Friends flippantly joining hobby?

This and this:

Agreed.

To the OP,

Look I even read the annotated section you added, but I still don't completely agree. I don't think really think you should care either way as far as it goes I mean in the long and short of it, even if she jumped in to quickly, it's she who has to ultimately deal with her choice, not you. You can express concern, but at some point you need to detach. You're just going to drive a wedge between you friendship. And you don't want that.

My responses:

Have you ever turned a friend onto the hobby?
Considering I was the friend that got turn on to the hobby... No. Oddly enough my friend ended up not really following through, and I'm much more into dolls than she is now. Now, I'm meeting people that are into dolls, so it's really nice to strike up friendships with them. I am trying to get my roomie into dolls, and I'm thinking about eventually getting her a dollfie dream, so maybe I'll have a difference response later on.

And resented them for it afterward?
See the above.

Has a friend ever bought the same sculpt as you?
No, but I have met people that see my Megi, and really like him enough to want to buy one themselves. He's like the straw. They're waffling about getting a Megi, see mine, and then have to have one

Did it almost make it feel less special if someone close to you just decided to get it, the first doll they ever saw, because it was 'pretty?'
A little, rather it irritates me that my friend is only interested in the superficial aspects of the doll, the changeable. I keep try to get her to decide by mold, but she still looks at the hair and eye color. *sighs* but anyway her choice so meh.

Did you feel bad or guilty about feeling that way?
Nah, but I do eventually back off, cuz it's her doll her choice and that's that. I'm not about to control another person. Granted, she's not quite in the above category, but I figure it's enough. Anyway she chose whta she wants for a first doll.

 

Ah, I see. I must have mixed things up a bit when I went to post -- especially since it had been mentioned a few times before by other people.

 

I'm still puzzled by this desire for people to do some sort of research before buying a doll. What is it exactly that she's "getting into?" Those of you who think research is necessary--is it because you are afraid the person will not take proper care of the doll (i.e. unwittingly give it a Sharpie faceup), and that you hate to see a beautiful thing ruined? Or that BJDs should be reserved for people who "properly" appreciate them, or that a buyer should go through some sort of emotional/bonding experience before choosing a sculpt?

I should add, the reasons mentioned above were inferred from people's posts. I could be totally off base, which is why I'm curious for people to elaborate.

 

Frankly, if someone bought something that was anywhere from $200 to $1000, I would HOPE they did some kind of research beforehand. If not and they get buyer's remorse, or sharpie it to death, or something well, sucks to be them. There isn't that much research to be done. Basically you just need to know about the toxicity of resin and other chemicals you might work with, to keep them out of the sun, and what companies are reliable. If you don't intend on doing faceups or mods there is no reason to know about any of that other stuff. It only really bothers ME if someone ruins a doll, if it's a limited edition or something...

As for bonding, etc... for farks sake, it's a hunk of resin! I mean, I love my dolls, I dress them, I intend on learning to sew for them and all, but it's not a pet or a kid. It's... a posession. An item. I don't really understand the whole "oh, I didn't bond with this doll" or "I don't have time for it" as a reason for selling, etc. Shouldn't you like the sculpt BEFORE buying it? And really, it's a doll. It is not going to be upset if it sits on a shelf for the rest of eternity. Just because someone doesn't "bond with" a doll doesn't mean they shouldn't get one... I mean. If they like the sculpt, they think it's pretty, maybe it suits a character of theirs or something, even if they put it on a display case and never touch it, that's their choice.

 

Have you ever turned a friend onto the hobby?

My sister was getting bored with the lack of extensive poseability and customisation of figmas, so I thought that she might be interested in getting into the bjd hobby : ) She and I talked about sculpts for ages and she was torn between mini scale dolls and tinies, but she always adored the sculpts with elf ears much like I do! I'll be getting her a Resinsoul Bei for christmas as she has tons of barbie clothes and clothes from other dolls in scale with Bei that she could re-use instead of having to buy a new wardrobe.

And resented them for it afterward?

