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How did you console yourself after your first major doll purchase?

Nov 15, 2020

    1. Also I’d like to add: what’s the point of working for money if you don’t want to spend it on yourself and all you do is lurk BJD websites and convince yourself that the product you want is not worth it. I know that money means security and I think that we should all have at least 1k saved up in our bank accounts in case of emergencies. I also know that money can’t buy you happiness but it can sure help you redirect your focus on an activity you enjoy doing. I like the idea that you are exchanging cash for a doll. I bought a PS5 and another BJD on the same day, the most I’ve ever purchased in a day. Do I need them to survive? No I don’t. Am I rich and have a 3 figure salary? Not in the slightest, but I saved up a lot over the years. Do I feel a big financial loss? Yes I do. But I work my butt off overtime and I deserve to pamper myself and so should you!
       
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    2. I know how you feel. But you have to remember. Not every cent has to be saved. You have to live a little.
      I am also paranoid about spending money, but here's the thing. I never buy expensive stuff, I don't need a car to go to work, I don't have a gym subscription as I go hiking outdoors, I don't smoke or drink, don't have a lot of rent. So I am not used to spending a lot of money and that is why it feels foreign to me and why I worry. I'd say don't worry as Long as it's not daily and you thought About your purchases.
       
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    3. To me, the nagging feeling that if I buy this doll, I will regret it because I could have spent that money on other things is the signal that I should not spend this money on that doll, no matter how much I like it in the moment.

      This is a hobby. Most people with enough disposable income to spend money on something other than food, taxes, and rent have hobbies. As long as your bills are paid, and you're meeting your savings goals if you have savings goals, whatever money is left over is money that can be spent on things that make you happy, and it really doesn't matter if what makes you happy is dinner at a nice restaurant each week, a fancy vacation, expensive clothes, buying an expensive car, all the "traditional" elements of wealth, or anything else, up to and including dolls. You should not feel guilty for spending money on dolls, as long as you have the money to spend on it.

      But you can feel regret and alarm at spending money on a doll, if there's something else you want more than the doll at the moment. Because, it's normal for people to want more than one thing at the same time, and most of us don't have the ability to get everything we want, all the time. Don't buy anything you will regret. Buy dolls that you want enough that you will have no regret.
       
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    4. I recently paid my first payment in a layaway for my first bjd. I did feel nervous as I pressed the pay button and a few days later i felt guilty like maybe I had made a mistake but that is really because I am new to hobby and I was like how much am I spending? Currently not working so I think is why but it went away as I know that I have something to look forward to.
       
      • x 1
    5. I hardly buy myself anything that costs more than a few ten dollar bills. I wouldn't consider myself frugal by any means, but I'm a workaholic and like to keep my savings thicker than a snickers (lmao) . So when I recently decided to get back into the hobby for real, and dropped that sack of gold coins to do it, I fretted over it hard. And I mean nearing-panic-attack hard.

      But then I realized hey, it's been a tough year, it's nearing the holidays, and I worked really, really hard this year. And having left the hobby once (only leaving it because of financial / space reasons) I realized that this hobby is just kind of where I'm meant to be. I remembered how happy I was to send off the payment, and how buyer's remorse is just a par of the course for me. Remember that you bought it for a reason - you saw the worth in it.
       
      • x 1
    6. Never happened to me. I buy what I love and I generally love what I buy...but on the rare occasion that it doesn't work out, I sell it. Doll collecting is a choice - it's a hobby. Hobbies are for fun and relaxation, so if I spend a lot of time fretting about it, then I definitely did not choose wisely.
       
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    7. In spite of my rather darkly whimsical nature, I consider myself a reasonably responsible adult, at least where finances are concerned. As the head of my household I am responsible for most of the major expenses and usually have very little in the way of spare money. However, since I work in medical support (safely at a desk and nowhere near patients), I received what amounted to hazard pay in the early phase of the pandemic, so for a while I did have spare money and considering the circumstances there wasn't a better time to do something special for myself. With the encouragement of my online doll sister (l@@king at you, @ethlynn), I took the plunge and put a doll on layaway. I didn't feel much guilt or regret because (1) I paid in biweekly installments, (2) Doll Legend was having an amazing event, and (3) I have been dreaming of getting a resin doll for at least fifteen years. It was time.
       
