Is it 'OKAY' to PM an Owner about Selling a doll they had NO intention to sell?

Wow, the timing of this thread is astounding because I have been harassed by this kid for the past two days. "Sell me your so-and-so, you have lots of dolls and you're an adult so you can buy more. I don't have money so sell it to me really cheap." (Korea's BJD owners' ages are dropping like mad. There are so many grade school kids out there it's scary.)

It really is the phrasing and attitude that irks me, but even if the phrasing were polite, if you get those PMs (either in a community or on your homepage) several times a day, it gets pretty darn annoying.

I don't think it's ethically wrong, but it is extremely rude and tacky. Although online, a homepage is a "home", and you wouldn't go to someone's house randomly and say "oh, I love your plates, sell them to me". I don't have much problem with people who you have actually interacted with, or "know" online who have professed their admiration for your dolls and just say "should you sell, please think of me first", but other instances? No, thank you.

 

I am ok with it as long as they come about it in a nice way. Most of the time though, it irritates me b/c some people think money can buy them anything. :/ Plus some of them are very rude. Like they would demand and command it from me to sell it to them. <__<;; It flatters me that peole would want to buy my dolls but if they are not on the market, they are not for sale. Poeple should understand this. Its really not that hard.
-____-;;

 

Wow, I had to read this all the way though..... I hadn't realized it was a problem. Before I read this, I might
have pmed and asked politely about a doll or clothing.
Being a newbie, I do lust for all the wonderful clothes and shoes. ( or should I say my girl does )
It Shocks me that Enki had such rude comments about her dolls ! And Sumomo123, I think it's lovely
you both won and I think it was 'ment' to happen.
I am sure Volks would be delighted that you are so
grateful and honored with their gift.
Frankly I have seen that some people have no manners, in life and on the web. They seem to think
'they' have a right to whatever 'they' want. I just
don't give them any energy. Many times I won't reply to their pm's and it stops. My girlfriend has
replied and they pester her ( sort of like feeding
trolls LOL)
Personally, I would be ok if someone was very polite
about my girl and asked me to keep them in mind
if I was going to re-home her.
Personally I can see how you could fall in love with a doll here
on the board and be swept away

 

It would not bother me for someone to politely pm me asking to buy my doll. I probably wouldn't do it myself, because I am pretty resourceful at finding the dolls I want, either by haunting ebay, the marketplace, or by posting a WTB notice. I recently got an offer to split a doll because of a comment I posted in a discussion thread about a new doll. One thing I really like about DOA is the sense of community; I would much rather sell a doll to someone here than on ebay, unless I am seriously strapped for money and need to sell at the highest possible price. Maybe I am an exception, though; my dolls are not personal characters or "kids" but beautiful objects that I own. I am impulsive and occasionally buy a doll that I later decide to sell and I would rather sell it to someone who really wants it. I would definitely offer it first to someone who has expressed interest in it. If someone is rude, however, I would just not respond.

 

I'm in this camp...I can't tell you how many times I've had offers for Moira, but they've mostly been in the "wow, is she possibly for sale?" category. Those don't bother me at all, and they normally get a polite response from me (many of the offers have been in person, at doll shows, and Moira is an attention getter). The vast majority are very gracious about being told no.

However, I also get the "you have so many, you can't possibly love them all, I should be able to buy X doll" queries, which get an entirely different response from me. I had one woman actually take out her checkbook and start writing a check...as if my saying no had no bearing on the transaction. I was floored. I just turned and walked away.

Queries like that are part of why I no longer list my dolls on my signature, so I rarely get PMs about them nowadays. Now most of the "sell me your dolly NOW" experiences are RL, which can make them extra-icky. But the "oh, she's so beautiful, if you ever decide to sell her" type of comments...I have a hard time viewing those as rude.

 

Its not happened to me, I'm kinda new to the hobby and my kids are not exactly limiteds.
But I think its extremely bad manners.
If someone wanted to sell one of their dolls it will be up in the marketplace or on Ebay.

 

These are what I get too.

The idea that I have "too many" dolls, presented in such a way as "Here, let me help you by taking that doll from you" is so offensive as to be insulting. As if my dolls are some kind of infestation or accident. But it turns out _I_ BROUGHT THEM into my house, on purpose, and because _I_ like them.

