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Friends flippantly joining hobby?

Oct 2, 2010

    1. -Have you ever turned a friend onto the hobby?
      Yes! I'm estatic about it. :D

      -And resented them for it afterward?
      No.

      -Has a friend ever bought the same sculpt as you?
      Not yet but if she did I think it'd be cool. We have different enough tastes that the dolls would end up looking very different.

      -Did it almost make it feel less special if someone close to you just decided to get it, the first doll they ever saw, because it was 'pretty?'
      No because it'd make me a hypocrite. :P The only reason a doll is "special" beyond limitedness is because of the importance the owner puts on it. If you feel your doll is now less special, it's all you.

      -Did you feel bad or guilty about feeling that way?
      No because I don't feel that way. I love my friend and I want her to be happy. Besides, if she can get a doll I want faster than I can that's actually better for me! I can handle the doll before I commit to buy it; it could be that my dream doll was actually far from it.
       
    2. Surrealty, I can't decide wich part of your post to quote, so let's just pretend I quoted it all.

      I am definetely in agreement with what you're saying here.

      I think though, that the idea of 'worthiness' comes from the amount of initial research done when first entering the hobby, or the effort maintained in properly caring for the doll once obtained. (I'm not saying I agree with the idea, mind, just that this is where I believe it came from.) If I may use (a somewhat poor) analogy - when buying a first car, you don't go out and buy the first one that comes along. You do some research into what will suit you, what you can afford, what you find aesthetically pleasing. Fundamentally, the car gets you from A to B, but it's the little things that make it the car that you want. The research shows you not only what you like, but also teaches you how to keep that car in best working order. It takes it from being 'just a car' to 'my car'.

      Apply that theory to dolls, or any luxury goods purchase. They have a basic function - with dolls it's that they're a toy. With a stereo, it's that it plays music. But it's the research behind the shopping that tells you what you like, what you're prepared to make sacrifices on, all of the things that take away from the 'it's just a doll' to making it 'it's MY doll.'

      Take this to the idea of 'worthiness'. I think that this idea had a genuine concern root cause - people were worried that without the prior research, people would not find high levels of satisfaction in their purchase. This has expanded and taken on the slight air of elitism that comes with any long-term, growing hobby. People, especially those who were around when the hobby was small, get a bit annoyed that others are impinging on their 'thing'. It's completely irrational, but it stems from a niggling doubt that what was so special and unique might not be that unique after all. People try to protect what is important to them, even when it doesn't need protecting.

      I'm not defending or attacking anyone, I'm just theorising on root causes.

      And as I feel I'm straying too far from the debate topic, I'll leave it at that two cents.
       
    3. The research issue makes perfect sense -- though in all seriousness, someone can do the reading necessary while something ships to them, in a 'spend before reading' scenario, even. Even in the worst case, if someone damages their (own) doll, that's learning a lesson, even if it's in a very hard way.

      That doesn't seem to be the issue here, though, but a matter of seeming to believe that someone wants the doll for 'the wrong reasons', 'reasons that aren't good enough/as good as mine', or 'it was so much harder for me to get mine'. Those are the things that make me squint a fraction.

      Everyone's heard that old joke about "I had to walk to school, ten miles in the snow, uphill both ways... " and so on, and I see a lot of that kind of reasoning applied to the worthiness concept more frequently. That's more where my issue lies. "It was easy for you, so you don't deserve it," doesn't seem like sense to me. It doesn't seem to be about whether the other person is going to enjoy their purchase fully if it 'comes easy' to them, but that the person who had to save longer is somehow being wronged by the fact that someone else doesn't have to struggle in the same way. (And sometimes people are just assuming this, without actually knowing what sacrifices or struggles that person is going through.)
       
    4. I can understand why you're a bit annoyed, it's like a friend copying your personal style, clothes, music etc. Don't they say 'imitation is the sincerest form of flattery' ?? But annoying nevertheless.

