Friends flippantly joining hobby?

Alright I think I can see both sides of this issue pretty well

On one hand it seems like a petty argument yeah, and it will be in the long run. But no one can help their feelings, if your upset your upset no holding it back unless you want to stifle it (which I don't recommend doing in every circumstance)

And to those saying "I don't get jealous" well yeah sure it's good to not really care a lot about what others have that you don't, but I don't think its wrong to be envious of something, it's human nature honestly.

I think this boils down to that you've been wanting the doll a long time, saving hard for it and you care a lot about it. The thing that I can see and agree would be a bit upsetting is that she doesn't put a lot of thought into it and decides to get it because it resembles a character she likes.

At the same time you never know what she could do with it, sculpts look way different and it is honestly cool to have a friend into BJD's like you. You never know how it will turn out.

but also you never know, if she think's its pretty then cool you have a new dolly friend! And if she likes the doll she likes the doll, cant help it even if she likes the doll because he looks like Mello. Ive seen some great anime character based BJD's, theres nothing wrong with it and they can look really awesome! But also remember, didnt you really love that sculpt when you first saw it? Maybe she does to and just has a more hyper way of showing it

These sorts of feelings, they fade. Ive been upset like this before to when I saved so hard for something and I saw some one else get the exact same thing much quicker, not of their expense, and just let it waste away.

But the point is you'll get your doll, and you'll love it. That's the part that really matters. So what she has a doll like you and she may not treat it well, but at least yours will have love.

And on to the questions:

Yes I turned two friends into BJD fans and they turned their other friend into a fan of BJD's, consequently I was turned into a BJD fan by a friend.

Nah, just excitement we get to doll chat together, it's a lot of fun really

Nope, my two friends are mostly interested in boy dolls and my first one is a girl. Though really my dolls are all based off my OC's, so I know they would be radically different if they bought the same sculpt.

No not really, I fell in love with my doll because a picture of her has a past with me and my OC and an old friend, but my friends they searched through dolls till they saw "the one" it was pretty and perfect for them. Now they've purchased said doll and the four of us are waiting for our dolls to arrive.

No, but like you I feel guilty when I get envious of something, I feel like I shouldn't but like I said it's human nature, these sorts of things fade eventually and in the end it's not a life altering event, (well the doll maybe but not the jealousy)

 

Have you ever turned a friend onto the hobby?
This hobby? No. I share other creative hobbies or activities with others, however, that have put me in a similar position.

And resented them for it afterward?
I actually have a friend, a very good friend, who is in a considerably better financial position than I am. Very often, she forgets this completely as she talks at length about the new wardrobe she's just ordered, the $$$s in software or computer equipment or designer makeup she's bought, or worse, she'll go on saying, "Oh, there's a great deal on thing that is still hundreds of dollars worth of expensive, you should get one right away because they're great, I have two!" Does it sometimes drive me nuts? Of course it does, because even though it's unintentional, it feels like I'm getting my nose rubbed in the difference between our financial situations.

The main thing is to remember that she's not trying to do that in any way, and just replying with something as simple as, "That looks great, but I don't have the money for something like that right now." A lot of people tend to socialize with people within their own economic group for the most part, and to put it simply, a lot of times, they just outright forget. I don't know if it's the same as resentment -- I begrudge her nothing of what she has, after all -- but it is annoying, and being annoyed is still experiencing a negative emotion over a similar situation.

The other thing I'd say to keep in mind is that she is 'the rich one' to you -- you are that person to someone else. I don't care how poor you think you are compared to the friends who 'have it all', the very fact that you're able to get online and talk about this and not toil away night and day for pennies is an improvement over a lot of folks in the world. I don't say that in a scolding manner, but it's something that I try to remember when I get too wishful-thinking over the laundry list of things I'll never be able to afford, but see people around me enjoying. Keeping that in perspective keeps me from getting angry with the people around me who seem to have it better in some way than I do -- all of it is a continuum, after all.

Has a friend ever bought the same sculpt as you?
Not really applicable for me. When people in my area buy things I am interested in, I tend to be happy about it, though, whether I am buying one myself or not -- or even if I would buy it if I could, but can't afford it.

Did it almost make it feel less special if someone close to you just decided to get it, the first doll they ever saw, because it was 'pretty?'
Did you ever hear that saying about how no one can make you feel inferior without your consent? While I think that's a pretty faulty statement, I do think it applies pretty well to situations like this. Your doll is no less special just because someone else has one. If she's going to treat hers like crap after a month because she'll have moved on to the next thing (if she does, that seems to be your expectation), won't that make yours the 'more special' one anyway? Someone else doing something bad with their doll doesn't rub off on yours.

