Is it 'OKAY' to PM an Owner about Selling a doll they had NO intention to sell?

Now, what I say here, of course, doesn't relate to every case, but maybe to some:
Perhaps, to a person who, along the way, in their life had felt it difficult to say "no" to somebody, getting a message saying that one day, IF they want to sell the doll, there is a buyer for it, could be bothersome.
I can't imagine being hurt by that.
Again, i assume the person, who asks whether or not I might one day sell my doll, be tactful and polite.

 

Quote Jescissa
"It's not only rude, it's bizarre. I can't think of any context in which putting yourself above someone else and still expecting them to do you a huge favour is acceptable. "
Asking someone if they would be intrested in selling their doll is NOT expecting them to do ANYTHING except say "yes" or "no". And to say doing something is rude and bizarre means the person doing it would have to be both rude and bizarre to do such a thing. I just don't get the big deal, so don't even bother to answer the person if you feel so violated and out of sorts from such an unsolicited question.
" Asking is always free," best line ever! You can ask me anything! In fact I sold a doll Friday saying only the nude doll was for sale blah,blah,blah. The lady just emailed to ask if I would be willing to sell the outfit. Saved me the crappy eBay fees,bother of putting it up for sale and I made another $35! All she had to do was ask

 

I also agree with Enki I think it's not so bad if it is said in a friendly manner. It would be kind of flattering to know that other people adore or appreciate your doll. As long as they aren't flat out asking for it or putting a price on your baby that is just plain rude >_>
I mean obviously we love our babies! I mean would you walk up to someone and be like "Wow!! Your son is adorable! Would you be willing to sell him for me for ___ amount??"
No... no you would not >_>

 

To be honest i think it is a very cultural thing i have been following this thread since my original comment and that is the impression i get. Personally if i just got one or two comments/notes then i would be OK with it. But as i said before i can imagine it being a nightmare if you got a lot of comments saying "Oh please sell me your doll" you would get fed up and felt harassed. Which is the reason the admins made it against the rules. Because some people with rare of limited dolls might get a lot of hassle.

Plus since it is a very much a cultural thing to weather you would be offended by this, then it is also a good idea to think about whether this would offend the person. Because if it would then it is best not to do it. I also think how well you know the person could make a difference, if you know the person very well then you might have a idea whether the would be offended by you asking. But from another point if you know the person you might also have a better idea if they would ever been willing to sell.

For example i know one of my friends at one point was unsure weather or not she wanted to keep a doll because she wasn't bonding to it, she didn't mention to later she wanted to sell. But personally if you knew and said oh well if you do think about selling them, i would mind buying it, then it is less likely to cause offense. Because they could then get back to you when they have made their choice. And in some cases can cause less of a worry if they know the doll would go to a friend if they did decide to get rid of it.

But if you don't know the person you can't know how they would react, their feelings on the subject. Or anything like that and in that case, personally i think opening a WTB on the market place is your better option rather then bothering someone else.

 

Intuitively, I would guess that it is forbidden because of far more serious reasons like scam possibilities etc.

 

I am personally not offended by PMs asking me this question..... at least not yet, because all the inquiries I've gotten have been polite people who can take No for an answer. I have even made friends with some of them. However, there are a lot of people who ARE offended, and they're offended by the very notion of such a question, and they're offended even by being approached. Armed with this knowledge-- and all you have to do is browse this thread to see a strong sampling of this population-- I wouldn't approach anyone I didn't know & make unsolicited offers.

Yes, but there is the matter of tact & context. If you're in an internet context, approaching a total stranger, you have NO idea where their thresholds are. You don't know if the person is an "Ask Me Anything" type or a "Do Not Speak To Me Unless Spoken To" type. Even if you approach with politeness and tact, if the person is the latter type, you may still be perceived as a bizarre threat. So, this is where you don't get bent out of shape when somebody replies by snapping your head clean off your neck-- you initiated the contact, so you accepted the risk that the person might be a hairtrigger type. You just apologize & deal with the reaction, even if you personally feel it wasn't warranted.

