Girls view on guys who own BJDs

@mikkigirl-hehe, goldfish with a bjd.....imagine one in its little bowl, changing the lil eyes. Happy as a clam. A goldfish with a doll, dressed as a teddybear. =D

 

I would just like to ask that you do not generalize the whole female American population. I'm also female, born and raised in America in a household where my brother was not allowed to play with dolls. And yet I would have no problem with a guy who plays with dolls or think less of him, or consider him less masculine because he did so. In fact I thought it was pretty stupid when my dad wouldn't let my brother play with dolls when we were young.

You can certainly date who you want to for whatever reason, but please don't speak for the "typical" American girl, considering what is and isn't typical is relative to where you are, and who you are.

But who knows, maybe I am just some atypical American woman. :P

 

I don't see anything wrong with guys collecting BJDs, in fact, I don't see any difference between a guy and a girl collecting BJDs especially if they were just someone I met at a convention or even a friend. However, I don't think I would be very attracted to or want to be with a guy who collects them unless he was say, a sculptor, and it's probably because I do feel that dolls are mainly a girl thing. (And I've seen that action figure = dolls argument here but I feel action figures are things you see guys bashing against each other while dolls are the ones you see girls dressing up.) Even if the guy were to collect "action figures" (or anime figmas) I would still think it's a bit weird simply because I feel the whole nerd or otaku subculture isn't exactly the healthiest and would be very weirded out if the doll is sexualized. I will branch out and say, though, that I'm also very old fashioned and it's just what I know I am attracted to and most comfortable with, and I'm not saying everyone who feels differently is wrong.

Edit: And maybe I'll need to clarify, my issue with it isn't whether it's masculine or not (although masculinity does affect whether or not I'm attracted to a man), but simply that the subculture isn't the most attractive and it's probably because I'm old fashioned. And what I mean by that is that I believe that a collecting mindset for dolls/action figures in men is mostly followed up by traits I'm not attracted to, relationship wise.

 

Bleeeeeergh!

Read Splynterhayde's post. He explained everything I wanted to say, he just did it better.

 

If you are... then I love that atypicality of yours!

 

I thank Cloudedmind for what has been said (because many of the arguments have been based on generalizations), and I want to clarify something to the women in the thread here. Why Nihmo is so upset is because of gender typecasting, and how our society seems to think so rigidly on what is right/wrong for men and women alike.

Moreso, he's upset about why, when men are introduced to the hobby, they are faced with the intense scrutiny that this thread has seemed to be born of. It is unpleasant for women in any traditional 'masculine' hobby to be dissected -- how many girls have been asked why they like hockey? Football? Cars and video games (though the attitude towards women in the gaming industry has improved over the years, admittedly.)? Or, video games about war? And how many of them feel offended for being asked about it, simply by virtue of being female? It's hard to have people talk about you in front of yourself, regardless of what's being said, you know? That would be the same for any girl as it would any guy.

The discussion has gotten slightly out of hand, but on similar principle to the scenario mentioned above in reverse, Nihmo does have the right to feel offense. It's a little disheartening to read some of the things that have been said about men in the hobby, in this thread, after all, though the general response seems to be 'live and let live'. Not that I'm saying anything particular against anyone, least of all those involved in the argument.

 

And I do understand where you're coming from. It is fine. I think you should partake in what makes you happy. But, I believe most of the DoA society is in support of men that collect BJDs. So... there is no reason to be offended. Most people in the hobby applaud men that collect them. And I have no problem with either men or women that collect them. Honestly, do as you please. As I said... I didn't realize how much offense would be taken when I made my first post. I don't quite understand why people are so taken back by it. We all have our own viewpoints. It's what makes the world go round.

 

But honestly... my post had nothing to do with Nihmo or anyone else in this hobby, so I don't know why anyone is offended.

 

Splynterhayde

Thank you, thank you, thank you!
You explain it far better than I ever could. I ramble and make people feel uncomfortable. I am not good with words like you obviously are.
I say it in such a way that people believe I am judging and you know... maybe I am. I am not better than anyone else.

I am just one of those people who sometimes dance around in the forest whispering to the trees going "oh, la ti da, my dear forest friends... why can we all not just love and accept and be treated equal? Because that is what I want! And I want it NOW damnit! Gaaargh guuuurgl.... kill anyone who thinks differently then me!"
And then I come to my senses, pop a pill and go play WoW.

Think I will do just that now.