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    8. Oh gosh, I did something very dumb, lol.
      I was a newly graduated college student with my first big girl job, so I thought I’d treat myself to a doll. But I was still tight on money, so I didn’t feel comfortable dropping $300 on the spot.

      At the time, PayPal was heavily advertising their new PayPal Credit program. I was incredibly naive, and thought I could just slowly pay off my $300 doll over several months with no problem. After all, they had advertised zero interest! What I failed to read in the fine print, however, was that it was only zero interest for the first month. Then it skyrocketed to something ridiculous.

      After like 5 months of payments, I noticed that the balance was hardly going down. I suddenly realized, with a pit in my stomach, that a large bulk of my payments were just covering the interest! I paid off the rest of the balance right there and then, but the damage was done. I ended up paying nearly twice the total cost of the doll, just because of that interest.

      Dumbest mistake ever. I still use PayPal, but now it’s linked directly to my bank account so I can pay in full.
       
      • x 4
    9. I think this is a pretty common issue for people who struggle with anxiety and/or low self-esteem in other aspects of their lives. I still struggle with this feeling for any purchases over $300.

      I tend to try to look at the situation objectively. My therapist told me something that still sticks with me today -- "feelings aren't facts." So I try to remember that! I look at my bank account and note that I have more than enough saved up for an emergency. I don't lead a particularly exciting or risky lifestyle, and I actually rarely even leave my apartment, so my chances of falling ill with COVID-19 or becoming sick/injured with some other serious nastiness are pretty slim, especially since I'm careful to mask up and follow other safety protocol if I do need to step out. I work from home, and all necessities are within walking distance and/or can be delivered, so I don't need a car, nor do I ever want one if I can help it -- so I tell myself that whatever I'm spending on dolls, it's way less than what people spend on their automobiles every single month, and as a bonus, no one has ever been killed in the street by a doll.

      I also like to remind myself that money is meant to be spent, and that my job has absolutely no problems running me ragged with ridiculous amounts of overtime, especially in the winter. I can't take it with me when I die, so as long as I have a reasonably sized cushion of savings, I am going to use my hard work to make myself happy, rather than just working for work's sake.
       
      • x 6
    10. i have money anxiety (and normal anxiety lol) over anything that costs more then about 80$ so buying a doll was hard :shudder
      but honestly i found the best way to get over it is just A] make sure you can actually afford it with out sacrificing real world needs and B] understand it is OK to spend money on things that make you happy no matter of silly they are.
       
    11. I decided now was the time to buy my first BJD because I had recently downsized my lolita collection and made a little profit selling a handful of things that were no longer my style. It was supposed to be "money I can buy new clothes with and not feel guilty", but with the pandemic, I never wear anything but pajamas so I would rather dress a doll than myself right now :lol:

      The cost of the doll was about equal to one of the items I sold, so I just think of it as a trade. Would I trade one silly plastic necklace for a cute little doll? Sure, why not! :thumbup
       
    12. In all fairness to teenage me, a large decision like this was heavily thought-out by saving up for years at a time and truncating other hobbies I turned out not to be very invested in; having no expenses made this more a question of how bad I wanted it rather than what else the money could be going to. But of course, every choice I made was always worth it.

      After getting my first job, I remember struggling with myself to even buy my first tiny once I had the money saved up. My mom, who has been neutral about my doll hobby after this long, was the one who sunk me in by asking me what's the point of saving up money like this without a treat once in a while to myself? She was right. It wasn't like I was living beyond my means or putting my responsibilities behind my dolls. As long as I can and it makes me happier, there's no reason to stop myself from deepening my enjoyment in this hobby.

      The next and last significant time this hit me was when I won the lottery for the priciest doll I own. I was making another time-limited, several hundred-dollar purchase for another luxury and spending that much money at the same time in order to have both freaked me out, seeing as they were...luxuries. I made peace with the discipline of tightening up other spending and with enough time, as when both arrived I was ecstatic.

