Is it 'OKAY' to PM an Owner about Selling a doll they had NO intention to sell?

For the people saying things along the lines of "they can just get the same mold themselves", some people just really really want a specific doll because it may be modded or has a special faceup or the likes. I have felt like this before. There are some owners that have customized their dolls in such an amazing way. And yes, I could get the same mold, mod it, give it a similar faceup and such, but that would be pretty lame, don't you think? I would much rather own the original I fell in love with. But I wouldn't PM the owner about it if they have no intention whatsoever to sell. If I happen to notice a shift in behavior about the doll, I might jump into action, but even then I doubt I would.
It'd be much more civilized to wait for a sales thread to pop up and hurry to be the first in line
I don't recall if I have had any messages like this. If I have they weren't unpleasant, because I would've remembered a bad experience :B I don't mind if people ask tho, as long as they are not pushy and take no for an answer.
I have a cat that every person that has met him absolutely loves. I have had no offers for him yet. Instead, people just talk about taking him home =_= At least I know they are joking.

 

For anybody who insists on the "it can't hurt to ask" defense, I would ask if they've ever been sexually harassed or propositioned randomly by strangers, while walking down the street minding your own business. These guys all think they're just as innocent, because of some similarly imaginary rule that "you can't blame a guy for trying". These are people who don't know you; don't know your personal thresholds; don't know if you're into partying with strangers OR carrying a gun in your little Prada clutch bag; they just feel entitled to ask whatever they want to ask, without considering how you might feel about unsolicited offers. And if you respond by getting all bent out of shape, they act butt-hurt, like all this unpleasantness is YOUR fault for being too sensitive.

So! Knowing this about humanity, it's no surprise that some folks here still feel that same entitlement towards other people's things. But no matter how nice you think you're being, you might actually be extremely offensive. This has been extensively proven in 58 pages' worth of this 4-year-old thread. That is why that rule is in place.

And knowing THAT about humanity, I approach all strangers on the internet as though they were a wild animal that has a trace of foam near its mouth. You have no idea how any stranger will take even the most innocent-seeming of overtures. And it isn't the other person's fault if they get upset; you break the "no solicitations" rule, it's your fault. So, I will PM somebody to ask them where they got something, but I would never PM someone to make unsolicited offers for that item.


(From the other end of things: I have received several "would you ever sell him?" offers over the years, without ever having to fly off the handle at anyone. So far, all the admirers all asked in a nice way & were able to take No for an answer, and some have remained friends ever since. ^^)

 

I Don't Think its right to ask some one if they were willing to sell there doll to them i find that very rude. I for one would not be very happy with this person and first i would tell them how i felt and that its not right to do things like that. some people can be very attached to there dolls and others may be willing but i would definitely report them after i gave them a piece of my mind.

 

aceinit, any form of solicitation to sell your doll if you haven't specifically listed it for sale is against DoA rules, and a mass solicitation like that is a pretty bad violation of the rule. I'd advise you to report it to the mods, because if they really are just PMing everyone with this head then they're annoying and harassing a large group of people.

 

Not only that, but because the sender says that she thinks creating this hybrid from scratch is too expensive for her, she is basically asking YOU to cover up for the cost. After all, after selling that head to her, you would have to buy another complete doll and hope you would be able to sell the body at full price.

 

This is a bit off topic but in the same ballpark: I have had a fluffy "Fungus The Bogeyman" hotwater bottle since I was a child. It goes everywhere with me and is my best friend on those "Urrrgghhh" days... I'm not sure how it came about, but I once mentioned this hotwater bottle in one of my blog posts, along the lines of "Sorry I haven't posted for a while but I've been ill, curled up in bed with my Fungus the Bogeyman Hotwater bottle"...

I got the usual few comments and also an email. The email was from someone who claimed to be too young to have seen the cartoon the first time around, and so too young to have bought any of the original merchandise. She went on to explain that as I have had many years of love from my hottie, she wondered if I would be willing to pass him on to a younger generation of fans of Raymond Briggs' character?

I was flabberghasted! Not just that she was asking a total stranger to sell them one of their favourite childhood possessions, but also the suggestion that I was standing in the way of a younger (more deserving?) person from having my possession! I guess that weird entitlement thing that takes a hold of some people isn't confined to this hobby?

 

That was EXACTLY how it came across to me as well, which is why it annoyed me so much. Apparently, since I have one, I can afford to fling money around and just make another one on a whim. Never mind losing my perfect faceup and the imperfections that make him uniquely mine and having to go through the hassle of selling a female body I don't need for less than it's worth because the market is saturated with this particular brand. Yeesh.

I didn't report them, and I'm not going to, but I did warn them against continuing this method in my response to their inquiry.

There is a delightful entitlement thread bouncing around this subforum somewhere. I think the actual title has to do with resale overprice or the like, but it makes for some absolutely mind-boggling reading.

 

As a person who has both been sexually harassed and had pm's where people ask me about a doll, I say I'd take the pm any day of the week. Although they can be annoying the questions asked are just about an object I happen to own, these people are not violating my body.

I get that pm's like these can become rude (especially when one isn't good with words), but come on... comparing them to sexual harassment is like comparing a kid who stole a cookie from a cookie jar to a guy who decided to rob a bank with an AK-47 and some semtex.

 

No, not quite! Wasn't talking about the "severity of the crime" part at all. It was the "innocent intent" part that I was addressing. Despite all common sense, those guys may honestly think they're not doing anything offensive, just as those doll-seekers honestly think their sale offer wasn't anything offensive. And the end result is the same: the offense is caused anyway.

