Inside the anxiety over having too many dolls

I have a large collection of bjd and other dolls, when I’m overwhelmed it is because I worry about my family having to deal with them when I’m gone.

 

This is me, except I have no one to deal with my things. If I'm lucky enough to know when my time is coming, I plan on donating or giving away a good portion. Some I think I will try to find the right buyer. Selfishly there are a few dolls that I can't bear the thought of selling or giving away.

For those I've slipped detailed information about them into their boxes. Stuff like receipts, printed photo references, (in case the doll is not in the box) a typed up sheet of where and how much I purchased the doll for. If I bought extra parts for that specific doll I've also included that information as well as detailed body measurements. Hopefully it'll be helpful.

For everyone else (and for those that I no longer have the boxes for) I have that same information printed off and put together in a binder/folder I've made that I keep with my doll things.

Having all of this stuff is really nice to have on hand too! It's convenient to easily check my notes and see if an outfit will fit someone for example. Or where I've bought a part, etc.

Since this post is long, my answers to the OP are in the spoiler.

Spoiler

What is your limit? Does it depend on the size?
My heart says no! But I've always lived in tiny apartments so I try to keep my purchases limited to 1/6 size and below.

What are the reasons deep down why you feel anxious?
The only thing I really worry about is covered above.

Do you feel judged by the people around you?
I probably am but it doesn't bother me.

What are your main triggers behind the impulse purchases that end up being then the first to go/be sold away? What are the triggers behind downsizing?
It's always FOMO. If I see a good deal I have to resist the urge to buy.

I'm not yet at the point for (major) downsizing, but I have thought about donating/selling before and will likely do that when the clutter/collection becomes too much to manage and/or takes up too much space.

 

What is your limit? Does it depend on the size?
Part of my problem is that I never really set a limit. I currently have 27 (but just decided to try to sell a couple) and I feel like it's too much. Seeing the number stresses me out. It's hard to say whether size is a factor, I have quite a few tinies and it makes me feel like my collection is smaller than it is, when I look around my room I mostly notice the big ones... but like I said, just seeing the number 27 stresses me out, and it doesn't matter what size they are! So I think ideally I want to set a limit regardless of size. But I think I'd be more lenient with small ones...

What are the reasons deep down why you feel anxious?
Well, like some others in this thread, I have an anxiety disorder(s) already. I'm also a collector, I always have been, starting with stuffed animals and dolls as a kid. I still have multiple collections (mainly BJD, and plushies, but I have smaller collections of anime figures, Breyer horses, My Little Ponies, Calico Critters, other dolls (Takara Jenny and Madame Alexander), blind box figures/keychains.... yeah) and one source of anxiety is definitely the overall amount of stuff I have. And I have pared it down a LOT from how it was some years ago. But I only recently got into a mindset where I feel like I really am able to be mindful and picky about what I buy. I'm so happy about that, but knowing that I haven't always been that way and now have lots of stuff that I don't necessarily love/wouldn't buy now if I saw it for sale (even if I'm fond of it) fills me with anxiety. I'm also very stringent about cleanliness and neatness in my home, clutter and dirt is so detrimental to my mental health, and the more stuff I have, the harder it is to keep it neat looking and clean/dust everything. Annnnd there is the anxiety on top of everything about how to go about getting rid of stuff once I decide to do so. For instance, I have many bins of clothes in my garage I intend to take to resale and donation shops -- they've been there for months. But it's like out of sight, out of mind, and executive dysfunction, I just can't seem to get myself out to the stores. With BJD it's like a) the stress of selling online -- I never got the hang of it or figured out how to properly determine a shipping price (so I usually include shipping in the price and lose out on it) and b) the market is terrible and has been for years (at least from my perspective). Aside from the most sought after dolls, it's hard to sell anything period, and if you do, you take a huge loss. Part of me wants a bunch of my dolls out of my house but I don't think anyone will even buy them, and if they do I have to deal with the shipping. IT'S A LOTTT

Is your anxiety triggered by something that happened in the past?
I'm not sure about this one. Luckily I never experienced anything traumatic related to my collections, even as a child. I think it is more related to my anxiety and other conditions (ADHD = impulse shopping and wanting lots of stuff, vs OCD and anxiety = struggling with contamination, overstimulation, and clutter issues).