 

nikki: I'm not angry, and I'm not directing what I'm saying towards you, but as a general statement. Honestly, I'm not interested in arguing as much as I am in preserving social diversity and fairness. I'm trying to remain impartial to sides (though I myself am a male in the hobby) and can see what everyone is saying, but I also see Nihmo has been genuinely hurt by what he's read in the thread. This causes his stance to be aggressive, and leaves less of an opportunity for discussion, as the last few posts on the argument have been on most peoples' parts, in general.

For the record, I'm not mad. And I'd happy agree to disagree. I'm just also interested in showing why Nihmo - and potentially any other guy in the hobby who would read this thread - would feel offended by what's been said. I'm only sticking in the discussion to explain, and likewise, value the explanations that the women here give for their feelings.

Nihmo: No, I do understand what you're trying to say, and I appreciate it, because I'd be lying if I said I wouldn't be hurt if someone said I was 'strange' for liking my hobbies. In fact, it's hard enough when non-doll friends tell me as much. They make excuses for it, from everything to me being gay (which has nothing to do with it) to me being from a small town, and therefore different.

I'm not saying that the people in this thread are not accepting us, as the general attitude seems to be different than that, but I do know, that yes, this kind of scrutiny can hurt, for sure.

In the very least, this is certainly an interesting way to meet another guy in the hobby, right?

Please to make your acquaintance!

 

I look at it from the creativity part of the collecting of the doll. for me, the doll is just the beginning. it shouldn't matter who does the creating. i don't think twice about seeing a guy with dolls at a doll meet. they got pretty great ideas.

 

Well while some of the responses here are disheartening I continue my near-rabid support of guys doing whatever the hell they want to. XD I hate it when people stereotype me, so why would I do it to anyone else?

In that spirit while cruising the forums this past week I got my hubby actually interested in a sculpt. > I'm rubbing off on him and I couldn't be happier about it, keeping in mind that before I met him I never felt secure enough to own a doll myself (I was more interested in male roles as a child and dolls had a negative stigma I had to overcome).

 

Lol and totally true. I think guys who like BJDs are awesome! Cheers to you guys for overcoming social obstacles. ^___^

 

I wish goldfish were into BJDs. They would be even greater pets. ;u;

To be honest, the first BJD I've seen, its owner was male. So I don't particularly have any different opinion on BJDs owned by males, nor their owner. I think it's kind of cool. I wish there were more guys who didn't care about gender-geared hobbies and would do something they're happy with, regardless of what others think.

Just my two cents. ;u; -puts them in the piggy bank-

 

I know an equal amount of men that collect dolls as women that collect dolls. I know married couples that collect dolls together, and I know a couple of couples that met through doll collecting (heterosexual and homosexual couples.) I don't think it's odd at all for a man to collect dolls. I've been an artist my whole life, though, and I see the world differently than "mainstream" society. (Come to think of it-- I've never quite thought like mainstream society in general.) I have 3 sons and I've bought dolls for them.

This is the best defense that I ever heard, and I'll never forget this. When my eldest son was 3, he was playing dolls with his sister, and for some odd reason (because she didn't get it from me) she was picking on him for playing with dolls. He turned around and in a very serious tone said, "And the Lord God said that it is not good for man to be alone. Max Steel has a wife so he is not alone." I told my daughter that she better zip her lip or she would soon lose her friend, and that she was wrong for teasing him. I LOVED his answer and laughed over it, and was proud of him at the same time. Who could argue with that statement?

 

I think its cool to see guys with bjd's...heck I wish i had male friends into the hobby!
(well any real life friends in the hobby anyway!)

 

I am going to have to agree here. Do not speak for all of us about what a "typical" American woman wants or doesn't want. There are four doll collectors in my home, and I am the only female. The three men who mean the most to me in this world, my hubby and my two sons, all collect BJDs. You better believe I think a man with a BJD is just about the most attractive thing ever. I can only hope that my hubby is equally enthusiastic about girls in work boots covered in mud and engine grease cause I'm not giving up working on large equipment. Then we can geek over Street Fighter together. I'm going to go ahead and admit that I am probably an atypical American woman, but I know I am not the only one.

 

I adore guys that own dolls. I've met quite a few and most of them are sweethearts!

I only have a problem when they start being creepy (same goes for female doll owners as well though). I think it just comes off worse with the men, especially if they're the type that get the like tripple G sized boobs and then make really uncomfortable comments about their doll. Don't creep on me or your doll and we'll get along fine.

(Also shower, but again, same goes for women).

 

Whoa whoa, getting heated in here...;;; If anyone is feeling upset please take a breather before posting! I haven't read through the entire thread, just the last half of it.

