Is it 'OKAY' to PM an Owner about Selling a doll they had NO intention to sell?

Hm, if I got a PM out of the blue saying that when I'd never mentioned wanting to sell my boys I'd be quite insulted, I think. Something in the tone of the way it's written just doesn't sit right with me, personally.

 

I'm sorry, but that's tacky.

 

Definitely not okay, and I think that does qualify as against the rules.

Now, I think a better way to do it if you're looking for a rare doll (I'll use Woosoo as an example, since so many people want one) would be to say "I love your Woosoo- how did you manage to get him? I already have a WTB thread up in the marketplace, but do you have any other advice for me?"

Most owners are more than happy to tell you where/how they came across their dream dolls, and I know there are a few people who have such excellent luck at finding rare dolls on Y!J, they will sometimes help other people to get them. It also doesn't imply that you're trying to get them to sell their own doll (though if they offer to keep you in mind or flat out say "make me an offer," great, right? ^_^)

 

I think Kimber Rose is right, in that there are ways you can hint you are looking without coming right out and asking them to sell. This way it opens up the possibility for the person to say "Oh, I'm looking to sell mine, are you interested?". For a more unique doll, I still think it's ok to do a really polite, "if you ever decide to part with them, I'd love to be considered" PM. I do think phrasing and politeness (and lack of pushiness) is key.

 

Generally, regardless of the tone of the offer, I think asking people about selling their dolls when no such intention has been expressed comes across as tacky to me. Yes, even the "please keep me in mind" sort of PMs, because while I've never received one, it sounds like you're calling dibs on a doll.

Of course, I wouldn't hold anything against someone who asked politely, I'd just be a little less than pleased. Just because you think the behavior is tacky doesn't mean you have to react badly, especially considering all the differing viewpoints on the subject. ^-^;

 

I agree that it's quite rude :/
Not proper ettiquette at all!


I've had it happen to me, as well.
I had commented in a WTB thread for a Leroi Snow, that I was waiting for a second Leroi Snow (same time when Mythdoll was taking 5+ months to ship out), and that I had currently lost interest in it and offered to notify the OP if/when it ever arrived (if the OP was still looking for one). I did encourage the OP to continue looking for one elsewhere, because I honestly didn't know if the doll was EVER going to arrive. :/
A few minutes later, I got a PM from the OP, then later five different people asked if they could buy the doll. Being honorable, I said the OP would get first choice if the doll ever arrived, and offered to notify the other interested parties if the OP did not want the doll or if the OP had found another.

All was good and fine. People said thanks. The sun shone. Birds sang.

And then, I suddenly get two of these people asking if I'd sell my first Leroi Snow (Planchette) to them.
I had never expressed any intention of selling her, ever, and I thought it was increadibly rude for these people to ask me if I would. And they didn't even do it in a polite way, they basically said "Hey, sell me your doll? I want one of those."
Planchette is one of my favorites, and it did hurt a little to hear that. I felt it was very rude. ;_;


Now, on the flipside, sometimes it IS okay to mention that you'd like someone's doll.
My example is/was my Soulkid Harang. My friend, Totchipanda, would always want to see him and cuddle him at our doll meets and she'd say how much she liked him. I was thinking of selling him, as his aeshetic was IMO really out-of-place with my other dolls and he was left-out of stuff a lot ;_;
First thing I did was e-mail Tochipanda and let her know I was offering him to her.
And now, Totchipanda has her little Harang, I get visiting rights, and everyone's happy (*3*)


I guess the polite way of letting someone know that you'd like to have their doll is to show your 'love' for it and its character, like Totchi did with my Harang.
I really like one of my friend's DOC Yen, and I've made him clothes and mentioned how I've always wanted a Yen, and I have said that if she ever decides to sell him, for whatever reason, I will buy him.
Not that I'd ever encourage or want her to sell him (they look so cute together!), but life stuff happens and if such an unfortunate even should come to pass, I'd be there to help out and she could come see him anytime... or even buy him back if she wanted (^^)
(;-; One of my irrational fears is that he'll be sold to someone far away and I'll never be able to see him again...)


Pressuring or directly asking someone to sell their doll is quite rude, but I think letting someone know you'd someday like to have their doll is okay if it's done in a passive, friendly way.
Knowing that there is someone out there who genuinely cares for your specific doll (not just that 'type' of doll in general) makes it a little easier to let them go if/when that time ever comes.

 

yeah

 

Oh I see. Thanks! ^^

 

Hehehe... I see...
Thank so much for the information.
I'm just curious to know.
Anyway, I don't have any intentions to do it though. ^^
But at least now I know. Thanks!

 

See, I'd probably report that to the mods if I got a 'sell me your doll' PM in the tone you wrote in earlier. Lucky you've no intentions to do it, since I'm sure I'm not the only one who would either.

 

You'd really report someone to a Mod just for a rather badly phrased pm ?

Didn't realise this was such a tough crowd !

Just as well that I'm more likely to be pm'ed with a 'WTB' for one of my dolls than to pm someone else about theirs, isn't it ?!