In my case also, it's the characters they want to buy, because I don't get much into limiteds. Out of all of my dolls, I have been offered the most money for my girl, Emi, who is a 60cm Obitsu. Pretty confident they're after the character of Emi, not the Obitsu shell that houses her.

As a practice it is - Absolutely rude. Absolutely forbidden on DoA (unsolicited sales are unsolicited sales, regardless of whether the person sending the PM is trying to sell something or GET you to sell something) and just another indicator of how rampant entitlement seems to be in this hobby.

- Wendy

 

I have had many people PM me, whining about how many dolls I had, and couldn't I sell them one. I've had offers as little as $200, with the sympathy ploy of 'I'm poor and you have so many' tossed in for good measure.

When I first got Xelander put together, no less than six people attempted to badger me into selling him. It's one reason that I don't post many photos of my dolls. Every time I do... someone comes along and wants to buy one.

I'll joke with my friends about dollnapping and someone should come live with me... but it's in good fun and between us, we wouldn't have a problem with a doll visiting for a week or so.

I myself find the unsolicited demands of "Sell me your doll" to be extremely rude and of the entitlement mentality which seems rather frighteningly prevalent in this hobby.

Even if it is nicely worded, it's rather forward of a person to automatically assume that someone will eventually one day entertain the idea of thinking about selling a doll.

 

Three of my dolls came from me pm'ing and asking the person to remember me if they ever decide to sell the doll in the future.

Out of the three two I knew pretty well on the board and have pm'd chatted with in the past. I am quite active on here too and try to help others out when I can as well.

I would hate to think anyone was insulted or hurt by a pm from me. I would never push a person to sell. I have also sold some of my dolls to others who pm'd me asking me to remember them and a couple of times I was thinking of selling a doll at the time they pm'd me so it worked out really well for us both!

I have a larger doll family and have been on this board since it started.

Eveshka - are you saying if you saw a doll wearing the Black Luts RIDER OF SEOUL boots your looking for you would not pm them? (not a doll but similar sentimental attachment but based on ethics your describing)

 

Wow. I would never ask another owner to sell their doll to me. Soon, I'm getting my head from a seller here on DoA, and I'm never letting go of him.

I mean, there are dolls that I would love to hold if I ever met them. When I'm at meets, I always love holding another person's dolls, of course, with their permission.

If they wanted to sell it to me however, that would be completly different, they want to sell the doll, not keep it around.

 

I do not go hunting for things that are not listed for sale.
That's what a WTB is for, and why I have it listed in my signature. Yes, I want to buy it. No, I'm not going to go traipsing about the gallery and find someone with them and then badger them into selling them to me. It's not polite.

I do occasionally spot something I like that isn't for sale (for example, a pair of shoes shown on a doll when the outfit is for sale) and I may ask about the shoes and where I might go to buy my own pair, but I do not ask someone to sell something that is obviously not for sale.

Are you going to find someone with a colored Elf Roko and beg them to sell it to you, or are you content to let your signature stand for itself and wait patiently for someone to notice and think that they might want to sell one to you?

 

I don't beg people to sell dolls or force anyone to do anything I am not a pushy person at all. If someone pm's me and asks if I want to sell the doll or to keep them in mind. I just reply and say Sure I will try to remember you if I decide to sell though I can't see it happening!

I have had many people ask me to sell the head parts on my unoa icon as they are super rare.

For me its no big deal. However its good to know that some people do feel its rude to even ask this question, I will keep it in mind.

 

I don't think it is rude to pm someone who has expressed great interest in a thread (not necessarily a market thread) of wanting to buy a certain doll and pm'ing them if you have one to sell. I once did that; I had a very coveted doll to sell that was causing an unpleasant (to me) frenzy on the forum and I offered it privately to a nice person who had missed the opportunity to buy one from the company. I did not want to post it for sale in the marketplace or ebay because I dislike drama about a hobby that should be fun, and yet I really needed to sell it as soon as possible. This situation will probably never happen for me again, but I fail to see why it was offensive. I never would have offered the doll to this person if they had not posted many times about wanting to buy one, and if they had declined to buy, I would have offered it to someone else.

