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How do you guys cope?

Jun 19, 2017

    1. I think in general you have to be comfortable in your own skin, if other people have problems with the way you run your life, your house, your kids, your hobbies etc..... it's their problem not yours! As you get older you learn to let go of people that are negative and/or manipulative they are too energy draining. We only have one life to live might as well live it on our own terms not somebody else's, and that includes collecting dolls if we feel like it.
       
    2. When i first got into the BJD hobby, i was afraid that my family would be mad at me. But i think they saw how driven i was to earn and save a lot just to have my very first BJD. when i received my first doll my mom was actually curious about him and she sometimes miss seeing him so that was a relief. Sometimes i received comments like "why would you collect such creepy dolls?" i just thought to myself "hey these creepy dolls are not hurting you so back off and it's not like you gave me the money to buy them." i think one think i've learned here is that if you keep on absorbing their negative vibes it will only drain you out and your enjoyment with your dolls will get affected. Keep the good vibes in and out with the bad vibes. enjoy what you do and it's your life you're living not them. :)

      Bond and spend time with your dollies and surround yourself with the right people that won't pull you down :) <3
       
    3. I don't keep my dolls a secret. I don't care if people think it weird or think I'm odd. A lot of people already thing I'm odd because of how I dress. Life is short and you should do what makes you happy. I've had a few run ins with some VERY rude people. I'm 22 and I was sitting in Dunkin Donuts with my dad my doll and my laptop. I was looking up clothes and stuff on Deviant Art. My father was sitting there enjoying his coffee when a older woman approached him. I could hear everything because I was sitting next to him. My doll was placed sitting on the table. (Clothed, eyes in, wig on) And this lady said. "It's so nice you still care for your daughter when she has mental problems." My dad FLIPPED out. He said " Ma'am your very judgemental. My daughter has no mental problems, what would make you assume that" The lady said "I thought she did because shes an adult and playing with toys!" Thats when I had enough and said to the woman. "I collect dolls because I like them. Do you like something?" She said "Yes I do but its not a childs toy." I responded with "This is not a child's toy, its a work of art and very fragile." my dad and I packed up our stuff an left. The look on her face was priceless. She came of extremely rude and nosy. (when we walked by her on the way out she said "I'm sorry" but we still left) I still go in there all the time and I haven't seen her again.
      -sorry if I offended anyone, I'm just using the exact dialogue-
       
      • x 3
    4. I'm an artist by profession and have always been pretty ~eccentric~ in everything I do so no one thinks it's particularly strange for me to have some dolls hanging out with all my other oddities. Most of my friends are in the arts as well so they can kind of understand. I think it boils down to surrounding yourself with people that make you feel comfortable and confident in yourself and cutting out people who don't.
       
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    5. All of my closest friends were originally like ," huh, why would you want to collect dolls?!" ....I have been accused of Chinese water torture, I guess I talk about my dolls a whole lot, I can be very persuasive....and now they collect dolls too...BWAHAHAHA! My evil plan is working!
       
    6. It helps to remember that a lot of that criticism and nastiness is coming from a place of anxiety. When you don't conform to an insecure person's expectations, you could be dredging up their own worries about how well they fit in (and maybe things they love that they feel they had to sacrifice to appear normal and mature), and they soothe those worries by lashing out and trying to put you in your place. How you want to deal with them is up to you, but remember they're attacking your individuality from a place of weakness. They care too much about what others think and assume everyone is that way.
       
    7. I am a bit sharp with rude people. You can dislike my hobbies. But you can't put me down for them. If someone continues to be degrading, it is time to remind them that I know a place that's three hundred acres of swamp land, and I know how to work the backhoe. Or, truly, just tell them they don't have to like it, and their disapproval means diddly to me. Negative people don't stay in my life long! One has to have a warped sense of humor to hang with me.
       
    8. I think people collect a multitude of things. I think out of all the things you can collect dolls are pretty harmless. Some things you just have to let roll off you. Yes it hurts when people say mean things, but you know if they don't understand or want to understand then it's not worth talking to them about it. There are a million other things to talk about than dolls. Pick a new subject. If they still want to talk about it say "No comment, pick another topic."
       
    9. I have people tease me for my collections quite often, but they've never really been rude about it-- they just find it funny. In those instances, I don't mind, since it's all in good fun anyway, and they aren't really criticizing.

