Friends flippantly joining hobby?

I want to embroider this whole post on my carrier bag in some sort of frilly frou frou calligraphic style for extra emphasis, it's that spot on.

Sure, this hobby has things you need to know. So does owning or using a computer, and everyone here seems to have mastered that well enough to be participating -- that's more complicated and technical than doll ownership. (Somewhere in the back of my mind, "If you can operate a computer, you can own a doll," is being said in the same tone as, "If you can dodge a wrench... " Ah, sleep deprivation, my bestest friend.)

Just about every hobby has things to learn, and I've not seen people kick up the kind of fuss in those hobbies that I've seen here. It actually confuses me. Don't get me wrong -- I understand that many owners have an enormous emotional investment in their dolls that is not as intense or common as it is in many hobbies, and that changes the perspective of a lot of participants -- but it doesn't change the functional reality of the situation, at least not beyond the judgmental behavior one can expect to encounter from folks who believe this way, apparently. I'll be honest, sometimes I feel that having this sort of perspective is frowned upon, and that is a bit troubling to me. Perspective is a good thing, at least to me.

As I mentioned before in this thread, I have a friend that goes on about expensive purchases regularly, and suggests I make them. Often, it's software -- some of it running into the $2500 or so realm of costly. Complicated stuff. Not easy to use. Not easy to learn. It costs more for training on it, to boot -- there's not always the same kind of amazing free resources to help you out that you find in the doll hobby. Never once have I seen someone question someone else's 'right' to make one of those purchases if they decide to do so, even though the cost is much higher than most dolls, it isn't something you can legally resell to recover your costs if you decide it isn't for you, and the learning curve is considerably steeper -- not even when it's someone who just saw some cool effects movie and said, "That's it! I'm going to go drop enough money to buy a used car on software right now so I can do that, too!" It's just not considered to be anybody else's business.

 

@Isenn: Totally agree with you. Perfectly expressed.

 

So anybody who has the money to buy a doll right now has to wait four years before buying, because it kind of sounds like you don't want your friend to be exited about having found a pretty doll. Yes, it annoys me when I want to buy something, but can't due to not having enough money and then someone pulls out their wallet and buys it. It's called jealousy.
In defense of your friend: my first doll was bought with my parents’ money (they gave it to me as a graduation gift) and at that time I had known about ABJD for two whole weeks. I now own several dolls. I really love them and take good care of them. Once your friend has her doll she can either lose interest (which harms nobody) or really get into this hobby (good for her).
It's okay to be jealous when someone effortlessly gets something you really want, but can't get. Some emotions can't be erased, however, it's not nice to act upon your jealousy and say unfriendly things about your friend. (I kind of get the impression you think of your friend as spoiled.)

As for your questions:
I got my sister into this hobby and I now have the same doll she's owned for several years. My sister never minded when I got the same doll, because she loves the mold and is happy when more people love and are able to get the that particular doll.
It's great to have someone close to you in the same hobby and I don't regret introducing my sister to this hobby.

 

Well, you know, I think she was in the right here. Joking or not, you were out of line to tell her what she can and can not buy. Yes, it's a bit bitter when someone can easily obtain what you have to save for, but that's not her fault.

I feel envy, but not annoyance. Also, this bugs me a bit - I really don't think "flippantly" means quite what you think it does.

Have you ever turned a friend onto the hobby?

Yes.

And resented them for it afterward?

Hell, no. I love having someone to share it with!

Has a friend ever bought the same sculpt as you?

No. I'd love it, though - dollie twins!

Did it almost make it feel less special if someone close to you just decided to get it, the first doll they ever saw, because it was 'pretty?'

Prettiness doesn't seem a bad reason to get something. And sometimes being the first one you see is part of what makes something special.

Did you feel bad or guilty about feeling that way?

Well, obviously not. But I'd be ashamed of myself for being petty if I did.

