag so that when I'm travelling people won't stare and snicker and maybe even try to roughly handle them.

It is funny that people think dolls are for kids, but those who mock adults/teens who have dolls are about as immature as a kid themselves -__- Plus I wouldn't trust anyone under 12 to play with a BJD without damaging them in some way.

 

Hmmm I have to say yes and no to this. I love my kids to death and I enjoy taking them out and about, sharing them with my friends and parents but yes; there are some places where I feel slightly uncomfortable with them simply because in some places it's hard to explain them. But even so, I love taking my kids out because a lot of the time I'm surprised to have someone come up and ask all about them and even ask for links so they can look into getting a dear of their own! So it's pretty complicated I guess; it all depends on where you are!

 

I'm not embarressed about my boy, but there are times where I try my very best to avoid talking about him.
I may be prejugding and stuff, but when I went to our local pizzaria and I had him with me, I didn't corrected them when they called him a girl, I must admit I was afraid of doing so S:
They come from another kind of culture. In Denmark feminine boys may be considered weird, but it's accepted, I'm afraid that they would be upset about it and do something to me S:
Not completely the same, but I think I somehow understand you though.