I think it's daft to resent people after encouraging them to join in on something you enjoy. As has been mentioned before by others, I would hate for someone to resent me after getting me into a hobby, as hobbies like this and many others are better enjoyed when you have lots of friends. I don't know what I'd do without having my doll friends to share ideas and sculpts with!

I've gotten other people into other hobbies before and never regretted it, as things are far more fun with two..or three...or even four!

Has a friend ever bought the same sculpt as you?

Lady White Raven and I have both recently paid off our Unoas (Both Lusis girls!) and we often end up adoring the same doll or the same sculpt! I have no doubt we'll end up with the same sculpt again at some point as our aesthetic choices are often similar when it comes to dolls : )

Did it almost make it feel less special if someone close to you just decided to get it, the first doll they ever saw, because it was 'pretty?'

Well, I've never had someone just jump on the idea of buying a doll after showing it to them. But if it did happen, I would feel dead chuffed that they liked the same sculpt that I had enough to want to have it right away. People are so varied in their tastes, that unless someone wanted their doll to be exactly the same as mine, said doll would no doubt turn out looking very different from my own, maybe even having a different personality and character. I love seeing what people can do with the same sculpt, seeing what type of characteristics they pick for their boys and girls. The potential for creativity is almost endless!

Did you feel bad or guilty about feeling that way?

I certainly don't feel guilty 8D I love seeing people get creative with things, be that clay pots or the character and look of their doll.

 

I'm pretty much in Tea's boat here. Especially about the odd point of 'bonding'. I don't really think that should even be an issue. <n<;;; I think it's more realistic to not be bonded with a hunk of resin, no matter how superficially I may be attached to it; its not a person/living being. Therefore it is incredibly difficult to neglect in the truest sense of the word.

Though I have inspired such 'flippancy' in the past, where a friend of mine bought a doll without even knowing the sculpt name or company..and while I personally was kind of put off, because something I cherish is something she hardly cares for, she is that type of person in general and her habits aren't exclusively to dolls, -shrug- big whoop. On the plus side, the doll company made a buttload of money and can continue to grow their business. At the end of the day, it's not a big deal. She is she. I am me. It's nothing to burn a bridge over.

Of course, I can always hope that someone who spends large sums of money is responsible, but guess who caused the stock markets to crash and the whole "economic crisis"?? Frankly, people who are irresponsible with their money [imho] are not rare. It should not be surprising then to see them in this hobby or anywhere else. The only time it bothers me is when they whine about their remorse. ;] People are perfectly conscious and capable of clear thought when buying these things. No sympathy from me.

 

(Throughout this post I use a general 'you'.)

I think the research element is something that should be done to gain a wider appreciation of what sculpts are out there. Personally, I would never drop a considerable hunk of money on something that I wasn't 100% happy with. Like it or not, buying a doll is a large financial decision. It's a luxury version of a commonly obtainable commodity (a toy.)

The difference is this: If you don't do your research when buying (for the sake of example) a barbie, if you don't like it when you get it, it's $20 down the drain. It's relatively easy to replace it at little cost - which is why people don't really do research when buying barbie dolls. If you don't do your research when buying a doll, you've just dropped anywhere between 100-1700 dollars on something that you may find you loose appreciation for as you delve deeper into the hobby, and discover that you like other dolls a whole lot more than the one you purchased. Then, it'll either sit on a shelf as a very expensive, underappreciated dust collector, or sit in the back of a closet, tucked away and forgotten. That's a lot of money to lose.

I'm speaking from the position of college student, here, where money means a lot to me, and I don't really have that much expendable income lying around. It might be different for people in different situations, it might not be.

 

i've done that with my cousin she almost bought the first doll i fell for and i was really angry of course i resented it but then i showed her other dolls and she found another one all is good

 

This I have a slightly different perspective on. Granted 'bonding' can mean different things to different people. To me, however, it's feeling a strong sentimental tie to the doll -- it's also wrapped up with their character and how suitable the doll body is, as well as any extra work I've put into them. Some dolls I do not feel much for, others I feel very strongly about -- those are the ones that live here. I have had bonding issues with a few dolls which was tied into character and story development (or lack there of). My dolls mean a lot more to me than other possessions I have -- largely because they serve a different purpose and embody characters/stories/ideas that mean a lot to me -- they give tangible form to the things that are intangible but none the less important. Comparing them to my furniture (even though I'm quite fond of my dresser), my shoes, and even my other collectible items doesn't work -- yes they are possessions, but the represent a great deal more. Just because they don't need to be walked every day and taken to the vet, doesn't mean there isn't a very high level of specialness there.

