Has a bad experience ever turned you off dolls?

@Ysebeth huge virtual hug to you as well. Pet portraits can be such a nightmare sometimes! You’re expected to work miracles with the most dreadful blurred photos that are so bad it’s hard to figure out what the hell the animal is and then they want it in some pose other than that of the supplied images. I always make sure I have actual reference books on various breeds to help fill in the gaps so to speak. Nowadays you can look up reference photos but back when my incident occurred it was physical photos and books, didn’t have the luxury of the internet. I only do the occasional portrait now, purely as a hobby and very much on my terms!
You hit the nail right on the head my dear, that’s what people forget or don’t realise about us creative folk, we put ourselves heart and soul into everything we do so to speak ill of our work is to speak ill of our very core. It hurts us greatly.

 

I’ve been there. Almost all of my dolls at one point were from a shared story I wrote with an ex who caused me a lot of harm that I didn’t see. And most of those dolls have since been sold, with the few I’ve kept getting new faceups and new characters. It felt healing, but there are some dolls I wish I hadn’t sold, and honestly, that’s probably to be expected.

now my issue is, a lot of my faceups were done by someone who treated me a lot like that ex, so I’m slowly learning to do faceups so that as my dolls need redoing, I can be the one to redo them.

In the first case—some of my dolls did make me shaky. I basically bought one of them for that ex—I chose to look at selling him as a process of sending him somewhere he was very wanted, and then using the money to afford a doll I’d always wanted.

 

Sometimes there can be community drama on certain websites, but honestly I'm here for the dolls first. And I've been fortunate enough to have had nothing but positive experiences from BJD companies. Even the proxy buyer I use for some Volks stuff is very nice and professional. No issues there!

 

I've been in the hobby since 2008 and for the most part it's been a great experience, but I would be lying if I were to say it's always been rainbows and sunshine. Three different negative experiences stand out to me..

-Had a guy try to scam me during a trade. Luckily we were able to find his contact info and convince him to honor his end of the bargain. Still, it turned me off the second hand market for a while.

-Ended a friendship with another person in the hobby after she showed her "true self" as a very toxic person. Admittedly I should have seen the red flags but I'm not great at making friends so I try to treasure the few I have.

-Had an acquaintance from one of my old role play groups tell me I couldn't make a doll out of one of my role play characters because I "surrendered" said character to her when I left the role play group. The character in question being one I created entirely. She apparently had been using the character as hers after I left the group and now feels that he belongs to her. We did eventually come to an agreement but it was still a very odd and frustrating situation.

That being said, I'm thankful that the positive interactions have very much out weighed the negative.

 

Very first doll meet I went to back in 2008 I had someone dis on my doll because Moswen was an AoD Chi. They said I wasted my money on a cheap doll like him and I should've saved up for a "real doll". Real doll meaning a Volks which was what they collected. I did gain a ton of malicious satisfaction when my "cheap doll" stood like a freaking rock on a table with zero help/support while her precious Volks wouldn't stand unsupported.

From that throw away encounter that was maybe 15-20 minutes long, I developed a burning dislike for ALL things Volks. There are absolutely no items of Volks (dolls, wigs, eyes, clothes, shoes, props, etc.) in my collection and there never will be. I won't dis on someone for having Volks because the selection of dolls to add into your collection is a very personal choice that you owe nobody justifications on. But they are not for me and it's 100% the fault of that person and her little clique of friends at that one meet that bad-mouthed Moswen. All this time later (and a collection of currently 75 dolls from something like 38 companies) and Moswen is still my favourite. I honestly don't see anyone bumping him from that position either.

 

@Blodeuwedd omg I had the same issue with portraying people. They wanted miracles, but all I could work with were some crappy and badly-taken pics... I feel you! Also, I looked up your animal portraits on your flickr. they are AMAZING!

As for my bad experiences... I've had a couple over the 10 years in the hobby. Some were about the resin and inanimate, others were related to people. Where do I even start? omg...

