Is it 'OKAY' to PM an Owner about Selling a doll they had NO intention to sell?

Complete noob into the actual hobby of owning BJD's, although I've been skirting around the hobby on it's edges, noised pressed up to the glass, window shopping, more or less, for a few years. So my opinon = grain of salt. Still. Everyone's got one, right?

Having been in a similar situation, and by similar, I mean having an item in a 'fandom' of sorts that was coveted and much admired, and being constantly messaged and harassed about "give it to me, you have so many, why can't you just give it to me, I'm poor, I can't get my own, etc" sorts of things (OK, so it was pixel ponies with pretty pixel traits on it, but the metaphor stands, darn it.), I have a great amount of sympathy for your folks with your beautiful limited and one of a kinds.

I ignored the rude messages. I replied politely but definitely to the polite ones. If I'd kept track of every single person who'd expressed interest in the thing, I'd have had twenty buyers on the spot, and I really can't reasonably see any of you trying to keep track of that. I certainly didn't.

I don't think there's anything wrong with expressing genuine interest and appreciation of someone's doll, and if it's very politely worded (once!), I wouldn't think much of it, and, if I wasn't interested in selling, then I'd just as politely say thank you so much, but no. End of discussion. (Then again, it's easy to say what I WOULD do, when I haven't had to worry about it any as of yet.)

On the other side of the coin, if and when said person went to sell the doll and they HAPPENED to remember my interest and offered me a chance, then YAY, and if not, well then, I'm just not meant to have that doll then, that's all. (As an aside, I don't think it at all unreasonable that most people are more likely to sell to friends or people they know more then they would strangers, as it would mean you'd KNOW they were getting a good home and heck, you could even arrange "custodial visitations", right? )

As some one mentioned several pages back, there seems to be a prevalent attitude of entitlement these days, (And I'm referring to the sorts of pm's that imply a person is obligated to sell a doll because they have 'more then their fair share' or some other bollocks) in a lot of things this day and age, and it's not only off-putting, it's downright rude. I personally, can not even fathom the sort of thought process that goes through someone's head to send a message like that. I've browsed galleries and oohed and aahed over mods and face-ups, and clothing (oh my gods, the clothing), and pined with a evil, green jealous envy in my heart, but these dolls- these lovely, expensive, gorgeous dolls are not just people's 'families' and 'characters' and what not, they are miniature works of art, involving time, money, emotion and sentiment and you simply don't walk into the Louvre and say, "Excuse me, could you give me that smiling woman's painting over there, I'll give you $200 for it. You've got plenty of paintings already and I'm just some poor schmuck, surely you won't mind, right?"

If you ever happen get a pm from me, expressing admiration of your doll, it is just that, admiration. I will not ever *expect* anyone to give me a darn thing, preferential treatment, or anything else, for expressing that admiration. Feel free to thwap me otherwise.

Unless of course you happen to become really good friends with me, at which point, sorry, all your dollies are belong to me. (Kidding.... mostly.)

 

No, it is never okay to ask someone to sell something that isn't for sell. I would say it is pretty rude. If you wanted to sell it, you would offer it for sell. In most cases they are offering you considerably less than you would want for the item, even if there was some outside chance you would think about selling it. It is only slightly less rude to offer without suggesting a price.


We had an old car sitting in our driveway. It was an old sports car with a rough body, but in pretty good running order. In nice weather men would knock on our door an average of once a week, trying to get me to sell the car. I was generally home by myself with a really big dog. Since I am a woman, when the big dog died, I stopped answering the door (and some people would be really aggressive about it.) I put a sign on the car (:not for Sale,) which helped some, but we eventually had to get rid of the car.

Many people think that it never hurts to ask, but yeah, it can. At least here there is no personal risk to having someone ask, but you get the picture.

I can’t buy or sell out here yet, but another problem we have had is people emailing us and telling we us we are asking too much for something or charging too much for shipping in an eBay auction. It’s the price. It is based on how much we paid for the item and the expenses we incurred getting and/or shipping the item, as well as time spent. If you don’t like it, don’t pay it and don’t waste our time by telling us you don’t like the price. Almost always these people are in the "Know it All" feedback zone of 200 to 400 transactions. We also always sell the item for at least the starting bid, so it isn't us...

 

I guess I could see people asking with the attitude "it can't hurt to ask" or "it's a free country -- I can ask if I want to". I guess they are not thinking of the poor person receiving what could be tons of "requests" to sell their doll. Maybe this will have them stop and think before asking. And as for being a free country -- if it is forbidden on DOA -- then it's not (so free -- there are rules). Perhaps they just didn't know or weren't thinking. So I'd give them the benefit of the doubt. Is it possible that people that are rather direct don't have either a gasp of the language (in this case english) or of their manners?? I'd probably just politely say "not for sale, sorry". If they did it more than once, I'd be more direct. "Still not for sale, please don't ask again". I guess people try to second guess other people and think it is about the money. Many times it is. But many times it is not.

 

It is good the DOA forbids the asking. I think though, there are so many rules not everyone spends the time to read them, or they probably wouldn't ask.

I just think it is rude to ask at all. The only time I didn't think it was rude was when I had a doll chair in the background of one of my pictures (on eBay) and someone asked about it. I kinda figured it was my fault for having the chair in the auction picture. I was trying to be too artsy, I guess.

I also know that while something may not be for sale today, if one of my animals or my hubby got sick, and I needed money for treatment; Pretty much any stuff I owned would be fair game.