I generally find it's just safest to approach people like they're wild animals. Pretentions to humanity aside, you really have no idea how anybody will react to anything, so I assume everybody online has psycho boundary issues. This has actually served me well. Restrict your approaches to the correct venue-- i.e. a "For Sale" thread in the Marketplace, instead of a PM to someone who isn't selling-- and you don't get bitten.

Strange men on the street who come stumbling up & ask if I will perform certain acts on/with/for them, I'm sure they have the most innocent of intentions, too-- they always act so butt-hurt when I scream furious insults about their mothers & throw things at them, like all this unpleasantness is my fault. Boundaries, kids.

 

Dang it, no matter how many times I do the *roflmao* thing, it's still firmly attached to my backside.

*ahem* This is a problem I'll never have to deal with, from either side. Nobody would ever ask me the question. And honestly, it's not something I could be bothered to ask anyone else. I want "my" dolls, not someone else's.

Except for Aernath's Marcus. . . but she already knows I covet the everlovin' heck out of him!

 

I didn't think of that actually. But it could be a bit of both, one of those things that they think causes more trouble then it's worth kind of thing.

 

Actually the mods have been pretty consistent about this and have also stated their reasoning quite clearly.

From the marketplace rules:

From the critique forum:

From the sewing forum rules:

It's pretty clear that the mods want to keep the marketplace within the marketplace. It might be a small inconvenience at times, but it's a very small price to be able to enjoy our dolls in peace.

 

That is a very good point!

 

At least it is known that many people like them. Unfortunately, too little is not nice ... People stylizają dolls often for months or longer so you do not want to sell them. If you would like to be MP. I think that is rude.

 

This... This actually came up recently, only I was the one debating on asking. I had a favorite doll of a woman on deviantART, and she sold it before I ever had my first doll. Just last week I found that doll (because of the doll's unique mods) but I wasn't sure if it was the same doll. So I asked the second owner who did the mods and tacktfully found out that yes, it was the same doll from before.

And then I felt like I wanted to tell them, "If you ever sell that doll, I'd love to buy it off you." In the end I said nothing about wanting the doll and I just kept my silence. I know if someone had asked me about wanting to buy one of my boys I'd feel weird (but due to bad things happening I have been considering selling Tarrant) and kinda offended that someone would be trying to put dibs on my boys. So I decided no, I wouldn't say anything to this owner.

In reality, I loved that doll for the character it was when it was with the first woman, and if I ever did own it I would more than likely want to make it into that character again. This would probably enrage that woman because she owns the character. I can understand that because I wouldn't want anyone taking my characters and using them as their own.

 

I remember when I first came on here a few years ago I PM'ed a girl just letting her know that the character doll and the outfit she had was one of the best I had ever seen, we ended up PM'ing each other a few times after that and I went on to see that doll in a few more photo shoots, a few years later I saw that she was selling the outfit and I told her i would dtill love to buy it! it turned out she remembered me asking her that if in the future she ever wanted to sell that doll to remember me! and funny thing is she did and now I have the first doll I ever fell in love and found on DOA! he is one of my fav dolls and goes with me to every meet up I can! the thing is after I got him I have had several people asking me to see him. Like it was said in the first post I don't mind if you ask "IF" you ever sell him think of me! but dont come right out and say I want to pay ?.?? for your doll will you sell him/her to me?? that to me is rude. Ive also placed a doll on layaway and posted that I couldn't wait to have him home with me! and all of a sudden I get a girl PM'in me about how she really wanted that doll and if I could please back out of the layaway so she could get him, she even wanted to make clothes for me to do so..... I was so annoyed at that that I couldn't even PM her back, he was up for over 6 months and only then when someone else wanted him did she get mad. I did get a few more PM's from her and I finally told her I also wanted him, I have for a while and there was no way I was giving him up. most of the people who as I tent to ignore but there those lovely few who just don't seem to take no for an answer.

 

I don't see what's so hard to understand about "It's against the rules!"

