Family member finding doll clothes in the mail...

The best thing to do is to sit down and calmly speak with your grandpa about how you're feeling about this. You're over 18 and it's your money, therefore, you can do whatever you want with it. I have never had this kind of problem before, although my mom always looks at me like I'm crazy because I spend a lot of money on this hobby, she respects it and have NEVER scolded me for anything related to my hobbies (I'm not only a BJD collector, I have hundreds of books in my room and I'm also a yaoi collector) I guess I'm just lucky to have a very open minded family.

edit, holy...I just realized that this thread is almost one year old ^^;; I haven't read the other posts but I'm curious to know if the OP was able to sort out her problems ://

 

Lol, sounds just like my mum.
She likes them and thinks they're cute, and she knew I wanted them, but she says; "well, you have 2 now, so you don't need to get anymore, not until you have the money anyway", which is understandable. I'm going on a Uni course soon, so I need to save money for that, and once I've finished the course and paid it all off, THEN I'll buy dolls if I wish to.
Funny thing is, I don't really have my eye on any atm o.O

 

THIS argument works lol. I used to collect manga in my teenaged years (I had my own job, and that's what I chose to spend my money on) and everytime I came home with something new I got the 3rd degree from my mom. I calmly explained to her the types of things I COULD be spending my money on instead of something harmless like a comic book (or dolls in this case) and though I always got disapproving looks, we never argued about it again.

 

My mom knows when to expect doll things in the mail, because I'll annoy her for days asking her if I've gotten X item yet :'D

The only incident I've had was Christmas '06 I think; she found a wig I bought, and put it under the tree :'D I felt bad because I had the seller worried it didn't arrive, but it worked out fine.

 

thats not right its your money and you spend it the way you want to spend it as long as when you have your own place you are paying for bills, groceries, and rent, then theres no problem spending the extra on doll stuff if that is what you want to spend it on, its really no one's business...

 

LOL if find myself spending the extra college money on doll stuff for me and my wife.. XD

 

My mom thinks my dolls are kind of a waste of space and time She's only really yelled at me once about them (and there was cussing, much like your grandfather), but she hasn't actually taken any steps to get rid of the dolls, which I take as a kindness coming from her. Still, I figure if I'm ever away for any amount of time, he boys are getting packed up in their boxes and stored away somewhere at a friend's house or something. I don't trust them at home alone haha.

Most of it comes from the fact that she doesn't understand that I am only spending money on the dolls that I know I can spare. I do have to save for college, and I am. But I also set some aside for the hobbies, but she just assumes that I'm spending a gazillion bucks all at once and I'll never have money for anything else, ever. My dad's chill about it, though; he, at least, realizes I'm not an idiot and spending ALL my money on dolls. However, my mom has the nasty habit of opening all my mail (especially if she sees it's from the bank), so I have to kind of intercept all my packages and stuff, try to get to the mail before she sees it, etc..

Luckily, my sister is getting into the hobby, so I figure we'll be able to support each other if our mother goes ballistic about the dolls on us. But she's in for a treat: I've been collecting MSDs, but my sister's first boy is going to be 70cm

 

My family is mostly alright with me buying dolls.
When I told her about getting one, she told me she thinks I'm too old (I'm only only a middle schooler, I'm not that old Dx)
My dad laughed and said "As long as you don't get pregnant or do drugs, I'm fine with most any hobby."
My grandma said that I'm not gonna buy one, but gave in. She still keeps suggesting that I just buy a barbie.
My brother had the worst reaction out of everyone. He's giving me $200 to help raise money for the doll. When he saw the price, he let out a squeal xDDD
No matter what they say, it all just ends with "It's your money."

 

That's super harsh. D:
I'm sorry that he doesn't understand it, but I hope he does soon!

 

Since this is an old thread I hope the starting poster had better luck dealing with their grandparent.
People do need to realize though to most 'outside' the hobby, the dolls do look like a childish waste of money; though it doesn't give them the right to throw around property, even if they are family. >:
My parents seem to be okay with the idea of dolls simply because its the first time my friends and I are going out into the world and doing hard manual labor to earn them. (My dad's boss owns a blueberry farm and they needed helpers because of the mass) Now my father just jokes they are 'blueberry children'. My mom just think's they're cute.