      Everybody needs a reason to live, and enjoying something is absolutely a part of that.
       
    13. To be honest, I don't think I've ever had that feeling about a doll...

      My car? Yes. There was some second-guessing and angst between ordering it and the dealer actually getting it, for sure. Buying the house? OH HECK YEAH. But in the grand scheme of things, I guess dolls aren't "serious business" enough to my mind to have ever triggered quite that level of... I don't know... Let's call it Economic Anxiety. :lol:

      I'm just going to chalk that up to being older than most of you guys. I'd given my bank account the willies with much pricier things before I ever got into collecting our kind of dolls, so sticker shock had less of an impact maybe...
       
      • x 2
    14. I agree with @celga . It's a hobby and I think we work to enjoy life. As long as it brings you joy and balances the stress from work it's worth. I rather buy something expensive I enjoy than being stressed and regretting not having anything I like. :3 I think a good balance is important. As long as you can cover all your bills and needs, it's okay. ^^
       
    15. Mine was extreme guilt. My first doll was bought by my boyfriend at the time, with a plan in place for me to pay him back. He sadly passed away not long after. So she didn't last long in my collection. (She's now back, but that is a different story.)

      My first actual purchase with my own money was me feeling quite silly. But it was worth it when she showed up! Both my parents were quite supportive of the hobby as it got me out of the house and gave me chances to be creative.
       
      • x 1
    16. This^

      A friend suggested thinking of it like, "which would I regret more, spending the money, or losing the chance to own this doll?" All of my doll purchases since she told me that have been weighed by that thought. Sometimes what I really want is simply retail therapy, and I usually redirect myself to buying accessories for the dolls I already have or getting myself jewelry or something else that costs less than the doll that caused my anxiety. It's not necessarily that I couldn't comfortably spend that much money at that time; I have few bills at the moment and if I've already tucked away my savings for the month I can spend the rest on whatever I want. But sometimes I wonder, "what if something new comes out before I rebuild my fun money and then I can't get it because I bought X?" and if I'm worried about that, I probably don't want the thing I'm worried about as much as I think I do.
       
    17. This is a tough one. I simply didn't buy a doll for a very, very long time after I really wanted one. The first attempt I made to have a BJD did not end well for me. A family member gifted me money to buy whatever I wanted I would not usually buy for myself. Another collector was selling hers on eBay (2010), I won the auction and paid right away. She sent nothing.... didn't return the funds and said she didn't have the doll anymore because she sold it to a friend. Thankfully, eBay and PayPal worked together to issue a refund. This left a very, very bad impression on me about BJD collectors and the community. I still wanted a doll, but no longer that same one. I had one in my watch list for about 4 years on eBay. My hobby before was economical, small dollhouse kits. It was a big jump in expense to BJDs. One day, I sold an old car that I didn't need and I really didn't need the funds from it for anything else. It was just enough to buy that one doll. I agonized over that decision. For the first time in my life, I was in a position of relative financial security. I had my own house, a reliable vehicle, bills paid, emergency funds and no people in my house needed anything like clothes or shoes. It took a lot to finally let myself have something just for me. The only expensive luxuries I bought before were things like a tv or game console, but those were things the whole family enjoyed regularly. I admit, I felt a little guilty, along with all sorts of other strange and new emotions. The plus was that right after I ordered my Popodoll (still my favorite) is that I met the local meetup group in my area. They were all so nice! One of the ladies even gave me some pants for my boy, another gifted me a head to learn to do faceups. I had to wait 5 months for my doll's delivery... but that time passed so fast because I had new friends, got to go out for fun and was practicing with art materials I've never used before. I did get a really nice doll, but also so much more! My hobby, collection and friends have become a very important part of my life. My friends and dolls don't care if my budget has to get cut, or if I'm sick or if I get too fat or too thin..... it's something that's for me, and simply just makes me happy. Also, I don't ever take anything from my collection. If I sell a doll, I use those funds for the collection. I also have a regular allowance to spend on hobby things. There may be other things my peers do, like travel regularly or buy clothes, but I'd prefer to have a doll or try some new art supplies or shop for some fabric.

