Girls view on guys who own BJDs

Laelen, that was a very eloquent and well-thought-out response.
I envy your posting skills.

 

It does indeed make you very depressed. That is the place I am in and have been in my entire life.

I want to pry those neat little boxes that people live in and say "Hey you in there! Looks awfully cramped and dark in there. Why don't you come out here and play? It's super neat!"
But most of the time the answer you get is "Nah! It's safe in here. My parents built this box for me and I see no reason to change anything."
That makes me want to smash that darn box to pieces. But I can't. We can only step out of our own boxes. Doesn't stop me from trying every now and then though.

I have tried being in those peoples shoes. I didn't like it. The shoes were uncomfortable and smelled bad.

The wonderful Alan Watts once said that some people are gooey and others are prickly. I am the gooey kind.
Most of the time I just stick to my gooey friends and tune out the pricklies. But sometimes the prickly kind make so much noise that I lose my shit.

I just have to try harder. The prickly people make my head hurt.

I know you meant that as an insult, that I do not live in the real world. But I'll take that as a compliment!
Now, you have to excuse me. I have a rainbow to vacuum and a unicorn to exercise.

 

In my personal experience, women I've liked, really didn't like the dolls and were unaccepting towards them, oddly enough my male friends and guys who I hang out with in various places, never bat an eye towards them (they actually asked about them and found them cool if I made them, say hold an x box controller like I did at one con)

 

Thank you, KiraKat. haha, I thought maybe I'd exercise those University classes instead of letting them rot in my brain, only to be forgotten xD. I'm sure you're just as capable of writing a good post. It just takes a clear mind and a lot of careful wording, haha. And maybe a good cup of tea

Nihmo, your candid replies inspire me to answer with equal vivacity! I love to see your passion.

I agree it is incredibly frustrating to meet with resistance, especially when the source of such is pretty much Mother Nature. (she sure knows how to make 'em!). but if what you seek is truly to open another's mind and draw them out, I do not think your method of blunt and seemingly unrelated quips is the best method to achieve your goals. I'll match your quote with one of my own

"The bad teacher's words fall on his pupils like harsh rain; the good teacher's, as gently as dew. " Talmud: Ta'anith 7b

If you truly care to bring people out of their respective dark and cramped ( and probably mildewy) boxes, direct blunt force is probably not going to work. "smashing" for instance, is a stronger word and people can be distracted/hurt/offended by the violence of it. This would completely undermine your purpose of "trying to get them to come out and play" because well, now you've scared them off and they're convinced that staying in that box will be safer than venturing to play with you. One less friend for the unicorns to play with, and the rainbows get a little dimmer. It takes patience, and more often than not, more than one try.

Also, your inclination to think other people's shoes are smelly (and sometimes they are, but the point is to get a feel for their history, ) is a prime example of your own unwillingness to understand others. One good turn deserves another. If you're going through the world expecting people to jump out of their socialization for you, you're probably going to have to show them by jumping through a hoop yourself. If you dont want to, then the easiest path to sanity would be to stop being hypocritical and stop expecting people to change when you yourself are unwilling.

I see all this fantastic passion in you, but it will be a waste if you cannot communicate it properly to the people you wish to. Decide how much you care about these issues and hopefully you can act accordingly, so people wont run away when met with your challenge to go outside their comfort zones. Perhaps you'll find the fruits of your labour will grow. Venturing to truly teach a person is not for the feint of heart, and sometimes all the best lessons in the world will not reach your student, so at those times, you have no choice but to leave it alone.

@u@;;; sorry for the huge off topic post, everyone.

 

I became really interested in Magic: the Gathering when I was seventeen. I liked fantasy and the whole card game thing fascinated me. The brother of a classmate of mine played Magic and proposed to help me out. He took me to our local games shop to buy a set of cards. When he and I entered the shop, I got stares from the entire clientele and the staff - all male - and the shopkeeper said to him, referring to me, "Does this ... person ... play Magic too?"