Did you feel bad or guilty about feeling that way?
Since this exact thing hasn't happened, I can't answer for the specific situation. The friend that does this? I feel irritated, but I don't feel guilty for being irritated, I just try to avoid being irritated and remind myself that there's absolutely no intent to harm there. Diffusing the negativity or the potential for it seems more productive to me than guilt.

...generally, I'm going to echo the sentiment that this seems a lot like jealousy over the friend's ability to get things so easily. I think that's something we all encounter in some form, big or small, whether it's in this hobby or in some other aspect of life. Coping with jealousy is one of those life lessons a lot of people learn over and over and over; that isn't necessarily a bad thing, but the earlier one learns means to let go of it and move on to something more productive, the happier you can be with what you have and appreciate it.

 

General rule for life: Don't share something with others that you're not willing to lose. It'll save you a lot of trouble in the long run.

 

This statement (and others like it in the thread) completely baffle me. Is there some sort of BJD knowledge test that one must pass before being deemed worthy of doll ownership? If we were talking about, say, puppies, then yes, it would be terrible to buy one just because it was cute, with no knowledge of how to take care of it. But dolls? Not so much. It's important to remember that while your doll (general "you") may be the embodiment of a beloved character or a long sought-after and saved for grail, for some people it's just a beautiful toy. To be upset with someone because they enjoy their dolls differently or have the means to buy one on a whim doesn't seem rational...and honestly, it smacks of jealousy.

Of course, I'm one of those people who bought my first doll because I could and because she was pretty, with no knowledge of BJDs whatsoever. I learned as I went. I think it worked out okay

 

I'm in the process of buying my best friend a LTF (which will be her first doll) for her birthday/giftmas, and since it's such a big decision I asked her to pick the sculpt she wanted. It turned out she fell in love with the sculpt I wanted, and we've decided they'll be our little twins. We've each got our own ideas about how we want them styled and such, so there's no issue there. I had a few days of anxiety over hers being potentially more popular - she's planning a little emo/goth kid and that's pretty trendy right now - but ultimately, as long as I am happy with the way my doll looks and enjoy working on him, we can enjoy the hobby together.

I can see why you'd be annoyed at her for just jumping into your band wagon. In my situation, I'm the onr with the spare funds AND the existing doll obsession, but I know my friend is interested. She never would have asked me to buy one for her, but in her current financial situation she'd also have a very, very long wait ahead of her to buy him herself. Maybe you and your friend can find some way to enjoy your "twins" together without making them too identical? In any case, I know you can and will love your dream doll just as much no matter how many others like him are out there. Try not to let the bad feelings disturb your fun!

 

The pedant in me just has to point out that flippant doesn't mean just being impulsive or taking things lightly. Buying a doll flippantly would mean doing it to tick somebody off, which I don't believe is the case.

Unless you're buying a true OOAK artist doll, someone else has the same sculpt. Many people see this as a sign of dolly solidarity, not an attempt to steal another person's thunder. This is why there are databases for specific sculpts, and some owners bemoan how unpopular one of their favourite sculpts is. Someone else getting the same doll as you is a sign that they have similar taste, at least in some things.

surreality makes an excellent point about there always being somewhere with less money than we are. While it's natural to be annoyed when things come more easily to someone else, that doesn't make them a bad person or less worthy. Someone is likely seeing you in that exact light!

I've yet to turn somebody on to the hobby, but I can't see resenting them for it after if I did. I don't begrudge people their dolls, because I want my own, not theirs. I have a sculpt in common with a good friend, and I think that's really cool. They ended up nothing alike, but it's something else we can have in common as friends.

I'm with anbaachan. Being able to buy a doll doesn't need special knowledge and grueling effort. Getting into many aspects of the hobby does take knowledge and practice, but people are free to buy dolls as they please for whatever reason, even if *gasp* it's not a financial struggle for them to do so.

 

Poor Kandi. I know the general consensus here is that it's a jealousy issue and you should be happy for your friend because you have no control/right over what they do with their - or their parents' - money, but the fact of the matter is, honestly, I'd be upset myself (and I'd be a whole lot more petty/sulky about it too, which is not a good example to set, but there you go).

It's hard, knowing that you have to share something with someone who can get it much easier than you - that would bother me much more so than a friend getting the same sculpt. Dolls and the like take on a (figurative) life of their own when you get them, so even if you both had the exact same company face up, the same wig, the same outfit they'd be different. It would be the simple fact that my friend could have all that first.