...In that case, I really hope you do some research before buying Barbies. I've paid hundreds of dollars for one new collectible one in my Barbie collecting days myself - other people have spent thousands on vintage dolls. Rarely you can resell at a huge profit, more often you change your mind and you lose big-time, especially if you're a deboxer. And Barbie collectors do occasionally have expensive tragedies through not knowing how to look after them, leaving them in direct sunlight, in boxes with non acid free backing, in clothes or jewellery that stain, or under display lights. But I've never seen anyone claim you have to join some special Barbie mafia and learn the Barbie masonic handshake before buying one, or prove that you've looked at owner pictures of every single Barbie ever before you're allowed to buy the one you fell for in the first place - "She's pretty and I want her" is enough to justify a purchase.

So should it be for bjds. They are collectibles and toys and hobby objects, not a Scientology operative level.

 

The only research I'd like to see people do is the kind of research that helps them to see the difference between a bootleg and an original doll. Now-a-days most (although not all) dolls come with a manual about how to take care of them. Reading the manual would be a good start and since manuals are supplied with the doll, it's okay to read it once you have your doll in hand.

 

Once again, luxury version of a readily available commodity. I can go down to my local pharmacy and buy a doll for $5. I can go to my local toy store and buy a Barbie (not a vintage one, but still a Barbie) for about $20. Taking one's argument to it's extreme in order to disprove it is a debating fallacy. If I felt the want to collect barbies, I would do research, just like if I felt the want to collect antique cameras, or oil paintings. If anything, this exception has proven the rule. (Apologies if my blunt manner offends, btw. It's late and I'm too tired to phrase things better.)

(I must also verify here that my idea of research is not learning the ins-and-outs of EVERYTHING in the BJD world, more basic care and a general idea of sculpts on the market. Which would probably take about an hour or so of realtime, depending upon how many sites you looked at or how many posts you read.)

-shrugs- But in any case, I'm mostly just playing 'devil's advocate' (And 'DEFEND THE ANALOGY!') as I can see both sides of this argument. Personally, I wouldn't drop a lot of money on something that I wasn't 100% positive that one: I wanted, and two: I knew how to look after. Hence, I'd research and wait to see if it was a passing fancy. But, that is a personal opinion.

I have no right to judge others for what they do. I don't. I advise them to do some research and discovery learning, but if they don't - well, it's not my money, or my life. If they're not hurting anyone or breaking the law, they can do what they want. I agree that judging people for not doing research is silly (and rather shallow, actually) but I also think that advising someone to do some research before making an expensive, luxury purchase is not bad advice.

 

I wasn't taking any argument to its extreme. I was jumping off from your point to compare attitudes in two different hobbies that are fundamentally the same thing, buying expensive dolls - Bjds themselves are simply luxury versions of easily obtainable commodities as far as that goes. My point was to compare the attitudes of the hobbies - I never saw Barbie collectors indulging in the idea that new collectors had to "earn" the right to join, or the kind of petty, judgmental gatekeeping that some (not all or even many) people are showing in this thread. They're just dolls. Buying the first doll you see because you think it's pretty is not the end of the world, you know? You don't have to look at fifty other dolls to prove that your initial impulse of "that's pretty, I want it" is somehow justified.

 

I agree with this. Personally I think there are so many dolls and doll companies around, seeing them all at the very beginning of entering this hobby can be so overwhelming it may be discouraging. I am kind of glad that when I looked around for my first doll, there were not that many doll companies and they had a lot less molds than they have now. (Dream of Doll had only 4 boys and 2 girls in the 60 cm range 4 years ago.)
I would not advise someone new to the hobby to look at all companies out there and I would show only a handful.

"Pretty, I want." is not so bad. That's how I started and four years later I still buy dolls, because I think they are pretty.

 

I agree with this! When I introduced my friends to bjds, I showed her my three dolls first. If she'd reacted strongly to any of them, I would have shown her more from that particular company. She decided that she wanted a bigger doll with more of an anime girl look, so she became the happy owner of a Dollfie Dream.

 

I actually have to agree with Chibihaku on this, simply because I was one of those people that browed hundreds of sculpts (possibly over a thousand) before I finally found the one I wanted for my first doll. I was online every day after school or work for about three weeks straight, for hours at a time, browsing different doll sites (since I wasn't on DOA at the time) looking for "the one", and when I finally found her, I fell hard. Even though my doll came with a very small price tag of $200 (well, small for a BJD), I still wanted to make sure that I was buying something that I was madly in love with, as compared to something that I "liked", before I spent that much money on something that was going to sit around my room 90% of the time. In the end, I decided to get into the hobby after all, because well, it made me happy, and that was all that really mattered to me.

