DON'T Call Them "Toys."

That person's comment shouldn't bother you and reacting to it is just going to make the situation worse. However, the people who have this problem aren't the type who can just say "I'm not going to let this bother me" and instantly not be upset. What's easy for you may not be as easy for someone else, not everyone is the same.

Is it important for that person to do their best to get over it and move on? Of course, but it's not as easy as telling yourself "I shouldn't be upset about this" Pretending (to yourself) that it doesn't bother you isn't going to help. I've tried it. It's better to acknowledge that you're easily hurt by things like this and try to learn to deal with it.

They may not necessarily be looking for a fight. In some cases the parents may be over protective (in this case: worried that you won't be able to take care of yourself when you're out of their care). My parents have always been like this. Instead of explaining to them why it's so important to me, I try to prove to them that I can handle it by myself. Sometimes it doesn't work and they'll still be just as stubborn about it, but viewing it from their perspective may help you find a way to explain your situation to them in a way they might understand.

If it's someone you're very close with, especially if it's a significant other as yumechan07 mentioned, it's an even bigger problem. I think it's really unhealthy for a relationship if you ignore stuff like this.

 

I hope you realize that was sarcasm (insert snarky emoticon here).
Personally I don't give a rat's butt about imbeciles who insist on foisting their inane comments at me, which does happen from time to time because although like JennyNemesis so wonderfully put it, I am a grownup now, and I don't have to listen to the run on idiocy of my peers most times, however there are situations in which I am confronted by other grownups, usually at work, where I sometimes bring the dolls for photo ops since, A. We are held captive there for so many hours we need hobbies to keep us from going nuts, kind of like at jail and B. We go to some really cool places.

Also I think that an intrinsic part of my personality, whether it's good or bad depends on the situation, usually it's bad, is that I can't let things just go by. I can't let someone be rude or mean or obnoxious. I need to challenge them. And I don't get hurt feelings, I usually just want to explain myself. Believe me, most of the time I would love to be one of those "Just let it go" people, but it wasn't in the cards for me.

 

It's fine to get upset, I've gotten upset over negativity before, the key is not to throw a hissy fit over it. I'd feel down for about a day, but once I sleep on it, I'm right as rain again and laugh at how silly I was. The best way to handle it is to act civil, sometimes people are mean and get off on seeing you cry over it. Don't give them that satisfaction and do positive things to take your mind off it instead.

 

I agree with this, too. Remember the thread that got locked due to the craziness over snark sites? A lot of people had been saying you just have to grow up, or stuff along the lines of (what it sounded like, to me, so if I got it wrong, forgive me...) it shouldn't hurt the individual. Just like that; it shouldn't bother you. Who can tell someone what should and shouldn't bother them?

I totally agree with the 'big girl panties', but sometimes the types of issues that come with life in general tend to be out of left field.

Like, one day an older woman knocked into me, hurting my knee with her bag of groceries, and had the nerve to call me a jerk about it. And I can tell you she knocked into me, because you know the difference of how it feels to have someone knocking into you, and vise versa... It's easier to say get over it, but with someone who (honestly) has never done anything to warrant someone calling them a jerk, it was so surprising. I didn't know how to really act because it was totally new to me.

So one day you'll find your big girl panties - but you do have to find them, which is why I think Jenny's statements ring true. You have to learn to deal - someone can't just tell you how you should feel.

I'm sure there are lucky ones on DoA who were witty and clever enough to bounce back 1-2-3, but for a lot of others, it's easier said than done. Just because it wouldn't bother you, doesn't mean it won't bother someone else - at least for a little while. Eventually we'll get over it; we'll realize some people are jerks. The people who aren't out to hurt us, I hope, will choose their words (or their tones) wisely. There's no use converting people who had no interest in your stuff.

Some people are more sensitive than others, and they will get mad at a drop of a hat; and that is their problem. My dad's sister was like that. No one wanted to invite her over, because they felt she really just wanted to be the center of attention. And she'd constantly walk out in the middle of things.

But think of it this way: If you don't like sushi, do you expect everyone else to find it bad, too? No; most of the time we assume that we might not like it, but others might. So, you can't say that A is the 'correct' response; more than one way to skin a cat (or mod a doll) .

 

Luckily so far all the people around me have been cool. It's one thing to not care about the opinions of a stranger or a casual acquaintance, but I think it would be a lot harder to have someone I care about giving a negative attitude towards my hobbies (especially since whenever I'm having a hard time with depression, etc., having hobbies that I really care about get me through a lot).

