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How does your family react to the hobby ? - Part 2

Jul 3, 2016

    1. Most of the time my family is accepting, though when my parents are in a bad mood they simply do not wanna hear about dolls and even go as far as saying that i am never getting any more dolls ever again. I understand that it is out of anger and that they dont understand me and the community as much so its okay. It does help that I have a sister who also collects bjds though :hamster:
       
    2. my parents don't seem to care that much as long as I am not doing anything illegal lol.
      my husband thinks the doll looks creepy, but he won't stop me buying them. I was worried about taking my dolls outside and ppl would think I'm crazy. He said that was a hobby, like any other hobbies. that's very nice of him :p
       
    3. My mom was into dolls as a little girl as well, so she never had a problem with them when I lived with her. My husband and I enjoy the BJD hobby together - strangely enough, he introduced me to it.
       
      • x 1
    4. My family is ok with my hobby. Some of them like my dolls as much as me and some others think it's a bit strange. I know my mom think that if it makes me happy it's ok and that makes me very happy :)
       
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    5. I don't really know what most people think since everything is in my room, but I know I worry about people 'finding out' in case they think I'm strange or something - so much stigma with adults and doll collecting :(

      The only person who really knows about it in-depth is my mum, who happens to be very supportive! She says it makes me happy, and they look pretty so who cares what others think... I try to think like that too
       
      • x 1
    6. My doll is a secret I keep from everyone except my mother and my sister

      Too much stigma against male doll owner so I don't like saying it or showing it

      My sister is a doll collector so it is not surprise shock to them she have many dolls so my one doll is not strange

      Also they are scared I will become collector like her and have many dolls but I told them I'm only having one forever haha
       
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    7. My family is not ones to enjoy my hobby. They seem to think I spend too much money on 'childish' things. I really adore my hobby and I try to not let it get to me. My boyfriend doesn't really understand my hobby but doesn't say too much about it. He figures that he has video games and I have my dolls.
       
      • x 1
    8. I was over at my parents' the other day and my Dad asked me if I still had "those dolls". I said I did, and he asked "do they mean anything special to you?" so I explained how I wanted a sewing model at first and was overwhelmed by how many different sculpts there were until I spotted one that looked like one of the characters from a story I've been messing around with for more than 20 years at this point, so now they're the resin avatars of those characters for the most part ... others are projects, like the fantasy ones. And he sort of got that, which is new.
      Then again, he's known to be slow when it comes to accepting people's hobbies. Took him five years to get used to Larp, then he started accepting it and these days (like, 14 years later) he's almost helpful.
       
      • x 1
    9. I know. Purses may be more practical, but I know people who have Louis Vuitton. I’m not sure those are practical, but if it makes them happy, I say go for it. For me, I can happily buy dolls, but I can’t bring myself to pay that much for a purse.
       
      • x 1
    10. mom is my only family anyway and she's quite 50-50 about it
      small collections are okay but even though it's like that, she prefers me not to have any more as we move a lot
      she doesn't mind it though, as long as i keep my collection/hobby tidy (but she doesn't want me to buy stuffs too lmao, she's so complicated)
       
    11. I try not to mention my dolls in front of my family. My dad is very understanding. But my mom and siblings think that that's too much for a 'doll'.
       
    12. Hello everyone,

      So, a certain individual of my family (my mom) is giving me a rough time in regards to my dolls. I’ve only recently started collecting, so it’s not like I have a ton or anything (I only have two BJDs so far and two are still in production), but I like to have them out and my mom just keeps making really hurtful comments about them, saying I’m not a child and I’m too old to be doing things like this. I know I shouldn’t let it bother me too much, it’s just despite everything I’m pretty close to my mom and she’s just really unaccepting of any of my hobbies in general (I know it sounds weird but collecting isn’t a thing in my culture/community because people see it as a waste of money basically) so it hurts. Sometimes it seems like it’s okay and she’ll let it go for a while, but then she starts berating me again and making me upset so we fight. I get enough judgement from other people....they think I’m weird anyways and my dolls are creepy and that I’m creepy for having them so I didn’t want that at my home as well but...yeah.

      I guess I just want to know how some of you deal/have dealt with people that are so against this hobby?
       
      • x 6
    13. I am honestly not sure if there is anything that can be done to make her accept the hobby more. Especially because you say she is unaccepting of any of your hobbies. Maybe it'd be good to find out what underlying issue there is? Because it seems like there might be something bothering her that makes her reflect it on your hobbies. I dunno. Maybe.