Does this anxiety have anything to do with your general struggle with clutter?
YESSS but I think I addressed this all too well in one of the earlier questions LOL

Does this anxiety have anything to do with your sense of sustainability/eco-friendliness?
Yes actually. I wouldn't say that's the primary driver but it is a big factor. I am someone who cares a lot about the environment and sustainability, as well as "doing the right thing" (maybe a neurodivergence related issue IDK. But I can get very fixated on being morally good/correct). In the past few years I've become increasingly concerned about overconsumption, and that's one of the factors that has influenced my shift to being more picky about my purchases. That and learning to recognize quality (and recognize how poor the quality of most current mass-produced things is), plus concerns about the ethics of manufacturing (unpaid/underpaid labor, poor working conditions, etc.) But yes... it's a factor. I am a bit less concerned when it comes to BJDs vs. say my blind boxes, because BJDs are designed to last and are harder to overconsume given their price point (it's difficult to buy a lot of BJDs at a time, for example, and I think we tend to be more invested in making them last and mindfully rehoming them because of how expensive and often sentimental they are). That being said, there are still lots and lots of BJDs being manufactured, not to mention clothes and accessories, and resin is a type of plastic... as we know, not great for the environment in the end.

Does this anxiety come in cycles? I think it does, but it's a bit hard to tell. I think a lot of time it's a subconscious thing so I don't identify that something is triggering this anxiety, but it's very possible something is. A few things I noticed influence it are money -- probably obvious and common. When I'm low on funds/not feeling financially secure, and/or when there is something expensive I really want, that commonly triggers me to consider selling dolls (and consequently getting anxious about it).

Do you feel judged by the people around you?
Luckily, not at all! My family has always been supportive, my mom even has a couple BJDs of her own and she attends conventions with me. My partner has no problem with it (he doesn't even mind that my dolls stare at us from the shelves while we're sleeping ) and has his own expensive hobbies, so he gets it.

What are your main triggers behind the impulse purchases that end up being then the first to go/be sold away?
These days, I buy most of my dolls at conventions. I don't keep up with releases much at all, especially because I stopped using Instagram and Facebook. I mostly interact with my local BJD community (this is the first time in a while I've replied to a thread on here!) There is also that instant gratification of buying a doll in person, and the ability to handle it before you buy. Anyway, I think there are things about this that are good -- for example, I buy mostly secondhand dolls (good on the sustainability front) and I have less risk of ordering a doll I end up disliking in person, since I've seen and handled it. BUT... it's usually an impulse purchase, made because I just looove the doll. And here's the thing: sometimes it's wildly successful. I have a couple of impulse purchase dolls that I love dearly. But sometimes, not so much. I would like to curb this, and I think I will have an easier time now because my mindset around buying stuff has really shifted. I'm sure I won't be perfect though.

What are the triggers behind downsizing?
I think this is another one I addressed a bit in previous questions, but mainly 1) space/reducing clutter, 2) wanting to have fewer but more "special" dolls, and 3) money. I didn't go into the "special dolls" thing yet so I'll elaborate on that one. I have this desire to have just a few dolls that are really special, like grails, and no more. I'm not really sure why but I think I've seen others express this before too. Something about having a really small collection that you can focus on, build up a wardrobe for, etc. is really appealing. I also think aesthetically it looks nice to have a few dolls on the shelf along with other stuff (books, trinkets, whatever). Especially if the dolls have a cohesive aesthetic (I don't even have a cohesive aesthetic myself, I love too many different fashion styles, and so do my dolls...lol). But at the same time, I'm very attached to a lot of my dolls -- more than the 2-3 I imagine as an ideal dream collection. I don't realistically think I will reduce my collection that much, but I do intend to make it quite a bit smaller than it is now.