Of course people feel that they shouldn't have their heads bitten off when they didn't intend harm-- but since you're soliciting a stranger whose thresholds & habits & reactions you don't know, you assume the risk that they could react badly to you. When you break a rule (whether it be 'don't hassle chicks on the street' or 'don't PM unsolicited offers') in a way that you think is honestly not all that bad, & then the recipient reacts badly.... yes, it actually is your fault for not thinking outside of your own desires.

 

Yes, but...

Comparing a man on the street wanting to ask you on a date or get a booty call with...

...wanting to buy a doll...

I'm sorry no matter how much I try to think about it I just can't come to think of them as being even remotely similar. :/

 

Jenny means the thought behind the acts are the same, I believe. In both cases the person who asks it isn't usually aware it might be considered rude to do such a thing.

 

Is it 'OKAY' to PM an Owner about Selling a doll they had NO intention to sell?
No, it's not okay to PM an owner about selling a doll they had no intention to sell. It is very rude. Anonymity over the internet is no excuse to be rude. And depending on who the owner is, they may react badly to the PM. It is much more difficult to communicate our feelings via text. Occasionally the message ends up being blunt and possibly even rude. (I get this feeling from reading PM's pretty often such as: the person doesn't care at all about you and just wants to get it over with like someone who has worked all day long in retail). This would then only cause the owner to react negatively and sourness will develop between the two. Furthermore, this is DoA. If the owner had any intention of selling their doll, they would've listed it on the marketplace.

What I feel you can do is PM the owner about the company their doll came from, mold, who did the face up and any mods done to the doll. I don't see how this can effect an owner negatively at all. It just reinforces that this person who PMed them appreciates what they have done with their doll and may want to do something similar. And if you get easily offended when someone tries to do the same thing as you, you can think of it as: 'my idea's so great that someone actually wants to copy me in this highly customizable hobby!' or just not give them the info they're asking for. Simple


Would you as an owner report the person, or have your own way of dealing with it?
I wouldn't report them immediately. Benefit of the doubt. Maybe they don't know the forum's rules? Maybe they're a young DoA member and still learning how to properly deal with people? I would kindly say no and remind them the rules of this forum. Though, if they keep pestering me about it, then I will report them.

 

Yes, that's it, thanks! Gold star for you. I was addressing the fact that many people can't grasp "why would anybody get so upset over receiving a PM like that?" Even if they know it's against the rules, they don't find it an offensive act per se, because they haven't considered where the other person's boundaries might be-- and thus they haven't considered that it might really really upset them.

While I myself have never yet gotten upset when receiving those would-you-ever-sell-to-me PMs, I can put myself in the headspace of somebody who does. There are lots of people here who do (again, 58 pages!). So, that is why I would never make an unsolicited sales offer to someone outside the Marketplace, because there's a good chance they might feel harassment instead of a polite inquiry. Both kinds of harassment boil down to Unsolicited Attentions, which are always so unpleasant.

 

I'm much more jaundiced. I think in both cases the person who asks doesn't CARE that it is rude, they just want what they want when they want it.

 

I just think it's that different people think differently. I personally would not see it as rude if someone PM'ed me, and said, "Hey I really like your doll and if you ever thought of saleing it, keep me in mind" and then went on their marry way. For me it really is intent and tone, not the fact that they asked. But as we see not everyone feels that way. However, if the person continued to ask, thus harassing me, then I would consider that rude.

But yep, best to take Jenny's advice and just not ask because you never know who might bite your head off for it.

 

This is how I feel too. To continue with JennyNemesis' example: sometimes flirting can result in sexual harrassment, but that doesn't mean all flirts are evil. I know that sending these kinds of pm's is against DoA's rules, but since this is a common thing in other hobbies too, I do think it's useful to discuss the matter.

 

Good grief, are you people KIDDING with this new analogy? Now you are comparing it to sexual harassment? For God sakes, you surely are joking with these comparisons?

If you find them rude, annoying, obnoxious, harassing, vulgar, offensive, in bad taste, and now life threatening tell the MODs, block the imbecile and get something REAL to worry about.

How about kids going to bed hungry, earthquakes, floods, hurricanes, uninsured Americans, climate change? How about even which neighbor is swiping your newspaper?

How long can this idiotic thread go on? This has become the highlight of my morning. I thought no one could possible come up with something worse than the "Same as asking to buy your child" but someone topped it, sexual harassment. So far the Oscar goes to........ JENNY for "Same as sexual harassment"!

And oy already Arkady with the "Against DoA rules", we know all ready, EVERYONE knows , WE ALL KNOW

 

Except she didn't say "Same as sexual harassment," did she?

Nope, the analogy was well-worded and explained by several others.

Part of a debate thread is actually reading and comprehending what others write, not just pulling random words off a page and jumping to conclusions. Reading the entirety of what others write. I know that's difficult in this tl;dr world, but no one is forcing anyone to participate here!

 

Forcing???? I wouldn't miss this thread for the world!

And she did indeed compare it to being sexually harassed. The person who solicits sex with a stranger and a person asking rudely or otherwise to buy a DOLL is not even CLOSE. "Hey, you want a random, potentially deadly hook up with a stranger"? And " I love your doll, if you ever want to sell her let me know". ???????

And thank you kindly for explaining the "reading" and "comprehending" part. I did read the words and this, apparently, is how I comprehended them.

Look at ALL the different ways we all comprehend what we read. Same post lots of different takes.

This is the pure beauty of this increasingly bizarre thread.

See how after reading closely all these post I came up with the word ' bizarre' ? Again, comprehension.

 

I totally agree with you on this! It`s getting stupid and people ar exagerating, making too big of a deal from a person that would like to buy thir doll.
Personally I`m very shy so I wouldn`t anyways,but if someone ever pm me thet if I sell one of my dolls tell them first I really would not mind.


-sorry for my bad english