Inanimate - impulse buys or long-awaited dolls that turned out so disappointing. usually the size or in-person impression was so wrong and so unexpected. Any time, when I *almost* had it put together, something was happening... Right now I seem to be at the place where it all seems to be getting fine and "finished". I mean, I'll still have plenty to wor on and achieve within the hobby - mainly through mastering my skills and customising my dolls, but it took some time and lots of re-sales to get here. often, my collection size and style flactuated when I had some stressful events in live - having to move out of my family home, breaking up with my exes, etc.

Animate - well, the people factor seems more bothering. I've had two dolly friends IRL, both of whom turned out to be nuts. One was using me as an ersatz for a girlfriend - any time, she had a disappointing date, she'd call me. Or when she needed something. We met in college first, btw. Then we learnt of our shared dolly interest. Long story short, after some time I thought she was merely toxic, then I realised I was just plain friend-zoned (I never wanted to be in a relationship with her, but apparently I was her B plan all that time lol). Then, another just used me as a springboard to boost her ego. I was that side-kick who had less money, worse clothes and shorter-term relationships or single status. She stopped liking me after one time when I broke up with one of my exes and didn't want to tell her a word about it. I felt very vulnerable at that time and very hurt by that guy. Breaking up felt like a failure and I didn't want to share about it. Apparently, my ex friend didn't like that. She wanted to hear about that failure to feel better about her soon-to-be-also-finished relationship. The doll part? Just a pre-text. She had an issue with me having a volks doll before she did. Funny how she never acknowledged the volks doll in question was old, yellowed and really cheap when I got it. And I'd been working my bum of to get it. My ex friend didn't work, she just had very wealthy parents.

These two relationships actually put me off the idea of having a female friend for a while. Now I have some close and reliable friends, but they're all my family members at the same time.

More recently... well... it began years ago (like 8?) I had my first embodiment of my doll Marcel. A blond, rococo guy in the fashion of Vinnie Chas/Prince Poppycock. A woman from my city thought it'd be awesome to suggest/ship thic OC with another guy OC of mine. Well, nope. I didn't like that. So I sold both boys. But Marcel was rather original and popular in my local community. Soon, she 'came up' with an idea for an OC like this. Also, a sleeping sculpt, similar wig and clothes. And make up. She meanwhile did a smear campain and people took that. I wasn't welcome anymore in the community. Cool. Then, 5 years later I'm meeting this guy. We're in a 3 year relationship. He meanwhile learns of my hobby. I know that he knew a lot of people like that woman (alternative, boover boots, tatooes and a headbanger). he said he knew her 'from somewhere" but she was nobody special, he hardly remembered her. Then he dumped me after 3 years. Next thing I know, within a week he sets up a fb account and has her and his ex-wife in his friends list. I felt sick. Maybe I'm histerical and unrealistic, but if that woman was "nobody special" then... What a liar. That really reminded me of my dolls, my past characters and turned me off them for a while.

Anyway, after 10 years in the hobby, I'm happy to say that a) I actually finished collectin and any next purchase I may make will be a small one. b) if I make a mistake and have to resell and lose some money, then I say to myself: 'well, I've paid a bit to have the experience...". c) I have the dolls that I want regardless. I've decided to bring back both my boy dolls with no concern or care whether someone would ship them or not. I've decided to bring back my crossdressing male doll with no concern or care whether any future boyfriend will accept him or not. I've decided to spend as much time and money on any of my dolls, bring them with me any time I want, etc. Like, if I'm travelling and someone doesn't like them - I guess it'll be just me and the dolls travelling, yo

 

I’ve had bad experiences put me off some doll related things. A seller on Etsy was unnecessarily rude and I refuse to buy anything from them and sold the items I had already purchased as I couldn’t look at them without feeling annoyed. I think I think I was taken aback as every other doll related person that I have dealt with on Etsy has been really kind and helpful.

 

Had an alike experience in my first doll meet with my first doll. I had gone to couple more when I still didn't had a doll so I was very excited to show them my girl. In that meet, two girls I didn't know beforehand showed up too and they were something like "the experts" of the group, the oldest, more experienced collectors or something. Imagine my face when one of them, upon seeing my girl, called her cheap and said I should have bought a better doll from a better-known company. No one of the others said anything, and then someone just changed the subject.
I didn't react at the time, but I certainly haven't forgotten that sensation. After that, I was scared of going to more doll meets just in case I had to deal with more of that kind of judgement and that certainly made me avoid my local community since then.