      I introduced my sister to my BJDs and she got a few tinies, like mine. But it wasn't long before she spotted her dream dolly which was a Luts Moon and after a year of saving she has just received him. He is gorgeous, but not my taste at all, so no jealousy there ;) But what I am saying is that even if your friend starts with the same doll as you, she may get into the hobby and the forums and find her own kind of doll, after all there are so many sculpts out there, she can't fail to find more she loves.... eventually. And in the meantime, the beauty of bjds is that each and every one can look very different so yours will be special to you, and look different to hers. You may find if she buys him on a whim she'll lose interest very quickly.
       
    5. Heh, I suppose i might a well post explaining this a bit better;

      I honestly DON'T mind if she ends up really loving the same sculpt as me and buying it; However, as someone mentioned, I would prefer that she actually do research, and maybe be exposed to some more companies and sculpts, first. Really understand what she is getting into and not just take it so lightly. If, by the end, she was still absolutely STUCK on the same mold as me, I would be perfectly fine with her getting him!

      I might still be a bit miffed at how easy it would be for her to obtain him but the point was never ' MY SCULPT, MINE!' It was more, 'There ARE other dolls out there, don't decide this is the only good one before you've even been exposed to the hobby!'

      And anyway, she is still my good friend and I didn't want it to come out wrong. We discussed it later and I don't remember what I said, but I explained that I wasn't trying to be a b**** and she really understood my feelings, and now there are no hard feelings and I'm pouring as much doll info and company websites and little facts on her as I can because I can see that dolly-spark in her eyes and I love having someone else interested!

      I just didn't want her to make the decision so quickly and flippantly. Besides, she has said that several other dolls are also 'gorgeous' and 'she just HAS to have it'; I'm thinking it's just more awestruck of a newcomer than anything else. ^__^

      So please, don't misunderstand me! I was just wondering if anyone else had ever felt that way, not justification for my own feelings.

      EDIT: Oh, and I'm really NOT mad at her for wanting him; He is a gorgeous doll. But I would like for us to help her find HER dream doll; I know what she is into, and I bet we could find something she would absolutely LOVE on Luts. ^__^
       
    6. I have to say I find this really funny also, I can't imagine my postman getting one but who knows?!!!!
       
    7. Unlike these other people I don't really understand why you're upset. Turning someone onto bjd's is the best thing ever! I mean, I would never have gotten into the hobby and bought my first doll if my friend hadn't gotten into it after she got into someone else's dolls and bought herself one. She had to wait for her taxes to get her secondhand DOI Luke, and I had money saved up through graduating.(Though I had about 800 and about an RS Song for 168 on the chance that I didn't get into them as much as she was)
      I've inspired at least one other person to get a doll, and other people I've talked to say they want to get one now. Heck, even my grandmother wants to get an MSD girl after I showed her my Fynn.
      Even if your friend wants to get the same sculpt as you, I hardly understand why you feel it's a problem. Perhaps you feel like yours will not be unique is someone has the same sculpt, but I've seen plenty of dolls of the same sculpt who look totally different.

      As for the feeling less special because the person gets it because it's pretty is kind of silly. OF COURSE THEY'RE PRETTY! Even the geeky ones(though I'm partial to the geeks) are pretty dolls. Frankly I get surprised and happy when people like my doll and even want one like him because around here it's a very uptight bible belt who discourage anything that's different. Two grown women and a grown man walking around with dolls is a little strange around here.
       
    8. Have you ever turned a friend onto the hobby?
      Yep!

      And resented them for it afterward?
      Not really =X. I mean, at meets at first, when she did things wrong, I felt kind of bad about it, as if I was responsiable, but she knows what she did now and goes to meets without me, having moved away. It's now really cool when I go to meets with her =)

      Has a friend ever bought the same sculpt as you?
      Nope. She bought a Dollshe boy shortly before I decided to actually XD And she's bought two of my dolls from me.

