Have you ever had another BJD collector say something rude about your dolls?

I know I have had people consider me rude here on the board due to not being afraid to voice unpopular opinions in the debate forum, but I don't think I am rude at all. Me not agreeing with you in a forum dedicated to sharing opinions does not equal rude, even if I am saying something that you do not like.

If I don't like something in the galleries, I skip over it because I am not going to waste my time lying about how nice it is. I also won't waste my time lying about how nice something is if someone asks me my opinion, which is also something considered highly rude on these boards. That baffles me. I don't feel the need to go around giving my unsolicited opinion, and I think everyone would be happier if people on both sides were better at ignoring each other, but if someone asks me, I am not going to blow smoke up their rear. If you ask for it, you don't have a right to flip out if you hear something you do not like.

And yes, I have had people be rude to me. I wasn't horribly offended, as it takes a lot to really offend me, but the one instance did make me laugh because I found it incredibly funny that someone would say loud enough for me to hear that my fullset Dollfie Dream Dynamite was a cheap vinyl doll while they were holding a doll that cost three times less than said DDy. I've also gotten the "evil Volks elitist!!!11!" thing a few times, but if someone is really that insecure about their own collection, it's their problem, not mine.

 

I think on DOA having an unpopular opinion, and stating it, even quite politely, is mistaken for rudeness. I tend to like reading threads (like the debates) because of the mix of opinions that are handled, for the most part, maturely.
I think on DOA I have noticed more people over the last year voicing their opinions with a sense of humour (not at someones personal doll, a sculpt for example), I like it when people can take these comments with a pinch of salt, you get some great threads.

 

No, but maybe some people are just being blunt, and sometimes it can come out rude.

The thing is, some people don't like realistic face molds or just like realistic face molds. If they're saying something about that, not everyone has the same tastes. Go to the box opening gallery and just browse through, look at the different dolls everyone's getting.

Sometimes, face-ups don't really look finished or look bland regardless of the colors and maybe not everyone wants to say they LOVE it and are going to tell you so. If they're being rude about, shame shame, and they just need to state their opinion, and there are always POSITIVE things to say about a doll, I have yet to find a doll where I hated EVERYTHING.

I don't want to bring this up, but at Den of Demons, people there are more honest and say what they think while still saying positive things. Some people there can be rude, but I guess it's what kind of environment you prefer.

 

This. This is what I see a lot on this forum. If it's not popular opinion, it's rude, no matter what it is or how it's worded. Why is it so important that the 'dissenter' be corrected just because it doesn't agree with the majority? I have seen people become outright belligerent at someone whose opinion differs just because it's 'their thread' so therefore everyone should conform to their opinion. [I'm not talking general gallery threads, to be clear.] If it's that much of an issue, just ignore them, don't attack them because then that turns you into the very people you hate.

 

@Jolarocknrolla: I kind of got the impression that you have a thick skin, so I wasn't refering to you. And when I'm talking about being less sensitive I don't mean that people should strap on their armour and just suck it up.
What I meant is that this hobby has become a lot more sensitive than it was a few years back. Of course, you (general) keep the other person's feelings in mind when you're talking to him/her, but there is a limit.

Like River and Hobbywhelmed said, anything even remotely different from a popular opinion is considered uncalled for. Especially in discussion and news threads you see this behaviour pop up.
Personally, I don't think this has anything to do with people being actually sensitive. It has to do with mentality. Somewhere along the lines we have allowed this forum to become a place where only popular opinions can be voiced. Anything else 'might hurt our feelings' (= we don't want to hear it). If we continue to accept that, I think that this place will soon become unhabitable.

As for the galleries: I don't think that these threads are the place to give unsolicited critique, but I do think it should be possible for someone to say something like: "Hey, I think your doll looks better if you pull his wig back a little." Too many times these helpful comments are viewed as attacks and that's ridiculous.

 

Hmm, okay just have to clearify something here - all my previous posts have been on members giving critique to other members dolls or the member himself/herself. Of course there should be allowed to express opinions and disagree with others (that is what we do here isn't it?). The problem for me is when that voice is opiniated against a member's doll etc. I think we should differentiate between this as it is obviously two completely different things and from what I read in the first post the OP is clearly stating "something rude about your dolls" and not disagreeing with your opinions about a mold/company or in general

Lets keep to the topic guys!

To better explain what I mean with being rude about someones dolls: Take for instance the fact that I don't think long, fluffy skirts in general is pretty. In a discussion on long, fluffy skirts I wouldn't have any problems with stating this fact. However, if there was a person with a long, fluffy skirt I would never ever say to this person that her skirt was out of place or ugly or voice my opinion on long, fluffy skirts. Why? Because that is RUDE and it would 99% of the time - hurt that person's feelings. It is the same with dolls. In a discussion on a company/mold I could say I don't like realistic sculpts etc. But as the OP says she has experienced and other members states too is that someone directed these comments towards their personal dolls. "Your doll is not pretty", "your doll's face-up is blaah".

It is a huuuge difference between these two things, and to me there is no good reason (please enlighten me if you think there is!) to direct these comments towards a person or their doll.

 

I've asked people before what they think of my dolls (as I'm often ignored at meets and stuff), and that I didn't mind if they were rude, I was asking for critique. Still wouldn't, so I still don't know why I am ignored.