Well, if you read this far, thanks for reading, I kind of went stream of consciousness on this. It was a bit of a therapeutic exercise for me actually. Thank you for this thread, this is a really cool discussion topic.

 

This thread is really interesting!

What is your limit? Does it depend on the size? Different things overwhelm me with different sizes, I think. I have a huge fashion doll collection, a big chunk of which is displayed -- it's the dolls that I don't have room to display currently, sitting in bags in my closet, that overwhelm me. With BJDs, the thing that overwhelms me is planning for all the accessories needed to display them completely. Having multiple dolls that require wigs, eyes, faceups, clothes, shoes, etc. can start to overwhelm me with regards to planning a budget. I feel paralyzed almost with what to get or make first. In addition, of course I also always want more BJDs! But then I feel like I'm neglecting the ones I do have and not getting any closer to fully displaying them.

What are the reasons deep down why you feel anxious? For me its mostly about calculating the money needed to complete each doll - I got bills to pay!

Is your anxiety triggered by something that happened in the past? Ah, well, I definitely have a complicated relationship with money, as I'm sure most of us do. It was something my mom was always anxious about (did not matter if that anxiety was based in any reality, which it often wasn't). My family also looked down on a lot of my hobbies as being useless. I still remember some really unkind things my older sister said to me when she caught me looking through an American Girl catalogue. They don't know about my BJD collection because I'm no longer in touch with them (long story...) Collecting as an adult was a way for me to heal from a lot of this. So, even though it doesn't motivate me to sell them, I still go through waves of shame about myself and my interested sometimes. (Therapy helps lol)

Does this anxiety have anything to do with your general struggle with clutter? I have always been a collector, I live in a small place, and I struggle with chores and stuff for mental health reasons. I wish I had more space to aesthetically display my dolls and other collections (books, tarot cards, figures, stickers, etc...), but one day I will! For now, my clutter isn't enough to ruin my day or make me unable to relax in my home, so overall it isn't a big driver in purging.

Does this anxiety have anything to do with your sense of sustainability/eco-friendliness? I think about the eco impact of this hobby and materialism in general, of course. Dolls are made of plastic, which is overall a huge problem for the environment. That being said, BJDs are hardly sing-use disposable plastics, which I feel is a larger issue than artist goods. Sometimes I fantasize about plastic alternatives that are friendlier to the environment, but I don't think we have such an alternative to resin yet.

Does this anxiety come in cycles? Sure, of course! I am stressed more about money when unexpected things happen (vet visits, car repairs, and the like). When I'm stressed about other things, such as work, it can also manifest as money stress, even if that's not the underlying cause of the stress. I think it's important to try to be mindful of our emotions around money.

Do you feel judged by the people around you? I expected this and was very shy about sharing my collection with friends for a while, but honestly everyone in my life who I've shared with thinks its cool and is supportive! Definitely not what I expected given my family's reaction to all of my hobbies, lol. My husband calls me out when I am wanting to buy a doll very similar to one I already have, which I actually appreciate and we usually laugh about.

What are your main triggers behind the impulse purchases that end up being then the first to go/be sold away? What are the triggers behind downsizing? This is such a good question, I honestly wish I knew! I'm getting better about impulse purchases overall, my mantra is, "There will always be another opportunity to get a specific doll, often for a better price." In the past, the biggest offenders are dolls that I thought were pretty, but were not on my wishlist. These ones often end up getting sold, but sometimes a doll is on my wishlist, but once in my hands, I lose motivation to work on it. I guess this would be called "not bonding." A big motivator for downsizing is wanting to get other dolls!

 

I do have a fear of collecting too many dolls since I don't like my spaces to be cluttered or overfilled.Maybe when I get a larger space I will be less inclined to worry about storage.

 

Yes, I do feel guilty of having too many dolls and the money I’ve spent on them. My dolls got me through a difficult time in my life (I will admit to going overboard) and now that my life is much better, the guilt has really crept in. I’m going to keep the ones I have and enjoy them to the fullest, without buying any more. I have enough to keep me busy for a long time!