      Did it almost make it feel less special if someone close to you just decided to get it, the first doll they ever saw, because it was 'pretty?'
      Are you kidding? It's so much BETTER when someone you know gets into it! It means you've got someone to talk to about dolly related things! And besides, I buy them because they're pretty =X This hobby to me isn't so I can sit in my room playing with them or posing them for photostories, I put them together, get them painted, have outfits commissioned etc. and take photos. Being pretty is the whole idea, as far as I can see. In fact, I fell for the hobby because I saw a pretty doll on DA.
      To be really honest (and this is aimed at no one in particular), I never have the need to 'feel special' about something I have and I think if that's all this hobby is to anyone, they need to reaccess if this one is right for them, really. There's a lot of money involved just to make yourself feel a little bit more special than anyone else. It actually comes across to me as quite snobbish, if that makes any sence? =X

      Did you feel bad or guilty about feeling that way?
      Not really applicable.
       
    9. Please, read the post I made up above ^ It explains it better than my first post. ^__^ I'm not mad at her, really, I just want her to do a bit more research. I know that my emotions were misplaced; I understand that. This thread is not about 'Tell me I'm right!' It's, 'Have you ever felt that way?'

      Just because something is wrong doesn't mean you don't feel it. You can't control emotions with logic. ^__^ You can control your REACTIONS with logic; I reacted by honestly and calmly telling her how I felt and she totally understood. Now, she's my BJD buddy and I'm teaching her EVERYTHING I know and can think of, and we're learning even more together. ^__^
       
    10. I was on the opposite side from you, I was more like your friend when I joined the hobby. :sweat I was brought into this hobby by a friend and she actually WANTED me to get the same doll she had as her first, as she figured it'd be a good 'starter' doll since it was a cheaper one that met most of the qualifications for what I was looking for. And for a bit, I was tempted. Since her girl was very cute and it was the first BJD I ever saw and thought was cute (I'd seen others before, but I didn't like them at all). Then her second doll was even cuter and I wanted one of those for a bit as well, then the more BJDs I got to see, the more I realized while her 'type' (she liked elf dolls) of doll was cute, it wasn't actually what I wanted.

      While your friend may want the same doll as you right now, she may not two weeks from now as she looks around more. Even if she buys that doll tomorrow it doesn't mean she won't resell it a month later after she sees more dolls and realizes she likes them better than that one. Who knows? You may even get the option to buy that very doll from her for cheaper than one from the company and not have to bother with shipping and waiting! ;)

      It's not uncommon for people to want to buy the first doll they saw and liked, but judging from posts on DoA very rarely do people keep their first doll. I know I didn't, even though I did get one I liked more than the one my friend wanted me to get. I am also like your friend that I had a lot of money to spend when I entered the hobby, I blew like $2,000 in one week buying dolls and accessories. Needless to say, when I resold those things I took a huge lose, thus I am no longer a 'rich' person in the hobby who can flippantly go doll-buying.

      And also, this is very good advice:

      Also, if you don't want other people buying the same doll as you, don't show it off on websites. I am often inspired to buy a doll after seeing an owner's pictures on flickr, here or on dA. Even ones I'd never heard of or have considered getting before I might buy after seeing an owner's picture.

      -Edit- And speaking of sharing hobbies with others, Ennui, who posted a few posts below me is someone I got to join DoA through another forum. :D It really is a small world~ :aheartbea
       
    11. Dunno if you saw that but I did agree with you, when I said the origonal statement it was mostly because it may was more or less trying to find out why the maker of this thread was upset, then I went on to say that I do in fact enjoy anime character inspired doll's, more or less to drive the point that it's not a big deal that she like's a doll like Mello, and the rest of my post is more or less along the lines of love your doll and she could do something really great with hers.

      Sorry if it was a confusing post, perhaps I worded it wrong.
       
    12. A lot of good things have already been said about both doll ownership and jealousy.... so I will try not to repeat anything.

      Here's my story. I've been interested in these dolls since 2005(...sheesh long time), but I didn't pursue them until 2009 because I was young, and saw even a $200 price tag as some kind of giant mountain to be respected. I put the idea on the back burner, and moved on to keep myself from obsessing. Now and then I came back with a newfound "eeee I want this." but I did my best to keep it all on lock down because I didn't have the money and didn't want to find myself with another expensive object I have become bored with. Once I had grown up a bit, realized the desire to have one wasn't going away....and now I had MONEY omg.