      However.. if someone is rude, I would probably tell them they were being rude and that they probably would not appreciate it if I had been rude to them about something they enjoy. With that said, however, I would let their rude comments go in one ear and out the other. If collecting is something you find enjoyable, then do it for yourself! If it makes you happy then it makes you happy, and negative, judgmental people are not worth the extra stress and worry.
       
    10. The only people I really share my collection with are family and close friends - so at that point they all usually already have an idea of my hobbies. A few of my friends already collect anime figures and the like so it's not weird at all to them - well, except maybe for the price. I did get a couple of funny reactions once that came up. As for my family - they don't really 'get it' but they're not particularly against it either. They just sorta let me do my thing with the extended promise I won't go bankrupt in the near future and leave it at that. xD
       
    11. To be honest, it still bugs me. It bugs me when people have the gall to criticize and make fun of something that makes me happy and makes me want to be alive. As much as I'd like to say I'm above it all, it still hurts. Even if I've done nothing to deserve it. Even if I sincerely don't care for that person in the first place.

      Something my dad explained to me though, is everyone has that strange hobby. Everyone has that strange thing that they spend a ridiculous amount of money on.

      Some people do it with clothes and shoes, or makeup, or cars, or music, or computers, or their animals, or anime/fandom, or what ever. Everyone loves something very specific. Outside looking in, though, for pretty much everyone, it looks so ridiculous. That being said, then everyone should understand that feeling? Everyone should have potential to understand why it's inappropriate to make "THATS SOOOO MUCH MONEY YOURE NUTS" comments. Especially if you bring that up. "You know how you spend 500$ a month on shoes? That's a lot of money. But it makes you happy. And this makes me happy. So why can't I have that like you have yours?"

      And I wish a lot more people thought that way. We are 100% allowed to do this and valid in doing so because it makes us happy! ^^ And the cruelest, most disgusting thing someone can do, is put you down for enjoying something that isn't hurting or has potential to hurt anyone. And, really, if people treat us poorly for things like that, then maybe it's a sign we should look at who we're friends with. I'm fairly picky about who I associate with, so I haven't really gotten those kinds of comments outside of my family. But it's a thing to consider. I know not everyone is as wary of others, and that's okay. Just, please make sure you stay happy and comfortable. ^^ It'd be the saddest thing to see something you loved so much become a burden and a plague in your life.

      So, while it still hurts... and I wish there were words strong enough to make it not hurt even the smallest bit, try to remember... We all have strange things we spend our money on. Strange things we dedicate so much time and love to. But there's nothing wrong with it. Its our money. It's our time. It's our life and our happiness. Live the best and happiest you can. And if some people try to stop you, maybe they weren't meant to be a part of your happiness.

      And also, know you're not alone! There are so many people out there that collect dolls, outside of BJDs. You never know. <3
       
      • x 4
    12. It's so nice to read all these comments, honestly. It got me thinking. Maybe those people I was talking about haven't realised that there are plenty of things people continuously spend their money on no matter how unnecessary they might be. As some of you pointed out, it is true that some of my friends spend tons of money on cigarettes and they'll go on a shopping spree given the chance just for the sake of it, not even because they need to, but merely cause it's fun. Cause at the end of the day, what we spend our money on should be based on that, things that make us happy. Your support has given me a lot to reflect upon. I'm very grateful that it's people like you who I get to share the hobby with :) Thanks everybody!

      I totally agree with you. I still fail to understand how some people have this urge to control other people's business so very often. Why even bother? Are they really that bored?

      I think this is a very good point since those people I was referring to do indeed have insecurities they blatantly try to hide, but what bugs me the most is how easy they find it to attack me. The thing is when you are part of a hobby like this you try to convince yourself that the downsides are not as important as they actually are in order to enjoy it fully and then you have these people dragging you out of that feeling of comfort, which kinda makes you reconsider things. I am trying to stay positive though, I do love dolls and there's nothing anyone will ever say to stop me from doing so, so that's that. I do wish people stopped belittling me to make themselves feel like they're better somehow though.