Maybe if someone gets into this situation they should calmly explain their reasoning behind getting them? They are an investment after all. Like someone said, instead of having a savings account of money that can possibly decrease in value, the dolls don't unless damaged. They will always stay around the same prince simply because they are pieces of artwork.

That's my two cents into the subject.

 

Is it possible that grandpa could have the early stages of dementia himself? Grumpiness and hostility could be manifestations of his confusion and frustration. Or they could be signs of depression from not dealing well with your grandmother's illness. I saw that happen with my brother-in-law's parents. You might want to discuss the possibility with your grandparents' doctor.
That said, having your purchases delivered to a friend's address is probably the easiest way to avoid confrontation.

 

If my grandpa did that to me, and he lived with me... I'd evict his butt. >.> I'd throw him out. But, if I lived with him... I'd give him a piece of my mind then move. >:[ You don't deserve to be treated that way. Period. I shiver at the thought of him throwing a box with a doll in it. D: I hope you get things sorted out with your grandpa.

 

I'm so very sorry that happened to you. I went throught the same thing with my parents; just minus the dolls and insert sewing and dollmaking. They still don't understand. It's cuts deep but at least you have DoA here. As for me, I just told them that it's never going to be their place to decide what my hobby is and how I persue it. Maybe you should talk to him about it and maybe he'll understand why you love this hobby so much. Maybe even, he'll get a doll too. I'm a boundless optimist.

 

i'm lucky everyone in my familly is so weird so they respect my hobby ^^
but maaaan, i've been thinking if my mom came to die and i had to go live with my real father... what would happen to my dolls? what would he think about it?
he never let me use the computer, when i was a kid i remember he started to yell at me to do something more constructive than playing with toys Ô___o i was under 6years old.
i'm pretty sure he would just give them away. as he gave half of my toys when i still lived with him ¬_¬;;
and as i mentionned above, i couldnt use the computer. meaning no clothes, wig or new dolls for me! D:

I do not understant the word ''cuss'' though but i understand your grandfather doesnt respect your hobby. next time he does something like that, just shout everything you feel. its easier to say than to do ^^;; but usually it works.

 

I can't even begin to describe how inappropriate that is.

I understand why your grandfather would be upset/not understand. If he's like my grandfather, he's a depression baby. They grew up during a time when there was not even enough money to put food on the table. To a person like that, every cent is more valuable then any pleasure. It's a matter of providing for the family.

What you have described is dangerous, destructive and wholly unacceptable from any person. Have you discussed this with your parents? If not, it's time to start. Cussing a person out over a doll is not only setting a poor example, but it can be a type of metal abuse. Also, what is metal abuse to one person may not bother the next. Abuse is often subjective and is judged by the reaction it produces in the victim.

The fact that you have to live in fear of your own grandfather's reactions is absolutely appalling. No child nor adult should have to live like that.

 

Necroposting for the win?

Anyhow, if you're an adult, your parents (or other family members) really have no business bothering you about how you spend your money; there are some exceptions, though. If you live at home and you can't afford to move out because you spend all of your money on dolls, that is really unfair to your family (especially if they're vocal about how they disapprove). If you live at home because you're going to school and you spend all of your tuition money on dolls, again, that's very understandable.

 

Reading all of your stories, I feel really, really lucky. Stress the really.

My mom is a bit of a control freak, but she also believes that her children should be allowed to live their lives as they see fit, and as such spend their money in whatever they want. I've collected porcelain dolls, manga, stamps and videogames since I was a child, and if I suddenly decide I want expensive dolls, she'll make a face, but allow it, and even pay for them (like she did my two on the waiting list, I didn't have the money) or buy one for herself.

She has never asked me to pay rent, she absolutely despises people asking their children to pay for something that should be freely given. I don't have to pay bills, nor do I need to pay back borrowed money, because she believes her money is my money, and my money is for me to do as I see fit. I pretty much just need to calmly explain what do I want to spend so much money on, and before I've even finished my sentence, it's already ordered. No matter if it's an expensive trip, a doll, or some random and obscure anime merchandise.