      So as I was preparing for graduation (which was about 5 months away), I shopped around more seriously. I found THE company and still was having trouble deciding between two so I had yet to order her....but its all I talked about. And low and behold what do I get for Christmas? A note from my mom saying "Merry Christmas, order your doll and whatever else she needs. She's paid in full." So my first doll was a gift from my mom. Granted I didn't take advantage of this note and ordered the bare minimum since I felt it was too expensive; No face up, no clothes, no wig. I handled the rest later on.

      And now nearly a year later? Second doll was bought with birthday money. Third (unfinished) doll I spent my savings. Fourth Incoming doll, I worked for. And you know... I honestly think that I adore and cherish that first doll the most because it was such an unexpected and wonderfully thoughtful surprise. So you can lump me in with the people who both get to "spend mommy and daddy's money" and "have to work and wait for what they get". I don't think it makes me any less of a person and I don't think it makes my dolls any less important to me.


      Have you ever turned a friend onto the hobby?
      I WISH. I'd give anything to have a close friend enjoy dolls with me. Seriously cherish that relationship!

      And resented them for it afterward?
      N/A. But I wouldn't resent them even if they had 3x as many dolls as me, or a double of each of my sculpts. My dolls are my dolls and I adore them no matter what.

      Has a friend ever bought the same sculpt as you?
      N/A. But Littlefee are not uncommon. XD And one of mine is the most popular sculpt so I'm used to seeing millions of them. I don't mind. My baby is unique... just like everyone else. I made everything she is and even if someone copied everything about her, it still wouldn't be the same.

      Did it almost make it feel less special if someone close to you just decided to get it, the first doll they ever saw, because it was 'pretty?'
      I got my dolls because they were pretty....most dolls are. I just thought a little harder about how I wanted them to look. TBH I'm currently trying to get my mom to join me on the dolly bandwagon. XD I honestly wouldn't mind if she chose the exact same sculpt of one of mine because it would be cool having someone else who likes dolls there with me!

      Did you feel bad or guilty about feeling that way?
      I'd feel guilty if I were feeling emotions of jealousy. Everyone does... But it passes. With a brigter more rational look on life, it helps avoid those feelings, or at least helps them pass quicker.
       
    13. I agree with you, I think it's great that she's excited about the doll you want, but for her first doll she should definitely look around for the one that she loves. I have a friend who is interested, but not interested enough to get her own doll, and that suits me fine. :) I text her photos and get her input on things, but I don't have to explain much to her. lol To be honest I do think it would bother me if she got the same sculpt just to show off to me, or just because I have it. But like you said, if she ends up loving the sculpt, I'd be happy to see her with a doll she loves. Your feelings are perfectly understandable and I think I would feel the same way if I had been in your position.
       
    14. Just on the "same sculpt" theme, one of the first dolls I ever saw was a MNF Shiwoo owned by a friend. The first doll I really looked at was a MNF Shiwoo, owned by my sister. It was mere weeks later that I ordered my own first doll...no, it wasn't a MNF Shiwoo, but I do have one now. We love to get them together (there are now 4) and marvel at how individual they are despite being the same sculpt.

      I can kind of understand people thinking "OMG she's going to have the SAME DOLL as me," but one of the awesome things about this hobby is that you can have the same sculpt, even the same default faceup, and still come out with a totally different looking doll.

      For the other questions, as far as I can tell the chain of introduction stops with me - our friends got my sister into the hobby, she hooked me, but I have only inspired people to the point of ooohing and aahhing, not even to talking about buying their own. But I'm sure if I introduced someone to the hobby who had a lot more disposable income than me I would sometimes feel frustrated by their ability to buy more quickly what I might have to scrimp & save for...and I think as long as you don't let that frustration turn into a seething pit of envy and resentment, as long as it's just frustration that you allow to pass, that's only human nature and nothing to feel guilty about.