(and it helps that there are a few collectors in my family, so even the people who aren't into dolls specifically understand what it's like to care about collecting something, even if it can get expensive)

I can understand being hurt by someone you have to deal with a lot/someone who's opinion really does matter to you, if they continued to belittle a hobby you also care about. And even someone who lets things roll off their backs most of the time could have am off day where they're a little more emotional and find themselves affected by words that wouldn't ordinarily bother them, too.

=^__^=
Anneko

 

If it's solely to make fun of you and to put you down, yes, you can say anything in that tone and it'd have the same effect though. If it's out of ignorance, how could I get mad? Dolls are toys in most people's eyes, and I've seen just as expensive if not more expensive toys before.

Just for a different perspective, from a non-doll person, my boyfriend saw this thread as i was reading it the other day--

He does count them as toys, specifically for the reason that many of us do play with them, not all, no, and for some they are just collectible things, but for the most part a lot of us really just want to interact with dolls. And why is that a bad thing? It's not an insult most of the time, and anything you play with can be considered a toy. A computer or laptop can be a toy, videogames are toys (both of which can cost WAY more than a doll), anything we 'play' with is a toy more or less by definition. Personally, I would correct someone if they didn't mean it as an insult (I think of it more as a hobby or art), but it's like saying "they aren't dolls they're action figures", most people will roll their eyes.

As for the people just being mean because you have a doll, well, frankly, suck it up (as mean as that sounds). They aren't gonna change their mind likely, might as well just explain your case once, and if they still don't like it, let them go on their way. It's not easy, and it's hard hearing things you don't like about things you care about, but it's hardly going to be a one time thing.

 

To specifically address what writerm said, there is a huge difference between the OPs quandary and snark sites. One is a perhaps unwitting or random person making an either intentional or unintentional comment about your doll being a toy, and the other is people who are in this hobby who spend their time poking fun at what they think is ugly, much like children who burn ants with magnifying glasses.
One might be pain caused by accident, the other is definitely intentionally inflicted pain. One can be brushed off and forgotten, especially if it was unintentional, the other is just obnoxious, cruel, and evil, and can't be so easily disregarded. Especially as it comes from those who might be a bit more understanding (people who live in glass houses with a bunch of dolls, etc.)

 

I have no problem if someone calls my BJDs toys. Most of the people never heard of BJDs and how special and expensive they are, so I won't blame them. They see a doll and a doll is usually something to play with, so it's a toy for them.

I don't even care about people who knew about how special those dolls are and still call them toys. They only want to provoke, and I won't give them the pleasure to get me offended.

 

My main point was: I was letting myself get wrapped up in a no-win situation. I could tell them that my PS3 lets me sprout wings and fly. If they're going to keep countering that it's a waste of money, why bother arguing? Their opinion isn't going to change, and I'm not really inclined to change it. Especially if I've already assured them that I still have a roof over my head and food to eat. So what else can I do? I could keep arguing about it, which would never end. Or I could accept that nothing is going to change and drop the subject.

It's the same thing with BJDs. If my family actually knew the cost of my dolls I'd get a whole slew of "worthless" comments. And no matter what I say they're always going to think the dolls are worthless. They're doing it out of concern, true. And since they're family their opinion is valued. But it all comes down to: the dolls make me happy and I'm still able to support myself. So their opinions don't bother me and don't factor into my doll decisions.

Stella Martis - Sorry! I quoted you, but it was a general question.

 

But toys are pretty expensive sometimes too... especially if you get into like collecting old ones and stuff like that.

I don't really have a problem with people calling my dolls toys. I play with them like I played with Barbies except with more photography (and less roughly since I'm not 7 anymore). I'm not sure what else I'd call them... interactive art? I don't feel right with the word "collectible" since I neither seek to keep my dolls in mint condition or get every single one.

I feel like it's a bit "throwing rocks in a glass house" (and pointless) to go off arguing on whose hobby is dumber and the "geek hierarchy"... It makes people look insecure to go "Oh but MY hobby isn't a waste of money compared to yours!" and the general insistence that there's such a thing as a "right" hobby. Which there totally isn't...

Meh, if someone is intending to be a jerk, I probably shouldn't worry to hard about them. If someone just doesn't "get" it, well... I hope we can come to at least an "agree to disagree," seeing as prancing across the globe evangelizing the BJD cause and making everyone agree with me is impossible. My dad doesn't like dolls much, but he'll still help me find doll shops in Hong Kong and stuff like that and I have some acquaintances who can't see themselves spending that much money on a doll, but still think they're cool.

