Is it 'OKAY' to PM an Owner about Selling a doll they had NO intention to sell?

To my mind, this is a fundamental difference in kind, not merely in degree!

Just politely and in the most general of terms letting me know that IF I ever were to feel like passing a certain doll on, it would be considered a kindness if I were to let a certain someone know about it at the time - only then to start discussing any actual offers! - and not waxing insistent about it, is not going to make me react adversely in any way. In this I am completely in agreement with sher, Jolarocknrolla, meridon, Silk, et.al.

Making an actual offer to buy one however ... is another matter.
Consider these two examples:

I feel that these two are fundamentally different:

• Hypothetical 1 is not asking me to sell or part from anything, just asking me to provide information in a hypothetical future scenario. As long as it stays there, everything is fine and dandy, as far as I am concerned.

• Hypothetical 2 makes an actual offer to buy NN - i.e. asks me to part with NN. This line of inquiry will also all too easily devolve into insistence, harassment, and bullying.

As I see it, the line between these is very clear indeed. As long as it is not crossed, I will not mind.

 

Silk and The Dragon, while I wouldn't personally take issue with someone who politely informed me that they would be honoured to adopt my doll if ever I decided to sell, there are still people who would. It is still an unsolicited PM and it is the offer of a future sale, so it still comes under this rule. It might be appropriate for members to remind themselves that if it ain't in the Marketplace, it ain't for sale.

The safest way to let anyone know you're in the market for a doll, without breaking any rules and risking your Marketplace status, is through a WTB in the Marketplace or regularly checking the MP yourself for the dolls you're interested in. As I said before, it might not feel as pro-active as getting out there and PMing the relevant people, but it avoids you breaking the rules and it avoids any offence the other party may feel at your inquiry.

 

Well, should anyone approach me in that manner, I shall try to kindly remind them of the rule in question. But not because I myself mind, but just because it is "da Rulez".

 

Jessica, we know what the rules are and (at least I'm speaking for myself) aren't arguing w/ that. This topic is just a discussion about how we feel about it - and DOA isn't the only place we post our dolls and get unsolicited offers, so knowing how others feel is really useful and quite interesting

 

ditto, ditto, and ditto.

 

Jolarocknrolla, I know this is hypothetical as far as DoA is concerned, cos debating the rules isn't allowed either If I got unsolicited WTB PMs on DeviantArt or Flickr, for example, I'd assume that the person sending the PM is either outside the hobby or at least not close enough to the hobby to realise that many BJD owners feel really strongly about their collections...but I'd still consider it rude the same way I considered it rude when someone wanted to buy the shoes on my feet!

While politeness and lighthearted conversation can get you a free pass sometimes, approaching someone about something that isn't outwardly shown to be for sale is rude.

 

This conversation is interesting as only yesterday I received a message through Flickr asking me if I ever wanted to part with a particular bjd of mine could I possibly let her know. I am not offended by this at all, she isn't for sale at the moment, but I do fairly regularly reassess my collection so it's good to know someone might want her if I do decide to let her go. Although this person is around the third person to pm me about this particular doll, so there would be a war if I ever did sell her

I don't really see how it is breaking any DoA rules to enquire if the doll is for sale or to say if it ever is.... surely the rules are there to stop people who don't have marketplace access selling their dolls in threads not to stop people enquiring about dolls or saying how much they love the doll and if it were ever for sale etc etc??

Personally I wouldn't pm anyone but I would possibly leave a remark on a photo on Flickr to the tone of 'please please please let me know if you ever want to adopt her out!'

 

Jessica, while you may think it's rude, it is actually open to interpretation by each individual As this thread has proven by it's range or responses what one person thinks is rude another person does not. While I agree that we should take the safe road and assume that since a large proportion of people WOULD be offended and find it rude that it shouldn't be done ... i don't think anyone can say with finality that "it *is* rude" when there are cultural and personal issues that go into how each person views the situation.