Saying that, overcoming that kind of resentment is best - for yourself, your enjoyment of your doll and your friendship. It's not easy (it never is), but it's worth it, for your own wellbeing and if you can do it, then you seriously need to bottle the secret formula for that and sell some to me, lmao.

 

(forgive me, as I'm terrible at this kind of thing and I really can't put my thoughts together in a debate without five good sources and hard facts... Opinionated debates intimidate me)
I, personally, was not saying that one had to have a knowledge of dolls to own them. An owner could run their doll over in a truck for all it matters; as much as it may bother myself and others, it's their property and they can do what they want with it.
I did specify "to some doll owners" but I feel I should have made it a little clearer.
I'm speaking from the perspective of someone who puts a lot of time and thought into their dolls, and I'm not gonna lie it bothers me a bit when I see owners who just buy dolls because they're pretty and they can afford to do that willy nilly, and potentially mess up in that decision. That's just how I feel, and I'm entitled to those feelings. I'm not going to go force it down someones throat because I feel differently than they do.
So from that perspective, and speaking from the general numbers of us that share it, it's understandable that that might be a problem.
I'm sorry if that might have come accross as a little harsh, and I know for a fact it came across as extremely disjointed... I really have no side in this; it's never happened to me and I'm not a very rash person. I'm agreeing with a lot of the thoughts in this thread so far and even the ones I don't entirely agree with I can still respect.

 

I can definitely see where you're coming from on this because I've been there. Almost every friend I have is now (sometimes conveniently) into dolls. I don't really completely resent them for it but I do get defensive at first. It can also be a little irritating when they've seen maybe one company's dolls and suddenly think they are experts in all things doll even though they don't know anything about basic care: restringing, faceups,etc.
In general people/friends saying they want a doll because it's "pretty" doesn't bother me as that is what many doll owners do. However it does bother me when they are careless and don't seem to genuinely appreciate the doll. When friends are involved it's annoying when they feel like they have to have one just so they can be like me, and not because they are actually really interested in getting a doll. I feel a little guilty because of small resentments because I think the doll hobby is a great hobby that everyone should be able to participate in, it's just that I don't like it when things that I love are taken for granted or under appreciated. Also people shouldn't invest in things they don't feel particularly drawn/attracted to or feel like they have to get in to the hobby just because their friends are.
If you do truly convert your friends into the BJD hobby and they become as serious about it as you are, then you now have people you can squee with when you see a particular mold, or someone you can swap character stories with, and also share future dolly plans with(or the pain of a long waiting period). It can be very fun, definitely better than not having any doll friends.

 

I'm on the other side of this equation - I was introduced to BJDs by a friend, who had had to spend a long time saving up for her first doll. I, on the other hand, had a very good job at the time (And something to celebrate) so, after a few months of looking around, I bought my first (And favourite) doll pretty much as soon as I saw him. It doesn't make me a "bad collector" to have bought a doll because I thought he was pretty, rather than because I had some kind of deep need for a doll, or to have pretty much bought him on a whim.

I later introduced another friend to the hobby, and he bought a doll of the same sculpt as one of mine. Did I mind? No, I thought it was fantastic, and I really enjoyed being able to help him with things specific to that sculpt (Oh, her body will flop around if you don't restring her, she needs a really pale lip colour to not look too fishlike...) etc.

 

I'm on the other end of the table

I currently have 6 dolls, my best friend is on her 3rd. I have a stable full time job and as you can see below I have many dolls on layaways that will probably end in a month due to the amount I make every two weeks. I also have 4 dolls on the way.

Even though I am collecting dolls at a very fast pace, that does not mean I am getting them because they are pretty. In fact though I am the one who introduced my friend. And another thing is, that I very specifically choose every doll for a good reason, sure there are a lot of dolls that I could buy that are super expensive, but I choose to buy lots of dolls that are less or moderately priced.

I have the money, I spend it where I want too, before dolls, it was Manga, I have a 500+ collection of Manga. I also have a small collection of reptiles and amphibians.

I don't spend my parents money, I spend every dollar of my own hard earned money.