      ETA:

      Part of the reason people are more uncomfortable with her connecting the doll with an anime character might be that if she thinks the doll's default appearance is the best resemblance to the character, and the OP is planning to keep a near-default doll, there will be less difference between them than if one was planning to change wig/eyes/etc. There is certainly a lot of variety among fan dolls, but two of the same sculpt made up to look like the same character are much more likely to look similar.

      Another possibility is that the OP (or subsequent posters putting themselves in her shoes) might feel that by saying "Oh, he's [character]!" the friend is denying the possibility of an original character. I've occasionally had reactions like that...for example, people have sometimes told me that one of my dolls looks like a miniature me, and I'm kind of horrified, because that's so far from the picture I have of myself. I feel like they're not really "seeing" either my doll or me. Again, while I don't think there's actually anything wrong with the friend's behaviour, I can understand why the OP might feel particularly frustrated by that particular quirk.
       
    15. Have you ever turned a friend onto the hobby?
      Yep. My best friend at school is now more of doll master than I am :3 She has far more than twice my numbers and she's much better at finding cool clothes and wigs. We both influenced a mutual friend to buy her first doll as well.

      And resented them for it afterward?
      Never! The best part of the hobby has become getting to share it with friends. It keeps me from losing interest/feeling lonely.

      Has a friend ever bought the same sculpt as you?
      No, but I was tempted to copy her when she bought her Esthy Rad. However, she bought her first BJD from me. I sold her an MSD girl who I was going to put up for sale, and that led to the marvelous collection she has today.

      Did it almost make it feel less special if someone close to you just decided to get it, the first doll they ever saw, because it was 'pretty?'
      Come now, lots of people have the same sculpt, and you always pick a sculpt based on the appearance of it (I mean, no one buys a sculpt for its 'great personality'). I don't think it is any different if someone close to you has it. She bought a doll from me, and I've considered buying same sculpts/dolls she decides to sell.

      Did you feel bad or guilty about feeling that way?
      N/A

      Maybe I just don't understand where you are coming from. DO NOT think I am being condescending when I ask - are you under 18?

      Psychology says it is easy to get annoyed when close friends pick up similar hobbies, since one's interests made them unique. I used to feel that way about my more eclectic tastes. Now that I'm in my 20s, I'm too busy to care if I've properly expressed my individuality. Also, there's not a matter of classism and stylistic parenting difference at this age since my BJD homies and I use our own resources to purchase our dolls (though, admittedly, my friend works hard for her cash and I'm still a slacker savings-mooching curmudgeon, which is why she has more money to spend on the hobby).

      Basically, I think you'll grow out of the way you feel. It's a natural feeling for teens and young adults.

      IMO - If you feel like you're being 'copied,' make the hobby your own and you're bound to do it better than the imitators. If its a friend mirroring your interests, dont be resentful that they are copying you - be glad that they thing you're cool enough to emulate :
       
    16. Isenn and surreality have said everything I wanted to say, but so much more eloquently. I've never quite understood the seeming obsession over what everyone else in the hobby is doing, and whether they deserve to do it/should be doing it.

      I still think there's a big difference between the car-research scenario and doll-research scenario. A car is, at its core, a functional object. Yes, there are people who own cars that only come out for car shows, but that's a relatively small slice of car owners. Most people own a car for a practical purpose: transportation. The aesthetics and other aspects are just gravy. Knowing basic car care is essential to having reliable transportation. Being ignorant of car care can result in losing that transportation and affecting other aspects of one's life such as getting to and from work.

      Not knowing the basics of doll care means one will end up with a broken toy, basically. An expensive broken toy, but it won't affect other aspects of life.

      I don't think there's a certain level of doll knowledge anyone should have before buying a doll. Looking around at different dolls before buying is a general good idea, but it's not some sort of mandatory task to enter the hobby. Some people will do lots and lots of research before taking the plunge, while others jump in immediately and will learn through mistakes or trial and error. I'll admit I've made some dolly-related mistakes in my time, some more expensive than others.

      Thank you for stating this. This is the point I was trying to make about there being nothing wrong with receiving a wonderful gift, but you have stated it much better than I did.
       