I think this is more along the lines of the point she was trying to make ^_^; I mean let's face it- there are more than likely other more important things that we could be spending our money on aside from dolls, but we love the hobby so much, some of us really spread our money thin just to save up for the next one we "have to have". Others, they come more easily, but a doll is an investment, and one that like all investments, must be thought over carefully before putting money into it.

 

I myself don't see dolls as an investment. They'll always be a money sink no matter what I do or don't do (as hobbies tend to be). What you really get back is enjoyment from participating in the hobby. They are pricey, but that doesn't mean that everyone is going to proceed with caution or that they should for that matter. How expensive they really are is relative to one's own financial situation which can be quite different from hobbyist B who is different from hobbyist C etc. How much looking around someone needs to do depends on them and if/when they get really grabbed by a sculpt.

I did look at various doll before I chose my first, but I made the decision fast -- within a couple of days of finding out that abjds existed. I did a lot of the research on doll care and the hobby while I was waiting for him to arrive (it did help the time pass). After five years and a lot of resin later, I'm still around and even still have my first doll (who I bought because I thought he was pretty and I could more easily afford him). How much research someone does up front is very individual -- hobbyists have different ways of doing things and it's not really a matter of one way being right or wrong. There is no 'must' -- it's not that kind of serious.

 

-shrugs- I'm not saying that it's not justified - the first doll I bought was the first doll I saw (that was available commercially, I'd seen doll pictures on dA before.). But I looked around a bit before I decided that yes, he was the one for me and went back to him.

I'm taking the "That's pretty, I want it" and adding another layer to it. I think it becomes more "That's pretty, I want it. But I'll shop around a bit first and see if there's not one I want more."

 

How is a BJD an investment? Also, why do we need to research carefully if we don't want to?

Kandi_Slave You shouldn't feel insulted. you started a good dabate. If you put out a post like this on the internet expect that people will interpret your words in several ways. It happens all the time. Anyway, people like to debate.

 

Ack I double posted.

 

I get the same feeling. Well, not "anyone" , but, it seems as if many things in BJD discussions are taken by people too personally.

OT I swhehear, I'm not complaining, I'm just learning about the new place.

 

Yes! Thank you. Why is it okay for people to talk about having love at first sight with a person, but not with a doll, a doll that doesn't even have to love you back no less. I'm in the same boat with Taco, I don't consider these dolls investments personally, and I didn't really do that much shopping around or research before hitting that buy button. For someone who did/does I certainly have no qualms with that, but what's good for the goose is not always good for the gander, nor should it be.

 

Well, no need for snark I didn't come to argue. I came to tell Kandi_Slave that she should let her friend know how she feels.

I don't think anyone is a gatekeeper. Although, there sure seems to be a lot of opinion-fuzz here.

 

As long as I didn't adopt a kid, and then they decided to adopt a kid - or even a puppy - I don't know if I'd be extremely angry. I do know that my friend, for example, does have more cash than I do (especially now, since I bought my doll), and I can understand being a tad jealous, but it's not her fault.

I've been on the other site of that - I may be on the other side of this issue, too, since as far as I know, I have a doll, and she doesn't. Do I want to rub it in her face? No way - maybe obsess because I love my doll, but that's so we can both obsess together, but never to stick this point into her face. She did introduce me to Volks, and Super Dollfies... and we both really wanted one. I tend to go big when I get into a hobby, but I believe there will be plenty of people who try to get x-type of doll, only to realize there are a lot of other dolls that may fit their money situation better than the top dolls we tend to talk of.

But I do know one friend who tries to play the "one-up" game (everyone, I think, knows that game) with you. She lives far away, and we've been friends for a long time, anyway, so it's easy to put up with (though not east to get out of). I wonder if she'd do something to totally stick my face in the fact that her doll has 'this', or costs x-amount... But I'd like to think I'd be able to put up with her.