I think there is rather a large difference between not expressing yourself terribly well in a pm to the genuine sales spam that the rules are written about. I daren't QFE Ashbet again, but ... the thing is... she is a Mod and it tends to be that I will follow the guidelines of a Mod on issues requiring moderation !

jaxa

 

I don't know, I think if someone had sat pining for ONE particular doll for years and finally couldn't take it any longer and thought "Well, just in case, maybe I'll PM them" and PM'd the person in a tasteful manner, and they were polite and respectful, I'd actually be kind of flattered.

It's not like you HAVE to sell. They're just saying, "Hey, just in case you ever consider selling, you have a buyer" and I see nothing wrong with that.

 

Tough crowd? Hmm, guess that depends on how you'd define that. I've read what Ashbet's said (and I agree with her, for the record), but I'm just going to play with the bold for a moment:

A post by Cassiel back when she was still a mod (I think?) :

I don't at all have any problems with a politely-phrased PM simply making enquiries, however the one we're currently discussing is this:

No real admiration here, no 'hey, I like your doll, please consider me' - quite aside from the phrase "I'm not forcing you or whatever" getting my hackles up to begin with (because hey, I'd like to see someone try and force me and see just how far they'd get ) it's a clumsily-phrased demand. I want this doll, you have this doll, here's my WTB thread. I don't consider that politely-phrased at all: to me it is (as Ashbet said) spamming with unwanted offers to buy dolls that aren't for sale, and (as Cassiel said) PMing someone out of the blue who isn't looking to sell their doll and not even asking them to sell it, but shunting them in the direction of their WTB thread instead. As such, it clearly falls into the area outside what is allowed on DoA, and I'd report it accordingly.

Tl;dr: As far as I'm concerned polite enquiries are okay, of course they are; demands (badly phrased or no) aren't, and I hope I never get one. If I do, however, I certainly won't hesitate in reporting for spam.

 

I think it's quite tacky and rude to PM someone and try to force them to sell their dolls to you, especially if it's there own character and personal to that owner. Honestly, They can buy the same mold and make the doll their own =.=

 

well i hate those kind of PMs.
it's nice to know that someone likes my doll or the eyes, wigs etc but that's really crossing the line.

let's say, my baby is cute as a button not only to my eyes but to yours as well. would you consider asking the parent, me, if i had any second thoughts about adopting my child?
in real life, people can get sued left and right for this. or consider getting a shrink for this matter.

creepy i say. creeeeeeepy.

i now just ignore them all.

 

i would be pissed if someone sent me a PM like that. i mean, its like "..... is my doll in the marketplace?...NO.... so don't ask" i've never gotten PM's like that but if i did, i wouldn't be to impressed. i wouldn't mind the ones saying people liked my dolls and if i could give advice, but not asking for buy one from me.

.... on that note, if i did get a PM asking for one of my dolls, i'd probably very politely tell them.... to **** off.

thats my 2 cents

 

I'm not even a case where it depends on the tone of the PM. In my opinion, it is as flat out rude and ignorant to PM someone saying "I'd love to buy your doll if you ever decide to sell him" as it is to just say "Sell me your doll now" if you don't know the person.

I know people in real life, and on DoA and another doll forum that I would gladly sell to if I had to sell one of my boys. But if someone I didn't know and had never talked to before PMed me wanting to be 'kept in mind' if I sold one of my dolls, you can bet there would be no chance Iwould sell to them. Would I report such PMs? No, not unless the person was flat out rude to me and demanding I sell, but I definitely wouldn't be keeping them in mind.

If I don't have a FS, I don't intend to sell my dolls. If someone loves one of my dolls and would want to purchase them, they can just watch the market like everyone else.

Thankfully, I've never had to deal with these sorts of PMs polite or not.

 

it's not okay!
If I saw someone had my dream doll, I would never ask them if they are willing to sell it. I'd prolly check this person's threads in marketplace to see if he or she made a FS thread with that doll, but I'd never send a PM out of blue.
IMHO, it's impolite!
I wouldn't say it's a harrasment, untill a person who wants to buy ur doll, sends u multiply PMs about buying it from u and ignoring ur 'no-es'.

 

*shrugs* Maybe in a different hobby I might think that... but in this hobby where there's such a crazy turn over rate of ownership for a whole slew of reasons (and yes, I realize this isn't applicable to everybody... but there is a LOT of turnover) I don't see it as rude, pushy or impolite.

I know there are several people who have expressed interest in buying the dolls I currently own. Personally, I find it kinda nice to know it's out there. But then again, I'm not the kind of person who sees these as my children, so perhaps that's a major reason as to why I don't take any of this as insulting.

 

I totally agree. I don't think it's okay to do it on Livejournal or similar places, either. I've had people leave me comments on LJ asking if I'd be willing to sell dolls and/or clothes my dolls were wearing, even though my posts would have nothing to do with sales. It's bad manners, period. Don't ask people to sell you their stuff just because you want it.