    17. I am really glad you expanded on your original post. However, I suggest that in the future you might refrain from representing people in " ALL CAPS WHEN THEY TALK" if you don't want to come across like you are criticizing them. The post just sounded like sour grapes and reopened this whole "who deserves what?" issue. I find it unfair that owners occasionally present to DOA some scene they encountered with another owner or potential owner and tell a very one sided story. Oftentimes representing the "offending" party in a very negative light. Unfortunately, you made this friend sound rather shallow and childish and frankly I think that should be avoided on the forum.

      If you really wanted your questions answered you could have done so without THE ALL CAPS ZOMG <3 DOLLIE representation of another person.

      On a somewhat more amusing note, I liked the original pics of Michele because he looked like a small Mello :)
       
    18. ^_^ This is an interesting thread. :3

      Have you ever turned a friend onto the hobby?
      I have turned friends onto the hobby (some without realizing it). But I am actually the friend that was "converted". Lol

      And resented them for it afterward?
      I don't resent them at all and I hope my friend that turned me onto the world of BJDs never resented me...though I am sure she was mad that my Fei got home after only a week and she waited 3mo. xD

      Has a friend ever bought the same sculpt as you?
      No.

      Did it almost make it feel less special if someone close to you just decided to get it, the first doll they ever saw, because it was 'pretty?'
      Luckily (in this sense), none of my friends can afford them. ^_^ So they have plenty of time to do research. In fact, I have bought dolls on a whim...some work out, while others don't. But if they bought the doll then didn't want him/her most likely they'd let me have it if I wanted sooo...win for me. lol

      Did you feel bad or guilty about feeling that way?
      N/A
       
    19. It's not up to you to decide she needs to research more- if she wants to just buy a doll, and ends up chucking out a window or selling it or something, that's totally her perogative. Don't waste your time feeling bad because you think she ought to do what you did. I bought my first doll within a month of getting into the hobby- that might upset some people who never felt ready or able until years had passed- but I wasn't one of those people myself, and the decision only affected me.
       
    20. Hmmm...

      I bought the first doll I've ever seen (okay, the second doll, but part of the same photoshoot).
      I bought the doll because he was simply 'pretty'.
      I made him into a character from a TV series, because I'm obsessed with that TV series.
      I didn't save for him - I used the money I had on hand.

      Am I less worthy of owning a doll than those who changed their minds a hundred times about the chosen doll? Or those who saved up for years? Or those who make the doll into their own characters?

      I honestly don't feel so.

      Another time...I saw an oil painting - it was so pretty and I had the money...so I bought it the next day. I didn't really research oil paintings or even that particular painter before jumping in and handing out the cash. WoW, I'm a really flippant person then! I agree with those who think the car-example is a bit flawed...researching and finding the best car is important, because honestly, your life depends on it. If you choose wrong, it might die on you in the middle of the road and cause a serious accident. I just don't see my life depending on a doll...or a painting...they are more for their attractiveness, and the only thing I lose by buying one is my money.

      I also don't think anyone has the right to tell others how they should spend their money (unless they spend it with the intention of harming others). Also, I don't befriend people who I consider shallow - so I know that everything they do has a good reason (and having a pretty object to look at is a darn good reason in my book.) My friends - while appreciating my hobby - aren't interested in owning a doll though. They have their own expensive hobbies^^ With my dolly friends (I have the pleasure of having friends I met through the hobby) owning the same doll does happen - the only one right now is a limited we both decided to get independently of each other, but I'm actually actively trying to encourage one of my friends to get a mold I have, and she loves, too. Honestly, I find it fun, looking at two of the same mold, but still looking vastly (or not that vastly) different. I'm intrigued by the sheer idea^^

      And as the OP has shown us - every situation has another side. It turns out that friend wasn't so flippant afterall...(and it turns out that I actually researched all the available dolls at the time before settling on the 'first I saw'....it took more than a year, too^^ And three years after the fact - I still love that TV show). So I think if someone would feel miffed at a friend for doing something like this - they should talk with that friend and try to see their side too. Maybe after a bit communication it won't feel so hurtful afterall ;)