 

What is your limit? Does it depend on the size?
My limit is determined by physical space and how much mental real estate I have for doll projects: it's not a set number.
Size has no effect: I mostly have 55-75cm dolls with some 1/4 and 1/6 child dolls. The size of 1/3+ dolls gives them a presence and appeal to me that smaller dolls/figurines lack.
I used to collect figures (Figma, Nendoroid, Play Arts Kai, etc.) but I never did anything with them and sold them when I got into BJDs. Sure, I could fit a lot more 1/6 dolls than 1/3s in my space, but I don't enjoy crafting for small scales and the size doesn't appeal to me.

What are the reasons deep down why you feel anxious?
I got back into BJDs with the idea of shelling characters from my writing. I learned the hard way that a well-developed character won't often fit into a doll shell: no matter how I styled the dolls, I couldn't translate the ideal version of the character in my head to physical doll form.
Sunk cost fallacy got me: I'd spent so much time and money on the dolls and accessories that I felt obligated to make them work as those characters, even as I was losing interest in the project.
I don't try to shell well-defined characters any more: I buy dolls with a concept in mind, but it needs to be a negotiation between my ideas and how the physical doll shell.
Instead of buying a doll with the mindset of "you're going to be Character A the sculptor, who wears boho fashion with chunky necklaces and has blonde hair in a bob cut. Character A is a bit of a slob, and lives with her artist father, and they get a lot of commissions from a crime boss", it's more "you could be a somewhat slovenly artist whose patrons aren't paying her with clean money".
I need the flexibility to adjust the character according to the physical doll: what if the doll looks terrible in the character's haircut or outfit? What if the character's accessories aren't available in the doll's size? What if the doll's face or body suggest different traits to the character's personality?
Character A might end up being a painter with long brown hair who wears fitted monochrome clothes and is very formal around clients but messy when she's working on her art.

Is your anxiety triggered by something that happened in the past?
Perhaps friends/family not showing interest in my hobbies has led me to not share things with people outside of hobby communities, but I think it's more not wanting to explain the difference between a BJD and Barbie, or why I enjoy using a DSLR more than a phone camera. I just prefer to discuss the things I like with like-minded people.

Does this anxiety have anything to do with your general struggle with clutter?
No – there is clutter in my living space that's been accrued over years of my family living there, but clearing it isn't something I can do alone as the items aren't mine.
Ideally, I would like to buy a customised storage system for BJDs and their extra items, as most standard cabinets aren't made to accommodate 1/3+ dolls.

Does this anxiety have anything to do with your sense of sustainability/eco-friendliness?
Not at all – I used to work in manufacturing, and the factory would produce more waste in one eight-hour shift than my household would produce in a month. I reuse packaging that's still in good condition, but I'm not beholden to keeping bashed-up boxes or flaking pleather doll shoes out of a sense of eco-guilt: that's how you get into a hoarding situation.
BJDs are high quality made-to-order items that are designed to last, unlike fast fashion clothing or planned obsolescence electronics, so I feel no eco-guilt over buying them.

Does this anxiety come in cycles?
During recent difficult periods of my life I've been tempted to engage in "retail therapy", but what's stopped me is that anything I buy will forever be attached to the memory of the event: I don't want a doll that will always remind me of a family member's illness.
Difficult periods also make me re-evaluate my capacity for doll projects and my financial situation: do I have the energy to work on this doll in the near future? Given the circumstances, would I rather have this doll or money right now?

Do you feel judged by the people around you?
Yes – BJDs aren't a "conventional" hobby, and I prefer not to show or talk about my dolls with non-hobbyists. On the odd occasion I have, the usual range of responses is:

• "That's interesting, I guess, but I don't understand why you like them so much"
• "So creepy! How can you sleep with Annabelle/Chucky staring at you?"
• "You should sell the dolls so you can buy/invest in (x item)"

I keep my dolls in my personal space so other people don't have to look at them.
I avoid mentioning the price other than in vague terms like "art doll", "made to order" and "expensive".
People whose only references for dolls are kids' toys tend to get sticker shock, which spurs on the "sell the dolls" type comments.

