Is it 'OKAY' to PM an Owner about Selling a doll they had NO intention to sell?

I agree. Someone refusing to show their dolls because they're afraid so many people will want them not only sounds ridiculous, but a little vain.

 

If I was getting 1 PM a day asking to buy one of my dolls it'd annoy me to the point where I wouldn't want to show my collection either. That's still 28-31 PMs per month harassing a person to sell something they don't want to sell. In Cyn's case I completely see what she's talking about, given that a good chunk of her collection is now in huge demand and there are people out there who think that if they see someone with multiples of something then 'omg they can part with one because it's not FAIR otherwise' (which is bull). It's not ridiculous, it's not vain, it just is what it is.

 

I guess we can agree to disagree then. I'm happy that I don't get annoyed that easily. There are bigger problems in my life, so I don't have to get annoyed by the small ones.
Btw - do you even know anyone that gets a mail a day from people wanting to buy dolls? It was simply an extreme example I came up with. And if there even was 1 single person that got that many buying-pm's - don't you think that person have found out how to report them - or hit delete?

I didn't say it was ridiculous or vain - that was someone else (I said I didn't understand them - and that it sounded odd to me). But we can agree on that it's not allowed and that all you have to do is report the person, right? When a couple of people have reported the same person more than once I would guess they're out of here - that means 1 less to bother anyone, so - report them and we'll get rid of them.

Not so long ago I didn't have any dolls at all. I looked at pictures for hours without end. I never even once had the thought to write and ask anyone if I could buy their dolls, so I don't know why some people do that. Especially when they have access to the marketplace. But as I can see here that they obviously do - and that it's a problem - I really think that every single person that try to get a doll via pm rather than through the market place - should be reported. No matter if they ask rudely or nicely. If it's not allowed - it's not allowed.

Edit: Btw - on another forum I'm member of there's the opposite problem. Pm's are sent to make people buy their stuff. It's not allowed, though - still people do it. The world is a wonderful but odd place....

 

Boots, it may help to know that at times there really have been outbreaks of problems with people being pestered to sell their dolls. A lot of the users who have stopped posting their dolls have done so as a direct result of one of those outbreaks.

For example, take the Bermann craze. Some of the users wanting to purchase the rare dolls were extremely rude to those who had managed to get one -- or heaven forbid, more than one. Public comments were made as well as private ones in PM, and the situation got quite tense. It was very unfortunate and there were a lot of bad feelings on both sides.

I hope this sheds a bit of light on what some users may be referring to. It's not always about a single innocent PM.

 

Oh - sorry - didn't know that. Then I can understand it; but wasn't it possible to report people back then?

 

You can report people all you want, but it'll still leave a bad taste in your mouth. Who wants to post photos of a doll on a forum where there are people that resent you solely for having it? Sure, you can tell people to let it roll off their backs, but those people are fully in their rights to enjoy their dolls in private or on other forums. Having to frequently report people/delete PMs might not be something they want to deal.

 

But that's something entirely different than the topic of this thread, isn't it? This is about people that are getting messages asking them to sell their dolls....
What you're talking about is different imho. I mean - it couldn't be in buying pm's; because noone would be stupid enough to show resent against you and at the same time try to buy your doll...

People like those you're talking about will always exist. It would be a lot better if people like that was ignored. I guess it can be difficult sometimes; but you can't let it bug you. Just shake your head and press 'delete'. Don't let those people keep you from doing what you want. If you want to post pictures here you should do that - without thinking of people that are jealous (can't spell that). Of course everyone is in their full rights to enjoy their dolls in private - also you and me; but if they/we do want to post pics here they/we should be able to ignore those ever-returning stupid people that doesn't know how to behave. Remember - it's only words - those people don't know you and you don't know them - they shouldn't be able to hurt you when they don't know you. Do you understand what I mean? I'm 47 - and I've learned to ignore those that write stupid things. Only when it's people that I know well - friends or relatives - and that knows me well - I can get hurt. Strangers can say what they'd like - they can't touch me. The sooner you learn that - the easier your life will be. That's just my opinion. Don't waste time on stupid people - they'll never learn anyway....

 

Oh no, I'm not disagreeing at all I was mostly trying to respond to that one poster regarding those incidents. What I was talking about was trying to include rudeness combined with bothering people to sell dolls. I was merely trying to add onto what Lizzard was saying.

I totally agree, it is best to ignore things when you can, I was just trying to suggest that there are people who are bothered by this and that one reaction is to stop posting on a specific forum. I'm one of those people who doesn't care what people say at all and do not receive PMs all the time at all. My example was was not a personal example at all.

 

I didn't mean you when I wrote 'you'... Sorry - I'm not english and sometimes I have problems expressing myself in english.... should I have used 'one' instead? As in 'when one gets a message like that, one should just ignore it'.... That was what I meant. Not you personally.