      Anyway. My mum was quite against this hobby as well, also saying how dolls are for children (I was 16/17 at the time, that's 13/14 years ago). However, not as much as yours. Over time I showed her how non-childish the hobby actually is. I even took her to my very first meeting to let her see that most other collectors were all my age or older. I also showed her how I save up for the things I want and how mature I am financially. This is an expensive hobby and her "waste of money" comment may also come from the worry that this may cause you financial problems later (that's what my mum thought).

      I am also a lot more creative in this hobby and she likes seeing what I make for my dolls. My mum really warmed up to the hobby and last Tuesday even picked my next doll purchase.
       
      • x 5
    14. Changing someone's mind about such a thing, especially when the distaste seems to partly come from a cultural standpoint, is really difficult.

      I agree though that maybe it might help to show her it's not a kids toy thing (so not "childish"), and that it's more than just collecting. Show her what people do online with it. Pick artists who create really gorgeous, detailed, high quality projects. Be it painting, photography or actually sculpting the dolls. These people are all adults, interacting and working with dolls.

      The only other option is to learn to live with the fact she might not like your hobby and ignore her remarks.
      As long as she tolerates it and doesn't destroy your dolls it's all you need for now, rest hopefully comes later one day.

      If you still financially depend on her though it might be impossible to change her mind. This hobby is very expensive, and other expenses should come first. When your parents still provide for you and you keep buying luxury goods that are uncommon on top I can understand why she might be unhappy. If you have a job, pay for it and your expenses yourself she got no place to really complain at least about that aspect.
       
      • x 8
    15. Tell her she's being very narrow-minded and bigoted in her attitude, and point out that hundreds of adults all over the world collect dolls. It has nothing to do with being childish, and everything to do with participating in a hobby that you enjoy.

      If (as she says) you are not a child, then you are old enough and adult enough to decide what hobbies you enjoy, regardless of her narrow-minded view of the world.

      I'm a married man in my fifties, and this is my living room:
      [​IMG]
      Get her to try telling ME I'm to old to be doing things like this.

      If anyone (including family) feel it is their right to criticise and belittle your hobbies and interests, then they should be adult enough to accept you criticising their nasty and hurtful attitude.

      Teddy
       
      • x 15
    16. If collecting isn't part of your culture and seen as a waste of money, you might have to try to view it from your mother's standpoint. You say that your mother is not supportive of any of your hobbies, do you live at home? Without knowing more about your culture its a bit harder to comment on just how to approach the situation, to be honest.

      Perhaps try sitting her down, explaining that you know your hobbies are not 'typical' and that they are expensive. Tell her you understand where she is coming from and make it clear you are not attacking her because of it. Explain that the hobby gives you comfort/happiness, show her how you interact and how these 'childish items' can be seen from a creative standpoint far more than just 'playing with dolls'.

      Also, you only recently started collecting, but you have four dolls. Two so far and Two in production can seem overwhelming, especially if she knows you've purchased four. I'm not saying its wrong, but if she doesn't collect she may not understand the art and time that goes into this high priced hobby. To her, it may seem as if you spent that money on a simple barbie/toy. While there is no guarantee you can make her understand the hobby, especially if a culture has made collecting things 'odd', but you can talk to her about how her words make you feel and ways that you wish she could pose her comments that are less hurtful. At the end of the day, her comments could come out of worry for you. Every mother wants their child to grow up happy and healthy, and many of their opinions on what is 'happy' and 'healthy' come from their culture and how they were raised. You just need to sit down and have an adult talk with her to find the middle ground.
       
      • x 3
    17. Parents who are intentionally disrespectful of what you love will always find something to pick on you about. It has nothing to do with culture, or preference, or the intrinsic nature of the current target of their dissatisfaction. It's about dominance and control. I bet she wouldn't be complaining if you'd gotten a new iPhone, designer purse, or luxury car lease, because those things are given value by the social capital they bring their owners, instead of by the work of no-name artists and the love of their owners.

      My father bought my older sister her first two BJDs but refused to even let me buy my own and mercilessly mocked me just for having any interest in them. Her art hobby was valuable, mine was a conflict with studying; her cosplay was daring fashion design, mine was stupid childish dress-up no matter how many craftsmanship trophies I raked in, and so on. The only way to survive parental bullying with your soul intact is to give up on the desire for the bully's approval.
       
      • x 8
    18. My mom is similar she often likes to tell me I spend way to much money on stupid stuff and it used to really hurt and make me feel like a really bad adult. Then it hit me one day she has no room to talk, she spends a ton on cigarettes which is 10x worse in my opinion and the next time she decides to harp on me about what I do with MY hard-earned money I'm going to throw it back at her and watch her stammer.
       
      • x 2
    19. My mom was very critical with me until she saw the dolls and realized they were not toys. She was impressed and ended up sewing clothes for them :3nodding:
       
      • x 3
    20. Good for you!!!

      Teddy
       
      • x 3