 

Like I've said many times in this thread to everyone who helpfully refers to the DoA rulebook: I know it is against the rules. I am not arguing those. I am however still interested who is/isn't offended by this and why or why not. These feelings seem to be based on cultural or personal ethics and vary from person to person and by talking about it, we might just understand each other a bit more.

There's nothing wrong with a good discussion, even if it is about something that is - God forbid - against 'ze rulez'.

 

Well i think it is more getting fed up with people constantly asking you about it and getting annoyed because a lot of people are noting you.

 

I'm on the same page here about a lot of similar issues, too. There are plenty of things that I have no issue doing because "It is demanded/necessary," or conversely avoid doing because, "It is forbidden." There's no issue there. The reasoning behind it, and feelings surrounding such issues, that are interesting to discuss.

Discussing something is not inherently a challenge to the status quo; a lot of times it is simply the same interest in the way things work that fills the customization forum, just applied to abstract concepts instead of physical items.

There is an old saying that goes: "By the time you need the rule, it is already too late." It indicates that something bad has happened to spawn the rule in the first place, so the problem won't recur. I see topics like this not as any sort of plea to change the rule, but as a place to discuss the potential issues that created the rule in the first place, since often they are fairly diverse reasons. There are the emotional concerns of feeling hounded or harassed, feeling someone has done something rude, or the more simple protection of the marketplace, but that's a pretty broad range of reasoning and it's interesting to see how many reasons really exist.

 

To me, it would have a lot to do with the tone of how they ask me.

Hypothetical situation: I am selling all my Pipos...except one. They know I have that One. It happens to be the One I am keeping because it's the only one I'm attached to. Well, Person X emails me and says "Hey, I've admired your One in the Gallery for ages and I noticed you were selling your other Pipos...is One for sale too? If so, I'd really love to give it a home. If not, I'm really sorry! I don't mean to come across as rude." Well, then I wouldn't be offended. After all, they were extrapolating that I was selling ALL my Pipos even though I was, in reality, selling all but the One. I would politely tell them No, I'm keeping him. And if they left it at that, no harm done, right?

Now, if they came to me expecting to receive it, then I'd be irritated. Say they messaged me saying "Hey, how much is One going to cost? I want to buy him from you. My shipping address is 123 Sunshine Outta my Butt Ln. What is your Paypal address?" That does come across as considerably more rude. They expect that they know the truth of the situation without investigating and polite inquiry.

Would I be insulted, specifically? No, not really, just irritated, but the end result would be the same: I'd politely say no. If they continued harassing, saying things like, "Well, you're selling all the others, why can't I have this one?" then it would go a little too far and I'd have to politely tell them to go away.

I'm an example of a person who seldom has deep attachment to her dolls though, and I recognize some people have a strong attachment to their dolls so I wouldn't be as bothered by someone inquiring about selling a doll. I mean, what if my husband needed an operation and I was too distracted to put a doll up, and someone just happens to offer me a good amount to buy it out of the blue? That would be excellent. It's all a matter of politeness, tone, timing, how much the doll means to the owner, circumstances, etc. It is against the rules, however, that is black and white. People have asked to buy my dolls and if I remember correctly, at least once, I've actually gone out and sold the one. xD I like cycling most of my dolls though so they don't get too dusty here.

 

Don't know if I understand you correctly, but I can understand when someone pm's you about wanting to buy and owner and demanding an explanation when you say "no", you are fed up, because it is against the rules. In this thread however, underlining that it is forbidden is a bit like beating a dead horse, because we know and have no issue with that (at least, I hope so).

You said it better than I ever could. But those reasons are interesting. Especially because often, when someone explains how he/she feels or sees things, their 'strange' ideas become quite understandable and not at all as hostile or rude as they first seemed.

 

More of a case if one or two people noted you then i'd be OK, and most likely flattered. But if you had a rare/limited doll that was hard to get and it was a popular doll. Then i can imagine some people getting lots of PMs asking and if you log on and all you get is loads of PMs off people that want to buy your doll you would get a little fed up. That was all i meant. And that could be one of many reasons why it is not allowed to save some people getting that hassle.