My dad is pretty much the same, except calmer. He's always loved action figures, and he sees dolls as a hobby, so he always wants to see what's going out of the box.

My brother and I pretty much like the same things, though he wouldn't be caught dead buying a BJD. I'm planning to get him one customized as an anime character he likes. He may not like BJD per se, but I'm sure he'll keep the doll as any other action figure he owns.

In my family, every letter can be opened , every package checked. There are no secrets, except for birthday presents. If I spend money, or order something, my right to do so is respected. My mom might yell a bit, but she mostly yells when she's nervous about something... Everybody has a few quirks.

I get the feeling that, if I'm not home when one of my soon-to-arrive dolls actually arrives, they will probably open the package. But I also know that they'll have me on the phone, listening to the noise as they move away things while making excuses such as "Oh, we're just checking he isn't damaged", or something like that, but in truth they just want to see the doll.

I feel really lucky that I have a family like that, and all I can tell all of you who post these sad stories, is that I wish you didn't have any of them to share. Parents usually get used to their children's hobbies, but they are also worried about the life we, as their sons and daughters, lead. Some people just cannot say it, and end up disparaging everything they think makes up weak, or waste out time. I don't really have a valid advice, because I'm sure many of you already show you responsibility at home; work, study or both; and have a good behaviour. Sometimes you just have to stand it and wait as it passes through. Also, it's your money, your things, and your choice, and that's something no one can take away from you.

 

I am so lucky! I didn't get into the BJD craze until after I moved out! I live with my friends now who...all...YES ALL. LOVE Ball jointed dolls. Brett and Em love 42 CM and bigger dolls. Bettina and I love small ones like Pukifee x3 and then Em's mother....(I live at Em's house) thinks they are adorable and wants one of her own!!! She's in her 50's!! HEHE!! She understands my love for them, I'm reliving my childhood a bit! They make me smile and lets face it...they are SOOOOO pretty to look at.

My boyfriend on the other hand will never know how much these puppies can cost! He's better off being ignorant haha!

So by next year there are going to be like 6 or 7 dolls between all of us in the house...XD DOLLY LAND!!

 

To be honest, no matter how old you are, it is illegal to open mail that isn't addressed to you. Hell, I'm 14 and my parents don't open my mail. It's disrespectful of your privacy and plain wrong.
And even if you allow people to open your mail, it's your money. People shouldn't judge. If it makes you happy, then they need to learn to accept it. It's not as if it's a dangerous hobby (apart from being pinched by joints ) so they can hardly complain. Unless you don't have enough money to support yourself because of your doll hobby, I don't see why it should be a huge problem. People need to learn to mind their own business.

 

Agh, I kind of know how you feel with this one.. My dad simply will NOT let me spend ANYTHING on dolls, nor doll stuff. The only way I can order things right now anyways is through him, since I don't have a paypal or anything like that yet. Even yet, when I first suggested the idea of BJDs he instantly shut it down and we've actually gotten into full on almost yelling arguments about them.

What I suggest you do, and what I plan to do with my dad soon, is to just talk to him. Sit down and have a chat. I understand where you're coming from with him being grumpy about the topic and the likes, I mean my dad is a nice guy but when it comes to BJDs he doesn't like it at all.. But anyways. Have a calm talk with him about it, he's probably just feeling stress about your Grandmother as well, and such large amounts of money spent on dolls (though it's not a bad thing - it could be in his mind) would probably shock him a bit in the state of stress he is in. Just explain that the hobby is something you're really into, and that you can be responsible with your money when purchasing them, etc. Besides, you're old enough to make your own decisions at this time and not have someone telling you what to do.

Heck, it frustrates me to not extent when people don't understand the hobby and think it's stupid and that we shouldn't be spending our money on them. But come on, it's not like we're all meth addicts or something, resin addiction is far less dangerous xD

But I hope that everything works out for you @.@; !