 

Whoever said that to you was trying to hurt you. That's not cool at all.

However, I do call my dolls toys. Very expensive, decorative toys. I even consider what I do with them as "playing".

 

I see, I can understand if that's the situation with your family. Maybe I didn't word it properly, but I meant that this may not be the same case with all families. As in, they shouldn't immediately assume they'll never be able to resolve the situation between them and their parents, friends, or significant other. If you've done your best to prove to them that you can handle it, than you really can't do much more.

I think a lot of people just don't like the "childish" connotations the word "toy" comes with. Whether the other person meant to insult them or not, it may upset them simply because they think that person is implying that they are immature for collecting dolls.

Personally I don't think there is anything wrong with using the word "toy" to describe them so I think it's kind of silly to get upset at someone who didn't mean it as an insult.

 

Oh true! If you can resolve the problem with you friends/family (help them understand what they mean to you), by all means go for it! At the very least they still might think the doll is worthless, but can agree to disagree.

I also agree with you about the implications of the word "toy". Depending on how it's said it can have a whole slew of meanings. If my mom asked about my latest "toy" because she doesn't know what else to call it that's one thing. If somebody sneers about your "toy" that's another situation. For what it's worth I think the same thing could be said about the word "doll". "Oh what a pretty doll" is much different than "Why are you carrying on about that doll".

 

Yeah, I would consider them toys. They are, after all, not real, no matter how life like they may sometimes appear. In the end they're made to be played with and I have no problems with thinking of them like that, even if they are tangible versions of beloved original characters.

I've been lucky enough to not encounter too many problems with people being critical of the hobby - my friends love bjds, so I get no slack from them, but both my mother, my ex and a couple of other people all act like it's a stupid waste of time and money. Though I can understand where they come from - when I got my first head and worked up the courage to show my mother, she stared at it and said ".........160$ for that thing?" and was horribly passively aggressive for days. I can't express to her why I want him, and why he'll be important. I just keep him away out of site, and since I'll be leaving for college next year I won't have deal with it.

And I can understand why it would cut deeply to some people when their bjds are insulted. A couple of my friends mercilessly hated for a long while, just because of a music genre I was into for a time. The whole fiasco was ridiculous and painfully childish and hurt me deeply, since no matter how many times I tried to bang into their skull why their attitude pissed me off, they never stopped hating me until I gave up on the fandom. They were all my male friends though, who all (still!) have this hidious flip side to their personality and I think they were intimidated that I wasn't paying 100% attention to them, or some shit. So I can relate to those who have/had their bjds mocked, especially if it goes beyond one or two simple snide insults, because I know how it feels to have people hate/insult something so childishly, and for no reason at all.

 

I really feel for the OP, having someone say something dismissive in a "vicious" tone of voice is extremely hurtful.

There was so much anger in the OP that I am worried that the person who demeaned her is someone close to her, a parent or older sibling or someone she cares about and whose opinion matters to her. All I can say is if this is the case, and if she's subject to this kind of treatment often, I hope that she will seek professional help (a school counselor is a good place to start). When you are treated with derision and scorn by someone close to you, you have a lot of anger. This will damage your life someday. It doesn't sound like a matter of "big-girl panties".

Sorry if this is "uncool" or has already been addressed, I didn't read every reply closely..

Raven

 

someone once called my boy a glorified barbie, broke my heart

 

I myself, probably won't be offended since I know alot of people who don't understand these dolls, so I'd just brush it off, the more I correct them, the more these people will purposely call these dolls as toys ^^;;

 

i don't really have a problem with it, mainly because to me, my dolls are just expensive toys that i keep around to amuse myself. and as for someone being mean to me about them, i try not to surround myself with hostile people and if the contact is unavoidable i either ignore it or probe the rude person until they see that being rude about my hobby is ridiculous. but if we're talking about the general labels of being called a 'toy' it doesn't really bother me because that's what they are to me

 

It does kinda irk me out when someone dubs them toys, but it irks me out even more when they are dubbed Barbies (I have nothing against barbies, but my Resin babies are FAR from Barbies >:U )
Though I can understand, people outside of the hobby won't understand the true meanings of these, nor the quality or the care that is placed within each mold, that I can understand, we may know what these dolls are, and to us these are treasures more than TOYS, buuuut to others, that hold absolutely no attachment to it, will, without hesitation sometimes place them in a category. (Or to put it in a meaner category, they just want to take the micky out of it.)
Even then so long as we know the value of it, it should be okay, right?