      There's more to life than just getting by. Poor is a state of mind, otherwise we're just broke. Also, success anxiety is a thing. If you are getting established as an adult, it's a really strange experience to suddenly have disposable income. It doesn't bother me too much to get a new doll now. If I can afford it, I want one, if I can't, I don't. I did have to cut my hobby budget severely while I was preparing my old house to be listed on the market. That was a tough and long adventure. However, the time, work and stress was all worth it in the end. I had to put my hobby on the back burner for over a year, but once the old place was sold, I went on the biggest dolly shopping spree, of any sort of shopping spree of my life! For the record, I stocked up on pet food and other household items first. I don't feel badly about my spending spree either, there's savings available to me any time I need it. If things go south, I'd sell off many other possessions before my dolls.

      Hobbies are suppose to be fun and a reward for serious efforts. If you don't like the doll, you can trade it for something else or sell it. That's just part of the experiences you may have while being a collector. Don't let it stress you out! Obviously, this isn't a rare occurrence or there would be no market place on the forum for us to use. It would be a typical part of being a BJD collector, and is common among all sorts of collectors of many different themes. What you are feeling seems really normal, IMHO. I hope you do like your new dolly, but it's okay if you do not. You have options if that's the case. I hope you come back when your doll arrives for an update!
       
      #37 mollym, Jan 19, 2021
      Last edited: Jan 19, 2021
      • x 3
    18. I legitimately understand this. It's hard not to feel that guilt when the purchase gets over a 500 AUD. It's easier to spend 100 dollars 5 times in my life than 500 + dollar. To be fair last year I actually managed to have proper money saved up and finally was secure financially and career wise. I like to remind myself that this purchase was for me and my past and that I am in a safe place now.

      Also once the doll was here I was hooked.
       
      • x 1
    19. Well I am having the feeling right now. I’ve decided to sell my dolls to go for SDs. I want two SD sized dolls in fullsets (you can imagine the sky high price) because their sculpts are similar to characters I wanted to create and I wanted to have clothes etc. which would fit. I still can’t press the order button. ‍:huh?:
      I don’t know if it’s the fear of loosing money in the future if I don’t like them or that I could have hard time paying it? I have to add shipping costs and taxes which are insane. I want layaway because of my logic - it seems more reasonable to “have” the money till the last minute than pay it straight away and then wait a year with nothing at hands (hope you understand). Of course I can always sell the dolls later. But with my first doll I waited for a year than someone finally bought her and now I can’t even sell two of my dolls (and they’re from a pretty popular company). So I am not really sure whether one can rely on selling dolls later on.
      However I think that’s even the question of how I was raised and also society. My mom always rather saved money so she wanted me to do the same. If I calculate it all and see final price I am about to faint. That’s a ridiculous price for dolls! I shouldn’t be paying it! But who said that?
      In society dolls are kind of not very well accepted when connected with adult collecting. Dolls are for children right. So why do you want some. ‍:doh
      If you spend a lot on children’s clothes it’s no issue other than you will have hard time using all that clothes. But I don’t think someone will give you bad looks. It’s for the child!
      Well for me it’s just the ability to recognise whether those feelings mean red flags that I shouldn’t go for it or if it’s just me and my anxiety.
       
      • x 3
    20. I can only speak from my own limited experience as a newbie to the hobby who also has the privilege of a single person in a relatively stable financial situation, but I do very much relate to feeling guilt over not "saving for the future". I tend to live day to day and not look very far ahead because especially nowadays, the world is scary and I honestly have no idea what the future will bring, so I can only hope that things are better some day but in the meanwhile I try to find happiness where I can and that comes in the form of hobbies like doll collecting/creative play. Having things you're passionate about and that bring you joy is an important part of maintaining your mental health, obviously an expensive hobby like this should be balanced by not being impulsive and setting reasonable limits, but that seems like exactly what youve already done, so I say as long as a doll brings a smile to your face or brings some excitement and happiness into your life, it's a worthwhile investment.
       
      • x 4