 

Katrine, in the example you note, i think personally (and i do mean personally!) i wouldn't see the "fluffy skirt" comment as rude so much as pointless or needless. If i posted a doll in a big fluffy skirt someone saying "well, i don't like fluffy skirts" without much other content is kind of a waste of typing i guess something more along the lines of "you know that's a lovely slim body sculpt and in the fluffy skirt the waist seems to get a bit lost - i think i'd like to see that top paired with a slim skirt sometime and see how that looks" a statement like that is not rude (to me), it's more like a conversation about aesthetics. but i guess this is getting into the "constructive criticism" discussion that we've hashed out already

 

I think the reason the thread discussion has shifted a bit is that there is an enormous issue with people being able to tell the difference between the two scenarios you just described.

When a large percentage of the doll community finds people rude simply because they express opinions they would rather not see -- no matter how those expressions are actually worded -- then it is rather hard to limit discussion of the problem to "people insulting your doll," because what "people insulting your doll" means is not defined the same way by everyone.

I think the discussion has stayed on topic fairly well, myself. I will say, however, that I very much feel this is more an issue of community attitude than it is DoA's rules. DoA's rules take a fair position on blatant rudeness; it's we as a community who have taken the concept and gone overboard in its application and interpretation.

 

GOing around at a doll meet I said something off hand about me not like fairyland because they had big noses and wierd faces and then in clicked that I was talking to the owner of a few MNFs and I literally was like I DON'T THINK THEYD FIT ANY CHARACTER I MAKE....BUT THEY WORK FOR SOME PEOPLE!!! I am so not trying to step on anyone's toes or hurt anyone's feelings cuz I believe this hobby is just the persons heart and that can hurt alot if someone makes offhand comments..

and a side note: I have seent he error of my ways, I love some FL sculpts!!!

 

I don't have but I think someday I will encounter this, and I think I might be a little angry still people have different views so I want to respect that. I'm quite "o.o eh..." sometimes so I don't mind people's opinion coz some "very honest" people's comment will help, though not all.

 

I have never had a single "rude" thing said about my doll in person. I have never sat with other owners talking about people behind their backs either. Ever. When we are broken into small groups at meets everyone just chats about this and that. I have yet to witness a single person saying anything rude about someone else's doll. I have a close close friend who is a collector and although we talk about dolls in general and sometimes admit we dislike a certain mold, we don't attach these comments to dolls people own. Even within the privacy of my living room sipping our tea we don't smack talk people's work. Thus, I am often confused by posts like this one? Really I just don't see it. I must be lucky.

 

As an artist, i am well aware that without critiques, my work would completely stagnate and never get better. There is a difference between critique and rudeness though. For instance, if I was to do a face-up, especially for someone else, I would certainly love to get feedback on how to make it better. It improves the quality of my work and makes sure they get exactly what they want. For someone who's livelihood partly depends on the satisfaction of others, critique is a way to ensure that you don't have to be doing a job you hate.

Blatant rudeness however, should be blatantly ignored. They are only acting in such a manner to draw attention to themselves and you. If they don't get the response they want, they go away. (and watching a particularly rude person storm off in a huff after getting ignored is pretty amusing)

 

I've had Gloria called "white trash" I've had face ups I was somewhat proud of torn to shreds and I've had my sewing insulted multiple times. It really irks me because I post on DeviantArt and I don't ASK for critiques. Plus, I don't have the money to buy fancy cloths or have someone paint my dolls for me. Besides, i got them specifically FOR the chance of doing the work myself. Otherwise I wouldn't have gotten them.

 

Hmmm, not yet in person. But in some of my social network places, I once said I like a DollShe Van and I got laughed at. Also not pertained to my dolls, but I did post one group pic before with my doll and accidentally one of the other dolls in the picture is holding another doll's hands and got a double-sided comment that it is wrong and that doll doesn't have a relationship with this doll. Its okay now though and I'm being bery neutral from now on posting stuff.

 

I haven't yet, but I expect to... not only is my doll a cheaper brand but I'm learning to do my own face ups...so I really do expect rude and insulting comments about weird looks or he sucks because he's cheap or something...It happens I guess. :/

 

Lemme put it this way-
If I'm with my friends and someone insults me, my friends giggle. The translation of that giggle is best put as, "Ooh, you just kicked the proverbial badger, teehee, won't the sudden and messy result be fun to watch from over here."

....So no, no one has ever said anything that I remember, but people usually learn it's either impossible to offend me or very very dangerous to try. I can be a jerk sometimes.

 

If I was in this scenario, I would feel that this action is tactless and stupid. Having an opinion on how my doll looks, the theme my dolls tend to follow, or even their sculpts isn't inherently bad (everyone has tastes and opinions after all)... but if that's the most constructive thing (general) you have to say about my dolls, why even bother telling me?

I think I'd have a pretty confused expression on my face if someone said something like that. I understand that they want to make me feel bad, but what do I have to feel bad about? That I'm making an effort to do the work myself (rather than send it to someone and spend an extra $50-100, which could be better spent on other things right now)?

OK, so my work isn't up to their standards, but there really is never a proper time to just come out and say that - especially if you have nothing constructive to say to help me improve. It's especially not OK to say behind my back, or anywhere where I can't give my side. If it's a matter of bad tact, then I can excuse that, and eventually I'll know if that's the case... but if they just want to bother me, then even if I do great face ups, become a face up artist, and make money off of the skills I have, they'll still tell me 'That face up is bad' when they see me next time.

 

If someone where to say something really rude about any of my dolls to my face and I felt it was done purposely I would say, "If and when I want your opinion, I'll give you one!"

 

This. Pretty much yeah. LOL, btw.