Hmm..I am of the ilk that would find it slightly jarring at first, but I'd probably shrug it off after. Honestly, whether or not I care after my initial reaction depends on whether or not I am interested in them or their dolls. If I am, cool beans, if I'm not, I wouldn't go out of my way to think of their possible sexual orientation etc... I have other things to think of XD;; Those things matter little to me. But I really can't blame or shame people who do go that further step.

I don't think it's an issue so much of prejudice or hatred, off the bat,a little contrary to some of the frustration expressed here. I would be getting ahead of myself to think that any other person who reacts the same way I do is a "bad person"etc.... So I think perhaps some have jumped the gun a little, imho ^^; Reality is sometimes disappointing, but I don't think it is absolutely necessary to react so vehemently, in this case, to the people posting their opinions or the existence of the thread, but I am sure my experiences speak to different conclusions than other people's. I can definitely understand the reasons of those that do.

A little social psychology...
I think the thing that needs to be realized here is that people are socialized in various ways during their lifetimes. Socialization occurs through parenting, peers, mentors, heck even things like television. It doesn't matter what happens initially, as that doesn't really speak to the quality of person. Every person can be startled by things out of their ordinary. Every person can be perplexed or curious or try to reason these instances with themselves. In fact, most people do. Their reasons need not be accurate or logical, or "good" or "bad". Those values are arbitrary. They normally just have to work for that person, in that moment, whether that reason is 'he's weird' or 'he's probably gay' etc..

The world is a big random scary place, and it makes humans feel better to categorize things and make them easier to access in a less jumbled way. We think faster because our brains build neat little categories [which can, unfortunately, exist as stereotypes etc..]. Otherwise it'd take us forever to process things and we'd likely all be depressed because we'd feel like the world is spiraling out of control. XD; and, what I think is MOST important to mention, is that "DIFFERENT FROM NORMAL" does hold an inherently threatening quality [at a subconscious level, more likely]. We've never encountered it before; how do we act? What are we supposed to do? How do I treat them? New things are uncomfortable, some people are more sensitive to it than others. Too bad that this in addition to lack of communication and patience generally creates an atmosphere discouraging of understanding. Unfortunately, stereotypes, prejudice, and gender typecasting, as Hayde has very eloquently put it, is inherent in [currently at least, as the world can't change on the flip of a dime] the way people think. Unless you can change societies in whole, instantly, the expectation that everyone should be holding hands living under rainbows and playing with unicorns on a sunny day is only going to cause frustration. XD!

To those who are a little jarred by the instance of meeting a male who collects BJDs, it would be par to say that the reaction would be the same to find out that a person from another culture ate some food that you found abnormal. It is just something out of that person's everyday realm. Something that does not fit into their brain's pre-made neat little category. That is allowed. A person cannot control the scope of experiences they have, for the most part. I try not to be offended when people have adverse reactions to some of the things my culture eats, for instance, as I know that they were not raised in my culture. It does not mean they are narrow minded; it just means that their world has not been as expansive as mine, perhaps. And put in this light, I don't think being "off put" as some have said, is inherently offensive. I can't veritably punish someone for being suprised, and I don't think that it's fair to label all of these people in one sweeping motion of prejudice/etc....You can't HELP an initial reaction. It's instinct and happens so fast that people can't think about it.

What IS important, however, is whether or not the person will make the effort to overcome those barriers, and how they carry themselves after. I think most of what I've read is only about initial reactions..but what happens down the road? Will a person continue to think the male is WEIRD, based solely on the fact that they own a doll? Will they think he is very cool? Will they ridicule him, rejecting what is new to them and stay in their safe little box of "what makes sense to me" type attitude? Will they avoid him, just because he is a little strange to them? Humans are TERRIBLE predictors of their own behaviour, and a plethora of factors create the circumstances in which we behave. It is incredibly virtuous of so many to say that they'd appreciate a male who loved dolls, but under the right circumstances, they might think ill of them too. [like say..if he was a huge jerk :} ]

Hopefully, the observer has enough sense to step back and say to themselves, 'hey, maybe I should get to know this person a little more before deciding on them'. In doing so, they might find A) Their suspicions were confirmed. B) Their suspicions were disproved/wrong. If it's a positive experience, they might be more open to males owning dolls in the future. If it's a negative one, they might abhor the idea, who knows.

I could preach about equality and the disparities between genders which are causing such a fuss in this thread, but I think it's best if we all remembered to think about being in the other person's shoes, even if they disagree with you.

 

I personally do not see a problem with it. I think it's awesome that guys are also getting into the hobby It's truely a hobby that everyone can enjoy!