For other people bonding or not bonding can be brought about by other things. But I would say not bonding means that something is off enough that there is no attachment/connection/satisfaction there. Since many dolls are bought sight unseen, it is possible to buy a doll thinking you'll love it only to find in person that it wasn't quite what you expected. While research can help lessen that chance, it can not guarantee owner satisfaction. I know I kind of went off on a tangent there, but I though it might be useful to give a different perspective on bonding, since that does factor into a lot of people's dolly equations.

You are right, however, in that they do not have the needs that pets and children have. And the fact that we clearly don't think the same way about bonding is proof that it's a highly individual matter that has nothing to do with anybody other than the doll's owner. The only person that will really know if a doll is right for them, is them self. If it's the first doll they see, great, if it's the hundredth that's fine too. I think getting to know what all is out there as a new hobbyist is helpful when they go to buy their first doll, however falling in love with the first sculpt they see and wanting it doesn't make them somehow unworthy -- doll buying is such an individual thing, and even when one researches at the beginning, tastes and interests can still change over time. There's never any guarantees -- the only real important thing is that the hobbyist is having fun, since that's what this should be about.

 

Most people seem to sell dolls they don't enjoy, so it isn't quite so dire as that, barring truly extreme circumstances. Depending on the doll, and what condition it is in, they may not get their whole investment back, but even in the case of an expensive doll, it's not all money thrown out the window, and a reasonable portion of the money spent is usually recoverable.

I don't disagree with the general notion that it sucks to lose money on something that one didn't have to, but it's not like spending it on something that instantly loses all of its value or can't be resold, so it isn't the crisis it could be.

 

This. It's actually rather intimidating. Passion is awesome, but so is perspective.

 

Excuse me while I throw bouquets at you for cutting to the heart of the matter. I certainly experienced this annoyance in my youth, especially when I felt my fringe interests were being co-opted (e.g. kids buying their punk gear at J. Jacobs when I had to grow my own). Add to that an amendment to your statement: "a niggling doubt that what was so special and unique about you might not be that unique after all." It's good to remember that we are not our clothes, our hair, our music, or our dolls.

 

There are so many post's I want to quote, but can't/won't. But I'm pretty much in agreement with Taco and Surreality, and a few others here.

I also don't see why she needs to do research to get HER dream doll. Perhaps this is HER dream doll, and even if it's not, I'm not sure why her first doll needs to be. Mine sure isn't, but I still like it, and can't wait for him to get home. But it's not even close to what I would consider my dream doll to be. A person can like all kinds of dolls and have all kinds of dream dolls, and what you're dream doll is now can certainly change later. If a person spends years searching, saving and looking for their dream doll then right on, and if a person buys the first pretty doll they see, then right on with that to. Same with if it's just going to sit around and do nothing after buying it. I'm sure plenty of people on this board have dolls they buy just so they can sit on a shelf and look pretty, and there are probably people on this board who play with their dolls and have it do the watusi(Okay maybe not the watusi, but you get my idea). The thing I like about this hobby is that there are different ways of approaching it, none of them right or wrong, just different and made to suit each individual. What's right for you, doesn't have to be right for her.

So to answer your questions I'll have to say no. One I haven't converted any of my friends into BJD's, yet anyway, I'm still pretty new and only one so far has shown any interest, the rest think they're creepy. If I did and they wanted the same sculpt I'd love it, it would give us something to talk about, and we could do the twin thing from time to time.

 

THANK GOD someone said this!!! I totally agree- you said it perfectly.

 

She seems to just WANT it, without really giving it thought; If she gets it and you, the one who turned her towards dolls, aren't excited for her, the shine will eventually dim. Maybe, maybe not, just sayin'.