      It's nice that your family supports you. I still haven't managed to summon the courage to tell mine even though I don't live at home anymore and I have my own source of income. I just don't think they'd even make the effort to understand, since both my parents have hobbies where they don't need to spend that much money or no money at all. I will follow your advice of surrounding myself with the right people though. Thanks for sharing your experience :)

      I totally agree with you. Some people are just toxic. It's hard to get rid of those though, when they've been a part of your life for a long time. I'm very sorry you had to experience all those horrible things merely as a matter of someone else's ignorance. I wish everyone would just mind their own business letting other be. Is it really too much to ask?

      I use dolls as a way of reminding myself there are nice things to look forward to. Life is not easy but that doesn't mean we can't get to be happy. I tend to compare it with a video game. The more you play it the further you'll get and if you don't play until the end you'll never know if it had a happy ending or not. I'm happy you're part of this hobby. Thanks for sharing your experience :)

      That just goes to show how little people actually know about the hobby. Most of the criticism is based merely on the fact these people are ignorant of what collecting the dolls entails. They just assume we're being childish because dolls are supposed to be for kids. Since when is fun meant for children only?
       
      #32 Haiiro Kun, Jun 28, 2017
      Last edited by a moderator: Jul 7, 2017
      • x 3
    13. @Haiiro Kun <3 i think if you talked to them nicely and discuss and have casual talks they will understand :)

      Weee Lance and I will cheer you. :) and may you be happy and get to bond more with your crew :)
       
      • x 1
    14. I'm with you... i bought it, it's for me so go "F" yourself if you don't like it.
       
    15. Honestly, I don't care for playing sports, drinking, partying/clubbing, working on cars, riding horses, boating, or some other expensive hobbies that others have. Just because dolls isn't as mainstream as some of those other ones doesn't make it less valid of a hobby. I don't let others get to me.

      Besides, I have other nerdy hobbies anyway. I grew used to people sometimes saying things at a young age.
       
    16. Considering the fact that I'm also a cosplayer and figure colector, most of my friends didn't think it was even remotely weird when I started collecting dolls. My mom thought it was a bit odd, but she wasn't too suprised either. I asked my dad, and he was like 'well, I bought a pinball machine, and people say that's weird too. So no, I don't think it's weird. Just do what you like.' And that's exactly it. Everyone does something that might be considered 'weird' to someone else, just because they are unlikely to do it, or because it is not common or the 'social norm' to do it. Doesn't mean it's bad.
      I am called weird a lot. By my parents and friends as well. But they never mean it in a bad way, being weird isn't necessarily a bad thing either. I'm glad I'm different.
      Yes, there have been more negative people towards my hobby. My parents were once scolded by others for letting me and my sister go to cosplay conventions when we were 16 and 18, because it was weird and not-normal and they would definitely not allow it. They are just shallow, and not worth the time of a special person.
       
      • x 2
    17. Well... first & foremost, I am an adult that pays for their own things, so people have no room to complain about what I spend my money on. I have a house, a vehicle & all of my ducks in a row.

      That being said, my family & friends are quite used to my heavy spending, as I am one of those 'weird' woman as mentioned by a previous poster who has spent over $1,000 on a handbag on three occasions (curse you, Louis Vuitton!), so this doesn't surprise them.
       
    18. I know I have friends and family who just don't get the doll thing which is fine. I can understand that as i have no interest in some of their hobbies. I would draw the line though at anyone who dared to criticise me for collecting. I know with some people (mainly family) it's more the money spent on dolls they don't understand but I point out that they are not toys but works of art. Also I will explain that it is no different to spending money on a fancy phone, designer handbags etc... We buy what gives us pleasure and it is not for others to judge. Do not let anyone dictate to you what you should like or spend your money on.
       
    19. My bf and family think i only have 3 dolls so i hide the rest from them, my bf nags at me whenever i look at doll photos and told me i shld save $$ instead. :(
       
      • x 1
    20. Well, my ex always made fun of me and my dolls and at times sabotaged some of my projects. So, I became very protective of myself and my hobby--and rather secretive about it. I am so glad to have my own house now and not have to fear someone will come along and "clean up" (and throw some parts away) a work in progress just as I am about to complete it. I've been sewing outfits lately and some of those memories come back as I sit there and sew. I am starting to realize again that there may actually be people in this world that will enjoy seeing my work even if they aren't doll hobbyists.
       
      • x 3