Guess how long I played Magic in such a friendly atmosphere, where players seemed to find it difficult to even address me. I certainly hope that women in this hobby don't treat men the way those Magic players treated me. If you share a hobby and a passion, why make a big thing out of gender? We are simply a bunch of people with a common interest.

 

oh i think it's good, 1 have 2guys friends own dds and sds, i don't think it's weird

 

I really cannot answer too much to your post since it is getting WAY too personal here. I can only say that you cannot know me or how tolerant and kind I am or how aggressive I am only from one single thread. Calling me a bad teacher is a bit much since I did not claim to be a teacher in the first place.

I am just like any other person. I have darker and lighter sides.
And I do not smash those boxes, that is what I said. I said I want to smash them but I don't.
I did not come here to teach anyone anything. I only came here to express my frustration and that is why I took the aggressive tone that I did. I am blunt, that is pretty common with people who have my diagnose or so I have been told. I did not come here to make friends (this thread) but to vent my anger. Funnily enough I have found some pretty damn neat people here, and some that I will stay the hell away from.

When I am trying to pry a box open I do not say the things I said here and I don't do that online. I only poke and pry when I already see someone peeking out if you know what I mean.

And about the smelly shoes, they DO stink. What I meant by that is that I have worn those damn shoes. I have been one of those people in the cramped boxes. I consider myself to be out of it now but I am still pretty stiff and the sun hurt my eyes and I am stumbling around trying to find a place to belong but I have come to the conclusion that I simply don't. So I'll find myself a shady place under a tree. The unicorn is MINE and I don't share! Mowahahaha!

 

I don't have anything against males who collect BJD's. Generally, just the isolated phenomenon of a guy collecting dolls doesn't really phase me or make me change my opinion of them - if they were a cool, sociable person before I found out, my perception of them wouldn't change. I DEFINITELY do not find it some kind of a bonus like "oh I totally need to date you because that makes you SOOOO awesome" (and I have seen just a few guys obviously only joining at least the social aspect of the hobby thinking everyone's gonna jump their bones because it was so female-saturated), but it's not a negative thing either. My boyfriend can come in tomorrow and say he wants a doll (er, well, he kind of already did, but it was one of those "if I was super rich" scenarios), and I might give him a funny look because he's never shown particular interest in them before, but my perception of him won't change. He'll still be a confident, sociable party boy, except now he'll also add "doll meets" to his list of social gatherings to attend. I've met a number of men (anyone who identifies as such) who were perfectly pleasant and interesting to talk to, and their doll-collecting just gave that much more conversation material. Dolls and guys aren't a problem for me, and my male children will definitely be allowed to play with whatever they wanted (as long as it was safe), and NOT taught that toys are gender-specific. It wouldn't matter, by the way, if they had a classy, sexy EID Jessica or an army of pukis.

That being said... While BJD's are not a cause for this but merely an associated factor.... There is definitely a larger percentage of guys who are in this hobby who genuinely make me uncomfortable (none that I've interacted with face-to-face so far, but I've seen several online - thankfully they're still a minority). It's not their dolls. It's their behaviour (or lack thereof). They REEK of creepiness and "nice guy (TM)". They tend to view women as objects, as prizes they're entitled to, and this of course also manifests in collecting a large number of grimy, skanky-looking figurines of women's sexualized bodies - and dolls can, of course also serve as this. I try to make it a point to avoid them, because they make me really, really uncomfortable from past experience.

 

oh those "nice guys" a scourge everywhere lol

 

I think it's totally uncool that when people see a guy that's into dolls, they just automatically assume that he's gay or something. There are almost zero guys that are into this hobby from where I come from

 

This is all going to sound pretty prejudice, but I swear I'm not judgmental person at all! Firstly, if the guy is asian (particularly japanese), then it's like, completely normal. It wouldn't surprise me. However, any other guy, young or old, would shock me a little bit. It's a bit difficult not to be a little unsettled at first. But I certainly wouldn't think less of them. I'd accept it pretty quickly. Actually I think it is a bit admirable; for a man to have a hobby that is typically reserved for women ( and asians).

 

Here's a newsflash to some people in this thread. "Macho" guys like dolls too. This has nothing to do with either being feminine nor being masculine. It's all about liking a particular hobby.