 

@Iron_Dog I... They... *splutters* AoDs are AMAZING. I love them. It forever blows my mind when someone mocks a "cheap" BJD.
My addiction to BJDs is too powerful for anything to put me off them, but the most recent collector Barbie I purchased (and sent back) made me so angry, I refuse to buy any more collector Barbies.
Also, while unboxing a Rainbow High doll, I discovered it was splattered with blood - and it wasn't mine. So... yeah. Will never ever pay full price for one of those ever again. All future unboxings with be with latex gloves. And Lysol. And rubbing alcohol, just in case.

 

I did have one truly horrible experience when i got into bjds and was new to the hobby. It was from a clothes shop that makes some really expensive high quality clothing. I guess i asked one too many stupid (it was implied from the person I ask stupid questions) questions and I got banned from ever being allowed to buy any clothing from the seller and the seller said somthing similar to someone like me shouldn't own the outfits. It is the seller's right to ban and refuse to sell, but I didn't know the fact the questions were going unanswered for months was an indication I wasn't suppose to ask any more annoying questions. Anyway I never got to explain myself and got banned.

I think my last question was along the lines of when the outfits would be sold because it was several months delayed, but there was no update. I wanted to make sure not to miss the new deadline. From my experience when someone said it would be sold on a certain timeframe it sold within that timeframe, so I thought something must have happened that is how i ended up annoying the seller by asking about it.

It seems the seller was very busy and got annoyed. I was keeping tabs on social media and the seller seemed very busy. In the end, the seller never did sell the outfits. I kept tab for the past few years and the outfits never was sold for overseas. It was sold though in the seller's home country. I felt really bad about the experience and blamed myself for being too inquisitive due to my extreme excitement. Then I realized someone who takes out their stress on someone else because they might be busy or stressed out isn't really something I should blame myself for. I almost gave up on the hobby, but I didn't in the end.

 

Not turned off dolls in general, but I have crossed some dolls from an artist off my wishlist for sure.
The artist no longer does preorders and it seems difficult to purchase them now.
Entering lotteries for the chance to purchase, or offering the occasional doll on a fb fan group where members clamor for the chance to buy it does nothing for me. If I want to compete to purchase a doll, I will go to ebay.
I enjoy the pre order process and being able to select skin tone, faceups etc.

 

Never personally have had a truly negative experience. I've had some disappointments in quality or some odd looks but never a truly bad one. People in my real life just thought I was weird. Some BJD I just fell out of love with. I was wise enough to be careful when I needed to and how to handle buying/selling. I didn't interact with the community that often because to be honest, I didn't really care. I left arguments on forums alone because in the end I usually didn't have the dolls people were arguing over (lol).

But as far as being panicky or angry...feeling like you want to light them on fire? I get that. I got such anxiety over having certain dolls in my house. I had a majority of them during a big depression in my life and they resurfaced things I wanted to forget. And you know what? Sometimes you gotta let em go. I actually sold one for a much, much lower price than I got him (I'm talking like, 1/4 of what I paid) just to get it out of the house. That one I still thought was beautiful so I wanted to re-home it. Long ago, I actually threw one away. Another I donated to a Goodwill. Only a few I warmed back up to. I just wanted them gone. And that's okay.

I had to ask myself the big question of: "If it doesn't give me joy now, will it in the future?" or "Can I foresee myself loving this doll if I fully customized it the way I wanted it?" If a doll can't answer that then I don't think it's worth keeping. I think we put a lot of value of something based on price and not based on the personal value. If it doesn't matter to you, then who will it matter to? I could spend thousands on the most beautiful dolls in the world but if it doesn't mean anything they become dust collectors under your bed. Dolls are serious investments sure, they cost a lot, but I value my mental health and the quality of my life over any doll.

That was just a really long way of saying: Do what you gotta do. You need to sell some? Sell em. Burn one or two? Burn em. To some it may seem like a waste but at the end of day you're the one who's got to heal from those experiences in your own way.