 

1) I have to say I'm a little jealous that no one likes my dolls enough to offer me money for them LOL!

2) I DID ask to buy a friends Kurumi, she is UNFINDABLE and even if I do find one the mark up is so high I'm screwed. So basically the only hope I have is that she will sell her someday and let me buy her for a fair price. Infact I'm going to e-mail her and say "If you ever sell Kurumi, sell her to me please"

 

LOL I will put you on the wouldn't mind a pm list, good luck!

 

Hi Linakauno,

Your situation was not offensive (though I do think that it's frowned on on DoA, but I'm not a moderator and cannot speak to that. I can tell you that I would not buy a doll based on a PM from a stranger, given some of the scammers and situations I've seen in the marketplace. The marketplace rules are there for a reason, and those rules are not what we are debating here.), and also not what anyone is talking about in this thread. At least it certainly wasn't what _I_ was talking about.

I don't think any of us are saying that when you see someone in a thread saying "Wow, I wish I had one of those!" and then the owner quietly offering to sell them one that's wrong. What I thought we were talking about here is people PMing you based on seeing a picture of your doll and assuming that it must be for sale. for example -

I had to take the "comments" option off my blog because I was so sick of the "Please give me/sell me a doll, you have a lot of them, you probably wouldn't even miss one" comments.

Most of the "I have always wanted one of those, could you sell/give me your doll" PMs I have gotten have actually been from posts I've made to the DATABASES. And this is a huge part of why I don't post my dolls here and will never add another one to the gallery here EVER.

Seeing someone saying "I wish I had one of those" and quietly offering them a doll is VERY different from someone seeing that I have a doll and PMming me demanding/whining/begging that I sell it/give it to them.

And that IS just plain rude.

I don't really understand where the "I want it so you have to give it to me" mindset comes from, but I have never seen it as rampant anywhere as I have in this hobby. Blows my mind.

- Wendy

 

I have had people PM me asking that if/when i sold a particular doll would i let them know. I can see how some people would find it somewhat offensive if they were totally besotted with their doll but for me i see it as a confirmation that i have managed to make my dolls look attractive and desirable.
I don't find it offensive at all and have made some new friends this way so i think it is a positive thing to happen. If you take it as a compliment instead of acting like the Devil wants to abduct your beloved doll and consign it to Hell you might make some new chums too.

I know it's against the rules but personally i have never had any nasty PM's threatening to chop my arms off if i did'nt sell a doll to someone so maybe the rules should be relaxed a little.......although i do see how this rule may protect the younger members of DoA.

 

Yeh sounds like some are immature PM (whinners) and the others are from hell. YOU MUST SELL YOUR DOLL TO ME, I won't take NO for an answer.

I am yet to get a pm like that and I know for sure i have never sent one.

 

i suppose its rude but in a way flattering if you think about it?
i mean unless the price offered is totally rediculous?

or when someone doesn't even know the value of a doll they just happen to have like a couple hundred bucks laying around and they want ur 2K doll, then yea, thats messed up :<

 

Wow...skimmed thru this thread and its very interesting to hear similar but different response to the topic. It seems that most of the PM that went thru were transactioned based, like the person saw the doll for sale and missed it but kindly pmed them and recieved the doll, so I dont know if that really addressed the topic Enki brings up because the person had intention to sell the doll. I dont know..just a thought.

Anyways, for me, I'd be really surprised to recieve such a PM. I havent yet so I'm just really happy no one likes my dolls! haha I'd be really flattered if it happens but I'll refuse them and I'll probably direct them to the site with the doll where I got them. If I can get this doll, then I'm pretty sure they can too. I feel that demanding PM are from desperate and/ignorant people who just needs to be more exposed to the BJD hobby. Hopefully time will make them realize the rudeness of their action. If I was on the other end, I wouldnt PM someone about a doll they dont intend to sell. However, if they intend to sell, of course I'd PM them.

For me, dolls are people's belongings. They're personal stuff and it's stuff I dont want to touch unless they've stated that its okay to touch them. So I feel that these demanding PMs are insensitive and rude, so it's not okay.