What are your main triggers behind the impulse purchases that end up being then the first to go/be sold away? What are the triggers behind downsizing?
It's taken me a few years to work out what my make-or-break criteria for dolls are. Now I can flick the "oooh shiny new doll!" devil off my shoulder when it rears its head.
Having set criteria helps avoid impulse buys and the vicious cycle of enjoying the pictures/idea of a new doll, getting it and not liking it as much as I'd thought, and selling it at a loss.

Reasons I've sold dolls are:

• I bought the doll with the intention of shelling a specific character but it didn't work out (see above)
• I couldn't tolerate the body: not able to stand unassisted, odd posture, out of scale with the others, etc.
• The head looked "off" next to my other dolls: different scale, style, eye size, etc.
• I liked the doll in sales/owner photos but not in person
• I wanted another doll more than the one I owned and sold it to fund a new purchase

I don't consider myself a "revolving door collector" and I don't buy dolls with the intention of selling them, but I feel you have to handle a lot of BJDs to work out what you like and what you don't, and there's bound to be a few missteps along the way. The dolls I've owned and let go have taught me about my own preferences, and I'm grateful to them for that.
It's important for my mental health as a human not to feel beholden to inanimate objects: what gives a doll "character" or "life" is how I feel about and interact with it.
Like how not every writing idea will become a finished narrative, not every doll concept will become a doll. I've made my peace with this and learned when it's time to move a doll on: better to sell it than waste time and effort on something I'm not enjoying, when I could be having fun with the dolls I do enjoy.

 

What is your limit? Does it depend on the size? (e.g. you can have 16 tinies and feel fine, but 6 SDs give you anxiety)

I don't know if I have a limit, or what it is. When I first got into this hobby I was sure I would be happy with only one doll to take care of. Now, I have 5 tinies and 3 MSDs (one on order).

What are the reasons deep down why you feel anxious? (why having fewer dolls is supposed to soothe your nerves)

Finance: Less dolls = less money spent on them = more in my savings (which I really need to build up)

Time: I don't have enough time or resources to take care of (customize) all 8 dolls I own. I feel bad for the dolls, in an anthropomorphic way. It also makes me feel guilty for spending so much on something that will be left sitting in a drawer for ages.

Is your anxiety triggered by something that happened in the past? (e.g. your relation with toys as a kid/an experience related to theft/damage)

My parents refused to buy books or toys for me after the age of 8 or so. I usually borrowed them from my friends so that I could keep up with what they were talking about. The few things I did have, like high quality art supplies my friends gave me, I was forced to share with my toddler siblings who would inevitably break them. My parents weren't poor - they just didn't believe in giving anything to me, even though they were generous to my siblings, and I internalized that.

Does this anxiety have anything to do with your general struggle with clutter? (e.g. you generally have lots of other collections/you want the dolls to look nicely displayed rather than stuck one on another)

I don't collect anything other than BJDs and I really want to keep that collection small. I feel a lot of guilt about impulse purchases and how susceptible I am to FOMO.

Does this anxiety come in cycles? (e.g. when you're anxious about something else, go through some personal issues - you tend to buy or sell away more dolls - rinse and repeat)

Yes. When I'm down I often browse Dollyteria or Mandarake as a mind-numbing coping mechanism. I've gotten better at not impulse buying but I still do it sometimes.

Do you feel judged by the people around you? (e.g., they perceive all the dolls as identical and cannot understand why you need so many variations of "the same thing", or "you should spend your money on something else", or "they take up so much space")

Kind of? I'm criticised over finances & self control rather than the dolls themselves.

What are your main triggers behind the impulse purchases that end up being then the first to go/be sold away? What are the triggers behind downsizing? (e.g. too much persuasive talk from others, fear you won't have enough time for all the dolls, etc.?)

Fear I won't have time for all of the dolls. They're inherently interactive and if I don't interact with them, what's the point? On a more sentimental level, it makes me sad to think they're being ignored, feeling lonely and wanting to play.