 

Well, its depend how the person ask for the doll. Its it only a question really polite and the person is really kind I dont really care for answer him/her polite also^^

But if the person is a little bit rude and just want to buy the doll without asking if you want to sold her with a tiny message written fast, I think ill be answer rude too

 

Awww I see. And I agree with you. There has been so many dolls on here that I have fallen in love with just because some one else made them look so nice. Its kind of hard to not want some one else doll specially if they are a grand face up artist! So many beautiful dolls become even more beautiful ( and unique) with artist face ups, I think that's where the person starts to feel like they HAVE to have THAT doll because of that face up.

 

So agreed,especially if it was enough to buy another doll, and have plenty of $$ left over too

 

well, it depends on the way someone asks you, i think.
but i think i would not be very happy about it.

 

I have to agree with some of the others on this topic... I would be flattered if someone inquired on my doll without me putting her up for sale. I would kindly decline if I didn't want to sell, and wouldn't worry about reporting anyone. However, if you say that you do not want to sell, and the person keeps asking, that is just rude, and I would report them in that situation.

 

I don't know if I would be more flattered or annoyed if someone sent me a PM regarding the selling of one of my dolls. I would have no problem telling them no, but I wouldn't think very highly of the person that inquired....

 

Wouldnt it be...awkward? o.O
I mean, sure for few moments, you might think it is rather.."cute"..maybe? That the person thinks your doll is worth a buy. But Im sure once moments die, I'd go all Grr Hsss *scratch* afterwards.
Its not just rude, its very rude. You have nerve to ask such things? Sure,ask me what type of bjd I have and where to get it. Sure! Ask to buy mine? Umm...No? O.o

 

I can imagine that would be kind of awkward, someone out of the blue offering to buy one's doll...

For the most part, it does sound rude, but on the other hand, I CAN imagine a way someone could phrase it to be as least offensive as possible. I think if anyone were to do that with me, (*laughs* YEAH RIGHT XD) I'd decline in a way that is on par with how polite they were about it; and if they were total jerks about it, only then would I report. (Unless they offered enough for me to basically buy that doll again. Then I'd jump for the opportunity. XD)

 

I think its rude over all..

The only time I have ever done anything even close to that is when someone has hinted that they maybe thinking about selling or something along those lines...

As an example there is a "person" who has a for sale thread up for a Sd sized doll and in it said that she was having bonding issue with the doll and thought mostly it was about size and that it did not bode well for her in coming Soom MD. (I having delt with this person in the past) Did send them a Pm saying that if once she received the soom doll and found the same issue to please let me know and that I would take her.

I honestly have no clue how someone could just send a PM saying I want your doll sell it to me for $$$.....

 

I had something like this happen, not with a doll, but with the limited clothes it came with. She asked if I was interested in selling the fullset that came with my Kalix, especially if I had bought the boots too.

I found it really rude to have someone suddenly ask me about selling something I had no intention of doing so. Considering the amount of effort we put into our BJDs, I think it's a little low to just out and say "Hey, I want your doll, can I buy it?"

 

If they sent a compliment then asked if I would be willing to sell either of my dolls, I would truthly be flattered then send a nice message back saying "Thank you for the compliment but no Im not willing to sell my doll." If they person just sent a message saying "Hey I'll pay blahblahblah money for your doll." then Id just send a straightforward no.

 

I personally would not be offended. I would be flattered but then again no one has ever pm me. Plus what if the person had been thinking about sell said doll but didnt really want to deal with the whole listing, photos and all that. I cannot imagine anyone being offended. Now if you said no and they kept bugging you that is another thing entirely.

 

I guess I wouldn't really mind if I was talking as though I might want to sell one of my dolls.

But messaging people out of the blue is rude. I feel like that belittles all the love and effort that you put into your doll.

 

I think, like you said, if I got a PM about someone admiring a doll and implying that if you choose to sell it, to let them know, I wouldn't be so mad. But it would be so annoying to to get PM's of people trying to basically 'haggle' with you when you have no intention to let go of something you love. I find that to be just plain ignorant.

 

It really depends on the way people ask, in my opinion. if they say that they think the doll is lovely and they are willing to pay a very handsome price for it if i ever chose to sell it then i would be flattered. or even if I were on the other side, where I saw someone with a doll that I was just absolutely head-over-heels in love with, since it is so frowned upon to recreate a doll that someone else on the forum owns, I might drop them a pm saying that I thought thier doll was gorgeous and if they ever considered selling it to please keep me in mind. however, i would never try to haggle or blantaly say "i want your doll, give it to me now and I will pay you market price (or less)" I understand that people develop deep emotional attachents to dolls sometimes, but on the other hand things come up and in the rare instance it happens, I would hate to see a doll I love dearly go into the mp and be sold before i had a chance to snatch it up.

 

That seems like a dick move, to me. If I really wanted the same doll as someone else, I'd find out what sculpt it was and get my own. It's especially insulting because it's not like buying a Barbie, we invest a lot of time and money into these dolls to customize them exactly as we envision them. One doll I've seen around the forums is drop dead gorgeous, but I also know the owner not only gave it custom face-up and blushing, but even modded the original face sculpt. I wouldn't just assume someone would put all that work into a doll only to part with it if the price was right, you know? Someone wouldn't invest that kind of time and money into something they didn't feel a personal attachment to.