But you never know, she might really enjoy the hobby if you can really get her into it, such as getting together and perhaps making things for your twin dolls? If you can get her to customize him then she might fall in love with him
Or, if you're still wary about her having the same doll, try and turn her towards really different dolls, such as ones with hooves or wings or something. (Since she likes Death Note, obv): suggest that she turn a doll into her own shinigami. She could get one in WS, with wings(or she could make some), do a cool faceup and such...
ORRR, if she has as much money as you say she does, maybe she'd like to get a minimee.

anyways! Just some suggestions

EDIT// OR you know, just tell her it would bother you a little if she had the exact same doll when there are six bajillion others she could get.
Tell her you've saved up for a long time and it would mean a lot to you if she chose HER perfect doll too, not yours.
This is NOT selfish, petty or uppity, it's honest. You feel how you feel, and you have the right to let your friend know that!

PS everybody, how can it be her dream doll if she saw it and decided she wanted it before five minutes passed?
All I'm saying is, when you go house shopping, you look at more than one house. You might like the first one, but baby you ain't seen nothin' yet!
There is a LOT more to consider than aesthetics, surely you can all agree with this.

 

I think the real question is:

Will someone else owning the same doll as yours make your doll less special to you and if so, why?

 

Why can't it be her dream doll, even if it only took her 5 minutes to decide? And why can't aethetics be the only consideration? There are people who make character dolls where the only consideration is aesthetic, i.e. how much the doll looks like the character, where everything else is secondary. It could be that she looked at it and decided she wanted a Mello doll and that she wanted that particular doll to be Mello. Who's to say she didn't?

I'm not necessarily saying that I know what was going on in that friend's mind, but I can safely say that it is fully possible to know on first glance what your dream (insert item here) is. Personally speaking, if I'm looking out for things, I tend to know at first glance exactly what I want. If it happens to be the first thing I see, then no amount of research will sway me.

 

"PS" we are not the judges. This is the point that the "everybodies" are getting at. It is more shallow for us to join in dissecting someone who is not here to represent herself than it is to fall for a resin doll at first sight. Isn't that obvious? Since when do people need to justify themselves to a bunch of geeky doll collectors? Who the hell do we think we are? The doll fuzz ?

It is a thinggggggggggggg. A beautiful resin dolly. Not a dog or a child. A house is an investment that could take a life time to pay off! It shelters you so you don't die in misery on the streets. A doll is never going to be that. The comparison doesn't stand and it doesn't matter anyway. In the end the point is this. People need to stop all this prancing around bleating "oh I deserve this and she doesn't" nonsense. Or even this ominous muttering of "oh this hobby is toooooo difficult for the n00bs! Oh the eye bleeding research. Oh the intense study of it all. Oh how could you ever know all the secrets and unlock all the mysteries in a few days young Padawan???????" Just because we owned a BJD first does not make us the oracles, sheriffs and gatekeepers of the hobby.

 

You summed it up!~

 

I had the (near) exact opposite issue. I had a friend that really was into this hobby, and she got me into it. I love BJD's because she showed them to me. Then, suddenly, I wasnt allowed to like or buy a VAST amount of dolls because she 'saw them first'. Now, I dont have one yet, Im still saving, but... it really annoys ME, when I see a doll that I genuinly like, to have a friend say 'you cant buy that Im buying it and we cant both have the same doll or its not special'.
If she likes the mould, and she has the money to buy it, then she should do that. Dont get mad just because shes doing it frivilously- shes not doing it to hurt you. You gave her something that shes going to enjoy, and thats a good thing. Not everyone is going to be a BJD enthusiast (now me, I got really into it and did huge, and I mean huge amounts of research, and am saving up money for a little family of dolls that Ive completely fallen in love with, so Im not in this catagory) and they may just like them casually. They have the right to do that. You dont have to fit any certain criteria to own a doll. We're not snobs. As far as it being the same model? its not, really... cause it may look the same, but the eyes, the hair, the clothes... the name you give it, the personality it developes in your care.... thats really unique. Its that attachment to THAT particular doll that is unique and yours alone, not to the mould.