Like there's nothing wrong with a girly girl who likes to play contact sports like football, there's nothing wrong with an older man who looks like a biker who spends his weekends going on survivalist camp and tactical assault rifles training courses, all the while having a little pong pong in his pocket.

 

^ I love it.

 

My manly man already posted here But really, why can't macho guys like cute stuff? And even ignoring the cute, theres the super sexy girls and the super buff boys out there. Seriously, there is no aesthetic difference between a high quality action figure and an EID doll.

 

I would think thats a good thing in the long run, most men I have personally met in the hobby are really in it to try and meet girls, or just are creepy.
I mean I don't hide the fact I am awful at talking to people lol

 

that is a tad prejudice

 

I always wonder what guys would think of me being a doll collector. I worry they would walk into my house see my dolls and turn around and run out.

I have a story about a little 2 lb yorkie named Lulu. About 3 years ago we had a german shephard named duke and 4 cats but I still wanted a cute little dog so I kept bugging my dad about getting one and he said no we already have enough animals as it is. So christmas comes and my sisters boyfriend bought her a little chihuahua/yorkie mix named pink and she stayed the night with us because he was going to give it to her at our house the next morning. So after getting to play with this puppy all day and thinking that chihuahua's and yorkies basically any type of toy dog was only for girls because no man would be caught dead holding a dog that small my dad caved and said I could get a puppy so a month later we brought lulu home and even though I paid for her and her shots and her dog food he spoiled her so bad that I am only second best when he is around. I work in a hospital and talk to a lot of people about this and have since found out that alot of guys love the small dogs and there is nothing wrong with it so back to this topic and what I am getting at. I have never met a man who likes dolls and would not judge one if I ever did meet one I would probably want to talk to him just like a would talk to a woman doll collector to see what it is he likes about dolls and why he collects and I would also like to mention that some dolls like for example evangeline ghastley is designed by a man and some of the dolls owned by men that I have seen have been done up very creatively. So I think its pretty cool that both men and women collect dolls.

 

This thread has lots of awfully interesting points, and I'm totes not a woman or girl, but I am a dude, so I will have to say that Hornisse said is very true! I am not into all that many girly things, I am an artist but my subject is often the male form, I have played any number of sports, including soccer and fencing both of which I consider myself fairly skilled at and have trained hard for, but I have been fascinated ith BJD since my freshman year of college. I will say that I am gay! But at the same time I have met many less "manly men" than myself who were straight and I honestly think that it's less about your gender identity, sexuality, or any of that, and more about how open you are and how much you are exposed to.If a girl or a guy likes dolls, as long as they aren't taking over everything in the house or hanging from the ceiling cause there isn't another spare inch, doesn't and hasn't bothered me since before I was into it or after. My dolls are private to me, but there are reasons for that which have nothing to do with social interaction or views as even if most of my friends (guys or girls) saw them, they wouldn't even blink an eye knowing how diverse my interests and artistic obsessions are. So if I'm being honest there are lots of stereotypes and I know first hand they are based off fact sometimes, but we are individuals and should be treated as such and considered as such until weve shown otherwise. That's muh piece yo!

 

What an interesting thread. Personally it would never occur to me to be offended/surprised/shocked at finding out a guy was a BJD collector. I also wouldn't automatically assume he would therefore have to be gay. But as Laelen so eloquently pointed out, humans are categorizing machines. What I don't blink an eye at, someone else will.

I used to get all kinds of hell for being the only girl on the playground with Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle toys, so maybe I'm just empathizing with this potential-BJD-guy by having already been in his shoes.

Ironically enough, my original interest in these dolls started from thinking they'd be something my hubby would like. The first doll I saw rather closely matches a particular manga aesthetic that he enjoys. (Then somewhere along the way I decided I'd want my own and I might share with him).

 

I think its wonderful that guys collect dolls why not look at action man figures for boys. I know a lot of women who i work with think I am werid collecting dolls but nearly all the men Ive told have been interested in them

My dad who is 75 collects masterpiece dolls and always comes to the doll shows with me