 

I guess I should start by saying I don't have any friends who share my interest in BJDs to the extent of actually buying one, it just me, hence I wont answer the debate questions other than to say I honestly don't think I would care if a friend bought the exact same sculpt as me, I would be happy for them

I do kind of think your friend has a point although she could have phrased it more sensitively, there isn't a magical doll club, or some unspoken waiting list dictating who can buy dolls and when, I've been interested in BJDs since before I joined the forum in 2006 and I *still* make impulse purchases if I serendipitously have the cash, which is not that often but still most of my purchases were impulse buys rather than saving buys

I don't really understand why this bothers you, if your friend wants a Mello doll why not help her? the doll you want to make won't be a Mello doll I'm guessing since it will be a girl and even the same sculpt can look completely different depending on what you do with it, thats the great thing about BJDs. Also maybe she doesn't want to look at other dolls because she knows exactly what she wants? to me if you are going to buy such an expensive doll it only makes sense to buy the one you want, if she changes her mind later then its not your money shes wasting and that shouldn't effect how you feel about *your* doll

 

1. She is reeehhheeeally wrong here:
"You get the girl version and I'll get the guy version."
2. She is absolutely right here:
"There is no magic doll club that gives you the exclusive rights to owning..."
3. It is NOT her fault that you don't have as much money to spend as she does.
4. It is NOT your fault that you have the feelings you have. You are an alive human being!I looked at your profile and you look like a person who knows what they want, you have no idea how things will work out in the future, you are so young and are already starting to work soon, not work just for money, but work for your dream! Destiny is kind to the people like you, just hang on there, being 15 is hard, do I remember that, gosh...
Get the doll you want and make him special, like, my Bernard is very different from all other Bernards. We will all cheer for you.
More advice that no one asked for:
I suggest you modify your post to remove the quotations from her letter, because DoA is the place to go, she might find this post and get really angry.
Also, I think that a "friend" is an incorrect ford here. She doesn't sound like your FRIEND, you don't sound like her friend either. Don't hang out with people who don't respect you, don't hang out with people, whose happiness and wins don't make you happy. Don't waste your time, girl!
Here's best wishes that you save up for your Aleister asap!
P.S. Hereby I solemnly swear not to buy that headsculpt!

 

I need to say that on DOA these posts about who and who should not own a doll and what they should or should not do with them are getting a tad ridiculous. Stop fretting over what everyone ELSE is doing or not doing. Someone liked your doll and thought he looked just like Mello (yea he is super cute) and she wants that doll now? OK? She has money? Some people have money and that doesn't make them automatically selfish or less worthy. Also, these posts about "other" owners are somewhat insensitive as we are talking about another person. What if she read this one day and feels totally misrepresented?

Just enjoy your doll. No one can take it away from you. If you can't let go of this angry feeling pour it into something constructive. Learn to customize 100 times better than your friend and rock her doll world!

To answer your question
-YES I influenced someone to buy BJDs. Within a week of me showing her my doll she was obsessed. Honestly, it is not flippant to suddenly adore something so beautiful. That is life. Sometimes you just see something and it grabs you.
-Yes I have had people say they wanted to purchase my exact doll. I was flattered that my customization made them like her so much.
-I think is makes perfect sense that someone would want the exact doll that made them fall for BJDs. In most other hobbies people buy the exact same objects and it is not a problem. It would take some deeper understanding of the hobby to understand the sensitivity over doll personalization.
-I never felt guilty because I don't share your feelings. I don't own the doll cast. Anyone can buy the same dolls as me and I understood that when I got into the hobby.

 

Why do people see it as an issue that the friend likes the doll because it looks like one of her fave anime characters? People put together fan dolls all the time. There's nothing wrong with that -- it's not a lesser way to go in the hobby. There has been at least one other post that brings that up, that's why I ask. It seems like a strange thing to find fault with.

 

I can understand your frustration, but just think - if she has so flippantly fallen in love with dolfies and buys one herself, sooner or later she'll get bored of it, and then maybe you can buy it off her and give it a proper loving home!

I have had no luck with getting anyone else into dolfies - my friends are either already into them, or just don't understand the hobby.

 

Hmm. Sounds like your friend is very into anime, right?

Let's rewind back seven years, back to when Chibi was in highschool with her anime obsessed friends around her. Chibi had a friend who would behave the exact way your friend is being described as acting. She wold get obsessed with one anime character and collect everything she could about that anime character, drawing pictures of him and writing "**** Seto Kaiba" over her folders.

Let's fast forward to two months later. Everything she collected is gone. Thrown out or sold off. The money she spent, the videos she watched? Gone. There was a new obsession in town. His name was Alucard. Everything was suddenly about Alucard.