 

See, I don't always believe in ignoring rude behaviour, particularly if it is directed at me in some way. More power to the people who can ignore it, because you're probably better people than I am, but if someone is very rude to me, I'm pretty much 'no holds barred' right back at them.

If someone sent me a PM saying they love my SDC Kurt to bits, I'd respond and thank them. If someone sent me a PM saying they love my SDC Kurt and would I ever sell, I'd be polite and say a firm no. If someone sent me a PM saying that they want my SDC Kurt for $600, I'd be angry and say a firm no. If someone sent me a resentful PM saying that they would give my SDC Kurt a better home and if I don't sell him to them for $600 I'm a terrible owner who doesn't care about her dolls, I would report them, write about them on my LJ and point them out to as many of my friends in the hobby as possible.

That level of rudeness shouldn't be brushed under the carpet because it allows that kind of hideous rudeness to go on unchecked. If I just let it go, that person is free to be as rude as they like to someone else.

 

Simply.. no.

Unless the owner has said somewhere that they had trouble bonding and considered selling I don't think it's okay.
I have did that. In person though on a meet. Someone expressed that they had trouble bonding with the vampire head they bought before me (that was what the conversation was about) and I jokingly (half) told her that if she wanted to sell I was interested. A little while later I got a pm saying that if I still wanted the head I could buy it!

So I think it depends. If a person has dropped something about bondingtrouble of doubts, you can try. But do it in an way that isn't offending.
Just say that you love that doll and if the owner thought about selling if they would consider you.

 

No problem, I probably misread a bit myself. It's not ever easy to express what you mean on the internet even if you are native fluent.

 

not okay. ever...
I once had someone walk up to me at a con and ask me exactly that... why she thought it was okay, I have no idea, but I felt kinda violated (especially because my boy isn't that hard to purchase)
I have no problems with telling doll owners how much I love their dolls (and in my opinion, if they should ever want to sell said doll, they will probably remember me for this), but under no circumstances would I ever ask a person if I could purchase their doll from them. It's rude and kinda invasive...

 

I think if you're with someone and say that face-to-face it is a lot different to sending a PM out of the blue. At least when you're with the other person they know you're genuine and they probably know you as a real person rather than someone over the internet.

 

Not necessarily... We've just learned by experience...

I agree 100%. There is a border line on what can be ignored. If it gets really rude you'll have to react - if not for your own sake - then for everyone elses sake. Especially young people can be really frightened for persons that are really rude. But - the best way imho is not to answer back; because no matter what you write to that person it will probably not affect him/her at all - and it's almost certain that you wont feel better afterwards. In that case I wouldn't answer - I would just report the person.

 

That's true. In person it's different.
Holland has a small doll community, many people know eachother also as good friends in real life. It makes it easier.

Out of the blue is different. But it really depends how the person is. Is it something like:
I love your doll, if you ever want to sell, please consider me.
It's different than:
I love your doll. I'm willing to buy him for you for *x amount*. Please sell him, because I love him!
I understand the feeling of wanting a limited doll, but seriously... It is possible that the owner loves that doll. Even though you think it isn't being used to it's full potential.
We all have seen dolls we thought could look so much prettier with some adjustments. The dolls need resqueing as they are called by some. But that doesn't mean their owner doesn't love them. They put effort, work and money into them and love them just as much.

 

Well yes and no... sometimes people will resent your, but they'll also PM you to say, I don't think it's fair that you got X doll so I'm willing to buy it from you for X amount of money...
This is usually the case with people who manage to get more than one of a limited doll, less so with single dolls...

My friend actually had this happen to her on a different site. She managed to get two SOOM Vega dolls (Vega was a for-five-days doll, so veerry limited), one through the SOOM site and one through eBay. After posting pics of her girls on the site, someone actually PMed her to say that they thought it was very unfair that she'd gotten two of these dolls, so she should sell it to the woman, or else she was a very selfish person...

 

OK then - I guess some people are stupid enough to do that; but I hope your friend wasn't bothered by that; because that only shows that she (the 'buyer') was a very immature person and not worth wasting words or time on...

 

You're entitled to your opinion, and also like I said I have many reasons why i don't like to show off a collection of anything. The main reasons are that I don't enjoy taking and posting pictures of stuff i own, nor do I have much time to do so. The PM reason, along with other reasons, are secondary. I probably have a list of about 12 reasons so it's not just a case of "one PM" that can be easily deleted, it plays more into how I feel about the doll hobby generally, and what i choose to share with others, all of which is beyond the scope of the thread. If it sounds odd to you, I'm sure you're not the only one who thinks so, but it's how I feel/ my choice and I'm sticking to it.

Edited to add, just the fact that someone would think it amiss that someone would have dolls and NOT want to show them off speaks volumes right there. The hobby is about something different for me than public display.

 

Ok - you're right - I should have just said 'the only reason' and not 'one of the reasons'. Sorry about that.