 

I used to post pictures of my dolls to social media semi-regularly, and was just starting to chat with some other collectors online, when some pretty intense social junk/ drama went down. I could hardly open up my account for a month afterwords. However, that got me thinking about whether I was collecting for myself or for my social media page? I spent some time with my dolls, and started to get back into loving them for who and what they are, for myself, and not worrying about anyone else for a while. As others have said, redressing, faceups, etc. are great for that.

 

@Molliebean : My "bad experiences" are nothing compared to some of the stories there. Sure, I encountered some rude people and some shady people (thankfully not too many). I also encounter them IRL, lol. But I also move on quickly, don't post pictures of my dolls on websites other than this one (too lazy, lol) and don't have IRL doll friends. So my potential for having a bad doll-related experience is limited. And of course, I bought stuff I didn't need and didn't live up to expectations, did some bad mods I regret, but those aren't enough to turn me away from a hobby, just are enough to self-reprimand myself for a week.

At the end of the day, it is, for me at least, simply a hobby. I refuse to stress more because of it. If you don't get joy from BJDs anymore and you don't see recovering that joy, it may be better to sell them, even at a loss, and move on.

If you get the "shaky feeling" everytime you look at BJD, it may be that you associate some feelings (fear, panic) that you experienced to these dolls. Basically, you relive (and sometimes relive a worse version of what happened to you) everytime you look at dolls. I don't have such experience with dolls, but had trouble with some locations because of a bad work experience. I recommend the help of a psychologist specialized in EMDR (eye movement desensitization and reprocessing) if such option is available to you. Depending on the extent of the trauma, a few sessions may be enough, so it won't be as costly as a long term treatment. It could help you rationalize the situation and separate the feelings from the object/location. In my case, I didn't want to forever avoid a particular location and didn't want the feeling of fear and panic controlling some aspects of my life. Sure, it may have been easier to avoid that place, but I would always have the feeling that "I lost " you know? So I forced myself to get a few EMDR treatment, get to that place with friends, then alone, until it does not affect me anymore. Sure I have plenty of thoughts whenever I go there, but the fact that I CAN go there is a big win for me. Of course, whether you want to do that with your BJD is up to you, but I felt it may be worth sharing that possibility.

 

I've had a couple of experiences where attaining the doll was unpleasant and made it really hard to bond with the doll >.< the main story I'm thinking of was with a small doll artist. I bought an in-stock doll from them and wanted a faceup. I was told it would take 2 weeks for the faceup, 4 weeks tops to be shipped out. I was so excited as I had been wanting one of these dolls and missed the preorder so finding out that there was one left in stock was a huge thing for me. I had saved up a LOT to get it. The artist wasn't good about communicating and I didn't receive the doll for 6 months and he arrived with no protection, he was completely crumpled in the box, no wrapping or anything >.< and a finger was broken. I sold him and was heartbroken over it. The buyer was so nice and I had the artist send the buyer the replacement hand (which took nearly another 6 months).

 

I have never had a bad experience that has made me not want dolls, but definitely has made me not want to purchase from certain people.

 

I have had bad experiences both with my bjd's and other dolls , and often experienced the feeling of I want to cast everything aside or put it on a dumbster and go on (especially when at the same time had to move house lol) . At the end I recognised that it was myself I was frustrated with I overinvested in dolls and also overindulged in them and this made my expectations arround the enjoyment I get from the hobby a bit unrealistic .
For me the solution I found is to reorganise my dolls to fit my life and interests even if there wasn't anyone (no community) to share them with so I started to minimize! With bjd's I made a plan of downsizing and plan is to keep the ones I want to handle and really like to see eery day and sell the rest, with other types of dolls I might downsize even more radically like small head fashion dolls like barbie there I purge them cause I both can't and don't want anymore to display them I prefer bubble heads and I realized I've only kept them to occationally snap pics of the collection and share and otherwise they just take space, and with others like rainbow high and paola reina I don't plan to reduce them at all . To me bad experiences in doll community were a perfect opportunity to revisit the questions how I collect and what and why and how much space and time I really want to invest in this to be pleasurable and not a chore.
I think you should not be harsh with yourelf maybe just put the dolls aside or hidden for some time and live your life then when you are ready take them out and display them or play with them without posting about this online to see if you enjoy them still and if you can enjoy them community or not . Take your time and whatever you do try to do it based on your space ,your everyday activities and your wants and needs

I also wanted to add maybe it's practical to have most of them packed and use your favourites a bit , then check some others etc until you check your feelings for your collection , to me the fact I have so many is a stressor that gets worse with outside bad experiences but If I had just 4dolls I wouldn't blink an eye p.e. no bad experience made me fuss about my phicen action figure because iI have only one and there is no stress about space with this and I can brush off more easily bad community experiences.