The point I'm trying to make is that if your friend has decided that she wants a doll because it reminds her of a 'smexxy' anime character, I would gently (gently!) try to talk her out of it. Dropping 300-700 on a doll that is probably going to sit on a shelf collecting dust because she'll loose interest in it quickly is not a wise move. If it is her parent's money, and they have any monetary sense, they'll get annoyed at her, and definetely give her a severe talking-to at the least. (When I was young and my mother bought me a piano, for example, I understood that I was committed to having lessons for the next 4 years at least. I'd already been having lessons for a year at the time, so the committment was easy for me to make. I still play.)

The best thing for you to do in this situation is to not get annoyed at your friend. (I know it's hard.) Talking to her in a reasonable tone (preferably face to face) about the level of committment that the doll will require, the monetary value and how special the doll is to you will probably be much more effective than an "ITS MY DOLL AND YOU CAN'T HAVE IT" response. This demonstrates not only that you have the maturity to accept that your friend might want something that you want, and at the same time will prepare your friend for the financial responsibility of the doll.

If you and your friend deal with this in a mature fashion, I see no reason why sharing a hobby and even a sculpt can't deepen your friendship further.

 

First let me thank you for teaching me a new English word. Kinda like "flippantly" and will surely use it one day.

I can very well understand it feels hurtfull to have to work hard because you LONG for this doll, and someone else sees it and buys it like its a bag of potatoe chips.

Also, dolls are, as human likenesses on which we project characters, inherently different from other expensive stuff like i-pods and blackberries. Due to the imagination of its personality it can feel as if they are persons in youre life, which to me would make it easier to understand why its more hurtfull when youre friend get the same doll then when she would get the same i-pod.

Have you ever turned a friend onto the hobby?
Well postoffice guy doesnt count as a friend but after all my deboxings and squeeeing in the postoffice, he got himself a Elfdoll Red.

And resented them for it afterward?
I felt this was very, very funny.

Has a friend ever bought the same sculpt as you?
Yes, but I think its a bit different since its a puki and so not a very rare sculpt i spend months off researching on. Its one of the most sold puki molds and i use my puki mostly as putti around my other dolls, and they dont have much character development.

Did it almost make it feel less special if someone close to you just decided to get it, the first doll they ever saw, because it was 'pretty?'
Non applicable.

Did you feel bad or guilty about feeling that way?
I dont think i would ever feel bad and guilty about my own feelings anymore, but i did feel that way sometimes when i was in my teens. Coming to terms with having "bad" feelings and allowing yourself to have "bad" feelings without feeling guilt about it came with getting older in my case.

 

I sold my Aleister several months back. Poor kid was just shelf candy. Pretty, but he needed a real home.

Have you ever turned a friend onto the hobby? Multiple people, actually.

And resented them for it afterward? Nope!

Has a friend ever bought the same sculpt as you? Oh goodness yes. My very close friend thwippersnapple, heck, I BOUGHT her the same doll as me, she adores it.

Did it almost make it feel less special if someone close to you just decided to get it, the first doll they ever saw, because it was 'pretty?' No. Why should it? It's still not the same doll, there's more than one of just about everything out there, and you personalize your own doll, seriously. I had some possessive moments when my first doll (OOAK) made a splash and suddenly friends and acquaintances wanted one too, but the artist said she absolutely was NOT going to make another, so I got over it. Even if another artist made the same type of doll, it still would not be the same as mine and therefore irrelevant to my enjoyment of my own doll.

Did you feel bad or guilty about feeling that way? Nope!

 

This is something pretty troubling to me, too, and I'm glad it was mentioned.

I don't see that there's any 'requirements' for basic doll ownership, and wouldn't have involved myself in a hobby that had them in the first place. So long as someone is not obtaining the doll in an illegal manner, all bets are off beyond that so far as I am concerned.

Because it's pretty? I don't see anyone saying 'you have to buy a doll that's ugly to prove you're a REAL doll lover!', and would laugh out loud if I did.

Because it looks like a favorite anime character? Well, I guess all those fan dolls are figments of my imagination, along with all those orders for MiniMe sculpts... ?

Because it looks like fun? Well, what, people should buy things that look like drudgery to prove something first?

This whole notion of "worthiness" based on how long one does or doesn't have to save, how much money one does or does not have, how long someone has or has not waited to buy is something that may be relevant to one's personal experience of the hobby, but expecting it to be a universal is just not thinking that is in any way grounded in reality.

Someone may feel they've 'earned' their doll more than the next person based on the length of time they saved up for it or how many years they pined before buying, but everyone in the community has their own trials and triumphs -- the 'prize' they get for what they put in? Their doll. Isn't that the whole point to begin with?