 

it happened to me once, but it was along the line of 'if you will have to part i will take good care of her'
so it wasn't really irritating that time, and also it was my serendipity so really hard to find... (i've searched one for years myself)

but when they're not limiteds or out of production
i tend to think that if someone want it its just because they can't think of a character
they want one already tested that they like

all the dolls i've bought second hand (exept my woosoo but just because she's new) look nothing like before (even if they do still have the same makeup), i really like to personalize them in my own way
and i think that people who make an offer like that (i'm talking of real offers, so barely money wise) are taking the wrong step, part of the fun in this hobby is making dolls your own

 

I think it's rude & tacky to offer to buy anything that someone isn't already advertising for sale.

WHO YOU THINK YOU IS!?

That would be the polite part of my reply to someone who would PM me w/such a question.

 

This. I'm not debating the rules - wether I agree or not, I think we should follow them - I want to know what people think of this subject.
Now, you think this is rude behaviour, but that doesn't mean everyone else thinks so too. There isn't an objective rule to what is rude and what not. Like Jolarocknrolla said, cultural and personal issues give different opinions on the matter. And I'm interested in those differences.

 

I reckon it's rude. To me, it's the same as if someone came up to me on the street and was like "Hey, neat shoes. Wanna sell them to me?".

 

I actually kind of got one of my favourite dolls by means of a sort of "in case you're selling" PM to Jolarocknrolla when she was clearing out some Pipos in a FS thread but there were none left, I simply asked "Are there any other Bahas you might be willing to part with?" and sure enough, she let me buy her no-longer-made Pink Baha! And I lovelovelove him so much. That's a case of a very happy ending.

 

@Mercredi
Hurr. OTL I actually asked a guy if he would sell me his tie once. (I'd been to like 7 stores looking for that exact tie that day.)

I dunno... it doesn't seem too rude as long as you aren't forceful about it. Because it's not like you're putting the other person in an uncomfortable position, since in a situation like that it's abundantly clear to everyone involved that there's no obligation for the person to sell.
Now, if they ARE somehow obligated, that's different.. like if you just did the person a big favor and then you ask if they wouldn't mind sell you their doll, there IS a sense of obligation/pressure hanging in the air.. and that would be really rude IMO.

 

Even if I did owe someone a huge favor, I would never sell my dolls to them no matter how much they wanted me to.

 

I have, to be perfectly honest, really wanted to do this at times for a few specific dolls, for privacy of the owner and their doll I won't name names. But fact is I didn't and don't intend to out of respect for their doll and relationship. I am unaware if this doll is a representation of someone important in their lives or a character from their own mind, and to assume it's just a pricey doll is just a disgrace. But I would be lying if I said I never really wanted to. That's just my own opinion though.

 

I don't find it rude if asked nicely/diplomatically. Personally I would be flattered if someone went out of their way to ask me if they could buy a doll of mine that they really love. That being said, if it's against forum rules, then it shouldn't be done.

 

Is it 'OKAY' to PM an Owner about Selling a doll they had NO intention to sell?
No. After all if they wanted to sell it, it'd be on the marketplace.
Would you as an owner report the person, or have your own way of dealing with it?
I'd report it

 

I was walking around once while on vacation with a friend and some woman actually did approach my friend on the street and bought the shirt off her back for $20 and a replacement shirt. I thought it was weird and creepy but apparently my friend was not so attached to her shirt and thought $20 was worth more. I also had a friend that was on the other side of that sort of transaction.

Now I know most people are more attached to their dolls than an old T-shirt. But you don't know if you don't try, right? I don't think I would personally do it. I may ask someone where they got their doll and face-up et cetera so that I could emulate it if they did not mind. But if someone asked to purchase one of my dolls I would feel flatered that they liked my taste in dolls so much.

 

if I had a rare doll and someone offered me an exorbitant amount of money for it (maybe its one of a kind and worth millions) I'd do it...buy a tank and get the doll back :P

(seriously I do think its stepping the line a tad)