 

I'm going to keep this as vague as I can.

I had a close friendship with someone in the doll hobby that became something more. Unfortunately, a truly dreadful thing happened at one point in the relationship. I denied how much it affected me for a long time. Looking back, I can see that the time between when I reduced then stopped being involved in the hobby and when I got back into it coincided with the dreadful event and when I started accepting what happened and started moving on. I still have all of my dolls, but it's still hard to really separate them from that person. We shared so much for so long. A big part of my collection is intertwined with that time in my life in some way. I try to remember them from a better time when I do think about them, and it makes it easier to take that they left a permanent mark on my life.

I've known some other people that became maybe friends, but they weren't good friendships. I didn't grow up having many good friendships or role models for good interpersonal relationships, so I tended to hold for dear life onto whatever interpersonal relationships I could, even if it wasn't healthy. After one particularly bad experience, of which I'll admit I was a contributing negative factor in, I ended up going to a therapist. It was and continues to be really, really difficult. Peoples' therapists don't usually cry when they hear the stories of their lives. One thing that therapy has helped me with is to make use of this principle. It wasn't actually developed in my life via therapy in this manner, and I'm not quoting this to make a religious point or spark a debate, but it's my favorite way to keep this perspective, this version of the serenity prayer.

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
the courage to change the things I can,
and the wisdom to know the difference.

While there have been bad experiences, dolls truly have helped me grow into a better person. I've calmly left friendships that weren't working out and let them pass. I did that as recently as last month. If I could take some bad experiences and make some betterment out of my life, then I'm glad I stuck with this hobby even if I didn't think I'd want to play with my dolls anymore at certain times in my life.

It's still a rather lonely existence, though. There's not a lot of togetherness with other people in my life. So, that's why some of my doll photos and photostories are the way they are. With dolls sharing deep levels of togetherness. Lots of emotional security. I think it's wonderful, and I wish I had more of it. There may be physical intimacy between my dolls sometimes, but I always pair it with even more emotional intimacy. I get the impression that there are people out there that don't like that a guy explores this sort of thing and expresses such ideas via his dolls. (Surprise! I'm a dude!) While this might have crushed me years ago and would've been one of those experiences that this topic is all about, I treat it like water off a duck's back these days. I don't even bother reporting them. Instead, they can advertise how closed-minded they are while I'm bringing good vibes. As an aside, I find it silly how people don't mind nearly as much when I have dolls in swimsuits and lingerie yet when I bring the affectionate kissing and the "I love you"s it's somehow gross

One thing that still upsets me though I try to take it in stride is the rare occasion when people think that it's gross when I have a few young girl dolls that I treat as my daughters. I've even had the pedophile accusation thrown at me quite a few years ago, and that's just hurtful and wrong. I never do anything inappropriate with my little girls. I don't even like looking at them too closely when I'm dressing them because I don't want to see them naked. I care about them very much, and it makes me sad when I see such things said about me. Then again, I'm not sure they're playing with a full deck when they make such arguments, anyway. I've also been accused of being a pedophile over having mature woman dolls like the Iplehouse EID woman. I mean, do you not see this sexy, curvaceous woman?

 

There have been things here and there that made me give one or another specific member of my gang the side-eye, but no... Nothing has ever made me want to throw in the proverbial towel on the entire crew. I doubt there's much that could drive me to that, honestly. I feel like I would have to take the hobby much more seriously and much more personally than I actually do to prompt that kind of strong, emotional response.

The dolls are just a fairly casual pass time to me, so they don't tend to generate that much potential personal discord.